Beginner Mind

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Posts posted by Beginner Mind

  3. Posted

    24 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

    Rupert is great with this stuff. 

    This reminds me of when I first started noticing "gaps".  A split second gap between thoughts. . . . Then they started to get longer - a few seconds. It also felt like "resting" in the awareness to me. 

    Yeah, apparently not thinking can take you there as well?  I wouldn't know from personal experience as my mind's pretty active most days.  It must be nice experiencing long stretches of no-thought like the experience you shared the other day involving the snow.

  6. Posted

    2 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

    It seems like you got a good glimpse of a deep realization. Calling it "my true Self" is fine. I'm not saying it is wrong and shouldn't be described that way. Feel free to refer to it that way if you like.

    I was pointing more toward the relationship with the realization, rather than the technicality of any terms we use to describe it. Personally, after this type of direct realization, my mind wants to contextualize it. And it's very common for the mind to slip in a subtle "me". For example, my mind may describe it as an "experience I had" or "my true nature", "my higher self" etc. To communicate to others via language, we've got to call it something. Yet, I've found the mind can slip in subtle forms of self constructs with personal identification. It's not so much the terms used, it is the underlying energetics. 

    If this doesn't resonate with you, toss it away. 

    I think you may be right.  The mind does seem to view the glimpse as something that it experienced.  At the moment, I'm not too concerned about it because I'm just really grateful that the glimpse happened at all.  It's been six long years since my last glimpse.  Just being reminded that my true nature is deeply at peace, happy, lacking nothing, just absolutely made my day.  I had completely forgotten.

    But I appreciate you pointing that out for me.  Something for me to chew on.

     

  9. Posted · Edited by Beginner Mind

    52 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

    Most of us aspire to be as consciouss as we can while remaining in society

    Fortunately I'm in a place in life where I don't have to worry about remaining in society, so I can spend all waking moments on waking up.  No job, no responsibilities...  Feels like I'm destined to go through this right now.

  10. Posted

    1 hour ago, Serotoninluv said:

    Just a suggestion. . . I found it helpful to drop the "my true Self" construct. The ego is sooo sneaky and likes to lurk in shadows. Once awareness shines light on the ego, the ego loves to hide in a new shadow and take ownership of being "my true Self". This new construct of "my true Self" becomes a hiding ground for the ego.

    When that glimpse of pure awareness was revealed, did "my true Self" have ownership of it? Or was the thought "this is my true Self" added in after pure awareness was revealed? 

    The problem faced with a construct of "my true Self" is. . . who/what is aware of this "true Self"? 

    For me, what you wrote about "Awareness is aware of itself" is a deeper direct experience realization, because that's it. There is no middle self added in.

    There was no one claiming ownership of Awareness during the glimpse.  There was just an experience of Awareness being aware of itself.  Deep, joyful, and powerful.

    Calling it my "true Self" was just a way of talking about it after the fact.  I'll try to be more mindful of how I describe things going forward.

    2 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

    Regarding functioning normally in Awareness. . . The subjective experience can feel like sometimes there is awareness and sometimes there is lack of awareness and immersion into the personal story. Yet these two are not mutually exclusive. Imagine you are driving to a retreat and there is pure awareness. There is no story of "me". Simply the awareness of other cars, roads signs etc. You arrive at the retreat and someone welcomes you asking "Where do you live? How long have you been meditating?". . . Are we going to say "There story of "me" is an illusion. There is only pure awareness. There is no "me" that lives anywhere or has ever meditated. There is only the awareness of that which appears now". . . This would be a bizarre way to interact with other humans. For me, the "character" would temporarily re-appear. I might need to pause to recall the personal story and then it appears "I live in the next town over. I've been mediating for 2 years. This is my first retreat". . . Yet there need not be attachment/identification and immersion into this character story. There can be Awareness of it's appearance, just like there is Awareness of the appearance of bird chirps. . . And after the retreat, we may go hiking in nature. Here, the character story isn't needed. The chipmunks, wind and river aren't asking about our character story. The character story can disappear and there is now Awareness without a character story playing in the mind.

    There was already a strong dis-identification from the personal story even prior to this glimpse.  I hate talking about myself.  I'm sure that disdain for the personal story will only grow as my capacity to rest as Awareness grows.  Especially since I may be tempted to believe the story as I tell it to others...  But I hear you.  We don't have much of a choice but to share a story unless we are willing to be a total weirdo.

     

    2 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

    Regarding how to live like this. Try it out. Go to an environment in which the character story is not needed. An environment in which analysis, categorizing and thinking is not necessary. I like going into nature. Without thought stories, the mind and body seem to do just fine. There is walking, observing, drinking water, eating, sitting etc. without any thought stories. It's amazing. . . It's sorta like driving a car. Do you need to think "I must now press the gas pedal with 10 newtons of force. I now need to look in my rear-view mirror and pull this lever to initiate the turn signal". . . Of course not, it goes just fine without thoughts stories. This can be translated to everyday life. Try it out. Its a super cool way to interact with one's environment. 

    I will give this a shot.  Thanks.

  12. Posted

    24 minutes ago, Nahm said:

    No. It is not possible to remember yourself. You are what is aware of the memories. Memories are thoughts. The thoughts literally, actually are you. If you believe them, you’re believing the content, thus missing you are the awareness of the thought or memory. 

