What's with older guys (10+ yrs older) approaching much younger women?

[K Ghoul]

@Loba Free to ride the cock-carousel  yea no..

[Federico del pueblo]

 

3 minutes ago, Loba said:

I'm not looking to attract a man, I have everything I need right here, there isn't anything a man can offer me that I don't already have.

I think if you are at that level you're probably also able to just love men for what they are without any bitterness, right?

Anyway you still hold certain beliefs about men that are extremely exaggerated and not as true as you think they are like

Quote

They don't want you to come into your own as a woman - they want you to stay a meek girl forever.

That's just untrue. For some men it's true ofc, for many it's not.

But if this has been your subjective experience (which also can be distorted by the beliefs you already had before the experiences) then it can have a lot to do with you.

I definitely know women who don't share your views, sure they also know that men want sex, and some men only want sex, but they are able to find other men who value them as a person and are in happy relationships with them.

But anyway as you're not trying to attract men anymore because you are completely fulfilled it probably doesn't matter to you.

By the way. If you want to contemplate how biased you are in terms of men you could ask yourself some questions and see which answers arise.

Like e.g. "is there anything I am grateful for in men?"

"What are some of the best qualities men typically have? (not the negative stuff, but actually positive qualities)"

See what comes up.

[Username]

1 hour ago, Loba said:

The truth is, they don't care about you, they care about how you look and that is why they are going for you, when you are too young for them.  Older women become wiser, it is harder to treat a woman and get away with certain things, it's much easier to do this to a young girl.

That's the cold hard truth.  It's not you, it's your looks, it never was about you as a person.  An individual.  This is just how men are.  That's reality.

40 minutes ago, somegirl said:

And I was 20 and thought I could trust him to know better for my own sake, considering how vulnerable and inexperienced I was. This is why I might be a bit bitter. 

This is one reason why I'm not interested in females my age. If you had bad experiences you become bitter. Than instead of looking at me how I really am, you assume who I am based on your previous experiences. I'm not interested in dealing with this kind of drama. It's extremely off-putting.

(Plus I look at least 10 years younger so people my age look like my grandparents )

[K Ghoul]

4 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Username You probably are that, if you're making assumptions about people based on age.  Also, big deal, I look ten years younger than I am, too.

He is just being a NiceGuy who doesn’t want to hurt older girls feelings by openly admitting that he prefers fresh young female flesh in their prime  amirite

 

[Federico del pueblo]

@Loba it's still worse than I thought.

Quote

No.  Oh wait, thanks for donating the sperm that gave me life.

Sad.

Quote

Generally a man's good qualities come with a whole host of much worse ones. 

This is what incels would say about women. For the same reasons you say it about men.

Quote

Trust me on this.  

No. You don't seem like a person I should trust.

Quote

I'm not really interested in researching this area, I know well enough how men are and what they're all about.

Yes people are typically not interested in becoming more aware of their biases. It's called confirmation bias. You might figure out things you don't like and they might have something to do with you, not just men.

 

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

trying to brainwash me into accepting a few, pitiful, meager traits in a person, when they are mostly composed of negative traits

I'm starting to get a sense that you are at least as pitiful as the men you must have dated. This is just such a negative view. Sorry you haven't been able to meet better men.

11 minutes ago, Loba said:

which is that most men do NOT treat women properly.

Which is exactly what bitter men, like incels, would say about women. 

[Username]

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Username You probably are that, if you're making assumptions about people based on age.  Also, big deal, I look ten years younger than I am, too.

I can only make assumptions if I don't talk about any specific person.

People in general become less 'fresh' as they age. Unless they actively do something about that.

2 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

He is just being a NiceGuy who doesn’t want to hurt older girls feelings by openly admitting that he prefers fresh young female flesh in their prime  amirite

1 minute ago, Loba said:

@K Ghoul That's usually what it is.  Guys like young girls, it's just nature.
That's why older guys approach young girls, I was young once, I remember all the old dudes following me around - it certainly wasn't for my personality.

I'm over thirty but people often assume that I'm 20 yo (sometimes that I'm still teenager..). This also works in an opposite direction. If a female is 20+ it's often hard to shake the feeling that she is older than me.

I'm not interested in dating anyone. Everyone will be rejected equally!

[K Ghoul]

1 minute ago, Username said:

I'm over thirty but people often assume that I'm 20 yo (sometimes that I'm still teenager..). This also works in an opposite direction. If a female is 20+ it's often hard to shake the feeling that she is older than me.

I'm not interested in dating anyone. Everyone will be rejected equally!

Haha that’s cool man it seems we are all genetically gifted here 

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, Loba said:

@Federico del pueblo You're not cool dude.  Don't comment on what I write anymore.

Cognitive dissonance...

