Suicide is starting to be attractive to me from time to time

[khalifa]

I started having these thoughts of jumping from a high floor, I was at a hotel last year when it happened, I stared down, And my mind started making up a story of how nice it would be to just jump and end all this suffering that's been going on for a while. It seemed like the perfect solution as to my life, since my life is just a dream why should I care that much if everything's so illusionary with their illusionary consequence.

So i attempted, but i freaked out went on bed (not sure if i was consciously stopping it or my subconscious mind freaked out about it ) and there it was mind won't stop racing thoughts about that incident, all night and morning, that it wouldn't stop until like 2 weeks have passed

I've been having these episodes of it coming and going, Felt like it was getting stronger at times when i follow those thoughts. They'd like for days or weeks, My mind is calmer now but i easily fall under the trap of i should go for it since life feels so meaningless and i dislike a lot about it and i just can't seem to get it the way i want life to run for me. It feels like someday maybe i could really lose control and go over it, since it felt automatic at the time back then. I can kinda of understand how suicidal people are since i've never been in that state of mind before.

I used to be able to say yeah i want to die and suicide since i was 13-14 but that thought would go away within a few seconds to a minute and won't really come up again until months or years passing by and i'd let go not thinking too much about it over the years, But this seems like another weird infiltrated virus that just won't stop leaving me alone pushing me to do it every time, even though i'm trying not to entertain it, it seems very believable as a good idea out of suffering.

Even though i keep telling myself over and over it's not as bad as i exaggerate it to be, i still have a lot left, but it's hard to feel the past's well being due to my chronic anxiety. (there's like a pain/uneasiness worry that never goes away keeps cycling between my chest/heart/throat, i just loathe it that part the most with my health issues. (tinnitus/hyperacis/back/leg injury/kidney issues, not sure how to explain it but i have several 5meo side effects, my mind and body just doesn't feel the same feels weird/off and i can't be my past self as i used to be, i have a lot of memory issues which is making it hard for me to  cope/learn from my experiences or speak in a proper manner without much brain fog)

I really crave early financial freedom since i was so close to get it but i gambled it all away in crypto thinking i could reach UHNWI and i'm manipulating people/ market to make it work eventually. But that was just dumb i keep bringing up the past over and over from a lot of petty stuff with lots of overthinking.

As for love i just realized egoic human love is always conditional over unconditional so i thought there could be some unbreakable unshakable bond with someone here for me, but apparently that doesn't exist either salty about wasting all my life for her only to get cheated on multiple times through out the years as i tried to forgive and let go just for it to keep repeating with no remorse. I can't grow feelings to anyone anymore after that experience, I just dislike people in general.

Advice?
Thank you for caring

Edited June 24, 2022 by khalifa

[Razard86]

Couple of questions...

1. What do you want from life? 

2. Do you think you have a healthy perspective?

3. Have you noticed your entire life you always said "If I get THIS things will get better, or I will FINALLY BE HAPPY when I get THIS!! and for some reason that joy was short lived? That now you turned your sights to something else and thought the same thing?

4. Have you noticed that RARELY anything ever worked out the way you THOUGHT IT WAS? Ever notice rarely any experience actually felt the way you THOUGHT it would?

Watch this video.... 

 

[khalifa]

@Razard86

1. What do you want from life? 

> i'd like to live in a clean state of mindnothing, i'm pretty much burned out of it

I feel like i've experienced it all and their's nothing new i'd like to experience, i barely enjoy my days in a flow manner of being present compared to the past

 

 

2. Do you think you have a healthy perspective?

I don't think so, i've been trying to be healthy positive for a while, it just doesn't work since i got burned out of so much effort of sincere trying hard and it didn't workout over the years, it's like i give up i don't care because no amount of effort will change it into another healthy perspective as it doesn't exist for me in my mind, is it a limited belief? i feel like it's pretty much biological from what i've witnessed

3. Have you noticed your entire life you always said "If I get THIS things will get better, or I will FINALLY BE HAPPY when I get THIS!! and for some reason that joy was short lived? That now you turned your sights to something else and thought the same thing?

I think what i'd like to experience is just a care free dream, hence goal of a  healthy body and financial freedom seems nice, i know it would be lonely but that's alright, i dislike people after being abused for so long, i just have trust issues so i don't want to bother connecting in a fake manner again

4. Have you noticed that RARELY anything ever worked out the way you THOUGHT IT WAS? Ever notice rarely any experience actually felt the way you THOUGHT it would?

