Striving for more

Feel like I'm destined to be an incel with no friends

12 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

This post might be pointless because tbh I haven't tried hard enough, but my life feels like an endless Mary go round to nowhere, I do pickup when I have time but every single time they have a boyfriend & seem creeped out & I have a semi broken leg so I can't even walk properly or go running & do pick up at the park.

My social intelligence level is about -3/300, in spite of all the theory & YouTube & books, I just don't get it. I'm not shy but I talk too much & too fast, I say the wrong thing, offend people... I come across needy & creepy. 

I've watched "the power of letting go" video multiple times but I can't let go of how desparate I actually am to just meet someone, even for 1 night. I'm considering hiring a prostitute even tho I know it's fake & empty af, but I at least then there's a 0.1% chance of her enjoying it & some validation.  

I have 0 friends & I have had 0 girl for several years, I feel trapped in my own neediness, masturbation only makes it worse. 

 

I know 1 solution is to move to a better area with more young women around, & I have savings but I'm too picky & indecisive & can't choose where to go, covid stuff makes it complicated too. 

I'm not good looking enough for tinder & don't have enough  cool pictures, although I had one idea that I could buy a tripod & go to a cool location & set a timer & make it appear natural & maybe this would work, but I feel like tinder the odds are just too harsh. 

So although I need to move out it's to find the right place & I'm very stingy with money because I obsess over investing every penny in stocks & crypto & education.

So I feel trapped between my own indecisiveness, my OCD, my neediness & desperation, my low IQ & Low EQ, & My depressing environment that I can't think clearly enough to escape from... I have been in the same situation for several years, living a life of quiet desperation, except now I have some savings, but I'm still afraid I might lose it all. 

I am not actually "stuck", I'm not in prison, but I just can't DECIDE where to move out because the only place that fits my tight check list they all cost so much money. 

I am a sad loner with no life, & I'm not even that sucessful yet, I want all of it but it feels so far away, my environment cripples me but my own poor ability to plan & find what I want keeps me stuck in the same place, I just need these basics sorted so bad & I'm sitting here with a fucked leg so I can't even pick up girls at the gym, which I recently realised is probably my only true edge as I have a kinda athletic body, but I also just need to move place. 

As you can these this post is very long & incoherent, sorry Fuck you if that annoys you, that's my brain for you, I have no coherency or strucutre in anaything I do, i can't manage time, my emotions, my words, nothing. 

Edited by Striving for more

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Find out what you want my man. When you do that, find out why you want it.

Piece of paper and a pen in undistracted silence is all that's needed for this.

All this confusion stems from conflict inside. A disconnect. Connect back with yourself. Feel it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You will get all sorts of advice here, but honestly, do you really want more advice? Or do you want to get some clarity and finally some real long lasting change? Honestly, just do one of these events:

https://www.thefearlessman.com/events/

The intensive experience and then the weeklong intensive. Then come back here and tell me how it went. You'll feel like a changed human being.

I can explain what is wrong with you, as I understand your position, but you probably won't attune to it. Just do the events. Thank me later.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Your problem isn't really about you not getting girls or being successful enough.It's the way you see yourself as a loser by not getting whatever you think you should have.
It's a really hard to swallow pill, but you're fine as you are, you just have to accept yourself exactly as you are with exactly what you have.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't go for girls and more success, somehow those beliefs won't suddenly leave you (you'll still feel like you need them on some level).

What I'm trying to say is that you could be at peace, for the most part, if you start to see yourself and think about yourself in a more positive manner.

Instead of saying that you are dumb, say that there are things you don't understand.
Instead of saying that you are unattractive, say that you don't know how to attract women.
Instead of saying that you are a sad loner, say that you must have a very specific personality that not everyone can appreciate.

You need to practice meditation like crazy, and truly understand how your mind works.

The example I just gave you are a way to reframe your mind, and you can't reframe your mind if it is completely wild and unconscious.
You are not the voice in your head, and once you can clearly see that (which is a basic skill, it's not enlightenment at all), is when you can truly change your life.
Read The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle, it should help with that, and obviously learn how to meditate too (it's far easier than you think).

You CAN free yourself of all that self pity stuff and heal.