I think you should rewatch a few hundred hours of Leo's videos, especially about biases, self-deception etc.

Btw, what are you even doing here in the dating section? Just help out the young girls?

[Tristan12]

@Federico del pueblo I agree with you

[Federico del pueblo]

3 minutes ago, Loba said:

No, it's that you write in a way to provoke something and I'm not taking the bait.

When you said things like "No. Oh wait, thanks for donating the sperm that gave me life. "  don't you think this could be considered provoking. But ok, if this is how you see it.

And yeah I can see, I got a little bit dick-ish for sure, my apologies.

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

This is advice from one woman to another on the reality of, I hate to say it, your gender.  It is a harsh reality, but it is the truth.

I don't disagree that there are certain negative realities about men. I just think that you exaggerate and over generalize. As though there were no men who treat women well. All men are bad.

11 minutes ago, Loba said:

you're a dude, of course you're going to be biased

But you won't be biased because you're a woman. I see how that works ?

13 minutes ago, Loba said:

and won't want to look at your gender for what it is.

I actually love to look at my gender for what it is. And I can definitely admit certain negative tendencies about men. But I'm also able to spot over generalisations and distortions which are the result of the same biases you accuse me of having while denying that you have them yourself.

[Gesundheit2]

@Loba Nice to see someone finally benefiting from the things we keep repeating here all the time instead of resisting and denying them. That's how women should generally regard our contributions here as men.

[something_else]

24 minutes ago, Loba said:

which is that men don't treat or view women properly

How should men treat women?

Many men follow the advice women give about how they want to be treated and then they end up friend zoned and alone

It can be extremely confusing. I can’t understand what it’s like to be a woman but you also don’t understand what it’s like to be a man. And the impression I get is that you think the fault lies entirely with men

There are horrible realities about men, you’re absolutely right about that. However don’t pretend women are perfect either

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Username said:

This is one reason why I'm not interested in females my age. If you had bad experiences you become bitter. Than instead of looking at me how I really am, you assume who I am based on your previous experiences.

Well I'm working on not being bitter. But first step to change is admitting that you are.

[something_else]

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

@something_else Women are far from perfect, I am for instance, a woman who is a very flawed person and knows this.
Women want a man that can protect them from the world and let them explore the world with you, too.  That's what they want.  Most women are still girls, because we aren't raised to become full women yet, and so women seek men who know how to lead more often than not, but lead with heart and soul and not their dick.  We want to be able to let go of control.  The world forces us to be so controlling of our environment, ourselves, who we are, we have to adapt to become whatever society wants of us - that all women want is to be able to drop all of that and be her feminine self, which is free flowing, open, girly, and fun.  But most men don't know how to open a woman up.  And the ones that do usually have "learned" this skill - it isn't natural, what comes from the heart, for those who learn it comes from their head instead.  We don't even know how to open up ourselves, much of the time.  Instead, the masculine does whatever it can to close a woman off, they view her as a body and not a soul, or as something that can be used as a means to an end.  Femininity is ruined, and men did it.  So we have to learn to be women ourselves - and once we do, we are free.  From all men.
 

Why do you have such an aversion to dudes who have learned the skill? You can learn to express masculinity from your heart

I agree with pretty much every word you said bar that part

Masculinity is pretty much entirely defined by the experiences it has gone through in life. It’s not really something that a man just ‘has’ naturally

[K Ghoul]

@Loba

I must agree that a man will be tempted to exploit any weaknesses they see you might have and do what’s best for him. But abusers usually don’t just break into your house out of nowhere and start abusing you. It’s a process of how we build a relationship with them, allowing those into our inner circles who shouldn’t be allowed in the first place. The only checks and balances that I found to be effective in managing this is 1. he loves you and protecting you from getting hurt is his first priority. How to get to that point is a whole other story and we can’t get into it here now and I don’t even have it fully figured out myself 2. Protection. Father. Brother/brothers. Friends(male), not friend-zoned secret admirers but actual friends. He shouldn’t be able to mistreat you and not get a phone call at the very least or even a visit from some shady unknown characters in black leather coats who came to have a man talk. 

 

Every time my relationship with a man failed to develop into a healthy dynamic, I blame myself. We, as women, really have that much power.. we just don’t know how to use it 

 

Edited February 11, 2022 by K Ghoul

[Tristan12]

5 minutes ago, Loba said:

@something_else Instead, the masculine does whatever it can to close a woman off, they view her as a body and not a soul, or as something that can be used as a means to an end.  Femininity is ruined, and men did it.  So we have to learn to be women ourselves - and once we do, we are free.  From all men.
 

For a lot of men, their masculinity was destroyed and suppressed by mothers who were hurt by men and then taught their sons to not be dominant and to basically bow down to women. This destroys their masculine essence and makes them weak, and as a result a lot of men will lash out in toxic ways such as what you have described. A real man who has healthy masculinity, grounded in genuine self-love will not be toxic and destructive towards femininity.