Yeah i'm aware we are all on the same suffering boat and i'm not any unique in my situation, if anything i'm more privileged when i compare myself to others at the opportunities i've had, yet i do have short comings on other things, i still have a lot left yet i feel like i'm too burned out to care about more at this point

 

Thanks for the opportunity to take a ride with these thoughts

[Razard86]

You keep saying you don't like people. If that were true......you wouldn't be on here posting. You don't like SOME people and that is fine. But I'll be honest with you, the only way you don't have friends is because you are too selfish too have them.

I've had friends let me down multiple times, and instead of judging them I have forgiven them and we are still friends to this day. If I acted like everybody else I wouldn't have friends. My friends are my friends exactly because of that. Because when I forge a relationship with someone I'm not out for personal gain. All I care about is adding value to their lives. When you are a person who only cares about adding value, people want you around because majority of people want to take something.

Making friends isn't hard as long as you are NOT trying to get something from them but instead ADD something. Its very simple, and actually counter-intuitive LOL.

[khalifa]

i do give and take but recently i've noticed no one really appreciates the over giving nature i have perhaps, and it does burns me out, it could be because i just don't know how to say no

but i feel like i'm better off alone then overthinking about it

[Leo Gura]

@khalifa Be stronger, develop yourself into an attractive person, and girls will not cheat on you.

You want a lot out of life but you don't want to work for it. That's the problem.

How about you invest the next 5 years creating the things you want?

You can't have good things in life without work.

[khalifa]

@Leo Gura been there done that, since i found you, it's been very life changing.

I believe i found you at 2014-2015 was putting in enormous amounts of effort on self help content anywhere from 2-8hours a day at some points daily [cycled through all your youtube content downloaded as i took daily 4 hour walks, was up to date with your videos till 2019, still checking in weekly for any topic that i found interesting, went meta even, read the self help books. Started cleaning up my diet, Started fasting, working out, did wim hof nootropics etc (both good and bad practices, annoyed at nootropic approach tbh it did give me tinnitus/hyperacis plus the high volume from the eardrums on the long walk, the abuse of that with nootropics did something ;/) 
I enrolled in engineering because i wanted to be useful and helpful to the world like i wanted to create something that would make their lives easier, but i just lost the drive for that since it actually isn't for me in passion tbh,

Was enrolled in a double major engineering program ( i changed to a business degree out after being so close to graduate like 7 subjects left, i just told myself screw this, no one gives a shit if i help them, since i've noticed bad behavior of people through out my courses, people would leech off projects, not even tell me thank you, some even would complain, that even continued later on even after my degree switch, i started losing faith in humanity, I'm done i do have a degree in intentional business, I choose that degree just so i can half ass life and not care much, but i'm idle atm living off some money i made from investments, but it's risky/ limited and no where near financial freedom )

I'm just overwhelmingly salty at life

 

Not into self improvement anymore thats why i had so much relief following abraham hicks, i just went all in self help by an extreme amount of effort end of effort

 

I think part of me is still stuck subconsciously because the idea that life is like, everyday is a vacation and i just cherry pick what to do in life and it's all good mentality is a cult following that stuck with me from following abraham hicks teachings

I have never felt an insane high like that for days/weeks of feeling good and everything is working out for me in ease delusion. It's just amazing thinking life is a dream like that, I never felt it since the terror for 5meo, Tried to think like that but nope never felt good like that ever again positive emotions don't have such momentum anymore, The anxiety is just strong.

 

I just dislike the idea of how i was really sincere with trying hard with whatever i knew as my knowledge graph even despite the risks of trying to do something great in my life. I just got results that aren't ideal.

 

I know i'm not the person to give it my all and not be rewarded as people keep persevering through, But god damn it man i can't do this shit anymore, I don't want to preserve anymore, this shit sucks. I see an easy way out, I take it, Hence i'm toying with investments like a fortune kid right now, Who knows where i'll end up though. It could magically workout or not. Sort of have some slight hopium possibility there in desperation.

 

Thank you for taking the time to reply here leo, appreciate it

Edited June 24, 2022 by khalifa

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, khalifa said:

I enrolled in engineering because i wanted to be useful and helpful to the world like i wanted to create something that would make their lives easier, but i just lost the drive for that since it actually isn't for me in passion tbh,

That's not a problem. You just learned what you're not passionate about. Now you can start looking for your passion for real.

You don't give up on passion just because one thing you tried wasn't your passion.

