Enlightenment Jokes HereSo the vendor d o e s make him one with everything, and hands him that hot dog.
The monk searches his robes and finds a twenty dollar bill, hands it to the vendor.
He waits....and waits....and waits... . Finally, the monk asks: "What about my change?"
The vendor replies: "Change can only come from within."
Valuable Cultural Dating Perspective
What a truly self aware women is like reagarding datingWomen tell men that they want nice men but women are attracted to assholes but don't admit it thus confusing men. Women are talking about 20% men. Women don't understand how few women guys sleep with. Men have to work hard to get laid Contradiction between old style fairy tale romance and modern feminism. Women think men already know their fantasies. Women don't understand how easy it's to go out and get sex although they don't act on this privilege. However women are trained to fear being considered a slut. So they don't approach men. Sex negativity Women don't understand the emotional labor that men do in relationships.
Sexual Enlightenment Essential
How do I setup proper expectations?Let her ask the question of where you guys stand and tell her "I'm just letting things play out"make sure she asks first but after that its up to you on how honest you want to be with your intention. If she does ask you if your seeing anyone though tell her you're casually dating and your just trying to figure out what you in a woman since your last break up.
Don't sleep over after sex or else you give her the impression you want something more "real" which will cause problems down the road. The more non-sexual attention you give her the more she's going to push for a relationship. She will get tired of being strung along eventually and will quickly move on to someone else though.
When I felt I could attract women that I found attractive consistently and didnt fear ending a relationship if my boundaries were broken. Also after you you set a number of bangs you want to achieve and surpass it you realize how much emotional energy and time you wasted dealing with chicks and just move onto developing other areas in your life. You'll naturally know when to stop.
The Biases Of Leo:Thanks, well worded.
Think About It
What's Normal in a Relationship?If you find a partner who's open-minded but also similarly damaged then you can both use your relationship to grow and heal together.
I think it's a trap to assume you will be fully healed before entering into a relationship. As long as both people have their eyes open in this respect I think relationships can be one of the best healing practices out there
What's Normal in a Relationship?I thought about that before where I was like *am I actually oversharing or do I just think I'm oversharing because I'm so used to feeling like I need to present a certain version of myself?* And that's a difficult question to answer for me. On one hand people think that I'm distant and don't open up but on the other hand if someone asks me "what's wrong?" I have no problem opening the floodgates and express everything that is going on with. I guess I need permission to be open and vulnerable because I don't want people to be weighed down by my issues or me to talk about something when they are dealing with their own thing. When I do get that permission, I feel like that's when I slip into what I label as oversharing. I think a really good example of this is my journal and how long the posts are. I sometimes look at my posts and think "damn, this bitch is going on and on about something people don't care about and is just airing her dirty laundry to everyone on this forum."
I never thought of vulnerability in this way. I think part of this has to do with the dating advice that is usually geared towards women. Some of that is really fear based like if you try to be vulnerable you will be taken advantage of, you will be manipulated, you will be abused and to avoid this you have to do everything yourself because your partner isn't going to help you, don't rely on anyone, and you have to be super independent etc. And if you don't do these things, you will attract partners who are toxic and you won't be seen as sexy or desirable because you'll come across as needy.
I used to look for dating advice before when I REALLY had no idea what I was doing. But in hindsight, I see that I got a lot of advice that either doesn't apply to me or is really unhealthy. I feel like some advice magnified my dismissive tendencies so I just stopped consuming that type of content and tried to be mindful of my personal tendencies instead.
I don't think I really have an issue about fearing conflict regarding communicating what I need and what my boundaries are. If there is any conflict I fear it would be along the lines of one of us going through something while the other basically starts playing therapist or doesn't get their needs met and then that devolving into codependency. Like no, figure out your life and come to me when you're whole. I'm not here to fix anyone nor do I expect anyone to fix me.
Honestly I think I could really benefit from having my blind spots and limiting beliefs called out.
Is casual sex a sin?I'd say casual sex is fine, as long as you don't overdo it. In my observation, women, but also men who have had many sex partners were trying to fill some sort of hole inside of themselves. It's ironic, but especially women were trying to find love throught casual sex. Which of course, doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to.
It's fine, as long you treat it as new experience. But once it becomes your source of happiness, that's when it becomes problematic.
Happiness is not found. It is created.
Happiness is not found. It is created.Great stuff.
If your not happy, just force all these habits into your life. No fighting, kicking or screaming. Just do it.
3-let things go
4-live in the present
5-live aligned to value and authentic self
6-self love and confidence
7-focus on wins
8-resilience and self forgiveness
9-sorround yourself with happy people
10- happy people give back
13-get enough sleep
14-exercise <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< START HERE, especially if your a INFP.
how am I God?@sethman Asking these sorts of questions is just a bit of a waste of time. Why don't you call a cat a donkey? We use the word God because thats what we have collectively decided or agreed upon.
