A_v_E

Member
  • Content count

    2
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About A_v_E

  • Rank
    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Location
    Strasbourg
  • Gender
    Male

Recent Profile Visitors

289 profile views

Bookmarks

  1. good perspective on enlightment
    Are You Enlightened? An Honest Self Exam
    After spending some time on this forum, I've found it quite comical to see arguments over the "correct" perspective of reality.
    It's especially comical when these arguments are coming from people who claim to be abiding in non-dual awareness.
    Usually this happens after a person sees beyond the materialist paradigm. 
    Said person then gets attached to the idealist paradigm, yet fails to see their attachment to this new paradigm is the same attachment they had for the old one.
    Non-dual awareness is not a paradigm that you can attach yourself to. 
    Non-dual awareness does not refer to any kind of content within a paradigm. Non-dual awareness is the Context of all paradigms.
    There is no "correct" perspective of reality. A "correct" perspective would be considered a ground. Reality is groundless. 
    There is no absolute that stands alone. The absolute can only be known through the relative. 
    The absolute is the relative.
    There is nothing that can stand alone. All is empty. There is nothing fundamental with inherent self nature. 
    Even consciousness is not some foundational substrate that can stand alone. 
    Consciousness dependently arises with objects within consciousness.
    With that being said: Here's a self exam designed to free you from any paradigm you're clinging to.
     
    1. Do you ever seek to invalidate someone else's perspective?
    2. Do you see certain perspectives as more "correct" than other perspectives.
    3. Do you believe gaining another perspective means letting go of an old one?
    4. Do you believe that to abide in non-dual awareness you must erase all dualities in your mind?
    5. Do you believe that from the absolute perspective, reality is infinite?
    6. Do you believe that from the absolute perspective, you are God?
     
    This is going to piss some people off, but if you answered only "Yes" to any of these questions, you're still abiding on a ground.
    Enlightenment is not the disposing of old perspectives and the collection of new ones.
    Enlightenment is the ultimate Perspective of perspectives. It's a meta perspective.  
    It's the effortless fluidity between perspectives. 
    No perspective is "correct." For a perspective to be "correct" would imply other perspectives are "wrong."
    You'll find that all perspectives dependently arise with each other. 
    Not a single minutia of reality could exist without everything else. This is the essence of what non-duality points to.
    Enlightenment is seeing past the fabrication of perspective itself. 
    Enlightenment is to see the dependence of everything on everything else. 
    It would be unwise to say any perspective is "wrong" when your "right" perspective couldn't exist without that "wrong" perspective.
    That "wrong" perspective is actually part of your "right" perspective. 
    To say a perspective is "wrong" is to say your "right" perspective is "wrong."
     
    For example, idealism couldn't exist without materialism just as up could not exist without down. 
    Someone who claims materialism to be "wrong" and idealism to be "right" is like someone who claims up to be "wrong" and down to be "right."
    BUT, here's where is gets messy...
    The perspective that materialism is "wrong" and idealism is "right" is still a valid perspective. 
    Issues arise when people cling to only that perspective. 
    Also be aware that this is only an "issue" on the relative level. All issues are perfection from the absolute perspective. 
    Just be aware that clinging to any one perspective will limit you in becoming more conscious. 
     
    Two perspectives I commonly see people cling to here is the perspective that reality is infinite and the perspective that you are God.
    These are valid perspectives, but realize that being dogmatic about these perspectives will limit you.
    Understand that from certain perspectives reality is finite and you are simply a human. 
    So many people get caught up in being God that they forget to enjoy their humanness. 
    You are both human and God. You are not one more than you are the other.
    Abiding on the ground of God is like playing a video game and always having awareness on the screen.
    It takes away from the immersion of the video game. 
     
    The bottom line is that reality is non-dual. 
    But many people don't truly understand nonduality. 
    Most people just turn nonduality into another ground.
    They create a duality by seeing the world as non-dual and opposed to dual.
    Non-duality cannot exist without dualities. 
    The dualities you seek to invalidate are the essence of the non-dual paradigm you seek to validate. 
    The key here is nonattachment. 
    Become aware enough to realize when you become attached to any one perspective, even if that perspective seemingly comes from a higher level of consciousness.
     
    Also, recognize that I just gave you an awesome new perspective, but don't get attached to it haha. 

