I'm getting married in catholic church and don't know how to deal with myself

[cataplin]

So I'm happily getting married with my girlfriend in about 2 months and I have been thinking a lot the fact that it will in a church. She knows I'm not religious and that actually I think catholic religion is a scam but I agreed to do it so I can make her happy. I have been really thoughtful lately and I am really hating myself because I think that by being in a church I'm being accomplice of something I do not agree with. I really feel that I am betraying myself and truth. Like it shows as if I was an ignorant and actually thought that getting married in a church means something.

At least I manage to have an agreement with her that only close family will be there because I don't want people to see me in a church. All the people will attend later to the civil marriage in another neutral place.

Am I being exaggerated? Am I really betraying myself and truth? If I write this here looking for thoughts it is because at a conscious level I would say it is affecting me. But don't get me wrong, I love her and I do want to spend the rest of this life with her, the thing is that I feel I'm taking part in ignorance, in something I know is not true.

Thank you for any insights

[Something Funny]

I think "betraying" is a strong word. You are doing something fishy aand your intuition is telling you about it.

I would be more concerned if you really should spend the rest of your life with a person who is so different from you that you can't find a wedding setting that suits you both. 

You are basically starting your marriage with negativity and doubt. That's not good. 

It's not only her moment. It's your moment as well. And if you actually plan to spend the rest of your lifw with her, then it is a pretty signifcant moment. So why not do it properly, the way you want.

Your mindset remind me of child's mindset, where a parents told him what to wear and what to do, so he does it. You are not a child anymore. You can decide how you want to get married by yourself.

You can literally create the wedding of your dreams and do whatever you want with it. And ideally, you would have a partner who shares enough values with you so that it's her ideal version of a wedding as well.

But maybe I am being overly idealistic and you should just settle for what you have. Idk, it's your choice 

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

1 hour ago, cataplin said:

So I'm happily getting married with my girlfriend in about 2 months and I have been thinking a lot the fact that it will in a church. She knows I'm not religious and that actually I think catholic religion is a scam but I agreed to do it so I can make her happy. I have been really thoughtful lately and I am really hating myself because I think that by being in a church I'm being accomplice of something I do not agree with. I really feel that I am betraying myself and truth. Like it shows as if I was an ignorant and actually thought that getting married in a church means something.

At least I manage to have an agreement with her that only close family will be there because I don't want people to see me in a church. All the people will attend later to the civil marriage in another neutral place.

Am I being exaggerated? Am I really betraying myself and truth? If I write this here looking for thoughts it is because at a conscious level I would say it is affecting me. But don't get me wrong, I love her and I do want to spend the rest of this life with her, the thing is that I feel I'm taking part in ignorance, in something I know is not true.

Thank you for any insights

Who gives a fuck?

 It's 2 hours of your entire life in some random building made of brick and wood. Get married and carry along. Stop making ant-hills into mountains. 

Edited August 15, 2023 by MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI

[cataplin]

Thanks guys for your opinions, appreciate it

[Princess Arabia]

I can tell by your post you're a thoughtful, kind, caring and compassionate person. That alone will take your marriage to the next level and help to sustain it on a level that is loving. The fact that, as a man, you care about how your fiance feels and want to make her happy says volumes. It's not that she shouldn't care about your feelings either or care about your joint decisions, it's that some things are best suited for one partner over the other that will help the dynamic of the relationship go smoother. This all depends on your personality types as well.

There are masculine and feminine energies at play here on both sides and one is usually dominant over the other, this is so it balances things out. It is very masculine to want to please your partner and give her what she desires and feminine to receive whatever the masculine is providing as long as it's being respectfully done.

Personally, I don't see the difference where people get married and to me a church is just a building like a house is just a building until you make it into a home.  The only difference is the energy that surrounds it. This will be her special day as it will be yours, but your joy will be mostly experienced from you seeing the love and joy you send her way and received by her. That will be the height of your day, not some building. The masculine is more of a giving energy and the feminine more receiving. That's why intercourse was designed that way. I wish you all the best in your marriage and I know it will be enjoyable because that's the energy you're emanating. 

