en-el hak

Lately, I’ve been noticing that everything humans do — from 9 to 5 working, creating art, identifying with ideologies, engaging with spirituality or even searching for the Truth — can be traced back to a drive for survival. Even the pursuit of meaning feels like a subtler version of staying alive (of course, it’s impossible to deny the influence of Leo and Actualized.org on all this) This realization brings a sense of emptiness. I see people acting mostly out of self-preservation, even when it’s disguised as love, loyalty, creativity, or spirituality. It can feel disheartening — as if everything is just a refined way of coping with being mortal. But then, something interrupts this bleakness: my 7-month-old daughter. In rare, fleeting moments — when I’m simply with her, not doing or planning or analyzing — I feel a raw kind of presence. Sometimes it’s a heavy sense of responsibility, sometimes an almost sacred awe at how eagerly she engages with the world. These moments don’t 'solve' the existential questions, but they create a space where meaning doesn’t have to be constructed — it’s just there. In her gaze, her curiosity, her being. And yet, I still don’t know what to hold on to in the end. All these questions I keep asking eventually lead me back to a sense of futility.

Enjoy: )

@vizual I agree. But that slap was a pure Red act, don't you think? Not a healthy one too.

@roopepa @Random witch @Rilles @Loba @Preety_India @Jacob Morres I sincerely thank every one of you for the replies. It never occurred to me that it could be OCD. Now it seems more solvable. @Jacob Morres I will check them out, cheers man.

@roopepa They are just images. I don't feel any aggression towards these people, not at all.

So, it happens like this. I'm having a conversation with a woman face-to-face. Usually casual, daily conversation. All of a sudden, a scene of me punching her in the face appears in my head. Then I can't concentrate on what she's saying for some seconds. I feel a little disturbed for having a thought like this. Then everything goes back to normal. First of all, I would never ever hit a woman. I'd rather hurt myself than hurt someone else. These women are not close to me, some of them are from work, some of them are just people I know, or recently met. Having thoughts (or instincts) like these creates a huge contradiction with my principles and values. Therefore I feel confused and ashamed afterward. Yesterday I opened up this issue with my therapist. She just took some notes, probably she will dissect this issue. I have some traumas from the past. I witnessed my father beating up my mother many times. He also beat me a few times. I used to beat up my little sister a lot when we were kids. But linking these violent instincts to these traumas seems like a victim mentality to me. Whatever happened, happened. I'm also eager to look at this issue from a spiritual point of view. I wonder how to get rid of the negative thoughts for good. Or how to make peace with the 'redness' inside of me. Is shadow work a must?

I was planning to post about metamodernism on the "Society, Environment..." section first. However, this guy opened a new perspective by combining metamodernism with spirituality. He edited four books last month, and this is the promo video. I'll post my opinions after reading any of these books.

https://youtu.be/KM23kl0TExw

Earthlings, maybe? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0358456/

+1

Chris Ware - Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth David Mazzucchelli - Asterios Polyp Charles Burns - Black Hole

Rupert Spira uploaded a video about this issue yesterday but today it's gone. I wonder if he deleted it or it was banned?