Quote

Was enrolled in a double major engineering program ( i changed to a business degree out after being so close to graduate like 7 subjects left, i just told myself screw this, no one gives a shit if i help them, since i've noticed bad behavior of people through out my courses, people would leech off projects, not even tell me thank you, some even would complain, that even continued later on even after my degree switch, i started losing faith in humanity,

Bad behavior in people wouldn't bother you if you have a life purpose and doing what you love.

People will thank you once you're doing what you're passionate about. Who cares if some idiots are school aren't thanking you. They aren't supposed to be and you shouldn't want their thanks.

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I'm done i do have a degree in intentional business, I choose that degree just so i can half ass life and not care much,

Dude, you can't have this attitude towards life and be happy.

Quote

I'm just overwhelmingly salty at life

Exactly, because you aren't doing the things you are passionate about.

Quote

I never felt it since the terror for 5meo, Tried to think like that but nope never felt good like that ever again positive emotions don't have such momentum anymore, The anxiety is just strong.

You could get much benefit from working seriously with psychedelics, just milder stuff than 5-MeO. Obviously you got a lot of inner work to do. It's not about one trip that will fix you, it's about using them on a regular basis to accomplish inner work. Take some mushrooms, sit down, and work through your inner bullshit.

Quote

I just dislike the idea of how i was really sincere with trying hard with whatever i knew as my knowledge graph even despite the risks of trying to do something great in my life. I just got results that aren't ideal.

So? Keep trying. Results don't have to be ideal.

Quote

I know i'm not the person to give it my all and not be rewarded as people keep persevering through, But god damn it man i can't do this shit anymore, I don't want to preserve anymore, this shit sucks

It's not just a matter of working hard, you also have to work smart. You have to adjust how you work and what kind of work you're doing in order to reach your goals. This is part of the process.

[khalifa]

@Leo Gura

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Exactly, because you aren't doing the things you are passionate about.

 

I've taken your life purpose course years ago, It dawned on me eventually we're just cherry picking the passion part based on our knowledge graph

Here's the thing with passion on my side, I've tried a lot of stuff

Like let's say, I used to be into gaming back in the day, so i wanted to create a game, I tried coding i hated it, didn't like it so i felt no passion from it.

I like watching some entertainment like let's say a movie/tv show or anime. Doesn't mean i want to act or draw either. I like listening to a random song that plays by, doesn't mean i'd like to sing either. I like eating a good meal, Doesn't mean like i want to cook for a living either.

I find this dilemma of trying out things but i just don't like anything and i can't do one thing long term, I already know that drives me crazy.

Maybe i could try being a hiking/trekking guide, That seems like i might be interested in that. I feel like i just want to be out in nature and do some easy going hotel to hotel hikes. Without too much effort. Even that i feel like i'd be burned out of it eventually.

I can't see myself have value, I don't even feel satisfied whenever i achieve something in life, I don't know if it's just how my brain is wired or just a poor foundation within me.

The only thing that gave me peace after 5meo is cuddling, as sad as it sounds. Even a cuddling job sounds like an exhausting routine lol..

 

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

It's not just a matter of working hard, you also have to work smart. You have to adjust how you work and what kind of work you're doing in order to reach your goals. This is part of the process.

 

I'm not trying to excuse myself as a victim here, But what i feel is i've gone way too extreme that, i am just going to the opposite extreme end of comfort right now and it's like a rebellion of not wanting to even balance it or even putting any more effort towards going to the right side towards action not even a little. (using the opposite end as relaxing and the other side as action)

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

You could get much benefit from working seriously with psychedelics, just milder stuff than 5-MeO. Obviously you got a lot of inner work to do.

 

What would you recommend? I personally thought of trying some mdma to heal inner work, Keep in mind i do have chronic anxiety always present, But i'm not sure what it is GAD/PTSD/CPTSD, I read symptoms and they all resonate so it's abit confusing for me. I hate the idea of my memory being so bad now that i can't even improve, despite the effort i put in watching some positive content i go back and rewatch a vid and it feels like it's my first time watching it at times.. whether its the same day or a different day.

I've never had memory issues before, I used to remember every single conversation in my life or text interaction. But now i just feel like a different person that i feel off, Like i'm aware it's just the hippocampus shrinking from having a burning brain with no sleep for weeks from all those panic attacks/long nights. Probably some cortex damage too, I feel quite impaired tbh.

