List your flaws

[Tyler Robinson]

My number one flaw is laziness and procrastination followed by lack of focus and clarity.. 

List yours. 

 

[Kksd74628]

@Tyler Robinson

Nice, now that you have said those, what are you going to change today and what tomorrow?

[TheOneReborn]

Fearful of life 

Avoiding negative emotions

I find too much comfort in clinging to ideas

Afraid of being challenged with new information 

Always trying to conceptualize and intellectually capture things

Ignoring my own feelings and intuition

Too arrogant

 

[Kshantivadin]

nonchalant - using my understanding on the empty nature of phenomena as a justification for simply not caring, for my depressive tendencies and habits, nihilism and disregard towards taking care of the relative plane (this can be supremely positive but in its current stage it's a negative aspect)

depressive tendencies

nihilism

cynicism

unloving towards myself

myopic and hopeless tendencies

Edited August 19, 2022 by Kshantivadin

[Guest Nilsi]

Arrogance, overly idealistic, oblivious to the needs of my loved ones - those are my biggest ones.

 

Edited August 19, 2022 by Nilsi

[ajai]

Flaw- I hate show off.

[Rainy Sparkle]

One of the biggest might be victim mentality. It's tricky, because I feel like I need to give that part attention, love and empathy to heal, but at the same time I understand that I need to let go of that mentality to grow.

Being black & white in certain things, like taking one minor misfortune/hardship as an ultimate evidence that I indeed am a total failure and worthless and don't deserve anything good.

Mean self-talk, self-sabotage

There are more, but these came to my mind now.

[Tyler Robinson]

19 minutes ago, musicandmath111 said:

Here's my top list:

1. laziness (not exercising)
2. mistreating myself (watching porn)
3. not curious
4. not being grateful
5. taking things for granted
6. lack of empathy
7. socially awkward

Thanks for the honesty! 

 

[Carl-Richard]

Cowardice.

[The Mystical Man]

My biggest problem is grandiosity: "the quality of being impressive and imposing in appearance or style, especially pretentiously so; pompous superiority or pretentiousness."

I love grand things. Grand people, grand achievements, grand language. I think it's a way to compensate for my extremely low self-esteem.

[Tyler Robinson]

@Cat_eyes have you looked into anxiety disorder? Your symptoms match. 

I wouldn't label them as flaws.

You're suffering from emotional and psychological stress. 

This is not a flaw.  This is a condition you are suffering from. 

You can change this by using stress relief exercises.

I recommend you journal, and take charge of your symptoms. 

Work on them everyday and focus on your emotional and mental health first. 

Please don't consider them as flaws. Those are all symptoms of a mental condition that can get worse if you don't do early treatment and control. It can downspiral  and attract huge problems into your life completely draining you till you end up in a hospital. 

I hope you take this seriously. 

You can heal yourself with proper action. 

Please take care. 

 

[Proserpina]

I have a big painbody during certain times of the month.  I feel pain intensely and it's long lasting.

[Tyler Robinson]

@The Mystical Man I see it this way. I don't think your flaw is a dangerous one. You can use your need for grandiosity as a fuel for higher ambitions and achieving a great vision. 

It can become your drive. If you use it healthily. 

Also this.  It could be your low self esteem but I have an observation to share with you. 

I've seen people who engage in this behavior and they often do that because they never got enough appreciation or acknowledgment for their hard work and investment, either from their parents when they were a child or from whoever they wanted appreciation from. 

So they go out of their way to gain that appreciation through grandiosity. 

Try to love yourself and remember nothing wrong with what you're doing as long as you feel good about it even if it's a coping mechanism, it's healing you in some way, channel it the healthy way and reap benefits from your flaws. 

Look at the rainbow instead of the rain. 

Props to you. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

2 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I have a big painbody during certain times of the month.  I feel pain intensely and it's long lasting.

Have you investigated the cause of this pain body? 

Have you done therapy? 

Is this childhood trauma? 

Pain body for a very long time can cause lifelong depression. 

I hope you focus on it and try to remove it from your system.

Your key lies in being kind to yourself and understanding that it's not your fault if you suffer. 

It's only because you didn't receive enough love to bring healing. 

Acknowledging that you're suffering is the first step towards healing and you're already doing a great job. 

You got this. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

9 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Cowardice.

I don't understand how you define this..

• Like cowardice to take action to bring a huge improvement in your life? 
• Cowardice when you see someone in trouble and being hesitant in helping them? 
• Cowardice in standing up against someone who is actively harming you? 
• Cowardice in a relationship, like unable to set boundaries against an abusive partner out of fear that they would abandon you? 
• Cowardice in pursuing your deepest dreams and desires? 
• Cowardice in taking steps to make the world a better place? 
• Cowardice in the sense being unable to engage in a conflict? 
• Cowardice in starting something new in your life or changing existing patterns? 
• Cowardice when it comes to giving up habits and a specific addictions? 
• Cowardice in the sense escapist mentality and running away from problems versus facing them head on? 

