integral

How to make a woman orgasm multiple times?

33 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

In leos sex education videos, he explains how to bring up the sexual intimacy. That part is simple enough but right after that quickly sais then make her cum over and over...??????? No details. 

The issue is with my current relationship after her first orgasm with oral and fingers she doesn't want me to touch her clit again and just wants penetration (She says the clit is to sensitive after she orgasm). The penetration is great, she enjoys  it but how am i supposed to make her cum another 5 times like leo suggests if i cant touch her clit? 

How to go about vaginal only orgasms? Ive tried every angle and speed and duration. It doesn't seem to bring her any closer to a orgasm but she is very vocally enjoying it... and i know size is not he problem because im using sex toys. 

Is she not able to orgasm multiple times? What exactly is going to stimulate the next serious of orgasms? Shes getting very excited from the pentration, dirty talk and play, but its not pushing her over the edge. 

Edited by integral

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Posted (edited)

This answered the question, shes loosing all her sexual tension after the first orgasm and its not being built up again fast enough for the next orgasm.

Looks like its not entirely the mans responsibility. 

1) Learn to build up sexual tension again

2) Pelvic floor exercises, learning to use vaginal wall muscles

3) Low every in everyday life = not enough energy during sex

4) Proper breathing, relaxation, letting go of trauma

5) Edging control

Edited by integral

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@integral

Don't get obsessed with chasing orgasms. It becomes easy to feel like you're not "doing enough" and that you've got to put on this whole show.

If orgasms happen, great. But orgasms are not the goal of sex.

I would put your focus on the experience itself.


Loving a new world into being.

Energy healing, music making, tree hugging, sacred being.

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41 minutes ago, aurum said:

I would put your focus on the experience itself.

Thanks, im going to focus on this.

Its just confusing as every tutorial/video/advice/leo is suggesting a women should have a minimum of 2-4 orgasms every time she has sex. 

Im guessing some women have lower sex drives then others and this plays a role. 

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Posted (edited)

22 hours ago, integral said:

The issue is with my current relationship after her first orgasm with oral and fingers she doesn't want me to touch her clit again and just wants penetration (She says the clit is to sensitive after she orgasm). The penetration is great, she enjoys  it but how am i supposed to make her cum another 5 times like leo suggests if i cant touch her clit?

After women have a clitoral orgasm, there can sometimes be a slight refractory period, like in males but not quite as severe -- try continuing to rub her clit through the orgasm to get them to repeat, but you may have to continue rubbing a little bit above the clit / outside the hood so it's not so "right on the spot."

22 hours ago, integral said:

How to go about vaginal only orgasms? Ive tried every angle and speed and duration. It doesn't seem to bring her any closer to a orgasm but she is very vocally enjoying it... and i know size is not he problem because im using sex toys.

More-experienced women I've slept with and discussed sex with in detail have mentioned they've discerned at least 3 different types of vaginal orgasm. They seem to be, in order; most intense first: #1 clitoral, #2 squirting from stimulating the g-spot spongy zone 2 knuckles in (I would think this would be #1, but women seem to beg to differ), #3 some deep spot basically right next to the cervix. Keep on going at a rhythm and she'll eventually get there, so ejaculation control is required for this, but if you spice it up you can get her there earlier. How turned-on she is + how safe she feels with you is probably the strongest driver of female orgasm, provided there is also rhythm + dominance (which will contribute greatly to how turned-on/aroused she is). For instance, if she is VERY turned-on and feels VERY safe, penetration with your penis will be quite sufficient for multiple squirting orgasms -- it can help to have the head/glans of the penis goes all the way in and all the way out repeatedly so that the upper portion of the glans stimulates the g-spot, or whatever that spongy thing 2-3inches-in is.

22 hours ago, integral said:

Is she not able to orgasm multiple times? What exactly is going to stimulate the next serious of orgasms? Shes getting very excited from the pentration, dirty talk and play, but its not pushing her over the edge.