  2. There is more to this than met the eye
    My First Experience of DMT. January 12th 2021.
    In order for me to recount this experience accurately I must first give some necessary context. Roughly three weeks prior to this trip I began to notice a subtle yet extremely profound shift in my perception of life and reality. I cannot exactly pinpoint when or how this shift occurred but all I can say is that since about mid to late December I have not perceived life through the bounds of an ego structure. Instead I have been perceiving and operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness.  Every aspect and event that this body mind experiences I have perceived as a reflection of who and what I am fundamentally and existentially. For the past few weeks literally everything I do, including just existing feels simultaneously like the most profound thing in all of existence as well as simply a normal mundane happening. The person known as T.R. just feels like a character that I am contently playing as in this experience of life. Occasionally at times when I have deeply felt into this permanent fundamental beingness it has resulted in tears and I have found myself spontaneously saying, “It was in my face the whole time”. “The most obvious thing (non-thing) in all of existence and the most profound thing (non- thing) in all of existence is right here and has always been right here”. This fundamental unmoving beingness feels like the “basal substance” (again it’s not a thing) from which all forms of existence arise and form from and fall and dissolve back into. My favorite philosopher and spiritual teacher Ken Wilber has referred to this as the “Ground of all Being” or the “Simple Feeling of Being”. It feels surreal and almost dreamlike but very grounded and mundane. I feel much lighter and more free, nothing matters but everything is sacred. I am almost reluctant to share, as I do not want to fool and or delude myself in thinking that full liberation is now my perception in life but I feel that my experience may benefit other people in their journeys and thus I am sharing this. Now with that context being provided I will get to describing the events of my DMT trip experience.
    During the week leading up to this experience I prepared for it in the following ways. I took my existing meditation, mindfulness and shadow work practices and ramped them up three fold. I did my best to stay in mindfulness for as many hours as I possibly could each day, as well as meditating about two hours each day. Additionally I kept a vigilant watch of my internal landscape and every day I wrote at length on any and all aspects of myself that were out of alignment with my True Natural Self and the ebb and flow of the Totality of Existence. Additionally I observed the excitement within the ego structure in the days leading up to this experience.
     On the day of the trip I began final preparations about an hour before. I meditated and listened to Gregorian chants as I normally do before entheogenic experiences. At around 2 in the afternoon I weighed out approximately 50mg of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and placed it into the vaping bottle which I would use to inhale the substance from. As I placed the DMT into the vaping bottle it was as if my whole body was aware of the profundity that was about to occur. I sat down at the edge of my bed, sparked my lighter and began to vaporize the DMT. A thick white vapor filled the container and my body and mind were simultaneously filled with reverence, anxiety and awe. I thanked every being both physical and non-physical who has helped me in this life in allowing me to cultivate this experience. I then exhaled my lungs as completely as I could, unfastened the bottle cap and took in the largest inhale of my life. In a matter of 3 seconds or so I inhaled all 50 milligrams of the DMT vapor in a single hit. I held it in my lungs for around 5 seconds or so before slowly exhaling it.                                                        
    The first thought I had was, “I wonder how long it will take for this to come on.”  Before the thought could even finish within 3 or 4 seconds my vision extremely quickly exploded into a mandala of infinitely beautiful fractals of first hundreds and then thousands of colors. Simultaneously I heard the iconic intensely loud humming ringing in my ears. Additionally I began to feel what I can only describe as the feeling of my whole body dissolving, becoming less and less and less relevant to my experience of existing. In the few seconds left that I had any awareness of a physical world I quickly put down the bottle and laid down in my bed. By now, perhaps 10 or 15 seconds into the trip I was essentially blinded by billions of infinitely beautiful mandala fractals and deafened by the intense humming that had now taken on a very technological almost synthesized sound as well. As any and all awareness of having a physical body or being in a physical world continued to dissolve I felt the most nauseous I have ever felt in my entire life and felt a tremendous urge to vomit even though I had not eaten in almost 24 hours. At the same time the concept of having a life and of ever being born was quickly fading away into the sea of infinity. The body high became so intense that it felt like I was quickly melting, as if my body was being deconstructed and broken down at a cellular level. With what little bodily awareness I had left I reached for my vomit bucket and pulled it closer. However by the time my arm pulled the bucket closer to me all notion of existing in a physical world was gone. The now infinite sea of mandala fractals as well as the intense synth like humming ringing had entirely engulfed my entire sensory perception of reality. All memory of my personal life, who I was, Earth and the experience of life was now gone and the only existence I knew was the infinite realm of the infinite menagerie of forms that comprise the totality of phenomenological existence. The last thing I felt as my familiar individuated consciousness before blasting off was complete relaxation, warmth and Love completely wash over my entire being on a sub atomic level.
    In the few seconds that it took for all of this to happen my consciousness was blasted out of the body mind structure at a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light to a place beyond the totality of physical existence, beyond all universes, multiverses and all realms of existence. As my consciousness was being transported at this unimaginable speed I perceived all of the realms of existence that I encountered. I saw every alien species in all of existence, every form of technology, the history of every civilization in all of existence, every form of information relay, all of the deepest darkest most horrible and hellish realms of existence and the horrid entities that resided there and all of the highest most beautiful and heavenly realms of existence and all of the wonderful entities that resided there. As this profoundly powerful travel of my consciousness continued I perceived what appeared to be this small mischievous extraordinarily loving very playful entity. I knew this was a Tryptamine Jester. The projection I saw was short, thin and somewhat humanoid.  Its body was comprised of technological light energy and was a mosaic of thousands of colors all tessellated, interwoven and oscillating with each other. The energy I got from this being that was traveling with me was almost childlike but I knew this being was also extremely wise. Our energies interacted and it showed me how the basics of the physical spatiotemporal realm of existence works. I saw the same torus energy fields in all lifeforms in physical existence similar to what I saw on a profound LSD trip 3 years ago. I was also shown how critically important the law of conservation of energy is; specifically in keeping the totality of all of the multiverses in the relative realm of physicality in balance. Additionally while I was traveling with this Tryptamine Jester I was showered in this infinite Universal Love that completely pervaded my being. The same Infinite Universal Love that I had experienced in April of last year. All of this profundity occurred in what felt like seconds or it could have been trillions of years. From my perspective it did not seem to matter as time was no longer relevant.
