Dean Walker

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Everything posted by Dean Walker

  1. It did feel like one, but when you hear Leo or other people talking about realisations it's hard to visualise what that process looks like. Thank you.
  2. A couple nights ago I felt like I had what some would call a realisation or partial awakening but I don't really know, it personally felt like one. So I quit smoking weed on New year's Day and the other night I was sat up past 3am and was feeling strange energies or unsettled. I was conflicted on having a doobie as I had feelings it was something at the time was right with how I was feeling, but also thought it might have just been my addiction trying to worm its way back in. Anyways I decided to have one with raspberry leaf as I also quit tobacco and this is what followed.. I went to bed and was seeing some fairly apparent closed eye visuals (I take psychedelics once every couple of months so in comparison to those CEV's). Then I had an almost intuitive feeling come up that when I was younger I'd stare eyes wide open at a single point and see some wierd things, so I did. What resulted was my entire visual field changing and I just kept looking at it in awe, and at this moment I felt I had the deep understanding/realisation that we, and everyone else hallucinates their entire reality. Why I feel this was a realisation was because I've understood this logically for years, but never 'felt' it or seen/done it personally. I stayed in this state for around 2-3 minutes and had tears of joy streaming down my face as I was seeing it. Can anyone expand or have you had a similar experience?
  3. @danilofaria @danilofaria I experience the cold shivers and restlessness on psychedelics and also high doses of weed too. I usually get it on LSD, Changa(DMT with MAOI) or mushrooms within the first 30 minutes to an hour then as I relax into it it subsides, but after an experience I had with an extremely high dose of weed in the form of a concentrate dab where I was left basically normal in my mind but my body was uncontrollably shivering for almost 2 hours this led me to a realisation in that moment.. I was unable to let my body go into uncontrollable laughter which was literally dying to come out of me but I just couldn't release it! So I went home and done some research and found that being unable to genuinely laugh from the belly is an indication that we have moved into the activation of our sympathetic nervous system more as we've grown older which basically leaves us in survival mode and leaves us unable to concentrate on anything other than well, survival. On the other hand we have our parasympathetic nervous system which allows us to relax and let go including (genuine belly laughter) which we struggle activating. I still haven't been fully able to 'let go' myself and still get the shivers but one thing I've found that helps me and I can't remember if I heard this from @Leo Gura or elsewhere but it's almost like psychedelics are a female energy and you have to literally open yourself up and let them penetrate your being. One more thing I've noticed is the feeling of purging (being sick) is part of letting the ego go and it's like my body resists that too, i smoked some Changa in a joint last weekend as I couldn't get a pipe and I had the overwhelming urge to be sick but it didn't feel like food but rather negative energy inside of me but my body just fought the urge even though I was willing it, I feel if I'd had a higher dose through a pipe I would have been able to purge too.
  4. That's very relatable. @Leo Gura Most of the time im stuck in my mind constantly contemplating situations and overthinking. But every now and again i get the feeling to pull myself out the mind and focus on feeling love which i feel as warmth in the stomach similar to excitement. I then try to carry this on throughout the day and sometimes feel it gives me something similar to over confidence and I express myself too much. In a way it reminds me of how I carried myself throughout my teens and early twenties which I feel was over egotistical and feels like im backsliding. Does the same apply here in which I need to love this part of myself?
  5. I've been meditating for 15 minutes every day since January 1st (Nothing major I know but this is the most consistent I've been with it). Something that's becoming more noticeable are kind of psychedelic patterns I can watch the more relaxed I get. The method I'm using to meditate is one I learned at a Buddhist class a couple of years ago wherein you simply concentrate on the breath and visualise a white cleansing light during the inhale and a black smoke during exhale. I do this during the whole session and when my mind wanders I return to the breath, but I've noticed the colours and patterns I'm seeing are one of the biggest distractions and I find myself that taken away by them I try and interpret what I'm seeing. I'm just trying to give a bit of background but I guess what I'm asking is are the visuals normal?