I don't think its fair to say that men have destroyed women, that men are to blame and women are the victims. I think both sides are at fault, and I can have compassion for the reasoning of both sides. Its important to note that a healthy masculinity and femininity will be supportive of each other and will compliment and synergize with each other well. This is the natural healthy state, how its meant to be. 

I can totally empathize with you and what you've been through, and i'm sure its harder than I can understand as a man to have been treated the way you have been by men, and i'm sorry you had to go through that, but I still don't think its fair to basically say that all men are inherently destructive towards women and to say that women are at no fault and play no piece in it themselves (such as what I described in the first paragraph).

[K Ghoul]

1 minute ago, Loba said:

 

We should learn how to use it.  Maybe that is key - that women inherently have this innate power, but we just don't know how to activate it, or perhaps don't know when it is being activated.

we should   ideally, our mothers would have passed down that knowledge to us. But how many of us have been lucky to have been born to a mother who knows herself. Hell, my mother was getting beatings from my father on the regular basis when she was pregnant with me haha I should have just been aborted, but here I am. “We gotta catch it on our own…trains hard. roads rough.”

[Tristan12]

9 minutes ago, something_else said:

Masculinity is pretty much entirely defined by the experiences it has gone through in life. It’s not really something that a man just ‘has’ naturally

Yes, femininity comes much more naturally as it is more of an open, receptive, being state. Masculinity is based on strength, leadership and doing, and as a result requires much more effort to learn and develop it. Long ago men would learn and develop their masculinity through the influence of other tribe members and other strong grounded men. That being said, when men don't get the masculine influence they need, which is especially common in today's society, they are left weak and out of alignment with their true essence, and of course that leads to toxicity. Men developing healthy masculinity will come from embracing and supporting masculinity, not demonizing it. Neither masculinity nor femininity are inherently bad or destructive. There are just healthy and unhealthy expressions of them.

[Federico del pueblo]

7 minutes ago, Loba said:

You just want to argue to be right, basically.

No I actually thought that I could potentially make you rethink certain things. But I'm not expecting anything.

9 minutes ago, Loba said:

You don't want to look at the genuine issue, is that so many women are abused by your gender, treated like dirt, used, manipulated, murdered... WAY more often than my gender does to yours.

I know of this.

Men definitely do many bad things. They have higher levels of aggression for sure. It's sad that many women get abused. If you say that men do this way more often than women then yeah, that makes a lot of sense if we're talking about physical aggression.

It's simply due to the physical strength advantage that men have (combined with higher levels of certain hormones). It's also smaller weaker men who get beaten up by stronger men more often.

This way or another there is no excuse for when a man is physically violent towards a woman, it's fucked up.

If 

17 minutes ago, Loba said:

My gender is about community and love

Not as much as you'd like to think. 

There are also many women manipulating and exploiting men and I don't know if you're willing to admit that too.

The ways of manipulation women do are just a bit different compared to what men do. Different games, often still sneakier ones.

21 minutes ago, Loba said:

you're basically arguing against someone who was abused by your gender - why should women trust abusers?

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what kind of abuse we're talking about here.

Anyway if you now conclude that all men are abusers it's just still wrong.

Some men are horrible abusers, many men are manipulative to some extend (but so are many women), but there are also more than enough man who are not abusive.

I've been emotionally abused by some girls too, though I don't believe all women want to abuse me. I ascribe this to the fact that the women who abused me were just not mature enough yet and also insecure, so they had to play nasty games.

And I know that you probably will reject my next point with something like "yeah, that's because women were not allowed to do anything for so long" but let's see.

It's also men who have brought a lot of good things to this world, things from which you benefit on a daily basis.

It's 97% who build the infrastructure you're using.

Men who work freaking hard, dirty jobs to maintain this entire system, who crawl around in the shit of the canalisations to clean and maintain the system so everybody's shit can keep flowing, including the shit of 20 something year old girls who are sitting up there in the Starbucks café complaining about how bad "all men" are while some man has to clean or repair the stinky sewers about 20 ft below the Starbucks. 

Men who invented the internet, men who invented cars, who build houses, skyscrapers, power plants, take away the fucking trash.

These men who are considered "low status" who can't even think about finding a decent woman because they immediately would disregard them.

If it wasn't for men you'd still be sitting in the mud of some Forrest trying to collect some berries or whatever. But I know that there's gonna be even more stuff to devalue even these last things I just wrote.

So anyway, I won't try to change your views anymore. I wish you the best.

[Matthew85]

@somegirl Yes, awareness is the first step.

The more I was able to let go of judgments I held, the more life opened up and led me to having all kinds of unique experiences.