 

Is it all of the above or some of the above?

Your answer was very vague but it could point to a plethora of things. 

Maybe you need to investigate further into your inner insecurities that are holding you back. 

Also what do you think are the reasons behind this? 

Is this biological? Were you always this way? 

Is this something that was triggered by life events or something that you're unable to come to terms with? 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

15 hours ago, Rainy Sparkle said:

One of the biggest might be victim mentality. It's tricky, because I feel like I need to give that part attention, love and empathy to heal, but at the same time I understand that I need to let go of that mentality to grow.

This can be tricky for sure. But don't judge yourself. We need the victim mentality to get things out of our system as long as they are hurting us. First comes venting and then comes healing. 

Once you have successfully dealt with it, then you can move on. 

This is not easy and can take time. 

I hope you find clarity in your situation.. 

[Tyler Robinson]

16 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

nonchalant - using my understanding on the empty nature of phenomena as a justification for simply not caring, for my depressive tendencies and habits, nihilism and disregard towards taking care of the relative plane (this can be supremely positive but in its current stage it's a negative aspect)

depressive tendencies

nihilism

cynicism

unloving towards myself

myopic and hopeless tendencies

Well. I do agree that nihilism can sometimes be bad and make you feel demotivated and depressed. 

But sometimes nihilism can act as a savior. If you're too stressed, nihilism can act as a buffer to relieve stress, because you simply stop caring about things and it instantly reduces your stress levels of having to deal with something. 

So meanwhile nihilism does look depressing, it depends a lot on the context and situation and how you use it. 

In your situation you would need to explore what's causing you to feel depressed. It could be that your inner needs are unmet and you feel exhausted trying to meet those needs? 

Don't give up. Keep striving towards the life you want to create. 

 

[Razard86]

This is my favorite topic!!

1. I can be too direct with people. The way I relate to others is how I relate to myself. So when people think I'm too harsh, no I just went through a lot of tough times and that tough love is what got me through it. I don't allow victimization to run in my mind and hold my self- accountable. I follow the principle that everything is my fault, so I can see clearly my role in something. This alienates people...its a habit I might need to turn off.

2. Too serious, not as playful as I would like to be. I would like to learn to be a little more comedy-oriented.

3. Can become scatter-brained sometimes and forget little things I need to get done because I'm thinking about something more interesting in my opinion.

4. Haven't been calling my friends as much, as I don't like to call people too much sometimes thinking I might be bothering them which has led them to believe I don't care about them which couldn't be further from the truth. I was raised as a kid with the mantra "kids shut up in the prescience of adults" so I am afraid to bother people or ask for help. So I go out of my way to not be a nuisance.

5. I have a bias in favor of logic, so anything I think it is illogical I lash out against or shake my head in disgust. Something else I need to work on.

6. I have become more emotionally integrate than most men, but I still have a bias in favor of logic over emotion, so sometimes I apply logic to someone in an emotional state KNOWING FULL well its not going to reach them AND I DO IT ANYWAY. So that's my selfishness.

7. I am good at picking up signs of low conscious people and I will still deal with them and treat them like any other person. As a result I have been betrayed a lot. Recently I allowed one of those people in my life only to be betrayed again. Its recently hit me harder than I realized. I hold no resentment towards the person (I've been betrayed so many times in life I don't even get angry at people because I know why they do it) but it has made it harder for me to trust that person. A fear arises in me when that person calls or texts and I don't like fear controlling my life so I'm going to work through that.

8. I can switch back and forth between the lens of the pragmatist and the lens of a loving martyr. My pursuit of truth allows me to see things as they currently are, and my desire to love others allows me to see things as they could be (ultimately will be eventually). Its eerily weird and surreal. I can size someone up and say yeah that person is probably dishonest and still deal with them anyway. I've learned a lot about life from these interactions. But sometimes I give too much, so I need to learn to be a little more selfish. 

[Tyler Robinson]

17 hours ago, KH2 said:

I'm inherently selfish and narcisistic - I only fulfill needs of others if it benefits me - so that I can ultimately fulfill mine

To a certain extent everyone is selfish. But I appreciate your honesty in openly expressing your thoughts. We are guilty of what you are guilty of. 

Have you ever considered that you are selfish because you have a need to survive in a brutal world and it's directly linked to your survival instinct? 

Maybe you're alive today because of your selfishness. 