 

 

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

It's just a church. Don't take it too seriously. The truth will be the truth despite you marrying her in a church. Be confident in your truth and know that you are it! A church can't keep your from being it. The priest can't keep you from being it.

Is she religious? If yes, then the church would probably mean more to her than to you. At least you, being non-religious, have the capacity to let this go and to not let it affect how you feel and think about yourself. She might not have the capacity to do so, so I'd say that you could utilize your potential to let it go. Recognize her vulnerability in this situation, and support her with your strength of being able to let go.

[Leo Gura]

It's not a problem. Focus instead on the fact that you found a great wife.

You can appreciate a church without having to follow any of its dogma.

Look at it this way: You are God so that church was built to honor you  Stop worrying and enjoy the show. It's not like you lose anything by being in a church for a few hours. A church is a fine place for a ceremony like a wedding. Having a wedding in a courtroom is pretty lame.

Edited August 15, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Majed]

@Leo Gura a great stage blue wife 

[StarStruck]

I enjoy churches although I’m not Christian. A good church has a very peaceful and healing atmosphere to it. 

[Yimpa]

I moved to a pretty progressive part of Texas a few years ago from New Jersey. Just because Texas is hella conservative doesn’t mean you can’t find a few progressive parts.

Moving here changed my view of Texas. Had I not moved here, my paradigm of Texas as a whole would be hella biased and hateful.

I’ve also visited some conservative parts since moving here, and I can tell you that the people are real friendly, and I’m considered a minority!

Edited August 15, 2023 by Yimpa

[universe]

Go there and find out yourself if it's true.

 

[cataplin]

I really appreciate all your responses! I think I was thinking just too much about it and for this time should go with the flow without worrying about these mundane inventions like religion. The part that pisses me the most is that catholic religion is all about the money, that is what is really about. And a false promise of God and heaven if you do what they tell you (get baptized, confirmation, getting married in church, etc). That is the ignorance of it all right there. But anyway I will go with it and that day listen to the priest talking about Jesus and all of that and letting me know that getting married with them is getting married in front of God (which obviously is a lie because God is not in the church). I think you get my point about this and all your responses really helped me understand a little bit more about what I feel. 

Thank you all!!!

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, cataplin said:

I really appreciate all your responses! I think I was thinking just too much about it and for this time should go with the flow without worrying about these mundane inventions like religion. The part that pisses me the most is that catholic religion is all about the money, that is what is really about. And a false promise of God and heaven if you do what they tell you (get baptized, confirmation, getting married in church, etc). That is the ignorance of it all right there. But anyway I will go with it and that day listen to the priest talking about Jesus and all of that and letting me know that getting married with them is getting married in front of God (which obviously is a lie because God is not in the church). I think you get my point about this and all your responses really helped me understand a little bit more about what I feel. 

Thank you all!!!

On behalf of all of us, you're welcome and it was a pleasure serving you. We appreciate your appreciation. 

[martins name]

Keep some satanic trinkets in your pocket to balance it out.

Choose your battles.

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@cataplin Your negative views of the church have a certain level of validity, the church is limited by a lot of flaws, but a lot of your negative views still come from an attachment to the concept of catholicism. I'm not going to defend catholics, but don't do what they do in reverse ("yeah the church is awesome" vs "boo the church sucks"), because you'll end up falling into a lot of the traps catholics fall into, just in a different context (that context being that you fall into the traps of disbelief as opposed to falling into the traps of belief). Like you disbelief the notion of God being in the church, but that disbelief isn't based on reality more than the belief that he is, because God isn't about believing or disbelieving. God is all including the church and the priest and the catholics.

That's just some advice on the side. Maybe it'll help you letting this church thing go for good, because you probably wouldn't want it ruining your mood on that day. See it as an exercise to observe your own judgements and projections.

Edited August 16, 2023 by DefinitelyNotARobot

[cataplin]

I have read every word you guys have written. Thank you for taking the time, again I really appreciate it. This helped a lot.