I do have times where i have difficulty making co-herent thought or speaking, in a proper stable manner, i miss out a lot of details unlike before. Trying to justify myself not to try anymore, i'm aware my ego is just being whiny, but i feel like it's valid from where i am, I really do not have the piece of health i once had, There is a big difference

 

Thanks

 

Edit: I think maybe traveling the world full time or monthly 1-2 weeks, making some travel videos would be nice, Although i'm not into videoing/editing could hire a camera man and an editor, Wow i'm so half assed.

 

Edit: Oh yes i just remembered life is unfair, and i'm still looking from the lens that it is fair, when it isn't, I guess not everyone comes with a passion as a feature too, and i just seem to be one of those

Edited June 24, 2022 by khalifa

[puporing]

Doesn't have to be some grand thing, like you can just start with small steps that you can manage, little bit at a time that aligns with your health situation. Don't need to compare with the top achievers, but just moving a little bit towards something can feel good and get the ball rolling..

There's really nothing wrong with just doing a good job at any mundane thing, being someone with integrity, turn yourself into the unconditional love that you seek (as much as you can mange to)... the basics you know, and maybe that's your starting point, sounds pretty good to me already.

And the panic attacks that's something you can heal too. I'm not sure what's causing it but you can dig deeper into it. I used to have panic attacks. I no longer have them. The worst now is maybe when I go on trips whatever is in my environment with similar dynamics that created the trauma gets amplified and can reactivate things, but also a chance to dissolve them when it happens.

Edited June 24, 2022 by puporing

[Richard Purdy]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You could get much benefit from working seriously with psychedelics, just milder stuff than 5-MeO. Obviously you got a lot of inner work to do. It's not about one trip that will fix you, it's about using them on a regular basis to accomplish inner work. Take some mushrooms, sit down, and work through your inner bullshit.

 

You’ve probably been asked this before, but don’t you need time to integrate these trips. On a side note I want to take LSD consistently but I want to avoid having to double the dose every time. How often do you recommend. Seems like I’ll be doing the do nothing technique.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, khalifa said:

@Leo Gura

I've taken your life purpose course years ago, It dawned on me eventually we're just cherry picking the passion part based on our knowledge graph

Here's the thing with passion on my side, I've tried a lot of stuff

Like let's say, I used to be into gaming back in the day, so i wanted to create a game, I tried coding i hated it, didn't like it so i felt no passion from it.

I like watching some entertainment like let's say a movie/tv show or anime. Doesn't mean i want to act or draw either. I like listening to a random song that plays by, doesn't mean i'd like to sing either. I like eating a good meal, Doesn't mean like i want to cook for a living either.

Obviously just because you like consuming a thing does not mean you will like working on it.

Liking pizza does not mean you should become a pizza maker.

The real question, in which way do you enjoy being creative? What do you love to create, not consume?

Quote

I find this dilemma of trying out things but i just don't like anything and i can't do one thing long term, I already know that drives me crazy.

1) Keep doing creative stuff and look for what resonates.

2) Being creative is challenging. It will not be as easy or effortless as eating pizza, so don't expect that.

Quote

Maybe i could try being a hiking/trekking guide, That seems like i might be interested in that. I feel like i just want to be out in nature and do some easy going hotel to hotel hikes. Without too much effort. Even that i feel like i'd be burned out of it eventually.

Pick based on passion, not effort, because you might just have a bad work ethic.

Quote

I can't see myself have value, I don't even feel satisfied whenever i achieve something in life, I don't know if it's just how my brain is wired or just a poor foundation within me.

Yes, very poor foundation.

Quote

The only thing that gave me peace after 5meo is cuddling, as sad as it sounds. Even a cuddling job sounds like an exhausting routine lol..

In a sense you are way too entitled. Life is not a Disney Land ride. Life is challenging and all work is repetitive to a degree. You have to acquire a taste for the mastery process. You CAN learn to enjoy some craft, but it takes building up skill and momentum. It's not gonna be like playing video games. It's time to grow into an adult. It sounds like you're still a child.

Quote

What would you recommend? I personally thought of trying some mdma to heal inner work, Keep in mind i do have chronic anxiety always present, But i'm not sure what it is GAD/PTSD/CPTSD, I read symptoms and they all resonate so it's abit confusing for me. I hate the idea of my memory being so bad now that i can't even improve, despite the effort i put in watching some positive content i go back and rewatch a vid and it feels like it's my first time watching it at times.. whether its the same day or a different day.

You need to sort out and optimize your diet and health, so that your brain chemistry is healthy and stable. Get some blood work done to see if you have any imbalances in vitamins or hormones. You could have a deficiency in vitamin D, B12, thyroid T4/T3, testosterone, etc. Such things cannot just be overlooked. You gotta investigate this things seriously and rule them out.

