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How do you deal with a lack of human connection?
How do you deal with a lack of human connection?Go outside now, approach a woman and tell her everything you wrote here. Allow yourself to become really vulnerable and feel all that pain and frustration. Now express that to her. Don't ask for anything just express and feel. Watch the magic happen. If your mind tells you no, then why not? When will you? If not now then when? There is no other time to be vulnerable other than now. If you really connect to that realization, the now becomes your gateway to solving this issue. Your desire for healing needs to be stronger than the desire to distract. So can you go outside right now?
Your heart is wounded. The expression of feeling through vulnerability is your way out. It is what is needed to increase emotional embodiment. And then you can connect to people through feeling rather than thinking. Humans connect through feeling. If you have not yet become grounded in that vulnerability and you haven't found a way to express it, you will always feel up in your head and disconnected. Here you became vulnerable. I feel your authenticity. Now how can you share that with the world and be unapologetically vulnerable? Not in a needy way. Grounded.
This is not too difficult, but if it is, then start with objects. Walk outside in the park and become vulnerable to trees and plants. Share your feelings with them. Don't talk, just feel. Create a vulnerable connection and let them in your heart. Walk past objects and smile at them. Feel their energy.
Eventually you can work your way up to approaching women and simply telling them 'Hey, I am learning to connect to people, what's your name?'. And eventually, you can just approach them with the intention to get to know them. And don't try to connect to them. Simply look in the eyes and let your body guide you. And allow and embrace the vulnerability. Eventually your heart starts to heal and you become anchored in feeling which grands you access to curiosity, listening, empathy, polarity, banter, play, etc... And that's when you start to bond. It's your 2 bodies being connected through a hose and there is a flow of different energies going back and forth. There will come a time in your approach journey that these energies will be warm and loving both receiving and transmitting. And this is where connection happens. After a while, you can create this energetic hose with anyone and within that connection you can play and dance. Even just walking down the street and looking people in the eye, you instantly feel connected to those people and feel curiosity, turn on or joy. And they do too.
Put another way, you have to undertake a journey that puts you in front of a lot of people, seeing if you can express some feeling to the other person and being vulnerable to that expression of feeling. What I did for example is, I would walk down the street in my city and observe people and notice how my body felt in response to different people. I saw someone with a super cool beard and I went up to him and said 'Great beard. How do I grow one?' He appreciated it and became a little shy.
Also one time in the club, when I still had huge fears of approaching women, and I was frustrated that I didn't take action, I just sat down on a bench at 3AM. There was this woman standing there and I just went up to her and said 'Can I be honest with you?', She turned towards me and we spoke for half an hour, super vulnerable and raw, expressing my fear and frustration. I felt ecstatic after I did that and the rest of the night was amazing to say the least. Feeling and vulnerability are key. And action.
the law of attraction
the law of attractionWhen you walk down the street, and you smile at people, notice how they smile back. The only thing you have to cultivate is a connection to your own heart and practice opening it to people and when you become really open from the heart, people will smile back. You only had to attune to the right feeling and intention in your body. And reality mirrored that. You smile, they smile. Notice how I'm even engaging you in the law of attraction now. When you attune to the energy of what I'm saying, we'll create an energetic match. And that's because I am intending to engage you in it now. Notice how I'm trying to manifest a little connection with you now, through my intention? I speak to you now, do you feel that? Was the moment of you reading this here if I didn't have the intention now and skipped this post?
If we aren't vibrating at the same wavelength, you'll ignore this. If we are, you understand intuitively and spontaneously. You can shift your vibration consciously to match the vibration of my words. Simply through your intention.
Reality will always match your intention and internal feeling state. Both feeling and intention have to be in alignment in order for creation to happen. If the intention is there, but the feeling creates resistance, things won't manifest. Then you use intention to change your feeling state, and now when you do that enough, you will change your baseline feeling state and you will become internally aligned to create what you intent to create.
How to establish and hold sexual tension?
How to establish and hold sexual tension?There isn't much 'doing' in this. Rather think about doing less. It's all about feeling into your body, feeling your turn-on energy and letting her feel that as well. When you look at her, allow yourself to sink into her eyes a bit. Take her in. Feel turned on for her. Don't think about it. Just notice what you are already feeling. Some shame, guilt and fear may come up. Now you work through that. Also express directly what you're feeling and thinking about to her. Express sexual intent verbally as well. If you have a problem being direct with your feeling/energy, you can use verbals to guide you into the tension. And now limiting beliefs and negative feelings will come up again. Process them.