Ultimately all language collapses/dissolves into Actual God Infinity. But let me tell you, when God totally realises itself as God, the only words coming out of that mouth will be OH MY FUCKING GOD! ITS ALL GOD!
My current objections and challenges with Spirituality and Enlightment (Rant)Yoga/meditation rewires your brain chemistry.
The trick is that you have to do it A LOT for it to work. Small effort is not enough.
Rewiring your brain requires enormous patience. It's a long-term investment, similar to education.
Food for thought
Question to Leo on Veganism @Leo GuraI heard Ken Wilber once describe a difference between Stage Green and Stage Yellow. It went something like this:
"You put Stage Green in a situation where they're hungry and all there is is a McDonalds, they're gunna have a huge moral dilemma and issue about it. But, at Stage Yellow, they'll have no problem chowing down a cheeseburger and fries. Since it fits the situation. They're flexible." Find the balance between optimizing your own health, sanity, functionality, and kindness and compassion towards yourself and happiness vs. focusing on other(s).
After all, You are other to others and do effect your environment. If you are unhealthy and miserable, irritated and dysfunctional, you will more likely effect others and your environment negatively, sub-optimally, and not give your best self to a cause that might have a bigger net-positive that outweighs the net-negative of eating a cheeseburger (a cheeseburger that might satisfy some craving temporarily [a craving which might just be too hard to resolve with mindfulness or something since, say, you're in traffic on your way to work and don't have time or the emotional capacity at the moment to "work on yourself"] which then changes your mood a bit so that you show up to work in a way more positive mood which others then feel and increases work productivity and quality... for example).
Why don't my friends invite me?If they don't value your presence, you shouldn't think too much about them.
If the dating market is a market, then why it's not regulated,at least online datingwhat i understood from your question is that how come society protects people financially but not relationally. makes sense. i'm curious how it would be regulated though. maybe society could take care of men in this way by giving help in the form of therapy, coaching and educational classes, programs and training. i know that this type of education is not available in our school system and society doesn't raise all people to be good at this even though it is a deep human need.
we do have some help like pickup and dating coaches. but the market here is so unregulated and not really professional or integrated into society even though it is a huge part and integral to most people's lives. something needs to be done here
in the future i hope one day society wakes up to this and we start raising healthier and more self-actualized men. and perhaps we dont even need to directly teach them relational advice though that's important. since all subjects are interconnected, a new entirely holistic approach to living is required but this could take over 100+ years. there is nothing like it so far. leo mentioned the other day that changing the education system is extremely challenging because change is very hard. even simple things like teaching mindfulness is hard to integrate into schools.
the positive side to this though is in the past few years, education at least for the individual, has greatly improved on the internet.
How judgmental are you?I struggled alot with judgement. More precisely; self-judgement.
I rarely judged others. I was too busy judging the crap out of me.
It had it's pros and cons. I never spent too much time worrying about what others are doing. To me it was natural to be cool with where people are at. I was very open towards and curious about our differences. But I was also very naive to people's bullshit. Perhaps a healthy dose of judgement would've helped me avoid some pain and trauma. Judgment can keep you on your track, too. It can be helpful at a certain point. Particularly in the earlier stages of development. But in the long run it's not healthy. It creates a lot of stress, delusion and even tragedies. It is, in fact, meant to be let go of.
Nowdays; I'd say I judge myself significantly less. And even less others. Judgement is barely noticeable in my experience. The toxic version - that is. Healthy judgement, or discernment, is necessary.
Something to consider
Is it ethical for a guy to break a girl's heart ?Women are the selectors and men are the one's trying to be selected. That's what that means. This is the heterosexual human mating dance.
If a woman acts as if the man is the prize, then she's already messed up because she'll be in her masculine energy trying to impress the guy and win him over. And that just doesn't work. It communicates low standards.
One of the best things a woman can do is to be in here Yin energy and communicate her standards. Men who are genuinely interested in her will (and only men who are interested in her) rise the challenge. This sorts out the men who are not good choices.
As an analogue to the human mating dance, there is one egg and many sperm... and only the best sperm gets to join with the egg. Women are best to remember that they are not the sperm in that scenario. The main goal is not to chase and impress. The main goal is to be receptive and attract but to sort who isn't suited... or have them sort themselves.
Also, in a healthy relationship dynamic, the man is more committed to the woman even than the woman is committed to him. If you have it the other way around, there's going to be a lot of disharmony in that relationship because the guy doesn't actually see the woman as the prize.
When you have it the other way around, the woman feels anxious and chases the guy around and the guy feels annoyed. And that's because the guy really doesn't want to be selected by her.
Also, I didn't say there's "no shortage" of solid men. Most men are not very solid. But there are plenty of solid men. And with the woman being the selector, her job is sort the wheat from the chaff... sorting out men who don't see/treat her as the prize, who are not solid, etc.
With this sorting job, 95% of that job is done by communicating expectations and being connected to the intuition.
Something to think about
Leo, how do you speak so articulately for hours?Because I feel it is more truthful and authentic.
