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About Neuroknot

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  • Birthday 05/28/1998

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  1. My Enlightenment Self-deception
    My Enlightenment Self-deception
    Yes, this is very common. This is the whole path. If there wasn't some kind of resistance it would be too easy.
    I've found that it's crucial to get really clear about what you want -- why do you want awakening? -- and to do deep introspection about what is holding you back. What are all the things you're attached to which keep you from living in God-consciousness? Make a list. It's gonna be a long list. That's all the stuff you gotta work to let go of and heal.
    Healing yourself and making yourself whole is very important and not to be overlooked in this work.
    You're not gonna be able to sustain God-consciousness is you're tainted with all sorts of fears, judgments, wounds, traumas, grudges, anger, cravings, ideologies, etc.
    You have to reach a level of inner purity where you are ready to say, "Okay, I freely surrender myself in the service of God. This is no longer about me and my petty cravings and grievances. I'm willing to surrender the self for good and to live selflessly in the service of others. I want God more than anything else in the world."

  2. Lack of bodily sensation during meditation/ increased sense of awareness
    Lack of bodily sensation during meditation/ increased sense of awareness
    Sorry, I struggle with the length of my posts. This got even longer than usual. Also more personal than usual 
    In meditation, things don't mean much and it's a bit of a trap to try to put meaning on things. We love trying to make meaning out of things even if there is no meaning to be found. We create meaning. But it is only adding distracting and preventing us from going further. 
    Meditation - well this form of it at least - is about doing nothing so that nothing can do its work on you. 
    With that said, there's your question  "when" this happens, and you're perfectly right. It happens when you manage to reduce your mind straying about. The absolute best is to try having "no thought" but that is extremely hard. For me I get the sensation of falling into a blackness when that happens and usually I get pulled right back out due to reacting/thinking about it. When I manage to let myself stay there for a while time is lost, it's like sleeping but not sleepy. Although - and as of yet - I can only manage short bursts of this state. I'd love to be able to stay there for hours. 
    While "no thought" is hard, "less thought" is easier but still the mind wants to stray. By focusing on one single thing, it doesn't matter what that is, it can be a hand, a finger, foot, forehead, "third eye" , pulse in arm, sensation of passning air at the base of your nostrils, and by being strict on not letting mind wander at the same time as minimizing thoughts/analysis, you will reach access concentration. 
    I myself put my thought into the void behind the blackness of the visual field and find that more "no thought" can be found there. But whatever works works.
    So in short, access concentration is when you've calmed the mind so that it doesn't do thought-hopping. It is just the first stage of increased concentration and you should allow yourself to go further. This is where it gets tricky, as it feels amazingly good beyond this point, and the acknowlegdement of this sensation is thought, and thought takes you out of it. So you need to learn to not let the occassional thought interfere with the process, let it go.
    With time that occassional thought will interfere less. And with time those occassional thoughts will be fewer. It's difficult to say that you have no thought, that's probably impossible but they can be let passed without attention. 
    When staying in access concentration for a while, the next pleasure challenge will come, the "rising and passing away". They are probably very individual so this is highly subjective, and for me it is usually (99% of the time) one of a limited few differnt forms of the same type of lightning effects. The absolutely most common is that a black/blueish-metallic void appear in the visual spectrum (eyes closed) , rather large and it moves away getting more concentrated. As it gets smaller it grows an outer orange/firey glow around the edges and as it grows the void shrinks down to a glowing electric dot and then down to nothing, at the same time as the organge light grows up to 100% of the visual field. At the same time as it reaches 100% it turns into a new black void that shoots off into the distance. That cycle is repeated over and over, sometimes a very short while, less than a minute, sometimes maybe 15 minutes (time perspective is problematic when you get to this point), but usually somewhere inbetween. Sometimes the orange is circling around the void and end up exiting right, never left.
    You know when you get here, these phenomena are not subtle, they are absolute. Why does it do that? What does it mean?
    So what does it mean. Nothing. Just be along for the ride and don't react when it ends. Place no thought or meaning to the intensity nor length of the phenomena, it's distraction. Also don't try getting here, that's also distraction. Do nothing.
    With time you get to this state quicker and quicker. Currently I'm there somewhere between 3 and 15 minutes into the meditation, wholey depending on how much peace of mind I've had during the day. If I'm having good days I even get here when awaken, when going to bed in the evening, after being to the restroom in the night or during my meditative morning walk. 
    This got very personal, I try not going personal but since the meditation experience is fully subjective I felt it might be helpful to hear what it can be like. 
    Also, these two states are the easy ones, they are more of switch-on states that defines the start of the meditation session, you will get through them and you will learn to get through them quickly.
    Key is "do nothing, think nothing, just sit". 
    If you want some reading, I'd recommend Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha by Daniel Ingram. It's free both as audio book and pdf. Audio book only first edition though, I think.
    Also Ten Happier podcast by Dan Harris Ep. #187 Is Enlightenment Possible for Regular People with said Daniel might also be interesting. Dan Harris has more podcasts on the topic that might be worth looking into. 