 

17 hours ago, KH2 said:

I've been and am cruel/cold hearted sometimes - too emotionally detatched

This can impact your relationships.  You don't want your lover to be hurt. Good job you already know it. 

17 hours ago, KH2 said:

Close minded due to my selfish agenda

I lack certain social skills, lack social inteligence

This a common problem. Something that needs a huge amount of time and patience to develop. 

17 hours ago, KH2 said:

I'm way too reclusive/loner sometimes

It could be that you don't trust people easily. 

Being a loner is not really a bad thing. There are great scientists and philosophers who have been loners. 

But being a loner won't help your bread and butter if you are into marketing 

 

17 hours ago, KH2 said:

It's hard for me to accurately and concisely say what I mean in my head

Journal a shit ton. This is a communication problem. You're not used to talking, that is all. 

 

17 hours ago, KH2 said:

Some of these are fixable, some prob not

Most of these are pretty fixable with a sizable amount of effort. 

You need motivation to work on these. 

Keep pushing yourself a little everyday but don't do too much in a day. Just a little everyday will accumulate over time to give you impressive results. 

Don't be impatient for results, that will dampen the motivation. Consistent effort  is your key. 

Goodluck. 

[Tyler Robinson]

19 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

This is my favorite topic!!

1. I can be too direct with people. The way I relate to others is how I relate to myself. So when people think I'm too harsh, no I just went through a lot of tough times and that tough love is what got me through it. I don't allow victimization to run in my mind and hold my self- accountable. I follow the principle that everything is my fault, so I can see clearly my role in something. This alienates people...its a habit I might need to turn off.

Sometimes people need a soft touch and someone to just listen and understand instead of tough love. I understand where you are coming from. But not everyone is like you. 

A mother who is trying to protect her child can also hurt a child, because she doesn't know what the child really wants. 

Try looking at things from other's people's needs and perspectives.  

Quote

2. Too serious, not as playful as I would like to be. I would like to learn to be a little more comedy-oriented.

Omg. Are you a Scorpio or a Sagittarius? They're very critical. Try to chill. 

 

Quote

3. Can become scatter-brained sometimes and forget little things I need to get done because I'm thinking about something more interesting in my opinion.

This is too common. I get this too. 

Quote

4. Haven't been calling my friends as much, as I don't like to call people too much sometimes thinking I might be bothering them which has led them to believe I don't care about them which couldn't be further from the truth. I was raised as a kid with the mantra "kids shut up in the prescience of adults" so I am afraid to bother people or ask for help. So I go out of my way to not be a nuisance.

Haha. You think too much to the point of overthinking. Throw out that extra weight. Lighten up. 

Quote

5. I have a bias in favor of logic, so anything I think it is illogical I lash out against or shake my head in disgust. Something else I need to work on.

Hmm. Some people operate from emotions. Everything is not so hard or black and white. Try not to be so high handed. Give people some space. It's ok to be illogical sometimes. 

 

Quote

6. I have become more emotionally integrate than most men, but I still have a bias in favor of logic over emotion, so sometimes I apply logic to someone in an emotional state KNOWING FULL well its not going to reach them AND I DO IT ANYWAY. So that's my selfishness.

In a way you're trying to control. Maybe you have good intent but you have to meet people where they're at rather than where you are at. 

Quote

7. I am good at picking up signs of low conscious people and I will still deal with them and treat them like any other person. As a result I have been betrayed a lot. Recently I allowed one of those people in my life only to be betrayed again. Its recently hit me harder than I realized. I hold no resentment towards the person (I've been betrayed so many times in life I don't even get angry at people because I know why they do it) but it has made it harder for me to trust that person. A fear arises in me when that person calls or texts and I don't like fear controlling my life so I'm going to work through that.

This is your Vulnerability. Learn to stand up for your own good. Sometimes let go of what the other person wants. You need to be a bit selfish in such situations. 

I see this as a forgiving trait. Too much forgiving can attract predatory people in your life who take advantage of your patience with them. 

Cut that cord. 

Quote

8. I can switch back and forth between the lens of the pragmatist and the lens of a loving martyr. My pursuit of truth allows me to see things as they currently are, and my desire to love others allows me to see things as they could be (ultimately will be eventually). Its eerily weird and surreal. I can size someone up and say yeah that person is probably dishonest and still deal with them anyway. I've learned a lot about life from these interactions. But sometimes I give too much, so I need to learn to be a little more selfish. 

Yea. As I said earlier, you're being a bit sacrificial. Be selfish to those who only take take take from you. Be selfless to those who truly deserve your care 

 

You're not wrong. Your priorities are kinda misplaced that is all 

You need to be wiser and use your empathy for those who deserve your time 

Try to be a bit machiavellian in your decisions. 

Edited August 20, 2022 by Tyler Robinson