I don't understand the way my ex moved on

[Valach]

Hey guys,

I do have interesting situation going in regarding the way we broke up with my ex or rather the way she moved on. I guess more than an advice I am in a need to vent since I have noone to talk to abou this.So me  and my ex (we are both 26) broke up at the start of the year. It came from my side and it was because I was just not certain we want same things. However even when breaking up or right after break up, I still cared for her and had feelings and we made of mistake - we stayed in the contact.Anyway throughout the next 6 months we were in a contact, writing quite often to each other. We've even met couple of times, but never had anything physical together. It was either her helping me when I was sick or me helping her with her exams (she really struggles with those).Anyway we met at the end of last month, July. We went to a shisha place, had some coctails and all was good, just catching up and talking. Then the night progressed and we went to her place to cook dinner. She asked me about my dating life to which I answered I am not seeing anyone at the moment. I asked her the same -> now it gets kind of weird. She told me she is seeing someone, but that she is not so happy about it, there is something misssing, some spark or passion or something like that (I guess that means she didn't really have proper feelings for the guy??). She also told me that she changed her requirements for relationships quite a bit. She told me she doesn't think she will ever love someone as much as she did me and is more looking for other characteristics like being stable and kind etc.? Didn't really know what to make out of this but didn't think about it that much.Night progressed and as you can guess it, we slept together. Then she opened to me more. The guy she is dating is her younger colleague(21M) whom she befriended at the end out our relationship. After the sex she told me that one thing missing with this guy is that the sex is not really that great and she was telling me how she finally got fucked properly, how much she needed this etc. She also told me she was seeing this guy for 4 months already. I was really surprised, first of all, didn't really understand why she is with him in the first place and then I just kinda assumed that it was my shorter relationship because 4 months in I was already official with her.Anyway we part ways and the next week is kinda fucked up emotionally. Me sleeping with her hit me way harder then I imagined and I did miss her a some feelings accured. We were in a contact the following week, but just writing to each other and stuff like that. The next weekend after us sleeping together, she goes to a party, gets' little drunk a writes me that she misses me. I missed her too but I guess I just wasn't sure about all of this and brushed things off. We stop writting to each other. 2 days after that she reaches out to me cursing me, saying I gave her chance and then burned it (which I might have), she tells me she still loves me and that the whole week she was thinking about how to break things off with the guy.From then we were not in contact, it's been 3-4 weeks. I started dating casually a new girl (more like sleeping together) but I still miss my ex and think about daily. Now eventhough I am still not talking to her anymore, I still follow her on Instagram. And last week I could not believe what I saw -> she went out to holidays to Albania, with the guy I mentioned, even showed him in the story, so I guess it's official. Indeed, I am bit jealous about all of this, but I am more confused than anything. I do not understand how she can tell all the stuff she is unhappy with the guy she is seeing and how she was essentially waiting for me to say something to get her back and then 3 weeks after that she goes off to travel with him? If I am being honest, besides being jealous I feel sorry for the guy, to me it just seems he is a second option to her? Anyway from this point, I am not sure what all this mean? Anyone with outside view who could share his/her's view on this? I just can't wrap my head around it.

[thierry]

She is a girl. She does not tell the truth, just the most appropriate thing to tell at the moment. You have to go meta when talking/listening to her.

What do you want in your dating life ? Your actions have to be a reflection of your desires. 
If you have feelings for her what you should have done is make it clear that you wanted her back after the sex 4weeks ago but now it’s a little bit late and honestly, yes this situation is not cool for the other guy if he’s clean.

Anyway if I were you(but I can’t really tell cause I have no feelings for her of course..)

I would let her go, unfollow her on insta and move on.

 

[Valach]

13 minutes ago, thierry said:

She is a girl. She does not tell the truth, just the most appropriate thing to tell at the moment. You have to go meta when talking/listening to her.

What do you mean by that?

Quote

What do you want in your dating life ? Your actions have to be a reflection of your desires. 
If you have feelings for her what you should have done is make it clear that you wanted her back after the sex 4weeks ago but now it’s a little bit late and honestly, yes this situation is not cool for the other guy if he’s clean.