  3. Awareness Explorers podcast
    Awareness Explorers podcast
    I just found this podcast and it has very few views. The guys discussions are really on point about enlightenment. I really like how they don't overcomplicate it with the first half being a discussion and the second half a guided meditation, they also give you questions to contemplate. I would say it follows a similar trajectory to and therefore is definitely worth checking out. 
    So far i watched these 3 and the discussions were excellent. 

  4. The 5-MeO-DMT Mega-Thread
    The 5-MeO-DMT Mega-Thread
    I suggest those who are interested in DMT and 5-meo can find a lot of authentic experiences/reports, information ect.. on this site
    Not everyone can just sign up and post anything they want in the main sections of these forums which is great to avoid immature posts, trolls and inexperienced psychonauts.
    You have to pass a test with multiple questions which then current members review and decide whether you fit the requirements to post experiences and information or and questions in these forums.
    Most are N'N- DMT reports but there are a fair bit of 5-Meo reports and indeed some highly experienced users with 5-meo in the Nexus which can help us here. There is also so much information on Meditation and all the other stuff we talk about and share here on Actualized so most here will enjoy some fantastic reads over there as well.
    Not sure if you can view them but here are some good ones i can share
    A 5-meo report
    Combining 5-meo with meditation
    And you can find much more, I learned a lot and helped me a lot with my experiences.
    I hope this helps 

  5. Let's get practical #2: Deep Work & Organization
    Let's get practical #2: Deep Work & Organization
    Leo Gura, How To Get Shit Done - The Inner Game Of Being A Results-Maker, Jul 12, 2015
    This journal is going to be my productivity journal where I will report everything related to deep work & organization in my life. As building discipline and becoming productive and highly focused is a difficult skill to develop I'm probably going to be journaling for two years in order to successfully build and integrate productivity habits.
    What Is Work?
    I qualify work as any task that requires a physical or mental concentration effort greater than mundane tasks. There are different types of work with different intensities: low, medium, or high. Low-intensity work requires small efforts that can be done by most people. High-intensity work pushes someone's physical or cognitive capabilities to their limit, creates new value, improves skills, and is hard to replicate.
    My Work And Their Intensities
    Here are the different types of work that I do and their intensities. Everything that's above low can have subsets and include low and medium work intensities.
    Meditation: High Weight Lifting: Medium/High Wordpress development: Low/Medium Programming: High Reading: Low/Medium My Current Working State
    I'm really messy, but it could be worse I have difficulties to concentrate and often get caught up in thoughts when I'm working so it makes me stop in between I procrastinate a lot I'm very lazy I have a high amount of random thoughts every day that causes me to be very distracted I have irregular waking up and sleep hours which causes me to be druggy in the morning and demotivate me to work Realistically I only work a few hours per day (1 - 4 hours) because of the above issues My Planned Organization
    Wake up between 5:30 AM and 6:00 AM Do positive affirmations Go to the gym between 6:30 AM and 7:00 AM on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. I will maybe change my organization and workouts in the future in order to exercise only three times per week Deep work five days per week on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for at least 6 hours per day for a total of at least 30 hours/week Read every day except on Sunday for 30 minutes to 1 hour Do positive affirmations Go to sleep between 9:00 PM and 9:30 PM The rest of the time will be dedicated to basic necessities, relaxation, and introspection
    Note: As I'm a freelancer clients come to me randomly and it sometimes breaks my organization. I will do everything to respect this agenda as much as possible, but I know that inevitably I will have to be flexible at some moments to answer some clients' needs.
    My Objectives
    Deep work for at least 30 hours/week Build discipline Build concentration Learn how to rapidly create flow states Clear my mind by concentrating on my work Create a powerful organization system Correctly integrate stage blue and orange healthy values (organization, discipline, hard work, productivity, and concentration) Become a result-maker What I Will Share/Report Here
    Time of waking up and going to bed every day Total working hours for each deep working day with a little note for each of my work sessions Reading time Action steps that I take to improve my results Organization & Productivity resources Personal insights on organization & productivity I'm, right now, at this moment, and for the rest of my life, taking 100% responsibility to be highly focused and disciplined in my organization and my deep working sessions in order to accomplish and materialize what I really want in life.
    It's time to generate incredible results.

