Raptorsin7

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Posts posted by Raptorsin7

  3. Posted

    I feel like screaming in frustration ): It's days like today that remind me how far I need to go, and just how undeveloped I am as a person. I feel lonely, I don't feel happy... I have an exam coming up this week, and I feel somewhat prepared but who knows.

    I've been meditating an hour a day consistently but I feel like it does nothing when I spend the rest of my day on the internet, eating junkfood. I obviously need to make big changes, but I just don't fucking do anything. 

    I am thankful I have established a yoga practice and a meditation practice. I believe the solution to my problem right now is to go into those things that I'm afraid to do. I am afraid of sitting down and studying for a few hours without constant procrastination. I'm afraid to clean my apartment thoroughly, i always clean a bit then just stop. But in the mean time i'm going to do a lot of yoga and a lot of meditation and see where it takes me.

    I want fucking happiness, I can see it in my mind and i recognize it in my dreams. But i don't fucking have it in my experience now and it makes me sad ):

     

  6. Posted

    I just woke up after going out last night with a bunch of classmates. Man i feel so depressed this morning. I can feel the sadness and the suffering. Whenever I go out to bars and drink I always wake up the next morning feeling depressed, maybe because I'm way more social when i'm drunk and i recognize my social mistakes? The suffering sucks, but I am happy that I can see it and feel it. It is motivating to go out and get my life to the place I want it to be. Where do i want to be? I don't know, but I feel I'll know it when I get it.

    I watched a david goggins video and I feel like the answer to my sadness/suffering is to push through all the things I don't really want to do. I have to study, but i really don't want to do it and I feel like shit while im doing it. I have to clean my apartment, but i always make excuses to do a shit job. I need to push through all these mental blocks in order to find happiness, BUT I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO DO IT. I'm so comfortable watching youtube drama, or going on this forum and reading random posts. I think if i'm not going to be better, I at least need to do things that make me suffer and feel depressed. it sucks to be depressed but it's better to feel this sadness then to not really feel it but still live a fucking unsatisfying life.

    Mood: ):

  7. Posted

    @zeroISinfinity Meditation is part of the way imo. I spend an hour meditating each day, but when i spend the other 15 or so hours engaging in low consciousness nonsense the meditation is like a drop of water in a sea of suffering. There is value in facing the suffering in your life head on and coming out a better person because it, all of which can be done outside of a meditative context. In my opinion , tacking suffering head on > Meditation at least at my current lower consciousness level. 

  8. Posted

    @VeganAwake I'm still caught in the matrix. I can somewhat see my suffering, I see how i go to youtube, junk food, this forum etc to make my self feel good. After a night out i woke up this morning feel depressed, i could feel the sadness in my stomach, but my response is to listen to podcasts, get food, jerk off. It honestly sucks seeing my own suffering, and knowing I am the one who holds the keys to my own salvation yet I still do nothing. It is nice to actually feel the sadness fully though, sometimes its not obvious what motivates so much of my poor behavior, but when I feel the genuine sadness I feel more awake. Rant over (:

  9. Posted

    @flowboy That's awesome great job (: I am doing ok, not bad, but not good either. I do a lot of meditation, i average about an hour of self inquiry a day and i usually get 5 or 10 minutes of concentration practice. I've also gotten really into yoga recently and am going at least 5 times per week. But my diet is still terrible, and i spend a lot of time procrastinating. I have a lot of work to do but I feel like i'm making progress.

  12. Posted

    How much money does an average life coach make? Is this a viable career field? What have been your experiences with life coaches and what are your thoughts about the job?

    Growing up I always viewed being a life coach as an career choice, and I always if people other than Tony Robbins types actually made a good amount of money doing this. I definitely had/have a negative bias against people that claim to be life coaches, because of the way these types of people are portrayed in media and my own family  conditioning. But i'm curious whether or not these types of jobs are actually viable.

  18. Posted

    @Serotoninluv She asked me what I wanted and i told her i wanted something casual, and specifically i don't want something serious. She said she's cool with it if i'm honest and respectful, which i thought was unusual but whatever. 

    I don't think she actually practices in my studio, but two of her friends on fb are yoga instructors at my yoga studio. I don't know the extent of the relationship, but I just don't like the idea of combining the part of me that want's a fun fling from tinder/bumble with the part of me that wants to self-actualize and achieve enlightenment. I know its all part of the same process, but right now i'm 24 and i guess the problem is I know i don't want to have casual flings as I get older and it's not the kind of person i want to be in the future, but the yoga practice is all about who i'm trying to be in the future. 

    I think i will feel comfortable if i act as ethical as possible and be as honest and straight forward as possible. I have no concern for me getting emotionally invested, I either will find a way to make her like to me or just accept and move on, but if she got invested and things get out of hand i'd be upset. But i do want to see this through, I like the idea of pushing through something that makes me really uncomfortable. Especially if people on here view this conduct as not completely unacceptable, like if i was trying to trick a girl into losing her virginity to me or something

  20. Posted

    13 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

    Personally, I would be very cautious about getting into a consensual fling with someone within my social group. I know I could handle it, yet many women say they are open to a casual fling, yet deep down want a relationship. After a couple times of sex, they can get emotionally involved beyond a casual fling. This can cause messy ripple effects. 

     

    This is my biggest concern regarding this bumble situation. Even if all things go well, this is always a possibility. 

  21. Posted

    @Serotoninluv Very good analysis i think you have my situation pegged accurately. I told this girl that I don't want a relationship and i want a casual fling so I feel like i'm being as honest as possible, and I have no intention of manipulating her into having sex with me even if she wants something completely different. I think if i act ethically and honestly with this girl then I will have no reason to be ashamed if details come back to my yoga school. Should i bring up the fact that we have common friends through yoga or is that too forward given we haven't met yet?

  23. Posted

    I have been talking to a girl on bumble, I am 24 she is 29, and we are making plans to meet. However, i looked up her facebook, at least what I think is her facebook, and she has mutual friends with 2 yoga instructors at my yoga studio. This makes me very uncomfortable, because I really only use dating apps out of boredom and maybe to find a casual fling, and it makes me really uncomfortable that whatever happens with this girl could get back to my yoga studio. I don't know the extend of the relationship between this girl and my studio but nevertheless I still feel very uncomfortable about this whole situation. 

    I don't know what to do now, I don't want to ghost her because it could affect my reputation at my yoga school, but i'm also deeply troubled by the closeness of this girl to my yoga studio. I'm new to the studio, around 1 month, but i go frequently, around 6 times a week, so i care about how i'm perceived there. I'm honestly not opposed to dating someone in yoga circles, but I have no intention of having a serious relationship with this bumble girl and I'm worried about the ramifications in the studio. How i'm perceived by teachers, what if i meet someone in yoga i actually really like and wanted to date etcc

    Any tips or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.