To me a real speaker should be able to speak without edits.
Real life rarely gives you the luxury of editing what comes out of your mouth, so I figure why not just learn to speak fluently?
You also would not believe how much time it saves in the editing room. In the amount of time a typical YTber spends editing his 15 minute video, I can record a profound 2 hour talk.
99% of my videos are recorded sober.
If I was recording every video on Modafinil, they would be off the charts.
Is it ethical for a guy to break a girl's heart ?@Ferdi Le The same could be said for men.
@Preety_India The factual, observable reality is that men don't owe you a monogamous relationship, and you don't owe men sexual relationships.
The faster you realize this, the less you will suffer. The idea that a guy has to have a monogamous relationship with you after he nails you down is a made up, selfish expectation that will only create suffering. That rule only exists in your mind, you made it up. That also applies to all your other expectations.
If somebody does not have the behavioral patterns you desire, you can simply meet somebody else, but unfortunately you cannot force a guy to be with you, and a guy cannot for you to have sex with him.
Is it ethical for a guy to break a girl's heart ?No, knowingly using someone isn’t ethical.
But sometimes hearts get broken and it can’t be helped. Because In the beginning there is lust and after that is gone you awaken to the incompatibility.
The Biases Of Leo:No you can't. Your understanding will be incomplete. To fully understand Hitler you would have to embody Hitler.
The same is true of levels of consciousness. You cannot know level 100 consciousness if you are at level 1. Even if you reached level 100 and fell back to level 1, then you will only retain a fraction of understanding of level 100 not all of it.
It's sort of like a blind man trying to understand color, except in consciousness's case, the blind man only understands color if he is seeing it in real time.
Not to mention, there are limits to how much you can understand if you don't embody. Embodiment basically means shedding of biases. If you have biases towards your culture, sex, food, etc. then you can't get an accurate blueprint. To do that you would need to let go of these attachment to be meta/unbiased, which is embodiment. In this way, embodiment and understand are not two different things.
Cold approach Advice.Do you live with your parents or by yourself? How much responsibility do you have for your daily life? If you have to go out and run all your own errands like getting groceries or buying things just kill two birds with one stone.
You are going to run into countless women out in the world. Use the natural opportunities you have in your daily life to practice your skills. I literally make a deliberate effort to flirt (at varying levels) with every female cashier, secretary, or administer I run into. Even if I have zero intent to ever date most of them. Not only can it brighten up their day, but it naturally builds confidence with the other sex, and I never have to worry about psyching myself out when I do want to pursue.
Apart of the reason it seems so daunting and why you'll never make real progress thinking like this is you're setting it up to be this huge scary task before you even start, when really it's not. You encounter women everyday, fucking talk to them.
Like taking a whole Saturday, one of your few days off work and dedicating it to something you can already do 5+ times a day even at work? What a waste.
Very helpful feminine/masculine chart
Is feminine really related to submisiveness?
How to transcend shame?You are asking the right questions. You should try to answer them for yourself though. You should start a contemplation practice. You don’t need to learn concepts from other people, you need more depth of understanding of yourself. You have to take action and do the dirty work.
Look up the definition of shame in the dictionary. Then question it.
Your shame is your own personal story which no one else can tell you. You have to investigate your own mind and self reflect.
I recommend doing a contemplation journal.
You’d need a pad of paper, a pen, and a timer.
Pick a subject you want to understand better, then form it as a question on the paper. Then set your timer for 30-60 minutes thinking deeply about it. Keep doing this until you have an insight which will lead to another question. Then contemplate that one. It will likely be rooted in a childhood trauma.
Don’t try to answer logically. Just keep repeating the question in your mind until something spontaneously comes up.
Where does my shame stem from?
School bully made fun of my hat.
Is this person’s opinion valid?
Were they just insecure them self and tried bring me down to their level?
on and on until you no longer feel shame.
You may have many sources of shame so continue looking around and find them all and root them out.
How to overcome fear of spending money?One thing that helped me was to put a price tag on my time (like, how much is an hour of my free time worth). When I am pondering for half an hour over some tiny amount, I remind myself how expensive that pondering was, and ask myself if the investment was worth it. Same when I spend time to save money, like comparing prices before making a purchase. More often than not, the decision what to buy ends up more expensive than the cost of the thing. That insight has relaxed my relationship to money quite a bit.
What stage was Bob Marley within Spiral Dynamics?I think most musicians are stuck at green.
but I think although some musicians might have been stuck at green as an ego, their music transcended everything
Maybe Artist = Green
Their music = Coral
I believe usually excellent music transcend the spiral because it can make people feel something other-worldly without judgment
Why do people dislike/ hate positive people?It's simply because the can't relate.
If you can't relate you're not gonna like the other person so much, you're gonna create a distance automatically.
It's because they couldn't find the positivity in themselves and are reacting on auto-pilot when they get to see that in other ppl. If they too themselves were positive they wouldn't react like that.