  6. Eidetic Memory,is It Possible To Learn?
    Eidetic Memory,is It Possible To Learn?
    People with amazing memories have always fascinated me, Kim Peek was a mega savant and Had read and could recall more than 7600 books, he was a walking Google. How is this possible. With Kim it was at a cost, he was completely reliant on his father to even dress him, he could not function correctly in society, could remember everything. A cruel twist of fate. But can we all get access to this ability. I read somewhere that if you locked yourself in a pitch black space and had a book open with a template around only a small phrase in the book. You then shone a torch or lamp on the page then immediately turned it off again, this would leave a residual glow of the words just floating there for you to see, they would quickly fade, and as they did you repeated the process for half an hour and for thirty days, and amazingly you would develope an eidetic memory. I tried this for about a week and gave up, mostly because the light I was using broke and didn't bother myself to get a replacement. I did feel that there might be some merit in this process, and if there is anyone who has completed or has any insight to developing this amazing ability that would be great. I am fully aware of memory palaces and other techniques, I can memories a deck of cards and have devoted a lot of time in building up my 100 names and numbers which is very useful, but the Kim peek mind is the holy grail. So thanks for any input

  7. Can I be fully healed?
    Can I be fully healed?
    I saw this very nice video in which Dr K. introduces a helpful ancient psychological model (Pancha Kosha) that can give us an insight into how to get fully healed. Here are my basic notes:
    There are 5 levels of being. When each of them is somehow damaged, there are different symptoms and different treatment that is required. Treating an issue of one level of being with a treatment suited for some other level of being is not as effective.
    - Symptoms: any kind of physical disease, for example cancer
    - Treatment: diet, exercise, medication...
    - Symptoms: sluggishness, feeling heavy, itching, demotivated, lack of energy...
    - Treatment: pranayama, Wim Hof, yoga, chigong, taichi...
    - Symptoms: PTSD, shame, unpleasant feelings, sadness...
    - Treatment: talking to a psychologist, healthy relationships, meditation on emotions and compassion...
    - Symptoms: Cognitive biases, irrational thinking...
    - Treatment: CBT, talking to a psychologist, contemplation, observation, honesty with oneself...
    - Symptoms: CPTSD (it is different than regular PTSD, because it fucks up the whole sense of self), feeling like a ghost/robot/unreal...
    - Treatment: meditation, self-inquiry, yoga, retreat, solo walks...
    In the video, Dr K.'s client was surprised that he could not cure his CPTSD, which is a spiritual problem, by talking to a psychologist and taking medication, which are emotional and physical types of treatment. However, having a strong intellectual basis (cognitive-behavioral therapy, developing a mostly unbiased perception of oneself etc...) helped him strenghten the other areas, which resulted in him not comitting suicide. This thing with 1 strong area protecting other also appears for example in cancer patients who struggle physically and energetically, but get a lot of support from their family and friends, therefore they do better. I'd also like to add that meditation has the potential to cure certain physical illnesses, but it is still unclear how to the science of today. Also, science has no evidence of the existence of chi/ki/prana, but practices based on this energy are more effective for healing than those based on science, although it might seem that they are very similar. (you „just move“ in both jogging and yoga for example)
    Here is the link to the video: 

  8. The Dao Of Love - again
    The Dao Of Love - again
    Obviously I cannot know for sure what they achieved. I give people some benefit of the doubt. Could some of them be fooling themselves? Of course! That's just the nature of the game. It's your responsibility to figure out if you're fooling yourself.
    Love has no opposite.
    What you call love in the relative domain is that which pleases your ego-mind and suits its survival agenda -- which is still Love, but it's partial, limited, conditional Love. You love cats but not dogs, you love chocolate but not vanilla, you love kindness but not murder, you love saints but not sinners, etc. These are just the biases of a limited consciousness. An unlimited consciousness has no biases and makes no discriminations because it has no needs.

  9. How to manipulate reality?
    How to manipulate reality?
    Herein lies a wonderful exploration and insights. If you resonate with this type of thing, I wouldn’t stay limited to cognitive concepts. I’ve found the direct experience of actually getting into lucid dreams to be quite insightful.
    My 11 yr. old niece is a master lucid dreamer. She has created a dreamworld of cats that is as real as her human waking life. One day we had a long discussion of her dreamworld. She described her existence as a cat in the dreamworld. She also mentioned that occasionally she “knows everything” - for example that there is a snake hiding in the distance. She is too young to young to create concepts like “transcendent awareness” or “omniscience”. Yet she has something more important: the direct experience. I offered her several different ways we could look at it and she preferred using the term “Big Brain”. . . I said that the abilities of the Big Brain seem amazing and then asked her if she liked being the Big Brain when it arose. She paused and contemplated. . . She then said “No. Because when I am the Big Brain, I am no longer being a cat and I like being a cat”. . . 