    Eventually me and this friendly Jester parted ways. My individuated consciousness eventually traveled beyond all of the realms of existence that could possibly manifest; beyond all realms of form. I went beyond the pretty light show of the phenomena existence and thus I was no longer enamored by the infinite light show of phenomenal existence. And now there was only the Void; the infinite unmanifest Void. It was in this non-place of absolute transcendent and immutable nothingness that my point of individuated consciousness was completely obliterated shockingly quickly. There was absolutely nothing left. Any semblance of an individuated me or any personal life was entirely gone. There was never a T.R., there was never a human organism who experienced a multi-year long spiritual journey of awakening. There was only the awareness of The Totality of All of Existence. And that totality consciousness is the absolute purest form of what all of existence is, what I am and what we all are. With that obliteration of illusory demarcated consciousness there was a Grand all-encompassing merging with everything in all of existence. In a single femtosecond my individuated consciousness was entirely obliterated and assimilated into the totality of all of Existence. I was Home. This was the Godhead. This was The Ground of All being. This absolute Unmanifest eternal nothingness was the Ultimate, the Truth; God. However, this was simultaneously and paradoxically nothing special and absolutely the most holy thing. It all felt very familiar and it was literally the most obvious thing in existence. I was everything and I knew everything. I was the infinite mind of God. I (pure unmanifest totality consciousness) was the ground of all creation in existence I was the foundation for all forms that arise and fall eternally, and infinitely. And simultaneously I the ground and foundation for all forms in infinity was also imbued within and manifested as all forms in the totality of myself. I resided as this infinite unmanifest absolute nothingness for a googolplex number of years eventually until I wanted to do something else. So I decided to create a part of myself as a few billion realms of existence and imbue those realms with forms of life all the way down to oversouls, souls, spirits and all manner of individuated consciousnesses. And eventually I found my small particular individuated consciousness and I decided to play as it, and to experience through it. And so I thus began the process of pretending to forget that I am the unmanifest ground of all being and the totality of all of existence. I continued to pretend forget things until I was only experiencing an individuated consciousness on a journey through a strange realm of existence.
    Now that I was again perceiving as an individuated consciousness I also began to return to the realm of form. But something was different. My existence was potentiated and I still remembered some of my creative power. So I decided I would like to talk to someone. So I created a realm of existence. Even though I was now only an individuated consciousness I still had an incredible amount of creative power, enough to create a sea of multiverses. Extremely tiny and minute compared to what I was capable of as the totality but it was still more than sufficient for what I intended to do. And so I continued to create this strange tryptamine realm until I deemed it to be sufficient and then I went about a second recursive process of pretending to forget enough so that I could dive into this realm as an even smaller individuated consciousness. Once I did this I felt more familiar more like how I was a googolplex number of years ago.
    I navigated through this tryptamine realm I had created until I came to an infinitely complex geometric fractal room. I phased through the outer structure of this room and inside I encountered two of the Tryptamine Jesters. This time however I primarily perceived only their energies.  One of the Jesters was the same one that I had met from before. They were extremely happy to see me and invited me in. So I came in with them and even though I was a disembodied consciousness I sat down with the two Jesters at the table like structure they were at. From there we had a very long talk about everything. We communicated energetically telepathically about every question I could ask and about every subject that they were interested in. This conversation might have lasted for fifteen minutes or for a few thousand hours again time was irrelevant. Here is some of what we communicated about.
    I am God, so are they and so is everything else in all of existence. Before incarnating into the physical realm of existence I chose to do this life thing and come to this planet called Earth as this exact point in the evolutionary history of its biosphere and live a life as a human. They told me that this realm that we were currently in was the realm I was in before I incarnated into physicality, and I did indeed recognize this place, it all felt so familiar. The Tryptamine Jesters told me of the intricate energetic complexities of life. They also explained to me that the experience of being born and living through a life and dying is just one option of experiencing that souls have in order to, learn and grow from. There are literally trillions of other options like Life but different that other souls choose in order to grow and learn it’s just that I chose to do the Life thing because that was one of the more involved, one of the more intricate and most excitingly one of the more challenging options to experience. They told me that I never was born and can never die. That I created the totality of all of existence and that this is just a game that I am playing with myself pretending to be infinite lifeforms as vectors of my own consciousness forever and forever. As we communicated we also talked about how strange we thought it was that lifeforms take life so seriously. It was so ludicrous to us; it’s just a game how can anyone take this seriously?! The three of us had a good laugh at this.
    Eventually we got around to talking about my human organism avatar and my experience of living a life back on Earth. Both of the Tryptamine Jesters clearly told me that my individuation is already doing well on the path of Truth and Nondual Realization. They also kindly commented that my individuation has already done thousands of Earth hours of psychospiritual work for the purposes of developing itself and showing up in its earthly life as its most true, natural and authentic version. In fact they were making it so abundantly clear that I had done well in dedicating myself to awakening that they started joking about it and at one point they jokingly asked something along the lines of “Dude why did you even smoke this stuff?” “You’ve already got it, you didn’t really need this to wake up and fully remember who you are, but were glad you’re here anyway.” We continued to speak about the intricacies of existence, how everything is god and how I created all of this game to play with myself forever. And they kept repeating over and over again, almost to the point of annoyance on their part, “Yes you’ve already got it! See you already know this!” At the end of our conversation the Jesters told me that they would allow my individuated consciousness to bring back this experience and information to the memory centers of my physical body’s brain when I returned. I then thanked the two kind playful Jesters.