  6. @seeking_brilliance @seeking_brilliance I suppose that's a possibility but im not certain. Thank you I'll give it a go ignoring it and see how I feel during. @purerogue maybe this is why I'm seeing so many visuals but this was something I was taught. I usually use the visualisation technique for the first couple of minutes and then just concentrate on the breath alone but if I completely lose attention on the breath I go back to the visualisation for a couple of breath's and it seems to help me focus on it again. So I should be placing my attention on the moment of stillness in-between breath's?
  7. @seeking_brilliance yeh it could be. But when I come out of the meditation I feel both present and relaxed. I find the colours and shapes are almost in rhythm with my breathing as well? I'm going to continue this method of meditation until the end of January and then begin experimenting with different methods to see how this plays out.
  8. I've just found this blog going into great detail about the state: http://laghash.blogspot.com/2016/03/hypnagogia-false-awakenings-sleep.html?m=1 "You experience some elements of sleep mixed with some aspects of wakefulness, explains neurologist, Dr Milena Pavlova. Insome ways, hypnagogia is a perfect state for introspection and expansive thought processes - you get the free flow of ideas and associations that occurs during REM sleep and dreaming, when the brain reviews and processes memories, thoughts and feelings - but you’re still sufficiently awake to be somewhat conscious of what is happening. For this reason, some artists have found hypnagogia to be a rich source of ideas and inspiration. Early references to the phenomenon of hypnagogia are found in the writings of Aristotle, Iamblichus, Cardano, Simon Forman and Swedenborg. Romanticism brought a renewed interest in the subjective experience of the edges of sleep and other states of altered consciousness. In more recent centuries, many authors have referred to the state; Edgar Allan Poe, for example, wrote of the ‘fancies’ he experienced ‘only when I am on the brink of sleep, with the consciousness that I am so’." Most of the info points towards this happening on the brink of sleep but is this something that happens to a lot of people during meditation?
  9. @m0hsen yeh I can relate to your explanation, one way I would describe what I see is pulses of light that grow and i feel like im thrusting through and constant changes in shape and colour. The tingling in the forehead and cranium I also experience but the high pitch sound and vibrations aren't something I've had during mediating but thats something I've experienced at the start of most of my DMT trips. In fact I've had around 5-6 trips on DMT and after the first or second trip I remember ringing my brother and telling him something like 'when you've been involved in a bad crash that buzzing you get is similar to the come up on DMT'. @seeking_brilliance thank you that seems to be very similar to what I experience but this says this is during a transition state from wakefulness to sleep, is meditation considered a similar state? And is this something you experience?
  10. There was an amazing show on Netflix called Maniac that definitely had a psychedelic feel to it.
  11. @Joel3102 if it's from amalgam fillings then it can be an expensive and hi-tech procedure (look up safe amalgam filling removal images and you'll see why). Many dentists don't understand the risks with heavy metal toxicity and remove them using normal cavity filling procedures which from cases I've read can cause even more unwanted side effects like hair loss and other problems. If it's just heavy metal toxicity from your environment then there are multiple methods of chilation I'd suggest looking up Andy Cutler chilation discussion groups.
  12. One of the most common causes of heavy metal toxicity is from amalgam fillings. This can then contribute to what's known as Candida overgrowth which is an imbalance of good/bad gut flora and causes systemic fungal infections. There are different methods of chilation which can draw heavy metals out of the body but this can inturn upset the Candida overgrowth and cause severe die-off symptoms from the fungal infection releasing ammonia which you can combat with natural anti-fungals and detoxifying products such as caprylic acid, black walnut oil, bentonite clay, diatamateous earth an so on. Do your own research on this as there are many methods that help varying symptoms.