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I've never had memory issues before, I used to remember every single conversation in my life or text interaction. But now i just feel like a different person that i feel off, Like i'm aware it's just the hippocampus shrinking from having a burning brain with no sleep for weeks from all those panic attacks/long nights. Probably some cortex damage too, I feel quite impaired tbh.

Check for heavy metal toxicity and other conditions.

If you have a medical condition you need to find it and fix it, otherwise nothing else will work properly. Get your foundation fixed.

Stuff like that can directly cause depression too.

Quote

I do have times where i have difficulty making co-herent thought or speaking, in a proper stable manner, i miss out a lot of details unlike before.

This sounds like a medical condition which you need to identify.

Heavy metal toxicity causes stuff like brain fog, memory loss, depression, chronic fatigue, difficulty with language, etc.

[Razard86]

I think I figured it out. Dude you need to do a purging. The issue here is, you have not grieved or released whatever emotion you are currently having. Right now everything you are communicating is resistance. Resistance is caused by a fear/trauma. You got to release that. Holding onto to that and trying to push through it isn't going to work. You cannot ignore things like that they will follow you everyday.

I might have seemed harsh earlier, but that kick in the butt has worked for me in the past. Even now I still have to deal with some of my old habits but it is clear as day to me how little control we have over outcomes. That illusion has been broken to me.

Again like I said earlier you do like people otherwise you wouldn't be communicating right now. You have a desire to connect which is why you posted on this forum.

You want your pain to be recognized. Nothing wrong with that. You also have a desire to alleviate it. But ask yourself, are you trying to alleviate it because it doesn't feel good? Pain is there to point out that something is wrong. That's what it is there for. So what do you think is wrong? What are you going to do about it?

We all can give you advice till our fingers fall off. But at the end of the day this life is what you make of it. 

[Thought Art]

I would say keep going. Though I don't know you. I sense we are in this together.

[Sobanya]

It's okay to burn out. It's okay to lose faith in humanity or yourself sometimes. It's okay if you don't have the energy to be productive atm.

Don't blame or rush yourself too much if you can't handle the pressure. The way you're imagining passion implies that you totally won't like it, and I can relate to that. It's NEVER going to be inspiring if all you focus on is negative. Idk, maybe your fatigue makes you think and believe that you're not capable of being great or living a life that you believe everyone else lives. Consciously finding your passion is a difficult goal and it's fine if you can't make it work easily. In fact, it's supposed to be hard and painful, but the most cool part is that suffering is actually not that bad when you can get over it and then cherish your victory. This idea shouldn't depress you, if you know how good it is to overcome pain. But that's not the case when you're just ill. When you're ill, you're not ready to overcome suffering consciously, and that has nothing to do with you being unique in your incapability of having a passion.

I assume that your physical illness may be worsened by limiting beliefs you have about yourself. 

I know by experience how deteriorating it is to be mentally unstable and then constructing limiting beliefs and philosophy in that state. The mistake here is to call such philosophy the truth about yourself and your life, when in reality it's just a consequence of your temporary weak state of mind. Maybe it would be helpful for you to hear perspectives of other people who are inspired with living in alignment with their life purpose. That would refresh your whole view of having a passion and replenish your faith.

There's so much to be passionate about, if your mind isn't constrained by the software you've constructed in the past. If you like video games, that means that you can possibly like competitive sports for their drive and action, or maintaining systems for the sake of order and efficiency, or constructing systems, or just understanding things to their root and then utilizing that to gain something. There's a lot to be interested in about life, and it doesn't have to be only one thing. It can be anything, really. Anything. And everywhere you will have to face temporary suffering which is worth coming through, because it's always too sweet in the end to not want to come back and overcome something else just for the sake of overcoming and learning something else about life and experience. It doesn't have lots of meaning, but that only frees you up: suffering is not an ultimate evil in life and pleasure is not an ultimate good which you need to experience every moment of your life for it to be decent.

I hope that was helpful. Much love to you!!!!! Don't stop looking, don't stop questioning, and have enough rest

[flowboy]

@khalifa  How's your relationship with your father?

Has he been supportive, encouraging you to make the choices that are good for you, whilst still having your back and providing guidance?

Or has he been either absent or domineering, anything else but a strong non-judging loving entity to lean on?

I say this because I have yet to come across a person - client or otherwise - who has trouble making satisfying life decisions - where there was no unresolved father issues if we dig deep enough.