  10. TikTok is surreal
    TikTok is surreal
    @Roy  Yeah, look at this article on EMF's and how they alone have impacted things like ADD.
    Social Media is an amazing tool, but everyone has become so obsessed with it it's hugely out of balance at this point. I feel society needs a cleanse from technology post this lockdown shit, get back into nature, back into doing natural things- socializing, playing sports, playing games, reading, exercising, walking etc. 
    Don't get me wrong I love Social Media, Video Games, TV/ Movies etc, but it's about that balance isn't it, and modern day children are growing up addicted to screens and technology, I think it's even more vital for kids to be kids. 
    Let's just say I think there's a reason Silicon Valley owners and CEO's send their Kids to tech free schools, and don't let their Children on Social Media lol. 

  11. From Neuroticism To Serenity
    From Neuroticism To Serenity
    Hello Everybody,
    I'm Alex, from Russia, 27 years old, 40 kg (90 pounds) overweight, married, no kids.
    My home country is degrading with a medium pace year after year, my aim is to leave it for some better place. Is it like a rat fleeing a sinking ship?
    My other aim is to get to an enlightenment.
    I've always lived in my alternate reality - of computer games, of fantasy. So I'm at least a bit underdeveloped in common sense planning and executing.
    This is probably due to me being a very touchy person, and I cry a lot, at least used to cry until this year. I think that I feel more pain and suffer more from the same stimuli than the most people, my nervous system is weak naturally. So I think this made me strive towards cocoo-ing myself from other people.
    Last year in October I'd signed a work contract as a programmer and went to work to Munich, Germany, it was full fledged immigration attempt. 
    There I worked for 1.5 month, it was very hard on my nerves.
    I always lived with my parents before, never have used a washing machine or an iron. I've never had to think where would I sleep on the next night.
    At work I was the weakest chain, afraid to ask for help too much, being less smart and knowing less than everybody else.
    These and other things downgraded me to a state where I cried for 3-6 hours every day and wanted to kill myself tens of times, not actually injuring myself once.
    I was in hysteria and I had to return back to Russia. Fortunately,  my boss took me back with pleasure. 
    My mental state was terrible thou, I was not able even to watch a film or have a smaltalk. Everything gave me intense head pains. I was like a zombie, my thoughts weren't there, I would not want anything, I thought my life is over.
    I visited 3 different neurologists and a psychotherapist. Finally I got a recipe for antidepressants and took them for 6-7 month. They saved my mind and probably life.
    Now I'm off of them for 2-3 month. Their effects subsided, still I feel more calm than I've ever felt in my previous 20 years of conscious life.
    I've been seeking for enlightenment from circa 18 years old, but my search was very slow, meditating once or twice a year.
    I'm watching Leo's videos for 1.5 years now.
    Last 2 month ago I've started to meditate again, gradually increasing volume. Started from 20 minutes once-twice a week.
    Now I usually meditate 10-20 minutes in the morning, than I try to meditate here and there during my 2 hour work commutes, try to do more meditation on weekends.
    I've developed idea to meditate in a sequence of sits. Today I've meditated 12 minutes right after morning bathroom. Then I had some morning exercise, some talking with my wife. Than 22 minutes of meditation. Than for the first time I did day 1 of the Adrienes' 30 day yoga challenge.  I finished with 26 minutes sit, bringing total to a 1 hour do nothing floored cross-legged meditation.
    I had an idea of adding 20 seconds to one of my three morning sits each day, that would add up to a 10 minutes increase in a daily practice.
    The problem that I have is a medium-to-little pain in my head, reminiscent of my depression episode pains. I have a plan to do meditation for 2-4 more month and if the pain would still be a problem, I'd start searching for some neurologist/psychotherapist again.
    This concludes my first journal entry, ideas/thoughts are very welcommed.

  12. Book Recommendations on Society, Government, Environment, Politics
    Book Recommendations on Society, Government, Environment, Politics
    I'm including books here that aren't on Leo's booklist but I think many of you will still benefit from. For more details, you can find more elaborate book reviews and interviews with these credible authors online. If you'd like to share other books if you've read on politics, please share.
    Listen, Liberal: or, Whatever Happened to the Party of the People? - Thomas Frank
    If you have a liberal bias, this book is great for disillusioning that bias and help you see our politics more objectively. This nonfictional story describes how the Democratic Party detached itself from its average American constituency through increasingly favoring neoliberal policies.