Always keep in back of your mind to connect to your lower body deeply. When you're communicating with her, just in the back of your mind, put like 30% of your attention on your own body. Especially the spine, legs, feet, outside of the body, the pelvis, stomach. Relax into those. Those will ground any nervousness and reactivity when being in sexual tension. It's mostly when you tense up these body parts that you raise up into your head and you become ungrounded and reactively expressive. The lower body parts and the spine/back are the masculine. When you are deeply connected and relaxed into those body parts, playing with sexual tension is easy.
It sounds like your feminine is well developed, which is amazing. You just need more tension skills and grounding. And that you do through connecting with the body more and more while being under tension - such as being direct with a woman. Look at Russel Brand. His feminine is also well developed, but he is grounded under tension. He knows how to look people in the eye with sexual intent and feeling. He transmits that unapologetically and that's why he is attractive. Ultimately you need to become comfortable with your sexual desire and express it unapologetically.
A nice practice to start this is to just start approaching women in public and be unapologetically direct with them. That's tension and now you are learning to become grounded in it.
Also, a nice practice to do as well is to observe other men in public and notice where their energy is located. Some men are up in their head, anxious and nervous. Some are apathetic. Some are confident and grounded. Some are prideful. Some angry. Some are grounded but not feeling much emotion. Feel all those subtle differences. Especially look for men that feel masculine to you. Replicate that energy within yourself. Police men, firemen, navy seals are examples of such men. They are usually very grounded and good with tension. See if you can feel into such people.
How do I think out of what terrifies me?
How do I think out of what terrifies me?Yes, exactly
It's your reactivity to the fear which lets it persist. Welcoming your fear happens through tapping into the vibration of courage, and that's essentially already getting you out of fear. It's a higher feeling. And then you can transmute courage into acceptance. Try to tap into those feelings now. Remember a time you felt courageous and acted despite of fear. And then a time that you could just accept something. The reason your fear persists is because you are cut off from the sensations of the fear because you're not willing to feel it fully. You are reactive to your fear. So you get into your mind, and then you become apathetic to your fear. Now you are not even in fear anymore and so you can't get out of fear from apathy. You need to step into the fear in order to transmute it into courage and the into acceptance. Otherwise you're gonna be sitting there looking at your fear forever while sitting in apathy and then wondering why it doesn't go away. An MMA fighter when he does his first fight, he sees that his fear is normal. He doesn't become reactive to it. He learns to sit with it and he uses the intensity of it to become more present. He uses courage to generate a pro-active relationship to his fear. And eventually inside the ring, he lets go of the fear and courage completely and he is in acceptance fully. He's fully present.
Psychedelic to heal anxiety?
Psychedelic to heal anxiety?You're not mentioning what the trigger of the panic attacks/fear/anxiety is, but you mention that it occurs in social environments like class, workplace and social situations, so a big component of the fear is social in nature. If you don't have anxiety at home, then there you have your solution. The key is to expand your home to include the universe. What keeps the fear alive is your sense of separation between you and other people. You have to dissolve and become one with everyone around you. You're essentially inside a contracted bubble where you experience the external world as separate from you. Your fear is protecting you from feeling your own emotions that become triggered when you are exposed to people.
What would happen if you step outside your home, on the streets, in your workplace and just feel at ease within your own body because you feel other people as yourself? Feel, not think. You literally look at people and feel one with them. Imagine you would stand on the street and act like a crazy person and others people judgement wouldn't affect you emotionally? If you can get to a place of peace within yourself, a place of full acceptance and love, then all your interpersonal anxiety will dissolve.
This expansion into oneness is what will get rid of fear for good. And it doesn't happen in an instant. It's not a magical realization in your mind that fixes all that. You need to make a strong commitment that you will get rid of fear in your life and that you won't stop until your fear is gone. If you truly want to become fearless, you have to devote yourself to it.
Everyday, you have to step into your limitations, transmute a little bit of fear you hold in your body through exposing yourself to other people and then gradually, you will become more embodied within that sense of oneness. Fear is a type of tension. And so you don't have to analyze fear. You simply feel tension inside your body in relationship to certain experiences. That emotional intelligence is something you develop when you turn your awareness towards the intention of seeking out tension in your body in relationship to certain experiences. Walk around your city and notice tension in the environment. Maybe stare at a guy that looks aggressively and keep eye contact with him. Think about approaching a group of people and telling them a joke. Or singing super loudly in public transport. Think about stepping naked through your city. I bet you can feel that contraction, which is fear, inside your body when you do these things, right? And so that's how you become aware of your fears. Simply through intention and awareness. You should do this constantly. And write all of it down into your journal so that you slowly become aware of all the things you experience fear with. It can be the smallest things. For example you're walking in a public mall, how much contraction inside your body do you feel thinking about doing some expressive moments, or using your voice in a more expressive way, maybe dancing in front of a crowd where a street musician is playing some music... Write all of it down. Be creative.