Yeah, I think it's a bit too late now. I am not sure if I will regret it. I just felt that eventhough I love her I still needed to be single for a while.

[thierry]

I just mean, don’t be so focused on the words that come out of her mouth but more on what she shows by her acts.

Yes if I were u I would just go with the flow of life for the moment. Is just seems that even if you managed to be back with her now. The situation would be a little bit toxic.

[Valach]

28 minutes ago, thierry said:

Yes if I were u I would just go with the flow of life for the moment. Is just seems that even if you managed to be back with her now. The situation would be a little bit toxic.

I think you are right here. I need to focus on myself and maybe we will reconnect or maybe not.

I think us not splitting properly made it impossible to return to each other.

[universe]

Don't be irritated if a girl you have broken up with some time ago starts dating again.

Some people are not good at being single and need a partner to fulfil their emotional needs.

Your text is a bit hard to read. Put some paragraphs and effort into your writing.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ctRMR8qXM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmNbrlmn00w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E7_Vh_2GNM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29OGEGj2X-c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5qdBMIaS_c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

Use these to move on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

Edited July 21, 2023 by Raze

[Harman]

Im not gonna lie i feel like she still really wants you now i dont know what happen recently but i feel like just everything you said that she change her requirements for dating because of you because she cant let you go but i dont know the situation but all i would say is try to talk to each other in person and just talk honestly. I know she is still dating other men but again like she said she has doubts or that she wants you or is missing you. Another thing is that you want her and you make that very clear. 

All i would say is that try to communicate better within the relationship and with each other. I know that it might seem lost but the sooner you act now the better the chances and if you need me to tell you i think she still wants you and you want her whats wrong with that.

[Harman]

The bottom line is give it a try and talk honestly with her what you want out of an relationship from both point of views and communicate what you two want and make it clear. please just give it a go you got nothing to lose if you accepted that she is gone from your life.

? 

Edited July 23, 2023 by Harman

[Leo Gura]

1) You can't get back together after you two already broke up. It will be a shitshow. When you break up you need to end all contact.

2) Every girl wants a man who's clear about what he wants and takes possession of her. She gave you a window to take possession of her but you are so wishy-wahsy and uncertain that eventually she has to move on to another guy even if she likes him less. She's looking for a solid guy but neither you nor that other guy is that. So she's unsatisfied and confused. She will keep looking until some guy comes along who claims her pussy for himself. Then she will feel secure and satisfied.

What a girl wants to hear is: "Your pussy belongs to me."

Edited July 23, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Roy]

1. Use some paragraphs, jesus christ.

2. She literally cheated on him with you and is double dipping, getting the companionship and boyfriend status from him, but lusting for sex and intimacy she got when she hooked up with you again. She has no integrity and doesn't know what she wants.

3. Like most women her age, she is about as emotional stability as an Iraqi government. Unable to be honest and communicate to her boyfriend what she really needs.

4. You can do better, and ARE better (minus the sleeping with her when she's seeing someone for months, that's not good man.) You need to delete her from all media and never contact her again. Actually make a commitment to being broken up. Don't see her again.

5. The reason it feels off is because there is a fundamental jealousy that we all know it's 100x easier for women to get into relationships than a man. Most girls have guys trying to get with them all the time, waiting on the bench. It's just a matter of her keeping them waiting until there is an opportunity. 

Women typically don't have the emotional fortitude to go through a breakup and take time to reflect on themselves, so they cope by letting the orbiter into their DM's and fuck him by the end of the week. Usually their girlfriends are blowing smoke up their ass that nothing is wrong with them, and encouraging her to go out drinking and clubbing and all the other distractive nonsense. A girl (if she wants) won't have to go longer than a month being single after a relationship, while a guy could have to wait literally months or YEARS before connecting with someone else.

This is just the game. I had an ex dump me, I moved across the country. Then she kept messaging to use me for emotional support after she realized all the new guys she was hooking up with weren't half as solid and mature as I was.