    American Exceptionalism and American Innocence - Roberto Sirvent and Danny Haiphong
    Is the news you're hearing all fake? Sirvent and Haiphong expose how not only MSM, but mainstream pop culture and even schools have all participated in misinforming the public about the US being the white night heroes of the world throughout history.

    The Management of Savagery - Max Blumenthal
    If you're wondering about the rise of nationalism, Blumenthal reports on how the failures of US foreign policy in the Middle East led to the election of President Donald Trump.

    Contending Economic Theories: Neoclassical, Keynesian, and Marxian - Richard D Wolff and Stephan A Raesnick
    This book is great for understanding the differences of historically important economic theories and how they influenced countries.

    FDR - Jean Edwards Smith
    I recommend the biography of any president, but seeing how the current increasing divide between the poor and rich and low levels of corporate regulations are so similar to the roaring 20s giving rise to the Great Depression, it's essential to learn about the man that led a revolution that benefited the people. This book explores how Franklin D Roosevelt's relationships, battle with polio and other experiences shaped him to be a strong leader during big historical events like the passing of the New Deal and going into WWII.

    The Deficit Myth: Modern Monetary Theory and the Birth of the People's Economy - Stephanie Kelton
    A book on modern monetary theory. There's a very good chance that you, like many others including several politicians, do not understand how the economy actually works. Where does money come from? Why does our country collect taxes? The truth is that ever sense the 70s, our country gave up the gold standard and now money isn't really based on anything. The US Congress is the only money issuer and they can create money whenever it is asked upon them. However, it would be unwise to create more money than the actual labor and resource capacity. Taxes really only exist to control inflation and promote good behavior and punish bad behavior.

    Goliath: Life and Loathing in Greater Israel - Max Blumenthal
    What is the Israel-Palestine conflict all about? Blumenthal breaks down the disturbing history of the conflict and the disenfranchisement and maltreatment of the Palestinians in Israel.

    The US Constitution
    This is important for understanding your rights and the power and limitations of the US government.

  13. Porn addiction
    Porn addiction
    Hey @theking00
    The very wording of your question reveals your spiritual attitude behind this issues for you.
    "How do I go about quitting this addiction?" Well, you just stop doing the behaviour.
    But the way you have worded it shows to me that you are in search, perhaps, of some mystical technique or forumal for beating this.
    There is one of my favourite quotes that came to me during my 30 day (nearly) meditation retreat,
    "...Spirit first. Techniques are secondary."- Jigoro Kano, founder of Judo.
    So already you are defeated. Even as you have typed this question, you are not even resolves on quitting this. You have decided, "Until I get the correct technique, THEN I will start."
    Do not bother about WHAT technique or method to quit porn. There are countless tools out there, some have worked for people, some have not. For each method is a person, and there are countless journeys to get to the mountain top. The important thing Buddha would tell you is, it doesn't matter how you get to the mountain top- which road you take or which items you take it irrelevant- the point is GET TO THE TOP!
    And you are not thinking in this fashion, yet.
    Basically, here is the single principal behind giving up any addiction- and yes it conflicts with Leo's video on addiction, but since you asked me and I am a fan of DBZ also, it seems that I am a Sensei Piccolo telling a Young Gohan how to get stronger. Gohan asks, "How do I get motivation to get stronger?" Sorry, I cant give you motivation. But here is the principal.
    Spirit first, technique second.
    Meaning, until you have a hungry burning resolve and intent to quit porn, you never will.
    That is the truth.
    Even a junkie, no matter how achy the pains he experiences or what gate holes he must pass through- if he is INTENT on quitting his drug, he will use WHATEVER TOOL IS AVAILABLE without question. Why without question? Because he has the COMMITMENT and INTENT to quit; the methodology is pointless by this stage.
    In fact, some former addicts will tell you, if you ask them what they did to quit, they will tell you, "I just decided to quit one day and I did."
    Addicts- including people who look at porn against their will- usually have issues setting boundaries with themselves and other people. Hence why they cannot freely and easily say "no" to themselves.
    You can test this out- try going 2 weeks where every single day you DELIBERATLY watch porn for 1 hour. You will not be able to. Yes I mean YOU not just anyone- because you have issues with boundaries on yourself. You need to study the skill of commitment to things- this is why I referred Leo to study Kyokushin Karate (one reason). The Karate spirit is intense and firey- you can do anything with the correct intent and decision and spirit.
    Right now, you lack all spirit. Where has your spirit gone?
    Either quit porn, or make the bold choice "I refuse to quit porn and I will indulge." Either way, YOU must be the MASTER of the situation.
    So the ultimate technique and principal is as follows,
    Spirit first, technique second.
    But right now, intend to re-gain your spirit of determination and zest. Until you do this, you will be able to accomplish nothing in life.
    If this is too hard, then patiently accept this as such, and go ahead engaging in porn, but resolve to regain your spirit and skill of sticking to things- regain your willpower and intent- and then you can one day give the no porn challenge a try.
    Get a small 'resume' of accompishments and routines and things you can STICK TO with commitment and spirit, and then give porn a go. Examples,
    - Every day, no matter what, I will make my bed when I wake up in the morning
    - 30 days of jogging/exercise every single day without skipping even one day
    - Every morning when you wake up, the first thing you do before looking at your smart phone is to drink a glass of water and set an intention for the day.
    Build up, build up. Get your spirit. Then one day when you feel spiritually in tune with your body and mind, deciding to stop looking at porn every day is absolutely easy.
    The tool I used to quit porn was hypnosis. But my spirit was strong before 'stumbling' upon this means to quit. And the hypnosis was non-porn-related, it was purely on self confidence.
    Good luck man, trust yourself and your timing, and resolve to get a strong spirit as your next thing to do. You can do this. But you must believe in your own fist first.