It's all about the buildup, and fulfilling the role of the male who will do whatever he likes with the woman whether she likes it or not, provided that...what the male does just happens to be what the woman likes. In other words, go slow at first but eventually take charge and be very dominant. Talk with her about what she likes (and what you like) -- consider yourself very lucky is she likes choking, hair-pulling, and/or face-slapping, or even (gasp...) spitting -- those work quite well to accelerate orgasms, ime... To a somewhat lesser extent, so can spanking, dirty talk, and eye contact.

 

Also 2 things that seem to work REALLY well:

Standing sex (i.e. with no part of her body touching the ground)

Smacking your penis really hard (loudly) several times on/near the opening of her vagina / slightly right above it (on the clit)

 

As I'm sure you know, female sexuality seems a bit more holistic than male -- the whole package is required: dominance preferably to the point where she can COMPLETELY submit (i.e. relax), foreplay, care, rhythm, after care, etc.

Edited by The0Self

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22 minutes ago, integral said:

Im guessing some women have lower sex drives then others and this plays a role.

Pardon the language (lol), but if they're getting fucked HARD enough, generally women will have an insatiable desire for sex.

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, The0Self said:

Pardon the language (lol), but if they're getting fucked HARD enough, generally women will have an insatiable desire for sex.

haha well with past GF this wasn't a problem, they would orgasm multiple times. Its just this one that i cant get to orgasm more then once. The other one was physically active and abit athletic, so... more sexual energy? 

1 hour ago, The0Self said:

After women have a clitoral orgasm, there can sometimes be a slight refractory period, like in males but not quite as severe -- try continuing to rub her clit through the orgasm to get them to repeat, but you may have to continue rubbing a little bit above the clit / outside the hood so it's not so "right on the spot."

1 hour ago, The0Self said:

More-experienced women I've slept with and discussed sex with in detail have mentioned they've discerned at least 3 different types of vaginal orgasm. They seem to be, in order; most intense first: #1 clitoral, #2 squirting from stimulating the g-spot spongy zone 2 knuckles in (I would think this would be #1, but women seem to beg to differ), #3 some deep spot basically right next to the cervix. Keep on going at a rhythm and she'll eventually get there, so ejaculation control is required for this, but if you spice it up you can get her there earlier. How turned-on she is + how safe she feels with you is probably the strongest driver of female orgasm, provided there is also rhythm + dominance (which will contribute greatly to how turned-on/aroused she is). For instance, if she is VERY turned-on and feels VERY safe, penetration with your penis will be quite sufficient for multiple squirting orgasms -- it can help to have the head/glans of the penis goes all the way in and all the way out repeatedly so that the upper portion of the glans stimulates the g-spot, or whatever that spongy thing 2-3inches-in is.

1 hour ago, The0Self said:

It's all about the buildup, and fulfilling the role of the male who will do whatever he likes with the woman whether she likes it or not, provided that...what the male does just happens to be what the woman likes. In other words, go slow at first but eventually take charge and be very dominant. Talk with her about what she likes (and what you like) -- consider yourself very lucky is she likes choking, hair-pulling, and/or face-slapping, or even (gasp...) spitting -- those work quite well to accelerate orgasms, ime... To a somewhat lesser extent, so can spanking, dirty talk, and eye contact.

Ok Dr. O, im on it. Going to implement this and see where it goes. Squirting and A-spot. Ive been avoiding A-spot because of the fear of hurting them and they don't communicate they want it, because they don't know what they want or even what they can do. Every woman ive been with has the belief that they cant squirt, cant A-spot orgasm, cant orgasm vai vaginal alone. lol. Not sure what women you've been dating but mine had 0 knowledge of there body, packed with misconceptions. 

Edited by integral

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9 minutes ago, integral said:

Not sure what women you've been dating but mine had 0 knowledge of there body, packed with misconceptions.

Almost all the women I was referring to were age 30+ and very "free spirits." And... super into astrology, interestingly, lol.

13 minutes ago, integral said:

Squirting and A-spot.

