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About ndm678

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  1. @ZzzleepingBear Thanks for the tips, I'll practice them. @Nahm I, pineapple, understand where you're (pineapple) coming from. I just haven't realized I'm a pineapple as of yet. This pineapple hasn't been able to apply a direct experience yet, but we pineapples need to start somewhere 😁. @Thought Art I, the pineapple, will check out Leo's (pineapple's) book list for some more info. Thank you for the suggestion.
  2. Maybe this belongs elsewhere. It's the current hurdle on my path. I'm in constant thought, sometimes its negative, most times not. People talk to me and I've 'checked out' or split my attention within a few seconds. I have brief moments of peace during meditation. I observe this happening, and I end up thinking about not thinking. This routine persists from waking to sleep. There isn't much on the web in regards to it. Most is about 'negative self talk. I watched a couple Eckart Tolle videos, he talks about finding the pause in between thoughts. I observed that there doesn't seem to be a pause, it flawlessly bleeds into the next thought tunnel. Inebriated creates breaks, but I can't be inebriated constantly, nor do I want to be. Attempts of self correction devolve into self conversations, processes and techniques, hey a squirrel, and so on. The positive is I can be really deep with contemplation, but all and all it feels more like an hindrance. It bleeds into my work (I mostly work solo, I troubleshoot and repair machines), not in a negative way. I have long drives also in my work (ebooks and sometimes just no noise distractions). I live alone and don't have many daily tasks there. I have the time to be undisturbed and still, and its constant monkey chatter. I don't watch much TV, I have a wonderful one in my head. I hike and go fishing. I spend days in the woods, alone with my chatter. Maybe someone else has experienced this. It would be cool to shut it off for awhile.
  3. If you find yourself single later in life, this is pretty much a given. You won't have any interaction with their children until much later in the dating/relationship process, if she's a healthy woman. Her children are her own social experiment playing out, I try not to manipulate that experiment. As for baby daddy drama, I don't have much experience with that. Dad tends to be involved in a healthy manner. If you have your own child(ren), which I do, you can relate much healthier with the parenting flow. You won't be a top priority, maybe in the top 5. And that's okay, because that's the way it should be. Scheduling nights out are less sporadic and more planned. If you stick around long enough to develop rapore with the children, you'll find yourself doing more family based activities. Day trips, board games, ect. Disclaimer: I'm in my 40's and have a child of my own. I'm already in a parent life flow.
  4. In my opinion, I tend to believe 'God' was represented humanoid to make the religon more relatable to the masses. Organized religon is driven by accumulating clout by 'putting asses every 6 inches'. A sellabe story, if you will. It was a stronger sell vs worshiping rocks, clouds, or whatever the 'religious flavor' was in the region. Specific idols, trinkets, ect, once again in my opinion, were an outward way of identifying who was 'in the club', much like circumcision in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Disclaimer: I'm a fallen Catholic. I don't know enough about other religions to speak of their practices. On the surface, my observations seem to hold a common thread.
  5. @Harlen Kelly Thank you for the insight. I moved to 'the middle of nowhere' to get away from the noise and focus on the inner work I need to do. This avenue is definately something I need to be more mindful of. I just don't know why it 'burns as hot' as it does. I could assume a good level of confidence, when I was a bit liquored up, but that's not what I want to be doing anymore. The neurotic inner game I maintain is the real issue. I guess that's where I need to start, but where? Because it pretty much consumes and negates my mindful practices.
  6. @intotheblack Thank you, the sad angle of this is I was married for 18 years (most of my adult life). I honestly thought this problem was solved. I've pretty much been a mess since. I totally agree I need to do some shadow work to move through this, yet again. I appreciate the book, I will definately work with it.
  7. @How to be wise Thanks, I will check out his work
  8. How exactly does one overcome a low self esteem problem? I've watched Leo's video as well as some others to try to wrap my brain around this. I feel I'm stuck. I have high confidence in every other facet of my life except in dealings with the oppsite sex. but this is a larger hole that can't seem to be filled by normal means. It was a subject when I went to therapy a few years back. We had tried some CBT excersises. I thought I had this solved, turns out other events were able to mask and hide it for awhile. I moved to a small town and decided to set up a dating profile (no where to meet and mingle within 40 miles). I impulsively swipe, I get little to no responses, I obsess, I continue. I watch myself and observe myself partaking in this, I still feel empty. I dont know exactly how to mediate on it, my meditation time turns into monkeymind on crack. It's a deep problem that has been long standing, hiding for long periods of time when the circumstances are right. Any advice would be welcome. I'm 40 and should be through this, its something I'm willing to do the work on (and have attempted to address), but seem to fall very short.
  9. I am by no means an anti vax person. But I'm selective of which I take. I'm concerned with the short R&D timeline. I'm concerned the pharmaceutical companies can't be held at fault, I don't feel the major parties (gov't and pharmaceutical companies) exactly have a track record of being honest brokers. It's all the buzz in the media, and it always seems to be from an emotional angle (they also appeal to the chimp mind to sell us stuff). It all just doesn't feel quite right. I haven't decided if I want to get the vaccine, and am starting to feel like a pariah because of it. I don't feel good about being socially pressured to take it. It's an interesting position to be on this side of the pitchfork.
  10. If you haven't already, you should probably get your head checked out. It's probably a concussion, but none the less. I smacked my head really good a few years back, they ended up finding 'water on the brain'. Once they corrected that, I had my first awakening. Which was troubling and scary because I didnt know what an awakening was. Before they 'drained the brain' I had the digestive issues you described, persistent and severe headaches, and the foggy, short term memory symptoms as well.