  14. What's the best video to introduce someone to
    What's the best video to introduce someone to
    One of my best friends is very biased against philosophical, spiritual and metaphysical topics. He believes those topics are completely subjective, and not worth exploring to him compared to "objective science".  I'd like to share with him, but I'm looking for a good place to start. I was thinking of this one:
    Any other good introduction videos?

  15. What is non-existence?
    What is non-existence?
    Taking nondualism seriously, there is always always a level obove/behind two complementary opposites which is in perfect union with itself, like a coin with its sides. You're kind of asking for the (complementary) opposite of existing, therefore assuming a level above/behind it, i guess.
    Well, "nothing or non-existence" is the "by-definition-not-experiencable", so therefore the level above/behind existence and non-existence is also non-existent, because non-existence can already never be experienced.
    So the very first level to be able to refer to is existence, it's the first "meaningful" level in every way.
    Though its complementary opposite may be a wonderful analogy for our experience of life, because it represents infinite potential.
    In another way, you (as the ego) are non-existent, you are the hole into which everything (all perceptions) flows.
    If you search for this seperate entity, you will never find it. Past and future are non-existent, just a fiction.
    But this is a non-existence of a particular thing on a particular level, not non-existence in general.

    But now think about this: What if the conceptualization of the non-existentence may be gods process of creation?
    Non-existence as an actual thing is per definition not true/existent. But potential non-existence of a particular thing is something to refer to (like a pink unicorn), which is a pointer from reality to something outside, which doesn't "really" exist but at least in the mind. As soon as there is something, one could always ask why it's this and not that. But not so with existence itself, it's self-evident that there needs to be something in order to be able to ask why there isn't nothing, or why isn't there a particular thing like...  But this potential non-existence of a particular thing could be gods inspiration.

    So maybe that's what you're experiencing right now is gods "hmmm... Maybe there is something not existing, like believing to be a five-fingered and two-handed creature, reading a comment about myself and not realising that I'm actually the same since/for eternity!"
    Nothing is behind the borders of existence and fits in every gap inbetween, so it's always existent in our minds, and may be existent as a concept in gods mind (and we are gods actualization of the conceptualization of particular non-existent things like "not-selves,others").

  16. I am enlightened. Sincere seekers: ask me anything
    I am enlightened. Sincere seekers: ask me anything
    All of these ideas are within absolute infinity. Within enlightenment. None of it is "IT" and all of it is "IT". We can't pull out anything from everything.
    One trap I see at intermediate / advanced stages is believing the spiritual concepts are true. Buddhism, nonduality, advaita, Ramana Maharshi, Shamanism - all of it. People can get so immersed and deep into one area and not recognize that they have not transcended higher. They are unaware that there is a higher level. It happens at all stages of development. I see it with myself, buddhist, advaita masters, in this thread etc. . .  The higher you go, the more subtle it gets. That's why psychedelics are so powerful at the higher consciousness stages.