My professional advice to you is do the hard thing. Wipe her from your electronic and personal life and focus on yourself for some time. Never get back with someone you broke up with, because you saw the warning signs. You also have first hand experience knowing she isn't worth completely trusting, and if she was willing to string that guy along to leech some benefits off him, don't think she wouldn't do the same thing to you.

She is never yours, it's just your turn.

 

 

Edited July 23, 2023 by Roy

[Something Funny]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

She's looking for a solid guy but neither you nor that other guy is that. So she's unsatisfied and confused. She will keep looking until some guy comes along who claims her pussy for himself. Then she will feel secure and satisfied.

What a girl wants to hear is: "Your pussy belongs to me."

She doesn't sound like a catch either. 

[Something Funny]

@Roy I love your advise, you sound very grounded

[Something Funny]

26 minutes ago, Roy said:

5. The reason it feels off is because there is a fundamental jealousy that we all know it's 100x easier for women to get into relationships than a man. Most girls have guys trying to get with them all the time, waiting on the bench. It's just a matter of her keeping them waiting until there is an opportunity. 

@Valach @Roy I don't get what is there to be jealous about? She didn't move on an couldn't find a partner who satisfies her and has to settle for some random guy who used to be her friend.

Because, despite of what Roy said above, she doesn't have a line of guys wanting to date her?

Like she had literally been stuck with a random guy who she shits on for half a year. What is there to be jealous about?

Imagine cheating on a guy,  complaining how much he sucks, and then going and doubling down on a relationship with him.

Besides it being a shitty thing to do morally, it is also such a loser move, lol.

Edited July 23, 2023 by Something Funny

[Roy]

6 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

I don't get what is there to be jealous about?

It's not about what she SAYS about the new guy (not being satisfied etc.), it's about the ACTION of her having found gone out and found someone new while he hasn't, up until this point.

Don't focus on what they talk about, because that's all a smokescreen. Watch what they DO and their BEHAVIOR.

"Actions speak louder than words."

Edited July 23, 2023 by Roy

[Something Funny]

8 minutes ago, Roy said:

It's not about what she SAYS about the new guy (not being satisfied etc.), it's about the ACTION of her having found gone out and found someone new while he hasn't, up until this point.

Don't focus on what they talk about, because that's all a smokescreen. Watch what they DO and their BEHAVIOR.

"Actions speak louder than words."

Yeah, but I mean... She didn't go out and find some great new guy. She settled for some random 21 year old kid who was already around even though she doesn't like him because she probably couldn't bear being alone for a while.

And now she has been stuck with him for half a year, lol. That's half a year wasted.

That's what I am talking about. Doesn't sound very jealousy inducing to me. Sounds kind of sad.

Where are all those lines of great men waiting to date her? 

Edited July 23, 2023 by Something Funny

[Roy]

3 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

That's what I am talking about. Doesn't sound very jealousy inducing to me. Sounds kind of sad.

Maybe not for you, but it is for the OP, which is why he made the post. Emotions don't have to be rational.

On 7/21/2023 at 1:21 AM, Valach said:

besides being jealous I feel sorry for the guy

 

[Something Funny]

@Roy yeah, I know. That's why I am trying to tell him that there is nothing to be jealous about.

@Valach you actually seem to be doing way better than her.

[LiakosN]

@Leo Gura once, I said something similar and the response was : it belongs to no one ?

[docs20]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

1) You can't get back together after you two already broke up. It will be a shitshow. When you break up you need to end all contact.

2) Every girl wants a man who's clear about what he wants and takes possession of her. She gave you a window to take possession of her but you are so wishy-wahsy and uncertain that eventually she has to move on to another guy even if she likes him less. She's looking for a solid guy but neither you nor that other guy is that. So she's unsatisfied and confused. She will keep looking until some guy comes along who claims her pussy for himself. Then she will feel secure and satisfied.

What a girl wants to hear is: "Your pussy belongs to me."

How do you healthly convey this to her since the first date?