I was in a position probably worse than yours a few years ago, so I understand your struggle, so you see it's not your genetics or your luck, it's just how your mind is currently working.
There is nothing wrong at all with you, you just have a mind that is very confused on top of not being able to see that clearly (so being conscious, being the watcher of the thought).

Wherever you are now doesn't matter, you can heal all of it and come out amazingly strong.
In a sense you are gifted, cause the highest the suffering, the highest the capacity for greatness.
When you've suffered as much as you are, when you've been as lonely as you are, the person you'll become once those wounds are healed will be one in a million.

Nothing will be able to stop you if you do, you'd be far too strong and resilient.
You'd be greatness incarnated, and on the long term, ALL your dreams will come true.
Your life will be literally epic in a few decades, even years if you go deep enough.

You can be that person if you are ready for the next chapter of your life.

Are you ?

🙂

Edited by Shin

The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire

Your essence is gold hidden in dust

To reveal its splendor you need to burn in the fire of love - Rumi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Shin said:

In a sense you are gifted, cause the highest the suffering, the highest the capacity for greatness.

When you've suffered as much as you are, when you've been as lonely as you are, the person you'll become once those wound are healed will be one in a million.

Nothing will be able to stop you if you do, you'd be far too strong and resilient.

You can that person if you are ready for the next chapter of your life.

🙂

Love that, my man

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@JonasVE12 Thank you I do need to just get out there & go experience

you're right there is so much resources but it helps to release my thoughts or they just stuck in my head every day & my mind has not been very good at using these resources  to get results so far 

Also love it when people share these bootmcamps or events, never would've found it myself, thanks a lot. 

I will have to lie to the airport to get flight to the USA for that lolz, I'll just not return to my country or pay a fine, I'll take the risk. I need an adventure, I only dream of visiting America 

 

@Shin Thank you so much for the wise words ! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Striving for more said:

@JonasVE12 Thank you I do need to just get out there & go experience

you're right there is so much resources but it helps to release my thoughts or they just stuck in my head every day & my mind has not been very good at using these resources  to get results so far 

Also love it when people share these bootmcamps or events, never would've found it myself, thanks a lot. 

I will have to lie to the airport to get flight to the USA for that lolz, I'll just not return to my country or pay a fine, I'll take the risk. I need an adventure, I only dream of visiting America 

 

@Shin Thank you so much for the wise words ! 

Your mind/brain is using the most resources out of any other part of your body.
You'd feel amazing if you were able to «tame it», it's like being a child all over again.

It's only stuck because it doesn't know that it can just relax, in a sense it has forgotten where the snooze button is lol.
If I could just show you for one minute how peaceful it is, you'd not think twice about doing serious work right now 😂

You're welcome 🙂

Edited by Shin

The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire

Your essence is gold hidden in dust

To reveal its splendor you need to burn in the fire of love - Rumi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would recommend you start from zero. You have mental constructions about yourself that are incorrect. Perhaps I'm wrong but it is worth trying. Drop all assumptions about yourself and try to experiment, learn and start to study yourself like it is the first day in your life. Drop all ego.

Between the lines of your post I'm reading all kind of negative emotions. You need to meditate and let these emotions go so that you can relax. Relationships happen when you relax. You have to trust yourself. Just have blind faith that you will be ok. Just try it for couple of months and if it doesn't work you can go back to your old ways.

Being good in relationships also demand experience. You lack experience and only way to get experience is massive exposure. Read the book the 5 second rule and just do it. If your action/thinking ratio is 10%/90%, flip that around. You know what to do, are you willing to do the emotional labor? You have to be honest to yourself first of all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Striving for more

You've constructed a fiction in which you identify as someone broken.

I've also done that. It not as much about adding anything to yourself, but about removing each thoughts and believes that makes you think you're not good enough.

Courage! I'm sending you all my compassion and a warm hug.


“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?” - Rumi.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wasn't there a gut issue? That is likely causing the racing mind or fast talking, stress is constantly elevated, gut makes it hard to calm down. Of course fixing it is the way to go but for a quick daily solution do heavy bodybuilding 1 hour sessions. This will significantly calm the mind and re-center you if done daily. Its best to get a gym buddy for this, who has some experience and who is motivated to get RIPPED. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Striving for more Do you meditate? How much do you know yourself outside your own thoughts? 

wishing you much peace I went through this in my young adult years there is light at the end of the tunnel. Awareness. Blessings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now