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About ndm678

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    Maine, USA
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  1. I don’t know if there is a need to shit test for this, it’s not that common. Perhaps a little on a spectrum, but not common. I’ve been dating for meeting people for 5 years and I think I’ve come across maybe 2 women I would consider man haters. I was involved with one for awhile. It might be wise to empathize with this. I can’t fathom leaving my house and being barraged by horny, uncalibrated dudes that can’t think past the head of their junk. I can only empathize how that dynamic would ‘feel’. I hate men like that too. Up your game and be dynamic. No one wants you humping their leg and breathing heavy all over them, just like every other guy does and has done. Food for thought
  2. https://www.shroomery.org/6257/Magic-Mushroom-Dosage-Calculator According to this calculator (and your dosage weights) your second trip would have been in the 1.35g range. Thank you for sharing your trip reports ??. Love is a fun element to dig deeper into.
  3. A Season of Recluse I don’t spend time with others except when I work, and they are paying for my services (not a prostitute). I feel an immense satisfaction being in my created space. Over five years I’ve been creating a social creature, now I am tired of that facade and feel no need to prop it up, at least for awhile. I can go play ‘social chimp’ anytime I please. It’s strange to not have that impulse. It’s strange to not be scared (or deeply bothered) by being alone, or better yet, secluded.
  4. Addictions I fell off the smoking wagon, it was on a long road trip. I was getting greedy about winding down other addictions and met my karma. I became addicted to not being addicted, and crusading against it. Comfort/soothing, I need to compassionately explore this further.
  5. Changing Paths For a brief update, I'm somewhere near 3 weeks since stopping cigarettes. Alcohol consumtion is way down, but not totally gone, there is a social aspect with the two that's been interesting to let go of. Back to the subject at hand. I feel I'm coming to the end of my 'occupation' path. Not all of them, but this one in peticular. It's not overly surprising, I've kinda met the 'end of the path' a handful of my 20ish years in doing it. I've tried many different avenues within the parameters of it, but seem to find myself on this precipice. I lost the love/spark/passion a long time ago, but pushed forward for many reasons, mostly financial/family stability. Now I exist in a dynamic where; my family dynamic has evaporated, I have no debt, and I'm living a version of my life purpose. This aspect no longer fits into my life. I'm good at what I do, but I don't care anymore, and it's obvious, and it's shitty for the people I serve. A lot of my 'vices' have been a direct connection to this area of work. Too many years drowning that voice out that screams 'This isn't where you're supposed to be!!' Over the next year I intend to wind this down, and begin my next path. @Leo Gura, I look forward to seeing you again for my 3rd pass at your LP course.
  6. I live on a 20(ish) acre homestead. My intent was for it to be more communal, but its difficult to get the right mix of people. Some books that helped/inspired me are: Living The Good Life - Helen and Scott Nearing The Self Sustaining Life and How To Live It -Richard Seymour Starting and Running Your Own Farm Business - Sarah Beth Aubrey You Can Farm - Joel Salatin Folks, This Ain't Normal - Joel Salatin Good luck in your journey, and keep us updated. DM me if I can be of assistance.
  7. Mushrooms and Smoking. 10 days ago I had a trip where I intended to explore my vices and impulses. 3g under a beautiful starry sky (its been constant rain where I live most of the summer). The mosquitos were horrible. There wasn't much opportunity to not be on high alert. I traded out my shorts and tank top for sweatpants and sweatshirt, it was sweat profusely or be sucked dry of blood. The mosquitos are like my vices. They show up, play an annoying tune on your ear, make you squirm and wiggle around, then suck your life blood. I stopped smoking cigarettes 3 days later. I stopped drinking 2 days after that. I was reading about psychadelics, and how people are able to stop smoking/drinking using these. But there is 0 info (that I could find) that said anything more than 'helpful with therapy'. "How is it helpful? what get discussed?" I almost feel like society sells a 'planned helplessness' Into us, but we can discuss that another time. 7 days no cigarettes, 5 days no alcohol. Weed, caffeine, and junky food are in my cross hairs next, in no peticular order.I 'feel' those 2 were the really hard obstacles. And I was able to shed those will little more than mild discomfort and 'one really bad day'.. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
  8. I Did (do) It My Way. No (Part 2) Que Dean Martin, 'Ain't that a kick in the head' Back to Reality. Alan Watts spoke to my soul early in my spiritual experience. To the tune of 'do you move the marble, or will it roll to the bottom of the bowl?' 'Do you run up the hill, or does the hill run you up it?' 'No! I move it, I run it. I make my reality!' Or do I? It seems my empires of impermanence grow and fail, with little or much interaction. Some things are ment to be a certain way. Hmmmm....... do we have free will? Or are we a marionette of our circumstances? Yes. We try, we wait, with starry eyes, and baited breath... And then things unfold, not like we perscribe. We get worked up, we sour, and we are left but a mere puddle, in the bathtub, sobbing, wanting, then accepting the 'what is'. Despite our reluctance.... And we move forward. We are always where we are supposed to be. *Note my previous entry about 'Ropes'*. We were made to let that rope go, and do what comes next. The Universe just LOVES what ever we do, and whatever we learn. And whanever we try, and when we fail, and when we seek truths..... And whatever we do to try to buck it, and/or accept it. What we know, what we feel, what we test, and what we hold as true....or how we unravel those thuths. We rise , we fall, we rise again. We rise and return from the dirt. Choose Love. Choose Light.