  17. Is Strong Determination Neurotic ?
    Is Strong Determination Neurotic ?
    @rush Hello!  Do you have an objective in meditation?  Are you aiming to calm your mind, or to disidentify from ego, or to reach enlightenment, or something else?
    The reason I ask (and I'll point out here that I am definitely not a meditation expert) is that my experience with different methods of meditation suggests that they offer different experiences, resonances, and responses in/from me.
    So I find SDS incredibly powerful, but in the sense of seeing how fucking relentless ego is in terms of screaming at my body.
    I find vipassina incredibly powerful, in the sense of seeing how I have no control whatsoever over my thought process.
    I find embodied meditations incredibly powerful, in noting how much embodied sensory data I usually filter out.
    I find breath counting incredibly powerful, in the sense that my focus drifts at the drop of a hat.
    And so on.
    I'm always wary about suggesting that "x technique = y result", because we're all within our own subjective experience, and I think the great thing about this work is that you get to customise it.  Which isn't actually something you read about that much.  But look at it this way: you know what you want better than anyone else here.  You know what you experience better than anyone else here.  You may look to us for suggestions or advice, but you are ultimately always making the decisions.  So take a breath and listen to what you think is best for you.  Keep exploring, keep learning, but also keep filtering through your own sense of right/wrong, helpful/un-helpful. 

  18. ego
    I Want To Write About Ego And Neurosis, Any Good Sources?
    great topic for an essay, i would like to read it once your done if youd be happy to share. But 2 books come to mind that i think might help you, 'the fall' by steven taylor, this talks about where the ego comes from, his theory is that when migrating from africa a group of people had to develop a strong ego to survive the tough conditions of the desert, limited resources meant that they had to look out for themselves and see themselves as seperate in order to survive, this led to western and arabic cultures. It is quite theory led but i thought it was an interesting take on where ego could have come from. 
    The other book is 'ego is the enemy' by ryan holiday which is more of a self development book but has a lot of stories about ego. It kind of glosses over a few things but it is a very relistic take on it. 
    Those 2 ive read and can recommend, you might also want to look at 'ego and the id' by sigmund freud, i havent read it but i think it could be helpful. Leading from that also look into carl jung. 
    Hope that helps

  19. neurosis
    Relationship Between Ego And Neurosis ?
    It reminds me of Karen Horney's research in neurotic needs.

  20. enneagram
    The Enneagram - A Big Help For Spotting Particular Neurotic/Dysfunctional Tendencies
    Anyone who is interested to explore the Enneagram, could check out these books (I would stay away from books that only deal with Enneagram in a superficial way):
    intermediate: (audio program, different to the book with same title)

  21. emotions
    I will do whatever it takes to solve my neurosis
    Pain (physical or emotional) is like a horn blasting at you as you unintentionally walk into a car's path - it's there to help you become aware of a pending danger and do something about your situation.
    The problem is that we tend to ignore the warning, and instead become attached to the message.  We carry a catalog of car horn events with us for life, and this takes its toll on our health.  Wouldn't it be so much better to drop the attachments and identifications we tend to accumulate, and travel lighter through life?

  22. emotions
    I literally figured out the root cause of all my life problems
    Working with emotions is very tricky stuff because they are not logical and they completely control one's behavior and thoughts.
    Bulling your way through emotional issues with a cold heart and lots of discipline will not work.
    Emotional issues require a compassionate, gentle, loving, mindful approach.
    It's about becoming heart-centered rather than stuck in your head. It's about feeling into things, feeling into your body.
    The whole macho attitude of dominating emotional problems has to go.

  23. shadow
    Shadow Work Technique: Feeding Your Deamons
    So I have read a book on a shadow work technique that left me with a HUGE Insight on my porn addiction in like a ten minutes session. Here I want to sahre the technique and my experience with you. 

