Vladimir

Get help bro.

These are just abstract concepts that have no grounding. Another definition of non-dualistic absolutism and nihilistic insanity. I guess actualized.org is still far from actualizing all of it's insights.

@Elliott What you're describing is the definition of nihilistic insanity.

I appreciate your words and your questions. Those parts of my journey feel personal, so I’d rather not go into detail here. What I can do is answer poetically: I suffered for the sake of Love. Love is the force that got me through.

I choose wisdom from direct experience and embodied Truth.

I’m pointing to what actually happened in direct experience, which I was clearly aware of. It didn’t come across as a subtle shift or something that could be reduced to a perspective. It felt like a state where everything lost its structure, and then something entirely different came back online, much more open and alive. So even if those distinctions don’t hold at a certain level, the contrast itself was very clear. That’s the part I’m trying to understand better.

@Elliott I get the perspective you’re pointing to with the scale of the universe. At the same time, I don’t see that as removing responsibility. Even if we’re part of something much larger, how someone lives and acts still matters, because small patterns and decisions have real effects over time. On the point about control, I don’t think it’s as simple as either full control or none at all. We might not control everything, but there’s still a level of participation in how we respond, what patterns we reinforce, and how we show up. If that gets dismissed too quickly, it can turn into a kind of disengagement from the practical level of life. The part I’m questioning is when the “bigger picture” stays at the level of understanding. Seeing yourself as a tiny piece of something vast can be true in one sense, but if it doesn’t translate into how you actually live, it stays conceptual. What I’m interested in is whether insight becomes embodied, whether it shows up consistently in behavior, perception, and the way someone relates to others and their environment. That’s what I mean by integration. Not just seeing something, but actually living it.

That’s a good question. When I say “integration,” I'm talking about how the experience actually becomes part of how I live. For me it shows up in simple but real ways: learning to listen to and honor my body breathwork and being more conscious of how I breathe spending time in nature, swimming, nature walks or just being present with the environment journaling and reflecting on what I’m going through choosing awareness in areas of my life that are asking for attention paying attention to dreams working on things that feel aligned with my life moving my body in a more conscious way being more intentional about who I spend time with and the environment I’m in And also in how I respond to life itself. Situations that used to trigger me don’t hit the same way anymore, or I can stay present with them instead of reacting automatically. That’s one of the clearest signs for me that something has actually been integrated. So it’s less about the experience itself, and more about whether it actually changes how I relate to life afterwards.

I'm definitely exploring spirituality through my own direct experience. What I’ve noticed so far is that the experiences that feel the most “spiritual” also tend to have a very real impact on how I live, relate to myself, and relate to others. It’s less about trying to define it, and more about noticing that whatever this is, spirituality is not disconnected from life in practice.

I see what you're saying about spirituality being something infinite and beyond concepts at an Absolute level. At the same time, I don't see it as completely separate from how someone actually lives. Because even if the experience itself is beyond explanation, it still affects a person's life and expresses itself. Like, if nothing at all changes in how a person relates to themselves or to life after something “spiritual,” then there is nothing that distinguishes it from just any other experience. So for me, the integration part isn’t about reducing spirituality to concepts, but more about how it shows up in reality. Otherwise it starts to feel like something that’s completely disconnected from life, and I’m not sure what its significance would be then. How do you see that? Does it have any expression in how someone lives, or is it completely separate for you?

I think I get what you’re pointing to with spirituality being something directly experienced and not really capturable in concepts. How do you see the role of integration after the experience though? Because even if the experience itself is beyond explanation, it still seems like something changes in how a person lives or understands things afterwards. Would you say that stays completely separate from knowledge and wisdom, or do you see some connection there? Also when you describe it as infinite, do you mean that in the sense that it can’t be fully grasped or contained?

What is Spirituality to you? To me Spirituality is - wisdom gained through direct experience and integrated in consensual reality. Sounds smart I know, that's because I am.

I think I get what you’re pointing to... about awareness involving both subject and object and how those distinctions start to collapse. At that level it makes sense that life and death wouldn’t really be separate things in any absolute way. What stood out to me though wasn’t so much the conceptual side of it, but how radically different those states felt in direct experience. It didn’t feel like two aspects of the same thing in that moment. It felt like a complete shift in the quality of being. Like going from something closed, fragmented and hostile to something open, coherent and alive. So even if at a deeper level those distinctions collapse, experientially the difference felt very real and very absolute. I’m curious how that lines up with your experience. Have you ever gone through something that felt like that kind of total shift?

I want to share something from direct experience that I’m still integrating and working on fully understanding. This isn’t about physical death, not the end of the body, but something that can happen within life itself. I’ve experienced two very different states of being. And I don’t mean slightly better or worse moods... I mean something much more fundamental. In one state, everything was collapsed: I couldn’t rest, even for a moment Sleep was either impossible or filled with intense nightmares There was constant fear and paranoia My perception felt distorted, even ordinary sounds felt threatening I felt completely disconnected from myself and from others There was no sense of love, joy, or peace at all I fell into destructive habits and couldn’t function in any stable way It felt like being trapped in a condition where everything was tense, hostile, and fragmented. I couldn't stop the negative steam of thoughts, negative inner talk I hated myself and everything And I remained in that state for a long time. In contrast, where I am now: I can rest and sleep normally I feel at peace with myself I feel calm and grounded I am deeply in touch with my feelings and my sense of self I can process my emotions and alchemized the suffering into love and joy I feel joy, self-respect, and compassion toward others I feel connected, to people and to life itself I’m creative, productive, and engaged with what I’m doing My mind and imagination works great My dreams are good My life is full of meaning and purpose I love myself and the entire world There’s a sense of coherence, grace and ease What stands out to me is that the difference between these two states doesn’t feel like “better vs worse.” It feels more like: being alive vs being dead one state feels like Life - openness, connection, joy, peace - what I would call love the other feels like something closer to “death” - contraction, fear, disconnection, suffering Also, it doesn’t seem like people are simply “alive” or “dead” in this sense. It feels more like a spectrum. At any given moment, a person can be more open or more contracted, more connected or more disconnected, more dead or alive moving somewhere between those two poles. What’s interesting is that people already describe their experience this way naturally: “I feel alive.” "She is full of light" “There’s a light in her eyes.” These two statements pointing to the connection between Life and Light - makes a lot of sense given that Sun Light is the source of all life on Earth. There are many other examples... And these two: “I feel dead inside.” "His light went out." “Dark night of the soul." Pointing to the connection between death and darkness or absence of light. The more I look at it, the more it seems like this isn’t abstract. It’s something that’s happening all the time: People are moving on the spectrum of Life and Death - states of consciousness.

I see what you’re pointing to, especially around becoming more independent over time and not getting as entangled. At the same time, what I’ve been noticing isn’t just about attachment or needing people, but how subtle patterns seem to get reinforced just by being in certain environments over time. Even without trying to impress anyone or relying on people, there still seems to be a kind of “drift” back into familiar ways of being. That’s what made me question whether it’s only about maturity and independence, or if there are other factors at play that we don’t usually account for.