Illusory Self

How do you deal with guys on a night out?

14 posts in this topic

Last night I was out and approached a mix set, ideally I wanted to talk to this girl who was sitting down but all of a sudden this guy who was with the came up to me & was basically tugging my ear 'saying nice earrings'. After that he put his arm around me and I was talking to him for a little while before I just left the set and went back to my wings. One of my wings said that guy was just trying to gain status on you to feel more superior by what he was doing. My wing said you should stand your ground as a man and not let other guys walk over you like that to gain status on you. I am incredibly afraid of confrontation & being in fights but that guy just seemed to be incredibly there in your face. 

Why do some guys like to gain status over you? Do they just like to test to see how strong your frame is or try to sense some kind of weakness or something? I feel like if they sense some kind of weakness, it will give them an invitation to do what they want. 

My wing was saying you should not just let him put his arm around you like that and should display more of a masculine frame but the fear confrontation with other guys makes it challenging. I usually just accept things as they are or walk away without getting into debates/arguments on nights out

It just made me think that I have a huge fear of even standing up to myself around other guys to the point where I am so afraid of kind of doing something like that incase I make the guy angry. 

What are your thoughts on this or how to deal with guys like this on a night out? Maybe he was an AMOG or something. Just seemed very arrogant, trying to test your frame. Pretty sure he even got kicked out soon after for getting into a fight with someone else. 

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Start friendly and escalate the following way if he doesn’t take a no.

1) Kindly ask him to leave you alone.

2) ask a bouncer to take care of him.

3) take him outside.

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Posted (edited)

Act like you're trying to pick him up

"What's your name darlin?" " come here often?" "You must workout"

Then, " but thanks, but i'm not into that, I'm interested in these ladies"

Edited by Devin

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Different ways of dealing with it. The key is frame control.

The key question is who is reacting more to who.

Just act like he's not even there, and maintain focus on the girl. It'll actually pump your value, and he'll be seen as unnattractive, as he's reacting to you.

 

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Posted (edited)

Tell them to f off with good eye contact 

This guy is artful, and intimidating. Obviously this guy is joking. But you need to know how to intimidate. This isn't something you fake though. You actually have to have the confidence that you can beat up the recipient. But this isn't false confidence mind you. And be a little humorous like this guy. This guy's name is Gackt. 

About getting strong frames, or "power" as they say it. It's not just about beating the other person up. Violence can only do so much for you. You need good social intelligence too. It's not often the best fighters who become leaders of a gang in a city. Afterall, one person cannot beat up a gang. So it's not the best fighter, but the best leader that wins a fight. Often the physically weak ones become leaders in a gang, and because of their weakness, they develop intellectual or social savvy in order to climb up. So be socially aware and intelligent, but don't discount violence and conflict. Any leader who discounts conflict will be disrespected by everybody. In fact, any man who avoids problems, avoids conflict, who suppresses conflict will be ousted by heaven and nature itself. So I guess for good personal development, you must understand how to deal with conflict and fights. Whether that be social wars or physical brawls, or inner turmoil, do not be a wuss. If you're not a wuss, you'll have to take conflicts and brawls very seriously. 

Edited by Bird Larry

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there are people who need to suck the energy of others to feel good. they don't realize it, they just act. They usually have low self-esteem. That guy looks like he was trying to get over you, I guess because he sensed he could. you always have to stop people who try that, so you create a pattern and you get the vibration that you are not someone who can do this with. if you allow it, the vibe will be that. so you have to deal with it. next time you say: hey, do you mind stopping touching me? and that's it . always direct, and always err by excess than by default. in the end it becomes a pattern and it comes out automatically

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8 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

all of a sudden this guy who was with the came up to me & was basically tugging my ear 'saying nice earrings'. After that he put his arm around me and I was talking to him for a little while before I just left the set and went back to my wings.

Yeah, just a guy afraid you might become interesting for the girls he has an eye on.

I think above all he wants you to not have access to the girls.

8 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

My wing said you should stand your ground as a man and not let other guys walk over you like that to gain status on you.

It can be the case that a guy wants to lower your status and thus increase his status relative to you.

