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Posts posted by PenguinPablo

  1. 3 hours ago, Emerald said:

    I used to have a lot of these fears when I was in my 20s. And it's hell to think about it this way because it genuinely can feel like you're going to age out of lovability. And it creates this pressure to get all the love you can while you're still in your youthful years. And my identity was so wrapped up in this, that it was difficult to untangle.

    I started worrying about aging when I was 16 years old... and the fears peaked in my late 20s.

    Now I'm 35, and my perspective has shifted so much that I'm genuinely out of the woods with it... which I never thought I would be. I feel above it in most ways. It's like being able to see that the emperor has no clothes in a way.

    I had similar feelings of anxiety as a kid. When I was like 8-10 years old, I used to worry that I wouldn't grow out of childish things like playing with toys. But once I got to be a tween/teenager, I wasn't even interested in toys anymore.

    There are a few things that helped shift my paradigm most of all.

    The first thing was to realize that I was projecting my dynamic with my mom onto men as a whole group. And one of my traumas was aging out of my connection with my mom... as we were very close until I was 8 and then the relationship became strained. And so, I transferred a lot of feelings about my mom onto boys and eventually onto men where I was trying to get the love where it felt impossible to get the love and that any love and admiration that I got from men would be lost with age.

    The second thing was to see the vulnerability in men as they age. Young men are often not as conscious of this as young women are. But men want to love and be loved too. And they are really capable of loving a woman, even if you seem to see evidence online that they're not on all these alpha male podcasts. And that love extends far beyond looks... even if they are consciously fixated upon more lustful things and looks. Eventually, (usually by the mid-30s to early 40s at the latest) men start wanting to settle down and create families. But they have to first get past the fantasies of being the playboy first, if they have those. Otherwise, they will feel they're missing out. And men who end up leaving their wife in search of a very young woman are often trying to live out a fantasy that they feel will make their life somehow more fulfilling... usually to find that it doesn't scratch the itch.

    The third thing was to find secure connections and be able to define my identity outside of being desirable to the male gaze. Honestly, the male gaze is not very meaningful if you know what really drives men to focus on women so much. So, a lot of the attention and adoration that women get from men comes from insecurity and wanting to be the masculine guy with the hot young women who are interested in him. So, it doesn't come from a very deep place when a man looks for a hot young woman. But men are capable of loving very deeply if they can get past this phase. Shame will tend to hang them up in this phase though... looking for the archetypal woman to validate him.

    But most of all, getting to know mature men as friends is helpful in dispelling feelings like men aren't capable of loving and being attracted to a woman beyond youthful appearance. 

    very smart girl / human / whatever...

  2. Yes but not in a forced way generally speaking.

    So what has worked is to not make it a big deal and maybe baby step it at first.

    Meditate for only a few minutes.

    Then things take a momentum of their own because you actually enjoy doing something difficult that has a positive effect on my life.

    I could play Xbox out of habit but seems relatively un-challenging, and wont have a long term benefit.

    The key is mini habits!

    I mean the key is kinda finding the middle ground, where I nudge myself in the direction I want, without cultivating a negative attitude towards it because I am forcing myself.

  3. 1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

    They don’t for everyone 

    or at least people can be very destabilized for long periods that can adversely affect your life in ways you can’t currently imagine. 

    Is that purely because you are blind to to the consequences and dissociated from reality

    As in the consequences compound over time unbeknownst to you?

  4. 1 hour ago, bebotalk said:

    Hot women are overhyped. 
    Sure, it's good to date people one finds attractive. But looks aren't everything in a partner. 

    It's a bit infantile to want the hottest babe. For whom? One's ego? to show off to others? the point of dating is connection. it's about wanting a trophy. 

    hot women are scummy people anyhow. the brain of every hot woman alive is just been warped by early life experiences of being spoilt due to looks. they assume others have to look up to them, and don't comprehend nor get give and take. they get their bfs and husbands to beat people up who don't look up to them. and they don't get they add to social situations and it's all about them. they assume they are "on top" in every situation, even when it's not warranted. 

    Even if a hot woman was a passive angel, her looks would still turn me off on that basis. 

    I completely agree with you.

    Still, I'm sure you would agree that Russian girl's are by far the hottest 

  5. 16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    It's sort of like you're looking at the graph of Kodak film vs digital cameras in 1999.

    If Bitcoin already had a massive graph vs gold, then it would already be too late to invest. The whole point of investing is to get in early, before it becomes obvious.

    eh but even with this viewpoint sure you would not have 100x your investment 

    but would still have easily 2x 3x or even 4x since 2022

  6. Honestly the main impediment I have seen from people that are not good with girls is social skills. 

    Yes, good looks will carry you.

    But the average dude doesn't realize how fucking bad they are socially, especially compared to women who are naturally more socially adept.

    If you're into pickup that's already an indication of your social ineptitude.

    And no matter how hard you work, it might be near impossible to overcome because you're overly smart, overly intellectual, and borderline autistic

    That's my observation from what I've seen from dudes who get bad results with pickup

    They just don't click with chicks the way neurotypical people do

  7. On 2/24/2024 at 6:43 PM, Consept said:

    Looks are important but for a man there's plenty you can do to enhance that, wardrobe, grooming, gym etc. 

    What I would say is the number 1 factor is true confidence, meaning you know you're cool, you fully believe that anyone would enjoy being around you and that any girl could be attracted to you. There are many factors but I think if you had confidence at a 10 it would be more impactful than any other factor. 

    This guys homeless but super confident, can't tell if he's good looking or not though 


    He's above average (7) in looks, charismatic, and intelligent but didn't turn out so well years down the line!