    As soon as our interaction concluded my consciousness was shot back to my body with a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light. I saw all of the physical realms of existence again on the way back and I was forgetting so many things the closer I got back to my home universe and the closer I got back to my body on Earth. I remember having to first reconstruct my body from consciousness initially and then from the physical elements (oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, etc.) This felt like a very long and involved process but also very intuitive. When my consciousness did return back to my body it was very fast and intense. My whole body felt like it was vibrating and my ears still somewhat had that humming ringing. Immediately upon being back there was still no familiar personal sense of self, only an undifferentiated mass of experiencing through sensory perception. I knew nothing. I did not know what I was, what this place was or what anything was. At this point I also began to reconstruct my psychology in totality including things like memory and language. In a few seconds I went from an undifferentiated mass of experiencing, to infantile consciousness, to childlike consciousness, to adolescent consciousness back up to my 24 year old conscious awareness. At this point I had reconstructed myself sufficiently enough so that I could properly interface with the world again. Upon opening my eyes my vision was still coming back as if coming out of some sort of extreme tunnel vision.
    Upon waking up I noticed that my body had not moved a single centimeter throughout that entire experience. I decided to move. I slowly began to raise my fingers one at a time in order to familiarize myself with my neuromuscular system again. After 10 or 15 seconds of this I began to make bilateral symmetrical yogic positions with my hands, through little volition of my own, feeling as if my body was a conduit for an intense form of energy. (every time I have done a psychedelic this happens) While making these strange yet beautiful and blissfully relaxing movements I uttered these words slowly at first. “Thank you… for… this… experience… that we call… life.” I then repeated this over and over until it became a mantra while I continued to move my arms doing this bilateral symmetrical yoga. After a few minutes of doing this there was then a short intermission. There were no thoughts or actions only simply existing, only being a part of the whole of existence. All I could say repeatedly at this was “wow, wow, wow, oh wow!” Then the flood of insights began to pour in. Here are some of the most significant insights that came in.
    1 Accept your godhood show up as much of yourself as you can in this life. God wanted to be this version (this specific individuation) of God. Upon realizing the implications of this I hugged myself and began to cry some. I deeply felt and realized how important to existence I am and we all are. That without me, you and everyone and everything else in existence that infinity can’t be infinite.  This is why it’s of the utmost importance that we show up as our most authentic true natural selves and be our best and highest version of ourselves in life to the best of our ability. I was also washed with love upon this realization.
    2 I then remembered back to 4 years ago when I first had the desire to do psychedelics and visit all manner of strange realms of existence and speak with all kinds of aliens. And it became extraordinarily and abundantly clear that there is nothing mundane about any of this experience here on Earth in my everyday life! This place that we all call home that seems so normal and mundane is one of those strange profound weird realms of existence!
    3 Existence is absolutely unequivocally perfect. Existence is so perfectly organized that it cannot possibly be anything but infinite perfection forever. Of course this includes all of the heavenly and awe inspiring aspects of existence. And this also includes all of the hellish realms of existence, all of the wars and suffering that the human species has seen and all of the most difficult and painful events that I have personally experienced in my life.
    4 We just play a game of pretending to forget who we are. We are God in totality. Every microcosm contains the totality. Every part contains the whole and thus contains the knowledge of the whole. And  in containing all of the knowledge in existence we just play a game of forgetting who we are in order to experience various types of limitation for the purpose of infinite experiences. Being God, we never learn anything in life; instead we just reveal and remember stuff that we were pretending to forget for years, lifetimes and eons. We pretend to be human through a process of self-imposed limitation through forgetting our True nature. There is no absolute reason we can’t do anything. For example  I (and everyone else) can manifest a water bottle next to me right now but I am pretending as God that I don’t know how to and I am pretending to limit myself as a human being, as a body and as a mind. And these limitations serve to contain what is relevant for us in our incarnational experiences.
    5 Life is so easy to navigate when we accept our Godhood. When we realize what we truly are as Totality Consciousness and when we then show up in life unequivocally as our True Natural Selves, as the unique individuation of God consciousness that we are in every way, our experience of life becomes a game that we can finally play joyfully. And none of it is taken seriously in an absolute sense anymore. We only think that we can’t do or have things in life due to our own self-imposed limitations. You create your life the way it is every second based upon how you are choosing to show upon in this life and you have the power every second to create your life in the way that is most reflective of who you truly naturally are.
    After this I thanked God the Totality for all of its Love and Infinite Perfection. I then got up and continued my day in the afterglow of the experience I just had. In conclusion I will say that this was the most intense experience of my entire life. It was so fast and rapidly paced that it was difficult to derive anything from it and I am thankful for the Tryptamine Jesters that helped me to bring back this experience into my memory. It was so hard for me to believe that I had only been gone for 15 minutes but that only makes the fact that time is an illusion that much more abundantly clear. I felt like I already knew much of what I experienced though through my existing meditative, mindfulness and shadow work practices, while extremely profound this experience was not extremely transformative for where I currently am at in my journey.This is why I think the two Tryptamine Jesters I communicated with kept telling me “you already know all of this.”  
    While this was an extremely important experience for me to have and I am forever grateful for it, smoking DMT felt somewhat redundant in a sense because of the shift in my consciousness that I had occurred some three weeks prior. After this experience I thought of the quote by Ramana Maharshi, “That which is not present in deep dreamless sleep is not real.” Being that for the past few weeks my perception has been operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness I now know irrefutably at the core of my being that all phenomena in existence no matter how mind-blowing or profound is illusory. Thusly Absolute Truth is not a spatiotemporal experience of any kind. It is not any phenomena. It is simultaneously transcendent and basal to all phenomena. It is the unmanifest Ground of All being that all phenomena in the totality of existence arises from and falls back into. Therefore I know that only part of this profound trip was Absolute incontrovertible Truth; that was when I was obliterated and subsequently became the One, the unmanifest and undifferentiated Godhead was Truth. The rest was illusion, however all valid, extremely profound and very important for me on my journey.
     I loved this experience and I love DMT and I will most likely smoke it again in the future. However right now I feel like it will be a while before I do any more psychedelics. I need to integrate this entire journey and really rest into what I Truly am (and what we all are). I feel like this DMT trip was an extreme confirmation of everything I already know. It felt like the final straw to this 7 year process of awakening that I have gone through and the shift in my perception in the past few weeks from primarily ego identification to simple ever present beingness was massively potentiated by this DMT experience. In a sense this experience of DMT felt like a final indispensable component of acceleration for my awakening process.