  13. Cloud Atlas Apocalypto Prometheus
  14. I feel lost, I know Leo says almost all questions he see's on the forum are low quality and I know this is one of them but I still think advice might help me. I've followed Leo's work for the last 6 years and I'm admittedly an armchair philosophist dabbling in different practices then dropping them. This year I wanted to really throw myself into a lot of the practices recommended by Leo and others I've came across over the last few years to put an end to the armchair philosophy and to experience some real growth. However last night I rewatched the dangers of spirituality video and this has made me doubt myself massively. To put some context to this I had what I feel was a big shift in my conciousness around 7 years ago just before I started watching self help videos then eventually stumbled across Leo which to me was the highest quality of self help I'd came across as what he was teaching felt like it resonated with me a lot. Then last year I felt like I hadn't fulfilled stage orange so decided to start an online business that consisted of using a woo commerce page and Facebook to provide what's known as a competition company that's basically a large online raffle for luxury products (extremely stage orange I know) but I felt like it would help me move past stage orange. Within a couple of months I decided to let 2 of my old school friends buy in on it with me as they'd wanted to be involved right from the start and I felt it was too much work to handle by myself. That was around 2 months ago now and since then I've realized how much I've changed from my old school friends and how I have much less passion for stage orange and materialism than them. But after watching the dangers of spirituality last night I'm now doubting my future choices. I've always envisioned practicing Leo's teachings alongside my life and seeing how far I can improve, but when Leo's saying if you still want a nice life and nice home, and holidays with your family then chase that and drop spirituality it's hard not to doubt my choices, in a way I'm thinking thanks for the advice but I can't go on Leo's every word and my goals still feel achievable to me. I apologize for how poorly written this is but if you would like to ask any questions feel free and anyone with any similar experiences or any advice would be highly appreciated!
  15. I'm not exactly certain of what you mean? Are you saying I'm stuck in self-reflection and that is the armchair philosophy? Also could you expand on spending years meditating but self-reflection can always get you? I thought self-reflection was helpful but are you saying I'm creating my own doubts and limitations through self-reflecting? Because I could see how I'm doing that but I've always thought of it as a way to work through my thoughts and come to a reasonable decision that I can carry out and gain a positive outcome rather than throw myself in head first without contemplation and not make the best choice. I purchased it last night and the first exercise was to visualise having 10 million dollars then contemplating what you would really want to achieve once you got bored of living it up, isn't that going through it in your mind? ? And sorry to jump in on your question to Leo, but what is meant by someone's small self? Is that the same as the lower self esteem and higher self esteem? Just trying to get the best understanding of myself so I can pursue the work that's going to be most beneficial!
  16. @Leo Gura I'm definitely struggling to see what resonates with me the most. The next stage I feel I need to focus the most on is my business/life purpose but it's knowing which path/option resonates with me the most. I'm going to work through your life purpose course and try to get a better understanding of myself.
  17. @Leo Gura Thank you for taking your time to reply. As I've said in the above reply I've always liked to try and accurately plan my outcomes in life but haven't always been the best at carrying out the bigger decisions for the long run which I've again put myself in by surrounding myself with old toxic influences. I've had to sit back down over the last few weeks and prioritize what's really important to me which isn't the business I've started but family/relationships and a business that as you said above has to have clear values of what I want to represent and that resonates with who I am which I feel would be something centred around helping and connecting people who care or think more deeply. I feel like I started the other way around and my fitness stage came first and then was less time consuming and sprinkles throughout other stages but that's something I want to go back and do as I got in amazing shape while eating a very toxic diet and I want to experience mastering the body alongside mastering my diet as I've since gone paleo. I'd like to think while I'm not fully in the self actualisation stage yet I could sprinkle that throughout my other goals but maybe I'm aiming too high.
  18. @bejapuskas Thank you for the reply. I agree and think I've always understood the doubting was just another form of armchair philosophy but its became so real it's stopped me in my path. I've always been a deep thinker and one to try and precisely plan my outcomes but not always the best at following through with them all. I bought George Leonard's Art of Mastery after hearing Leo mention it and identifying myself as a dabbler and I feel now's a better time than ever to re-read it to engage with my plans.
  19. @Flowerfaeiry easier said than done but feel that fear and turn it into excitement, be super passionate about it (upload videos of you on walks with dogs or playing fetch with them ect.) and people will see that and be drawn to you/your business. Good luck ?