    Sorry, I don't mean remember as in, dipping into past memories...  I mean remember as in, being aware of Myself, my true Self as Awareness. Like, is it possible for the body-mind to function normally while simultaneously Awareness is aware of itself? 

  17. Posted

    I was just watching Rupert Spira's latest video, "Meditation: I Am That Which Knows", and within a few minutes into it I actually touched upon Awareness for about five seconds!  I'm actually still giddy from it.  Awareness is real!  It's not just some abstract spiritual concept that spiritual masters toss around... It actually exists! And it is who I am.

    My question now is...  Is it possible to live as Awareness day in, day out, or is it something that you can only experience temporarily at certain times?

  19. Posted

    @Maharani That's another thing that I found a little strange: The notion of free will and acting "as if".  In Gautam Sachdeva's book "Pointers from Ramesh Balsekar", he makes it very clear that the sage acts as if he is the doer.  The sage acts as if he has free will.  Which got me thinking, well, what is the point of even going down the non-doership path?  It doesn't make sense to me to simultaneously recognize non-doership and yet pretend to be the doer at the same time.  Just doesn't work for me.

    Another criticism one might level against this teaching is that according to Ramesh, the individual self remains after enlightenment.  I e-mailed Roger to inquire about this aspect of the teaching and he confirmed it: according to this teaching, the separate self, the ego, remains fully intact after awakening, albeit with the understanding that no one is the doer. This goes against everything we've been told by the great teachers, including Ramesh's very own teacher, Nisargadatta.

  20. Posted · Edited by Beginner Mind

    I once followed Roger's teaching very closely.  It brought me some peace to believe that everything is predetermined, and that everything is God's Will.  But I couldn't stick with it because in the end, it was all based on belief.  I don't actually know that everything is predetermined.  It's just a belief.  And beliefs, at least for me, can't bring lasting peace.

    But if Ramesh and Roger work for you, then more power to you. I wish you well on your journey.

  25. Posted

    2 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

    To me, this seems to be perception through a thought filter that is controlling the internal narrative.

    Would you think: "Just a few minutes ago, the sound 'chirp chirp' occurred. As far as I can tell, there's nothing wrong with that sound. It seems true enough". . . . Of course there is nothing "wrong" with the occurrence of the sound "chirp chirp", likewise there is nothing "wrong" with the occurrence of a thought - any thought.  The mind can become attached/identified to thoughts relative to a "me" construct. Relative to me, "chirp chirp" is irrelevant. Yet relative to me, the thought "I don't know if I'll go for a walk today" is relevant. 

    As well, are these thoughts necessary? And what do thoughts distract us from? . . . Yesterday morning, I looked out the window and it was snowing. There was a connection to the snowfall. There was no thinking "Maybe I'll go for a walk". There was no analysis of which thoughts about snowfall ore true or false. There was no analysis of whether such thoughts are harmful. There weren't even thoughts. There was simply "empty looking". This allowed space for other phenomena to appear. There was an appreciation for the snowfall's beauty. Each snowflake was so delicate and intimate. There was a sense of nostalgia that appeared. There was an attraction to be closer to the snowfall. This is all without thinking. Simply Being. . . .Then I continued my day - doing some laundry. Again, a sense of attraction to snowfall arose, without my mind thinking about it and defining it. . . And it turns out a couple hours later, my mind and body put on a bunch of winter gear to go outside. The feeling was like a child that has a snow day and gets to go out and play - yet there were no thoughts like this. The mind and body went out into nature. Snowballs were thrown at trees. A snow angel was made. Many nonverbal essences and energetics appeared. Intuition, empathic connection to nature - without thoughts trying to figure out what was happening or how to define it. . . . The mind and body can easily get along with 10% of one's current thoughts. A good experiment is to get allow the body to do it's thing without thoughts. Sometimes, my mind goes a couple hours without thoughts - miraculously the body does just fine. . .

     This whole passage is gold.  And your experience with the snow is inspiring. 

    There is definitely a "me" construct here, even though Nahm showed me that no such entity actually exists.  This "me" somehow continually recreates itself from moment to moment.  Perhaps I need to reflect a little more deeply on its non-existence?  I want to experience this moment as it really is, free from the "me" and its distorted interpretation of this moment.

    2 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

    Yes, this is getting at something more fundamental. 

    With the question "What is the nature of this moment when I'm not interpreting it?". . . Be aware if the mind tries to create a new thought story about the nature of this moment without thought stories. . . 

    It seems like in that brief moment, a direct experience arose. A form of nonverbal connection/resonance. 

    You say "I experienced a sense of peace" - then try to explain it as "the peace that passes understanding" - followed by "I can't be sure".

    What are you unsure about? Are you unsure of the sense of peace? Or are you unsure how to make sense of and explain that sense of peace?

    You may resonate with Leo's recent video on implicit and explicit understanding. 

    The question "What is the nature of this moment when I'm not interpreting it?" was like a Zen koan that temporarily stopped my mind in its tracks, hence the peace that followed.  I am unsure if the peace that was experienced was the real deal.  It was so brief. 

    Reminds me of my "psychosis" (which may or may not have been an actual psychosis, I don't know) from a few years ago.  In the midst of mental anguish came uncontrollable shaking of my body, followed by crying, followed by uncontrollable laughter, and finally an experience of deep peace and a feeling of "all is well".  These would appear to be the symptoms of an awakening experience and yet, one might dismiss them as being part of the "psychosis". 

    But even if these glimpses were legit, they are in the past. All that matters is, am I at peace NOW?