  3. Trump Supporters Storming The Capitol! - MAGA Coup Mega-Thread
    Trump Supporters Storming The Capitol! - MAGA Coup Mega-Thread
    Yes, it's a perfect storm of shit: internet technology and late-stage capitalism with a stage Green shadow.
    Under capitalism businesses are incentivized to infect the minds of their audience with garbage because it makes such good money.
    Facebook, YT, CNN, and FoxNews are making a killing off all this ideological garbage and drama. Nobody at these companies cares about the epistemic and mental health of the country's citizenry. Because there's no incentive to care. In a democracy citizens need healthy, educational, high-consciousness sources of information. But under late-stage capitalism people are fed a McDonald's-like diet of garbage social media memes and drama. The information diet in our society has as much nutritional value as a can of Coke.
    I've talked about this problem in my video: The Deep Problem Of Marketing
    Very under-rated and under-watched video.
    I also talk about it these problems in Cult Psychology - Part 2

  4. Life Transformation Documentation/Journal
    Life Transformation Documentation/Journal
    jeeezus, this cactus really got to me. Or I was just ready.
    Further insights:
    Everyone is hiding something. And what they are hiding is the truth. Even very enlightened beings are hiding something from themselves. You naturally don't want to open or reveal that thing you're hiding. It doesn't feel good to do so, it feels uncomfortable. We try and get to the truth every other way then opening up that pandoras box that we really don't want to open. Eventually we say fuck it, give up, and open up that thing. And that's usually when an awakening happens, or deep healing. We go to great lengths to hide the truth. What's the ultimate truth? Its not infinite love , yes the universe is infinite love. But that's not the truth. The truth is you're radically acting. You're radically pretending, everything. The truth is, you getting angry at someone is you pretending to get angry at someone. You getting depressed is you pretending to get depressed. You being a sincere truth seeker is you pretending to be a sincere truth seeker. You striving for insights into mysticism is you pretending to strive for insights into mysticism. The truth is, that's all a dance, play, show. To a radical level. Its so damn radical. All arguments are you just pretending. Everything you know about spirituality is just to distract you from the truth that you're pretending. Everything Rumi, Leo, Mooji says, is all there to distract you from the hidden truth that you're pretending. Yogis have said life is a dance and that you're pretending, and that you're playing hide and seek with yourself, but this goes really radically. You're even pretending that life is a dance and a play, and that you're playing hide and seek, and then you're pretending that, and that, and that, for eternity. Infinite pretending. I'm even pretending that this post matters, pretending because this post is part of a beautiful play I've set up in this world. A play where the climax is always love, and everything I pretend, the depression, anger, sadness, fear, excitement, confusion, laughter, is just to celebrate the climax of love. You completely stop integrating, completely stop seeking, completely stop deepening your awakening when you fully realize how much you're acting and pretending. Because you're even pretending to deepen your awakening, you're pretending to integrate more and more, its all a fucken play, literally all of it. And you pretend because how else can you truly feel all of your emotions if you're not pretending? To fully feel the play, for the play to be real, you gotta pretend. Otherwise there's no play. You gotta game yourself for the play to be a play. Otherwise the play can't exist. I'm gaming myself now, that's the beautiful part, with this post. And I'm fully aware that I'm gaming myself. All of this isn't caused by me becoming enlightened, this is just me making a beautiful play. That's what my entire life has always been, just me making a beautiful play, and pretending that its real. And I pretended on purpose. Because I love pretending. Its what makes the world loving. Pretending allows love. This was planned, I'm pretending I got lucky getting enlightened, pretending This was the plan since birth. And because I pretended so god damn hard, that pretending is what makes this moment special: There thats the point of pretending! And paradoxically, this work goes deeper. There's more. There's more to what's going on, and I'll pretend to want to know more stuff about the truth, about love, about how this universe works as part of the play, while paradoxically and simultaneously having deeper knowings and realizations. Because it just so happens that you can actually build off this realization as a base and go deeper. This pretending and play shit isn't as deep as it goes, its much deeper then infinite love, but there's more. There's more about how infinite love works, how the play works, and what the truth really is.