  9. I Did (do) It My Way. No Que Frank Sanatra 'my own way'.. Back to reality For the past year I've been doing things 'my way'. Through those white knuckle and teeth clenching circumstances. I can say that I created my own, newfound, existence. With no personal cheerleaders, nor with the assistance or encouragement of friendships. I went out and grasped that 'brass ring' in my own style and flavor. Without the attachments to others or things. In the end, it was only myself left at the table. Ex wives, ex girlfriends, acquaintances, and phony bologna friends. All scattered away for the promise of 'the better life'. Much like my 'debt free celebration, it's only me sitting at the table. But I AM God, who is alone anyway....... Through clenching teeth. I ride this journey alone, whether I want to or not. Luckily for me, I'm into that nowadays. I win!!! I win! I won..... It was only me playing.... for what it's worth....
  10. @enzyme the dose was a little on the heavy side. It was all one mushroom, it didn't seem right to break it up. It was also a gift. The integration of this experience has been profound. I'm glad to have had it.
  11. I stopped trying to meet people at bars and clubs. It seems drinking is an important element to their lives, and I'm not that type of person. Social clubs/events are the way to go. In my own experience, I've meet the coolest women at 'painting night', 'ukulele club', and events the University does for agriculture. These are all in the neatest city, which is quite a hike. The people there also live quite a distance away as well. But it sounds like your 'hometown well' is a little shallow. Best of luck in your journey with this ??
  12. @integral 32g@10%= 3.2g Fresh mushrooms are about 90% water. 32g dried would be insane.....?
  13. Set: whatever the Universe wants to show me Setting: Home, alone, evening I milled up some weed after eating this amazing specimen, just in case thing go awry. I sat on my bed, in the dark, meditating. I watched the light pulses and felt the effects roll in. I came out of the first wave deeply thinking about how much actual shit pumps through NYC on a daily basis. All the food that gets delivered each and everyday, and gets converted into shit, and where does it go? Treatment plant, yes, but where does the actual carbon matter go? Why am I thinking about shit? I shift my attention to bare chested goddesses, and light blooming behind them. My mind/ego thinks it's funny to attach dicks to them, despite my best efforts I can't shake that image, and I'm feeling frustrated. Really dude? Shit and dicks? This is where we are? I decide to move to my porch and smoke a joint to shake things up a bit. I become disgusted with myself even more, seperate this part of myself, insult it and call it names. Just repulsed this even exists. The next wave brings me on a quest where I hate this part even more. This malformed part that belongs locked in the basement. I sat outside and cried, feeling powerless to this part. The next wave brought in self love. Despite my journey into self acceptance, I totally locked this 'part' in the basement and gave it no attention. 'He ain't heavy, he's my brother' starts playing in my head. I start to cry again, feeling so sorry for seperating/hating/disowning this part. How could I be so foolish not to accept this part? He's my brother, he's me. I fumbled around on the guitar for a bit after that, I was emotionally drained and decided to lay down and not think too much. This was a painful/frustrating/beautiful experience.
