Sidra

Hey guys ! sorry if this postis too long , I tried to write this as summarized as I could and I'd love to hear what u guys think I should do !! A lil background abt me : I'm a 17 year old girl , I was born in Syria and as u prolly know there has been a war goin on in here for like 8 years ! Long story short ! I had my enough share of trauma from this war !! Me n my siblings left to a ( relatively ) safe city to get education since it wasn't safe where we used to live.. so we managed to stay alive till now haha I come from an extremely religious family.. very strict parents ! For some reason , ever since I was a child I was determined to find the ( ABSOLUTE TRUTH ) n figure out how the universe works n why we exist ! I spent years researching religions thinking id find answers in there (esp Islam due to my upbringing ) ! Till abt a year ago I got out of the ideology bubble n started to see the bullshit in mainstream religion ! It has been a very long journey Anyhow ! That being said ! I want to get the fuck out of this country ! One of my highest values is freedom n I don't even have the slightest bit of it having to live with my parents and here in this "blue" society ! Idk if any of u can relate but I'm actually restricted in here..being a girl in a patriarchal society..Having to follow all the rigid Islamic teachings that I don't believe in anymore ( wearing the headscarf , traditional prayer..etc ) which makes me feel like a hypocrite.. which is aslo not aligned with another one of my highest values (authenticity ) Being controled to the point where I'm not even allowed to go out unless I have classes or school !! It feels like suffocating !! Also living in an extremely underdeveloped society is no help for growth (which is also one of my highest values ) anyhow I'm trying my best not to let where I currently live put me in a box but at the end of the day all I have is this device I can see the world through from my lil room n I'm tryina make the best use of it ! This virtual world.. it has taken me so far but it's not enough ! So abt my parents I don't wanna make them feel bad but it's really hard cuz we now have TOTALLY different value systems.. they see life in a totally different way than I do !! ( my parents r like the epitome of stage blue "Islamic style haha" ) I either will have to bite the bullet and stay here living my life the way they want me to ( restricted and under control , study medicine and become a doctor like them, get married and have kids and indoctrinate them with the Islamic ideology and keep dressing and acting and living the way they want me to live ) Which will hinder my seeking of TRUTH !! Plus I wouldn't be living true to my highest values which would end up making me miserable ! Or I see another option which is that I'd have to leave without their approval ! ( which I'm afraid I might not be able to do because of financial stuff / and because it'd be so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my parents forever.. I wish they could just understand but I'm afraid that's technically impossible giving how strict and ideological they r.. I can see how hard it would be to "disappoint" them and never be able to have their support ) So if I find a way to leave it would be heartbreaking but at the same time liberating and what I really want ! so Am I overlooking sth in here ?! Are there any other options I could go abt getting my freedom ? Also if they knew I don't believe in Islam anymore they would have to disown me ( according to the religion ! ) and it would make them feel really really terrible.. it would make them hate me ( which I understand ) but the thing that's been eating me up is that it'd cause them pain ! P.s. I'm currently preparing for baccalaureate ( which is the last year high school ) So I don't wanna rush through this ! I can say I still have 1 year and a half to sort this through ! So once I wrap my mind abt what I should do ( prolly apply for a scholarship or ..( I'd like to hear more suggestions ) ) So basically.. the obstacles are : 1_ My parents ( for the mentioned reasons ) 2_Financial stuff I'm still not sure how to handle cuz I also wanna continue my education! ( but guess that's not big cuz I'm willing to work hard to become financially independent ) 3_ not being sure how to do this on my own yet ! ( like where should I travel to ? How am I gonna afford living on my own ? ) 4_ general fears and limiting beliefs about myself.. fears of failure and not being able to make it on my own..and fear of ending up alone in a country where I can barely make a living and have no support P.s. I'm now working on 2/3/4 But what's really eating me up is number 1 Are my freedom and dreams ( and living life the way I want n living to my fullest potential in order to find fulfillment and be able to add value to the world n help others and live with the ppl I want to live with n share our gifts n growth together !...etc ) worth having to say goodbye to my parents for good ?! Or should I give up on all of this n live the way they want me to.. the way they think would make them and esp " Allah " lol, n me happy ( but in fact is not ) ?!! I'd love to hear what u guys think n I'd also love it if u could possibly point out the shit in what I'm thinking or overlooking ! N overall advice on what I should be doin in this regard ! ?

Wow.. Looking back at this now is amazing. Y'all I found a way out!! lol I put in so much work into applying to universities abroad and now I am going to Princeton to start my studies with a full scholarship in 20 days!! I almost can't believe it's true. No more being restricted. No more feeling physically stuck.