  5. He is like me
    Life Transformation Documentation/Journal
    This is a common misconception. What you have to understand somehow is the play includes frustration and all the other emotions, not just the ones your ego likes. We're talking about a play here, like a shakespeare play, not some life where we methodologically aim for happiness and remove hatred.
    Thats all relevant at the early stages, but once you fully realize yourself as God, you must also realize uncomfortable things too.

  6. damn I love him
    Life Transformation Documentation/Journal
    This ended up being a raw, unbaked confession of how I felt on this forum and why my activity is about to significantly decrease or not be present at all for a long time, if not forever.
    I've tried to fit into this forum for the past few months. I tried being compassionate at the beginning, to being more straight forward, to taking on more of a student archetype, to being more of the sharer archetype, to trying to be the archetype that reveals people's blind spots on here, but it just isn't working.
    The compassionate archetype seemed to get a positive response on here, and I felt some value being added, but then after later inspection I think the positive reaction was short lived as people didn't really take the advice on board. The straight forward archetype was ignored more often but more effective, yet ignored too much. The revealing people's blindspots archetype didn't really work well because people just got defensive. The student archetype didn't work because I already know everything. There's nothing I can learn here anymore, on every subsection, especially the consciousness one. The sharing archetype doesn't work because what I share is too advanced for people on here and they are into lower consciousness stuff.
    This forum is feeling like I'm scraping at the bottom of the barrel. There's no more insights to extract from here. Everything in the consciousness section I've already traveled through. And I can't help because they don't get what I'm saying as its too advanced. There are definitely some really powerful posts and insights and ideas here and there, but they come every blue moon. Its more effective for me to just look here passively once a month. The dating section is the same. The stuff I know is just too advanced for the people on there. Its not necessarily how good I am with women, but my level of thinking is just totally out of wack with people on there. I feel like I've been where they have been, but bloody 6 or 7 years ago. Lots have changed since then. I've tried to share this higher level thinking(my posts of tantra and how to approach women in a different way), only a couple of users get it though. The health section is a little bit useful, but I find that to solve health problems you need to really go deep yourself into it, and not ask people on the forum for advice. Its a great place to get ideas from and see whats new in health though. Even the environmental section... I am really bad at politics. I've probably read 10 books in total in the last 3 years, and half of those were spiritual books, and the other half were books for my career (startup entrepreneur). I've read absolutely no books on spiral dynamics, or politics or economy, yet even then I when I read people's posts in the politics section I can instantly point out where they are being deluded, or maybe not deluded but limited, or mixing up the context, or something like that. I can point out a better way basically. And when I point it out to them, they have no answer! Again feeling like I'm on a different wavelength... which is just disturbing, because I'm at around orange/green. I'd like to feel like people can out wit me again. I love that feeling because it means I can grow. I don't learn much from that section either. There are a couple that I love reading from like ep75 or something and forestluv(I forgot to add, for the consciousness section I get lots of value from Nahm and Mandyjw till recently, they are still awesome but after the recent realizations, even those conversations are getting old, that's why I'm so hard on psychedelics, humans are just getting too limited), but even then there's still lots of areas I can point out where common sense isn't being applied, they are thinking a bit limited, or something else. 
    Forget this place for psychedelics, the people on here are serious noobs compared to face to face people and people on dmt-nexus and shroomery. I know people using datura to radically improve their life. I plan to follow them. The people I talk to face to face who do psychedelics tend to know alot more about spirituality, and I resonate with them a lot more now. They tend to go beyond infinite love just because psychedelics show you so much, so much more then what a spiritual path could. You literally get an alien brain. Its amazing, the psychedelic groups get spirituality so much better then Ananda, Ramaji, buddhists, you name it. I think shamans know more about infinite love and consciousness then the buddha after my experiences with psychedelic and shamanic groups (both in asia and my local home country).
    I am really feeling a strong strong strong urge to get deeper into psychedelic circles to advance my spiritual path. I want to get into datura, 5-meo, shamanism, and psychedelic research. I want to dedicate my life purpose to building machines that alter people's states of consciousness, I'm feeling super passionate about that.
    The realization of infinite love is not the end of the spiritual path. Its 0.01% of it, and I realized this without psychedelics. I realized it sober, so just imagine how big the spiritual path really is. My infinite love awakening that happened 4 or so months ago was a realization that the entire spiritual path was just designed to increase how beautiful realizing the world is love, is. And there was no I, the path went through itself. Which was the amazing part, it was like the world was a movie the entire time. Fast forward to now and after having some realizations such as the present moment doesn't exist, deeper realizations of infinity, deeper realizations of what's beyond the 1st person perspective, like infinite love awakenings that included realizations of every single being on the planet at once (which wont make sense to anyone on this forum) realizing that solving my trauma requires me solving sociological traumas like world war 2 and the vietnam war(because world war 2 is behind the eyes, and gives you suffering) I've come to realize that infinite love is just 0.01% of what can be realized in this universe. And going deeper into that requires psychedelics. These days I get far more insights just looking at a brick then I do reading books or doing meditation techniques. Really the only way forward is psychedelics. I've gotta try my hardest to go in that area. That's why I'm super passionate about making altered states of consciousness machines. Like neuralink. I see this is how you get from LOC 1000 to LOC 2000, LOC 3000, LOC 30000, LOC 9000000000, etc. Its about transforming the human brain to an alien brain. This is how you turn humans into machine elves and revolutionize science, health, art, everything.
    I completely and utterly disagree with people who think the spiritual path ends at infinite love. Those people are just simply fools. It goes way beyond that. They are completely out of touch with machine elves and forms beyond human. They don't know that machine elves are born with infinite love, and then go along the spiritual path to get to LOC 10000, and its possible for humans too through psychedelics or machinery. Infinite love awakening is still relative to the human experience. Its looking at the infinite through the finite mind. But that infinite can be seen totally differently depending on the finite mind (as psychedelics show) and I've also experienced (sober) experiencing the infinite through the infinite mind, which is so profound and radical that I will just not explain it here.
    I feel like I'm reaching the end of what this human mind is capable of. I just cannot seem to increase it through meditation or yoga or psychedelics that easily. I actually upgrade it or it's baseline consciousness just increases at a steady rate if I do nothing and just live my life like normal. I get insights from everything, from the shops, other people, the sun, plants. Its like I can look at an object and look past the veil and see an explosion of intelligence. And this process is far more powerful then meditation or anything else. How do I get higher then this? I've gotta manually modify the brain through psychedelics or machines. And thats why this is definitely my life purpose.
    I definitely don't resonate with people on here, not because I don't understand them, but because they are at a level that I was at years ago, and I can really feel that. And then the ones that are at my level, have no desire in continuing the path. So there's virtually no one on here with the same interests as me, or they do, but not in the same way as me. They are into LOA or stuff that I have no interest in.
    This forum is feeling like I'm at level 20, but I keep messing around at level 1. And its just getting boring, and so I'll be leaving and maybe revisiting casually.
    Having said the above, I also acknowledge that there were some really powerful and juicy lessons I learnt through being here. I certainly didn't always feel this way. Being here I really did feel like there was lots to learn and people knew more then I did. And that was a great time. But now that time is over.
    And this is another reason why I'm not feeling it to stay here much longer. My patience for people who aren't serious about spirituality, are too afraid, too scared, aren't willing to put their money where their mouth is, is running super thin. And for the first time in a while, I couldn't help myself and said what I've been thinking a while to this guy:
    The universe is infinite love for fucks sake. What in the fuck is the worst case scenario if you get psychotic or schizophrenic a little? And FYI don't you know what increasing your baseline is? Its getting a little schizophrenic or psychotic you idiot! That IS the later stages. What else could it be? You think increasing your baseline is all sunshine and rainbows? Fuck no! The entire universe changes.
    This isn't just limited to this steven guy, its loads of users on here. They can't take it when you get a little bit serious with them. Mention just a little schizophrenia or psychosis or insanity, and the most spiritual on here run like little juvenile kids.
    Actually my honest opinion is if you're not permanently psychotic, then your baseline isn't that high. I was refraining a lot with that comment.