    The practice of feeding your deamons tries to nurture your shadow side, transforming them into allies, instead of inudlging or fighting them and therefore making them stronger. You feed your deamon what it really desires, the underlying want that it represents, so that it doesn't lash out with reprehensable behaviour to fullfill that need. The underlying desire for the deamon that stands behind your porn use might be for example the need for love.
    The Practice
    Feeding your deamon is a practice that takes around half an hour. Choose a quiet and comfortable place, where you will not be interrupted. Set up two sitting places, one for yourself and one for the deamon. Then close your eyes.
    Step 01: Finding the Deamon
    Decide which deamon you want to work on. Then take time to locate the daemon inside your body. Find where you feel ist energy, or ist resting place. You can try to bring up the emotion that is assocaited with it to better feel it. Then observe that sensation and try to really feel what ist like, ist shape, texture, maybe even smell sound or temperature.
    Step 02: Meeting the Deamon
    Let the found sensation take physical form in front of you. Whatever feels right, let that materialise. Don't try to change it. Make eye contact with it, really observe ist features. Then ask the deamon what it needs. Ask it:
    What you you want from me?
    What do you need from me?
    How will you feel like if you get what you need?
    Don't wait for an answer, but switch places with the deamon and become it.
    Step 03: Become the Deamon
    Move seats to the place of your deamon. Feel yourself becoming it fully, imagine yourself completely inside ist body. Then answer the questions:
    What I want from you is…
    What I need from you is…
    When my need is met, I will feel…
    The wanting part is the superficioul want that the deamon tries to take from you, while the need is the actualy underlying desire. Make sure to make the last answer a tangible feeling. That feeling is what you will feed the deamon.
    Step 04: Meet your Ally
    Return to your original position. Envision the deamon in front of you again. Begin imagining your body melting into a nectar of what the deamon needs. Notice ist colour, texture etc. It might be a fluid, or smoke or something else. Let the deamon absorbe the nectar. Notice if your deamons appearance begins to change. Dont think ist supposed to change a certain way, but just observe if it does.
    Now observe the changed deamon in front of you. Ask it the following questions:
    How will you help me?
    How will you protect me?
    What pledge do you make to me?
    How can I access you?
    Change places and answer the questions:
    I will help you by…
    I will protect you by…
    I pledge I will…
    You can gain access to me by…
    Then changed places again and feel the newly formed ally flow into you, bathing you in ist support.

    So I have met the deamon responsible for my sexual addictive tendencies. I always thought I used it as a form of getting intimacy and love and boy was I wrong. My deamon look depraved, skinny, the only huge thing was his dick. Picture gollum with a huge erection. 
    Did you know how he answered my questions:
    What he wants from me is Sex. Pleassure and Sex.
    What he needs from me...(and here was the big surprise) is strength and conduct.
    When his need is met, he will feel powerful. 

    So man, that was an insight. I wasn't chasing love, whch is why getting with a girl never helped. I was chasing my depraved masculine power. My conduct. This just freaking blew my mind. No wonder I watched exclusively dominating porn. 

    So when I fed the deamon it basically transformed into like an image of manliness crossed with a bull. 

    The bottom line is that I FINALLY understand why I cant chase this addiction. Because I am not feeding myself with what I am trying to simulate with it. Because I dont walk straight, because I dont speak my mind....I can count dozens of different things. 

    So maybe this technique might help you to uncover the needs you are not feeding through your addictions. If so, feel free to tell me your experiance. 


  24. self steem
    Self-Love: Leo's take on Self-Esteem vs Nathaniel Brandon's
    Straight to the point. 
    Leo simplifies what low self-esteem is by pointing out that what it truly is which is just a lack of self-love. There isn't much more to it than that. I've read Nathaniel Brandon's work on Self-Esteem, and what he goes into detail about are the characteristics one lives by that causes one to love themselves, fundamentally the books he has written preach that one should develop themselves into a person they love. But that is challenging in many instances because persons who are highly neurotic and therefore have low SE will always find flaws within their character no matter what causing themselves to not love themselves. The aspects of self-esteem that Nathaniel Talks about in his book "Six Pillars Of Self Esteem" are a direct result of self-love. For Example: Because I love myself I will put up personal boundaries, therefor live assertively. But the opposite could also be true "I put up boundaries and live assertively therefor I love myself" however that is a lesser form of love and is dependant on the actions you take.  Leos's method of living with high self-esteem is much more efficient because embodying the characteristics of high self-esteem will come naturally once self-love is established rather than having to force actions that feel very incongruent with who you feel you are right now. eg... living assertively
    Great Job Leo. I would absolutely love it if you touched on some more stage orange personal development topics with the spiritual understanding and perspective you have. 
    It brings me to tears now that I finally know what it is I must do to live with high self-regard and esteem. It is not to jump through hoops trying to raise my self-esteem rather it is to directly and unconditionally fall in love with my-Self. 

  25. perfectionism
    The 30-day challenge of no criticism
    Day 14 ;
    Today I realized how my perfectionism works with my studying procedure. I couldn't stay persistent with my studyings and couldn't be committed to my schedules before , as a result of wanting my memorization process to be perfect and ideal, and my practical tests to exclude any mistakes (unconsciously) .  Today I could tell myself consciously that letting go of needing my memory to be perfect, and my studying procedure to include full concentration, is very critical to be in the state of flow, and I needed to let go of many thoughts that accompanied those unrealistic desires, and  eventually I reached the state of flow of about 3 continuous hours. 
    With this perfectionism, I was very self-critical, and this made the process counter-productive. After this realization, I'll continue letting go of many other unrealistic desires and be more adaptable to the goals I have planned, so that my perfectionism of this field in particular would hopefully be cured.