[khalifa]

@flowboy

8 hours ago, flowboy said:

@khalifa  How's your relationship with your father?

He's alright, old arabian gen stage blue from the 1960s , he just criticizes a lot and can be very abusive without understanding that he is

Will support financially or sort of mentally in his own way but has a lot of trouble communicating or understanding what i mean, he just thinks he's a know it all in anything.

@everyone thanks for the replies appreciate it

On 6/24/2022 at 1:12 PM, Razard86 said:

You want your pain to be recognized. Nothing wrong with that. You also have a desire to alleviate it. But ask yourself, are you trying to alleviate it because it doesn't feel good? Pain is there to point out that something is wrong. That's what it is there for. So what do you think is wrong? What are you going to do about it?

 

Pretty sure lack of an ideal outcome is what i'm feeling, i guess i'll just give myself sometime in a slow manner to figure it out overtime to be more optimal or at ease of feeling better well being, hope all is well eventually

Edited June 25, 2022 by khalifa

[KoryKat]

Sorry I'm brain-drained and just gonna share something that helped me...

 

HealthyGamerGG on YouTube has a video about suicide... Understanding how it is a feeling of worthlessness and like it's impossible to get your life together, and you are just a burden to others , and that seems to me to be basically what suicidal tendency is.

 

Idk why, but I get suicidal ideation, but I feel incongruent to really believe I would... There are times when I wasn't sure, but mostly I'm like I know I am thinking about killing myself... But I couldn't imagine the sad part of being like "goodbye cruel world" and taking my life ... 

 

Idk... I think it's something with Narcissism or anger issues towards people... But if I'm gonna kill myself, I ain't going down quietly...  Like if you are gonna really do it, at least know I love everybody as human family and your suffering brings me pain as well and I wish I was better to help...

But speaking brother to brother here, at least take a dirty politician with you.  I mean if you take Tucker Carlson with you, I'll make sure your name lives on as a glorious hero. Just sayin...

Leo has a video "it's all a mind-game" and suicidal thinking is just a mind-game... Everybody gets suicidal ideation, like driving their car off the road, it's the planning you gotta watch out for. 

 

And biggest thing, YOU CAN NOT ASK TOO MUCH FOR HELP. Not everybody will help you, but the right people will, and people don't know you need help if you don't ask. It's not a burden to ask for help, they can just say No... People WANT to help, they get dopamine highs off helping...  

 

The depression will make you not want to talk to people... You are a good guy that was dealt a bad hand dude... Suicide rates are rising due to life conditions growing harder.

 

It's all just feelings and thoughts, and these things are like weather... Don't change your life because of some thunderstorms... There will be beautiful days ahead of you, just keep your head up bro

[Thought Art]

I find that all my suicidal thoughts are self deception. 
 

This is probably the case for most people. The construction of your models of reality are just jagged and twisted. You need to increase your consciousness, take action and take it all less seriously. 

Edited June 26, 2022 by Thought Art

[eTorro]

On 6/24/2022 at 6:13 AM, Leo Gura said:

@khalifa Be stronger, develop yourself into an attractive person, and girls will not cheat on you.

You want a lot out of life but you don't want to work for it. That's the problem.

How about you invest the next 5 years creating the things you want?

You can't have good things in life without work.

@Leo Gura, I've found your YouTube channel in 2018. Since then, I'm meditating on a daily basis — my consciousness has increased exponentially.

Back then, I had no idea about the dark side of meditation; I blindly started to meditate. It was out of foolishness and enthusiasm at the same time. 

After a year and a half of meditation and mindfulness inquiries, I plunged into "The Dark Night of the Soul." It was so scary that I didn't know or had no idea if I'll make it through — that was dark man. But somehow, after two months of being patient, without suppressing my awful moods, I started to feel better. And now, when I look back, I laugh so hard because I no longer have a false sense of identity. I only have egoic leftovers.

It was due to you that I've become interested in spirituality, and for that, I'll be eternally grateful to you.

1. Less suffering.

2. No more junk food — just a little from time to time so I won't harm my body.

3. I'm a lot more confident. 

4. I let go — daily — of anything constraining. 

5. I'll soon be enlightened, meaning that I'll be able to lock the enlightened state as long as I'm alive. 

6. I can stay present for hours, effortlessly. 

7. I don't take everything too seriously; the present moment itself is a joyful experience. 

8. I'm no longer nihilistic. I'm falling in love with reality. 

Thanks, Leo!