  14. Ropes Into The Sea Those old nautical movies... Master and Commander, and the hundreds of similar themes The people hanging on to the ropes of the sails, ect., in a stom. The moment where the rope is lost. Right there... That feeling of never getting the rope back..... it's gone..... and here you are, watching it disappear. You're in charge of seven ropes...... one by one, they've all slipped from your hands....and here you are..... watching seven ropes disappear into the abyss. That...... And that was your constructed existence. Despite your resistance to the situation(s), and best efforts........ Today, 5 years ago and 1 day ago I was a blissfuff creature, absorbed in my television shows, my video games, and paying the bills. 5 years ago today my wife left me. The 'paper' anniversary, if you dig those kinda references. I've worked my way to the 'top' of my 20 year career, I maxed out. I worked my ass off over Covid and started a self employment gig, I did well. I got out of debt, and genuinely saved my ass off. I 'lost' the last reminance of Catholic faith. I dabbled in some Eastern Philosophy, but it seemed 'fininte' I've woken up across more faces than I can recall. Awwww man, that's a pretty dark force when it shows up. I'm a 'world class' Dad. I dabbled around a bit to discover the 'woman of my life' is my daughter. I wake up most days, surprised I'm still breathing. I'm super thankful of my experiences, and deem them all to be worthwhile. I grow my food, I have some chickens and rabbits that live out good lives. I'm in Heaven, I've been here all along. There wasn't anywhere to go anyway. I don't exist, I'm just part of the Universe, manifesting. And Being....and chipping wood.... and carrying water. Thanks, @Leo Gura for your place in this.
  15. Awwww man. I-ve tried to write this a few times. Life moves fast sometimes. Homecoming I crashed and burned on my last adventure. I was back to my old tricks of creating a community of like minded folks that wanted to live differently. I think this is now a dynamic I can put to pasture, because this, ultimately, doesn't work out. Ra I got into the Ra Contact book. It's kinda blown my mind several times. I want to 'lean into' this a bit harder, but I also need to do my due diligence. Im intrigued by the 'tarot' end, at this moment. Since I'm an old school tarot person, I kinda feel this is a good means to heal others, Instead of a fortune telling kinda roll. I lay the cards out, as prescribed. I can spend hours looming, feeling, intuating, sifting. But it 'feels' very 'basic layout'. I haven't come up with the 'personal flare' aspect. I kinda 'feel'this is more 'personal tale' kinda elements. Otherwise it's fitting people onto templates, and feels 'not so' congruient.. Tripping Oh man, this department has been profound as of late. I took a break once snow starting staying here. I was a hardcore 'let's sit at the campfire and trip' kinda guy. I had a string of 'heroic' journeys last summer/fall. I tripped with a former friend that would abuse my system of preparing. So I cut him out. I tripped with a girl that had a lot of 'baggage' and she took an unexpected and/or 'primative' disposition with her 'set'. I kinda feel like I stopped helping/healing people who decided to embark on this path. I did, however turn some folks onto microdosing, and that seemed to help their daily function. So that's a win, I guess...... My personal trips have been profound since re starting. And I'm on lowish/moderate doses. Maybe I don't need to dismantle my ego every time. I'm pretty good for seeing it for the 'chittering monkey' it is. The last trip I took, I opened myself to any 'entities' that wanted to communicate (Oh Ra, you really had my goose on that one). Let's talk about that one at another time, I'm still trying to sort the pieces. Homecoming pt 2 I returned back to my 'little space' after my failed experiment. I was kinda beaten down, and pulled some quick levers. I needed something. I bought a house and chunk of land from my father: it was an inlaw cabin, my grandparents to be exact. We established an access road and land setting. Those were already done, so it was easy peasy. Him and I share a garden, this will constitute 35-40% food source. Boom! I'm a homesteader again. And I don't have the 'opposite sex drama' weighing me down further. I can, finally, make some meaningful strides. My dad is 'older' (71) and doesn't have family close, besides me, now. Relationships I lost my last, true friend on the latest 'community' experiment. Friendships seem cheap and 'fair weather' anyway. I lost a lot of 'connecting fiber' with folks over the past handful of years. Friendships are cheap. Romantic?..... well..... it's been awhile..... my last romantic relationship ended about a year ago. I had a fling for a couple of months, which had potential. But I got ghosted. My sex drive has begun to dwindle, as much as that's 'not okay', it's also 'okay'. I've come to accept my daughter as 'the woman of my life'. I don't get 'sexy' time, but I get to put all the other sweet stuff in a package for her. We roll around on an epic level. The only reason I played 'the game' was for sex. I can create any other aspect in my life with my own two hands. And since that 'urge' has now begun to fade, and there is a bright, new, exciting world on the other side.... I embrace it.