After you became conscious of that, everyday, you transmute some of that fear that you've been becoming aware of. You keep stepping into that tension, starting low, and becoming vulnerable inside the tension and grounding it through your body. Not closing down your body and hiding. But opening and letting go. Loving. Accepting. The tension is the catalyst for this. Without stepping into tension, you are not able to transmute this fear. If you get that experience of transmuting low amounts of fear into courage, and then into acceptance and love, then you can transmute higher amounts of fear after some time. Until there is no fear left anymore. Until everything you've been writing down in your journal becomes easy.
You don't need to analyze your fear, you don't need to know where it comes from, what past experiences caused it. If it interests you, then sure, but knowing that doesn't help at all in getting rid of fear. Getting rid of fear is a process of transmuting emotions and that's always through an embodied experience that's experiential. Through tension. Nothing else matters.
Everyday you step into tension. And you just transmute the fear. No avoidance. And you the degree of tension should be just right for you. Not too high so your nervous system doesn't get overwhelmed. The degree of tension should be just so that you don't become reactive and chaotic. It should be so that you can transmute fear into courage and then all the way to acceptance and love without too much effort.
I've personally had panic attacks as well. I peed my pants when I was 13, and I've developed anxiety disorder and OCD from that. I was obsessed with not peeing my pants for so many years. I knew all public toilets by heart. Whenever I would go into a social environment where I felt socially isolated so that when I had to go to the bathroom, I would be in the center of attention, I would have a panic attack. Because I was terrified of being the center of attention and terrified to excuse myself. And that's 1% of my fear. My life was dominated with fear. The biggest fear I had was social fear.
Now, I can pee in my pants in front of 100 people who are judging me and laughing in my face. I don't care. I simply see myself in their eyes. I feel love. And now I can talk to anyone with no effort and no resistance. I could take off my clothes inside a meeting at work and feel completely peaceful.
And that didn't happen overnight. I didn't wake up like this. It didn't happen because I read the next cool enlightenment quote and became liberated.
It requires a lot of work. A lot of tension. And a lot of courage within that tension. And that's something you develop. After you've confronted all that tension, then you will automatically merge with other people and you just stop caring. You just let go.
I always get carried away talking about fear. I hope this helps though, and if you want, you can PM me if you have more questions.
Fuck fear! (Hint: you should actually love it)
can women literally smell confidence?
can women literally smell confidence?@Optimized Life Nice that you had that experience. Now you know that it’s all about your energy, and how you are feeling inside, that determines wether women are attracted to you or not. So that’s really nice.
Yes, you can have that ‘magnetic field’ or ‘aura’ at all times. It is not easy work and indeed not one thing you do.
I regularly do the following just because I like to play around with energy and feeling, and seeing how it reflects back in the world. You may find this useful to experiment with.
First, I walk around with a closed heart. I pull up my energy into my head (which automatically happens when you are nervous and anxious), and then I make eye contact with everyone that passes. I say ‘Hi’ from that place as well. And what I notice is that they look away, they shrink, they are shocked by my presence.
Then, second, I get into my body, I relax, I open my heart, I ground myself, I embody the feeling centers in the back of the body to create containment and security, and after I connected to the back of my body (my containment), I open the front of my body (feeling), primarily at the heart. This allows me to be touched by other people emotionally, I let them in and I connect to them from a heart-centered space. I consciously bring up joy and love in the heart as well and let them feel that. Now almost everyone connects to my eyes. They start smiling, lighting up and even approaching me. Even people across the street start looking. Because I’m radiating love super powerfully in the environment and people get pulled into that.
Then third, I drop into the lower body and stomach. I feel 20% love in the heart, but I’m mostly bringing up energy in the pelvis and the inside of the upper legs (thighs) and the stomach. And now I’m walking from the connection to the lower body. I bring up a lot of intensity there and it charges me up. It gives me a super powerful penetrative presence. It is not sexual per se. It is more turn on / creating / penetrative energy. But it can be expressed sexually. And now when I come across women and men, they can’t almost not look. They just feel that energy. And I express it unapologetically through my gaze. I project that intensity into them. But I stay in my own body, connected to my grounding. And I am slightly doing it from heart-centeredness as well. It is balanced, grounded but very penetrative.
I’d say, the most important thing here is that you become fully free and one with your external environment. Instead of operating from self-contracted consciousness, your consciousness should be expanded into more non-dual consciousness. Meaning that you literally feel one with everyone. There is no fear, shame and limiting sensations that contract you and hinder your full expression.
You need to get to a point where you can exchange energy and feeling with other people without a sense of separation preventing you to be fully expansive. Your body needs to become super light, yet very grounded.