The one where u demonstrated ur vision n also used some cool ass pics of how it looks like.. I couldn't find it lately but it was GOOD ! Oh I like that ! I remember once I heard someone classify values as good/junk values n it didn't really resonate with me.. it was mostly deeming the lower stages' values as juck values.. but I think this is a better suggestion to see it.. anyhow I'm still tryina figure it out N yea I've watched that vid before.. It's one of my favorite ! Thx.. I'll keep that in mind

Super interesting ! I also read some of ur other posts here !! So inspiring !! I even reread a particular one when looking for muse hahaha !! Hats off !! U sound like an expert on yourself (I don't mean existentially , which u might be given that u buy into Leo's explanation of God/reality esp as communicated in his latest vid.. if so I hope it's not just added beliefs for u or even subtle impressions on the subconscious mind.. or confirmation bias.. anyhow , guess ure already aware of that ) So yea I must say it's pretty impressive how well u actually know yourself.. "in terms of self concept " ,seemingly ! I'd love to know what helped u with that.. I'm trying to improve in this area n the lp course is helping so far.. I'm still in the concepts section tho so I dunno if it's gonna be enough as I continue to get to know myself aka my top values / strengths / weaknesses...etc !! So what helped u become an expert on yourself ?! Also another question I've been wondering abt.. we r constantly changing so in say 20 years if u r to look back at this post for instance.. how much of it would u still resonate with n relate to ?! Do our top values change ?! What's the dynamic here ?! One of the stuff blocking the way of getting to know myself more cuz I have that _probably_ belief that we're constantly changing so it's pointless anyways ?! I'd also love to hear ur thoughts on this !

@now is forever @now is forever @Shin yep this I see is the best choice ! I can apply for a scholarship to study abroad so I can get a study visa and in the meantime I can work to pay the pills ! How abt that ? Do u know of other ways to get the visa ? N why would u suggest European countries specifically ?

@Shin I see what u mean ! Yea could be ! But I can't deny that being restricted does drag me dowm I accept them n I don't wanna change them or anything ! It's just too much ! I can't even go for a decent walk if I wanted to !! I don't know if u could imagine how really hard it would be having to live completely controlled ! Esp if ure a person who values freedom and authenticity !

@Shin u r right I'm not gonna rush through anything now ! But hey I don't even want to study medicine ! Let alone it takes at least 7 years to finish studying in here ! Without even having specialized in some field ! I don't want to become a doctor !! Also I don't wanna spend my youth years hating my life ! U see ? U r right.. in no way is arguing my parents abt their ideology gonna make it any better

@Angelite haha don't get me started on Ramadan ! I am exited abt it tho ! Except not in the same way I used to before! How about u ?

@Truth Addict reality checks truth addict !! Reality checks ! I did let them ruin sth so beautiful, sth I didn't necessarily have to lose in my life before ! I'm afraid if I listen to them this time again I will regret that when I end up even more stuck in here ! U see what I mean ?

@Rigel I know ! I think so !

@Shin @bejapuskas thx ! ? Haha okay waitin !

@Maha Nassoum @Shinthx u guys ! ?? I was kinda hoping for advice tho ya know ??

Interesting !! I'd love to ! ?

I'm just starting to research abt chakras n energy I'm still skeptical abt it cuz most of the stuff I found on YouTube abt it so far sounds just like wishy_washy shit So anyone got any high quality sources I can learn abt em from ? I'm especially interested in learning how to heal n open em myself since stuff like this ain't common where I live I'd really appreciate ur help ?

Wow I just watched the vid.. great work !! Thanks for sharing !!

I read that in Sadhguru's voice haha

Welp.. just what I needed to hear hahaha @F A B thx for posting the question.. that must be my fav thread in the forum hahaha

I can relate !! Total involvement sounds a bit hard tho cuz I tend to be drifted away by thinking n mental analysis too often Any advice on how to let myself delve deep into an activity without wasting most of the time stuck in my head ?! Or does it only take time n practice ?

What exactly caused the shift tho ?!

Do u have any idea on WHY u care abt finding the truth ?! Or what MADE u care abt that ?! Is it just sth in u ?! merely curiosity ?! stumbled upon sth that made u question deeper ?! Some shit happened in ur life ?!... etc Just an irrelevant question.. I'm kind of doin a survey on that haha.. so I'd love to hear ur answer @Truth Addict

Ohhh Wait.. I kind of perceive the world as such so frequently and more often lately I haven't watched @Leo Gura 's " What Is Perception? " vid yet n didn't do any exercise on purpose either I've been trying to put what I've been experiencing into words for the last couple of days.. n what u said just did the job.. exactly the way u described it.. as if I just am the structure of reality.. n all that I can see with my eyes.. There's no division.. So wtf is happening to me ?!, haha Is it normal to get this so often ?! P.s. it usually sticks for a long time without me even makin an effort to make it stick.. I actually find it a bit difficult to re-perceive life as a normal human being haha Should I stop resisting it n just let it last ?! Cuz honestly I felt I was goin' nuts haha Lookin forward to reading a reply on that.. am I foolin myself here or is it sth enlightening ?

Yoo.. nailed it hahaha

I don't have much to say but rather to ask.. quite simply.. What is logic ?!

So basically I feel so detached from reality . It's more like I'm watching life (as if it's some sort of a movie or a dream ) n hardly feeling I'm actually experiencing it.. n it's not because of a lack of activities or solitude or sth.. in fact ,I can be so busy doing stuff n even trying new things , still.. I feel like sth really significant is missing I guess I should mention the fact that I had such a traumatic childhood(it was so messed up) I started to become more aware of that as I started meditating on regular basis While I'm meditating I kinda feel how real it is.. but as soon as I get back to my daily life I feel so detached (from everything ) I found out recently that (derealization-depersonalization) may describe kinda the same symptoms that r happening to me N some said it's because of overthinking n being caught up in my thoughts that I stop feeling life as vividly n lively as I should.. So how should I deal with this emotional baggage ?! R there any useful tips I can follow to start experiencing my daily life to the fullest ?! Or is it just normal n I should stop fixating on wanting to change it ?!