  20. OK so I realise I'm caught in many traps of the ego, but one thats triggering me alot lately is dark humour as it's one thats becoming more prevalent in society and people around me. Examples would be Madeleine Mcann jokes coming from young parents that I know, disabled or injured children and adults being considered a joke and paedophilia being considered funny the clearest example would be Herbert the pervert on family guy. On top of this the word nonce 'UK slang for paedophile' has become a common place slur in society nowadays. A few years ago I would have laughed at these jokes but since getting into self actualization im perceiving this as low consciousness. Am I right in viewing it this way or am I disowning dark humour from my ego and should I see it as both funny and wrong?
  21. @Serotoninluv I would say I've went through a lot of empathetical growth in the last 5 years if anything a little too much, I know there's no such thing as too much empathy but I've reached a stage were it's impeding my ability to voice my opinion when a friend is using a joke like the examples I've used. I understand why the joke is distasteful but I feel empathic towards the person using it because I understand their motivation to use it meaning the environment in which they have been brought up and ideologies they've been exposed to has lead them to believe the use of said joke is acceptable. @JohnnyBravo I can agree with your observation of comedy and say I've experienced this feeling of what I would say pure empathy towards the comedian when you can just see through the guies of the laughs to see who's expense the joke is aimed at or the comedians own insecurity and just feel sorry for them basically. However I've just sat and watched 2 hours of Only fools and horses and stand up comedian Jason Manford to try and get a better understanding of it and like I just said serotoninluv to what I've just observed my level of humour or as to what I can laugh at starts with my ideologies when I don't look at it with empathy. An example would be this and I understand this could be considered offensive by some but it actually made me laugh. Jason Manford used a joke explaining explaining that every man has a hole in the end of he's penis, and he asked the audience what the name of this hole was called (bearing in mind this is an English comedian speaking in to an English audience). And the audience replied 'jap eye' to which Jason agreed. Now I understand this could be considered stereotypical and offensive but he went on to explain all men in the uk use this term for that part of there dick even when going to the doctors. Saying that most men don't even know the real name for this part but all refer to it as a jap eye is an observational view on comedy and I would guess that about 90%+ of men I know would only know to refer to that part by that name and that's through what they've learnt from their environment as well as myself in this example. However a video that's being shared by mainstream media at the moment of a man throwing a slice of cheese at baby that's being regarded as funny by most people when to me it's not funny as it's not an observation on society just a cheap laugh. @Gabriel AntonioAntonio I do think this sometimes but get overwhelmed by the idea that it's wrong.
  22. @Shin@Shin I genuinely find it very difficult to laugh at jokes where someone has been impacted negatively by something whether their aware of the joke or not, I don't like to jump on the bandwagon of this term but I can't help but think I've become a 'snowflake' and easily offended by things through trying to become more compassionate. @Sahil Pandit to me that is becoming more conscious of your actions but don't take my word on it that's just my opinion. But that is the type of thing I would have done before I got into self actualizing and now I'm the exact opposite and would see that as the ego talking.
  23. @Shiva I went from being one of the wittiest and most outgoing characters in my school almost Jim Carrey like, to a cold, humourless, over analytical robot since trying to better myself.
  24. @Shin I don't suppose I would, but aren't people happy being gay? It's not like you'd be happy with your child being abducted. I'm sorry if you think I'm going back and forth with this question but I'm trying to understand why im thinking this way. Like isn't the purpose of this work to be more compassionate? So take a bum on the street, do I give them compassion and understand some unfortunate circumstances lead to them being in that position, or do I just go back to laughing at jokes made at their expense?
  25. @Shin yes I think I am associating laughing at it with supporting it. But i fully understand that these things are a part of reality, and like I said before I got into self actualization I would have laughed at these jokes, I now just find them wrong possibly through a heightened sence of empathy? Say a young mother who shares jokes about Madeleine Mcann and laughs at them then has her child abducted, would she not feel guilty for not being sympathetic towards the situation and regret making jokes about it?