You need to become super present in your own body for this. The mind needs to be stilled. You can best experiment with Kriya yoga, or other types of yoga that work with your energy-body. I also recommend concentration meditation, as well as do nothing meditation, as well as osho dynamic meditation. Daily. Eventually, your mind and body will become anchored into the now. Your increased presence will become the gateway to increased feeling and feeling-connection to other people.
Do some walks in your city with music like this. Surrender into the body and become one with the music. Let it really touch you. Look at everything around you, the people, the scenery and let the music guide you to feel more of the essence of it all.
I also recommend a simple practice where you can experiment with some of these principles. Daily, put aside 2 hours where you will go outside into a semi busy street to say ‘Hi!’ to everyone that passes. Put 70% of focus on your own body, and let your consciousness flow from those internal centers. Express from them. Express from the heart, the stomach, the pelvis. You will get different reactions depending from where you express. If you have a lot of apathy, anxiety, nervousness, fear, shame, and all of that, then you will probably express from the head. And people will pull away. They will reject you. If you are pushing on people from lust, anger and pride, then the world will push back on you.
For example, back when I had this super strong lust to get to freedom, I went outside to give people high-fives. I was pushing on people from lust/anger. I HAD to become fucking free, And I fucking HAD to give everyone high-fives. And then one guy who had a lot of anger himself wanted to fight me because he thought I was provoking him. It was our anger that connected.
Now in this exercise, you can learn to ground all of that rejection and become non-attached to how people perceive you. And there is a lot of liberation in that. You simply stop caring and become one. And then when you shift to non-attachment when doing the ‘Hi!’ Exercise, you will feel that shift in your body. Your feeling centers turn on and you start to express from there. And then people start to say hi back. They smile, light up and they want to talk to you. If you can do this exercise daily for a month, you’ll grow leaps and bounds. You’ll become non-attached not only when saying hi, but in every other way that involves expressing your emotions in front of other people and to other people.
You become grounded in your self-love and self-validation. This enables you to transmit feeling out of authentic inspiration. You don’t look for permission and validation to be who you are. And the more you become grounded in this non attachment, the more people will become pulled into you. It will change everything.
It really heals your energy body because you don’t need the permission of the outside world for your consciousness to express fully. Your become fully expansive with your energy. Your aura/magnetic field/bubble includes the whole universe. There is no bubble anymore. You just surrender those boundaries you had. You flow without boundaries and man, that’s where you will truly feel alive and connected with people.
And women will show up naturally when you have this freedom. You don’t need to push and force anything anymore.
You can even practice this ‘Hi’ exercise with women, but instead of saying ‘Hi’, you just approach them, ask them directions and you do it from feeling. You ask it from connection through the heart, pelvis, grounding, stomach and you will notice that their response will reflect your level of embodiment.
When I ask a woman for directions when I feel embodied within my own grounding and turn-on, as well as when I have a completely open heart. They will often lean into me and get curious right from the start, and give these sexual gazes.
And then finally you can do direct approaching with the hottest women and practice becoming non-attached. You just do it so many times, and you make it all about how you feel in front of her, releasing any attachments. Just becoming more and more grounded, more and more feeling. And naturally as you do that enough, you have absolute freedom with them and they show up naturally in your life.
Through getting out from self-contracted consciousness and expanding into non-dual consciousness, your sense of peace, joy, openness, confidence and all of that comes from within. Nothing externally will then influence that. You generate all of it from your own body. You can get to the point with this work that when you get rejected, you feel more confident, more alive, more joy, more love. You simply ground it. Rejection is just the self-contracted consciousness needing external permission to feel whole/one. And when it doesn’t get it, it will become more contracted. When you get beyond that, your relation to ‘rejection’ completely shifts.
Imagine if you could walk down the street and could just bring up bliss and ecstasy in your body just through your intention. Imagine if you would be able to walk being turned on and open naturally. Not needing anything to feel that way. Just being that naturally. You would enjoy rejection just as much as validation. You would sit inside the club, be present in your body, feel the music and even if you wouldn’t talk to anyone that night, you would still feel amazing. And when you can feel that way all by yourself, women will come up to you all the time.
Or if you would be sitting on a bench at the beach, and you just feel joy and love in your heart, as well as feeling this grounded peace. You look at the people that pass by, you nod, smile, maybe say hi, and your inviting presence will cause these reactions in those people where they will often just talk to you because your energy makes them curious. There is just no rejection when you are this peaceful and joyful by yourself. You just need to bring that same level of feeling and non-attachment to approaching, meeting and connecting with women. And that is a process. You surrender all those negative feelings and stories, and eventually you become free from all of it.
Now your ‘energetic field’ or ‘aura’ is just the consequence of your own effortless feeling and expression of that feeling. You don’t need any external thing to turn that feeling on within yourself. You simply are feeling and energy.