Yes, you have to stand your ground. It doesn't matter if you're afraid of it, you still need to assert yourself. Because these games some guys play actually work if you don't do anything against them.

I would have said: "hey hey hey (in a loud assertive manner, while immediately removing his arm), don't you fuckin touch me again, dude are you insane? You can't just touch my ear like that, back off..." and all of that while continuously staring in his eyes.

It's important that when you say something like this that you fully own it. Your entire vibe must say "Nobody messes with me".

Then when he puts his arm around you - assuming that it's not a friendly gesture, because you guys are having a good conversation - you immediately intervene again.

"No no no bro, you don't touch me at all, hands off".

 

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I think the advice being given would kill the mood with the women

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14 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

What are your thoughts on this or how to deal with guys like this on a night out? Maybe he was an AMOG or something. Just seemed very arrogant, trying to test your frame. Pretty sure he even got kicked out soon after for getting into a fight with someone else. 

He definitely was trying to get the upper hand on you. 

At times if I felt like the girl wasn’t invested in the guy, I would just literally ask the girl for her hands and physically walk somewhere else with her. No need to debate or fight, just move.  He’s then kind of stuck because if he comes running after you, he looks like a total clown.

Sometimes you gotta dig in and mix it up a bit. I don’t recommend getting overly aggressive or butthurt in the beginning. That’s a last resort only if a guy seriously crosses a line. They you may have to get a bit assertive and “in his face”.

Most of the time though, your best bet is to keep it playful and stay in your frame in the early stages.

“Hey nice earrings”

“Oh thanks bro, they match my outfit”.

or

”Oh thanks bro, I made them myself”.

Something like this.

Bonus points if you can throw in a light-hearted tease at the girl you’re talking to at the same time.

If you do this right, he may not escalate beyond that initial comment. He will get a sense that you’re cool and not to push it.

If he does, then you may have to ramp it up.

These situations are always different, so it’s not about memorizing a bunch of AMOG tactics. It’s more about developing a social intuition for what’s appropriate.


 

 

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9 minutes ago, aurum said:

Most of the time though, your best bet is to keep it playful and stay in your frame in the early stages.

But how do you specifically see this part that the dude tugged @Illusory Self 's ear? (while saying "nice ear rings").

This move seems highly disrespectful to me.

Like every man should know if you just randomly touch the face of another man that you don't even know you're asking for trouble.

How about:

"Hey nice ear rings (while touching ear)"

You: "I know, thanks, but don't touch me again!" while gently but assertively pushing his arm away from your face, in case he let the hand linger on the ear a bit. 

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16 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

But how do you specifically see this part that the dude tugged @Illusory Self 's ear? (while saying "nice ear rings").

This move seems highly disrespectful to me.

Like every man should know if you just randomly touch the face of another man that you don't even know you're asking for trouble.

How about:

"Hey nice ear rings (while touching ear)"

You: "I know, thanks, but don't touch me again!" while gently but assertively pushing his arm away from your face, in case he let the hand linger on the ear a bit. 

Yes that’s a much harder boundary. I’d be more aggressive at that point.

My post was more general.


 

 

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With cock blocks like this you have to get good at acting fast. I found merging sets to be a very power way of disarming them, it's helpful to build report with as many people in the bar/club as possible so you can bring someone else in. As soon as he startrd talking to you, hey man great to meet you, oh btw I know someone who would love you and merg him with another set then go grab the other girl and isoalte her. 

 

Used this tatctic many times, one time I was with a russian girl for ages and another Russian guy came intl the set and tried to steal her. I quickly grabbed the nearest girl introduced him to her pulled the other girl away and took her home. 

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So uhh ... y'all don't think the guy in question might actually been into OP? Like we're just assuming everybody in this situation is straight?

As a bi person myself, if I were in OP's situation, I might have actually been pretty receptive to the guy if there was a good vibe between us.

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35 minutes ago, Emrie said:

So uhh ... y'all don't think the guy in question might actually been into OP? Like we're just assuming everybody in this situation is straight?

Exactly. This is what we all assume.

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