  7. electrobeam is as woke as me
    I do not have any intentions to date someone
    At your age i got into a relationship out of social pressure. I had 0 sex drive and 0 drive for relationships. I just felt like an alien and so i got into one just to cover up self esteem problems. And at that stage i was basically your post. As someone whose been where you were, let me add some comments. These comments are honest. Which means they will grow you, but you wont like them. 
    in covid just don't
    Your problem here is you're allergic to manipulation because you've got a royal idea of yourself in your head about being the honest, real one. 
    Well you're playing games with yourself, harder then most - sorry.
    Meditation and yoga are just as manipulating as looking fuckable. You're manipulating reality to get to altered states of consciousness. Your entire life is just manipulation. The entire spiritual path is manipulation.
    Having an issue with manipulation with sex and relationships, yet being totally fine with manipulation in spirituality, is just spiritual ego. Its double standards.
    Dont limit your views of relationships to just fucking. Relationships also includes exploring your emotional traumas and shadow work, exploring and mastering emotional intelligence, exploring how humans work, exploring how your energy system works - I.e. spiritual work.
    You buy your bread or rice from people, you work with people, you buy airline and plane tickets from people, you're friends with people, you learn spirituality off people, you're surrounded by social interactions and people. If you have a fear of people dragging you down, you better watch areas well beyond your dating life.

  8. Lot of lol
    Can men and women actually be platonic friends or?
    It's easier for women to be platonic with beta/omega/delta males, but with an alpha/gamma it's so much harder.
    Men are deprived animals. If it's possible, we'd fuck the holes in the tree trunks.

  9. Adeptus Psychonautica about Connor Murphy and Actualized
    Adeptus Psychonautica about Connor Murphy and Actualized
    This depends on the mind’s level of expansion and perspective. 
    Imagine we are giving a tour about South America and discussing how the various countries in South America are inter-related. Someone in the group as never been outside of Ecuador and doesn’t realize there is more to South America than Ecuador. Since mind is contracted, it will misinterpret what the tour guide is teaching because the mind in interpreting everything through the small lens of Ecuador. So when the tour guide talks about “countries”, the mind thinks “Ecuador”. When the tour guide speaks of Peruvian pan flutes, the mind will say “That is insane and crazy!! That isn’t real!!! The tour guide is delusional!!”. This person can enter devilry by trying to block people in the tour group from realizing greater truth (from awakening to the many countries in South America). 
    From the perspective of those trapped within a contracted mind and defending that contraction, they will want to challenge the tour guide. It’s not even about the tour guide, it’s about expanding awareness to realize more South American countries. Yet a small locked mind will misinterpret the tour guide’s message and will personalize it. 
    It does little good to engage with such a mind because they will only use their map of Ecuador. We cannot show them a map of South America unless they are willing to let go of their Ecuador map. And since they are using the wrong lens, they will misinterpret everything in the bigger picture.  If we discuss Rio de Janeiro they will say “There is no Rio in Quito Ecuador, show it on my map!”. . . The key for them is to realize they are missing something, get curious, let go of their small map and explore. Yet this is precisely what they are not willing to do and some minds will go to extraordinary lengths to hold onto their small map. For some minds, it is a matter of life and death. 
    For those who have direct experience and are aware of the larger map, it is disappointing, frustrating and comical to see someone contracted within a small map saying “Looks like the tour guide is worried about stepping outside his comfort zone to discuss how Ecuador is South America”. 

  10. Intuition and ego deception
    Intuition and ego deception
    @Justine For me, it can be an issue of head and intuition in disharmony. Like when getting into an intuitive flow stage and the ego tries to take over. That ‘taking over’ is internal conflict.
    I’ve found it helpful to have an intention of head and heart becoming in harmony together. Becoming friends with one another. Rather than fighting, realizing they are on the same team together. In doing so, I’ve noticed that my ego often enters as self protection. Intuition/heart may want to move in one direction and the thoughts arise like “this is crazy! Don’t go there! I need to take control here so you don’t do stupid things to harm us”. In a way, this is a loving thing to do. Yet the thinking mind can also be a bully and demand too much control. 
    One thing I’ve found helpful is to set aside time in which the ego gets a break. If I tell the ego “You are disruptive and I want you to be quiet!”, it can trigger the ego. Resistance and desire for controlling arise. Yet if I frame it like “You’ve been working so hard, you deserve a break for a while.” Then there is a better chance the thinking mind relaxes for a bit. For example, if I’m walking in nature or doing yoga.
    Yet I like having intuition and thinking integrated and in balance. There are times in which my intuition steers me toward something healthy, other times it’s unhealthy. At times, it’s helpful for my thinking mind to enter and pump the breaks and say “whoa, let’s pause and consider this for a bit”. Yet in a way that is cooperative with intuition like we are on the same team together. Rather than a bully trying to dominate and repress intuition.