Just looked up the A-spot -- yeah, that's the #3 they were talking about. Clitoral orgasms seem to actually be the most powerful -- you could try continuing to rub her clit through the orgasm to string them together, though you may have to rub slightly above the clit / outside the hood so it's not so directly on the spot -- this works -- just rub in small circles very lightly but constantly and consistently and with constant rhythm for a long time; the orgasms may intensify while she keeps having them.

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@The0Self Sounds good, going to do this, maybe hit all 3 at the same time with the right intensity? 

 

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2 hours ago, integral said:

Its just confusing as every tutorial/video/advice/leo is suggesting a women should have a minimum of 2-4 orgasms every time she has sex. 

It’s a very male orientated way of looking at sex. Very results orientated. “Okay babe, we’re not leaving here until you cum five times! Get ready!”

And there’s nothing wrong with being results orientated per say. I understand why Leo would say that, especially when you consider just how low the bar is for good sex in our society. And it’s cool to have all that sex knowledge.

But in your case, I think you’ll have a better experience if you just relax into it and focus on being present / intimate with your girlfriend.


Loving a new world into being.

Energy healing, music making, tree hugging, sacred being.

Website: www.akourakin.com

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On 19-4-2021 at 8:17 PM, integral said:

In leos sex education videos, he explains how to bring up the sexual intimacy. That part is simple enough but right after that quickly sais then make her cum over and over...??????? No details. 

The issue is with my current relationship after her first orgasm with oral and fingers she doesn't want me to touch her clit again and just wants penetration (She says the clit is to sensitive after she orgasm). The penetration is great, she enjoys  it but how am i supposed to make her cum another 5 times like leo suggests if i cant touch her clit? 

How to go about vaginal only orgasms? Ive tried every angle and speed and duration. It doesn't seem to bring her any closer to a orgasm but she is very vocally enjoying it... and i know size is not he problem because im using sex toys. 

Is she not able to orgasm multiple times? What exactly is going to stimulate the next serious of orgasms? Shes getting very excited from the pentration, dirty talk and play, but its not pushing her over the edge. 

If she wanted to cum over and over again, she would have.

Notice how you need her to cum again for your sake, not for her sake.

This is backwards.

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Posted (edited)

20 hours ago, aurum said:

It’s a very male orientated way of looking at sex. Very results orientated. “Okay babe, we’re not leaving here until you cum five times! Get ready!”

And there’s nothing wrong with being results orientated per say. I understand why Leo would say that, especially when you consider just how low the bar is for good sex in our society. And it’s cool to have all that sex knowledge.

But in your case, I think you’ll have a better experience if you just relax into it and focus on being present / intimate with your girlfriend.

lmfaooo, was thinking about this more from a optimization point of view but it makes sense. 

4 hours ago, flowboy said:

If she wanted to cum over and over again, she would have.

Notice how you need her to cum again for your sake, not for her sake.

This is backwards.

Thought about this for a while and found there are alot of motivations all happening at the same time. It seems like a mix of doing it for myself and doing it for her.

- I think she wants to cum over and over and i want to give her want she wants but it also gives me pleasure and satisfaction at the same time.

- After giving her what she wants there is a relief, that im useful to her, that i was able to do a good job for her. 

Im going to experiment with changing my perspective to "wanting to give her pleasure for her" in a more focused way. 

Edited by integral

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Posted (edited)

54 minutes ago, integral said:

I think she wants to cum over and over and i want to give her want she wants but it also gives me pleasure and satisfaction at the same time.

- After giving her what she wants there is a relief, that im useful to her, that i was able to do a good job for her

That's the beginner paradigm. Next step: no goals! Once you are secure in your bed skills, you don't need to prove it every time. This enables you to be more present and *actually* go with the flow. I bet she'll like it much better that way too.

Edited by flowboy

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Posted (edited)

Sometimes I buy name brand clothes and sometimes I buy clothes from Walmart. Sometimes you want one thing in the highest quality you can get, and other times you just want four of something. 

Also very often, the younger the woman the less jazzed she'll be about the Walmart scenario. But all women are unique. Just let her like what she likes. For God's sake it's her closet, not yours or Leo's. ;) 

Edited by mandyjw

My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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14 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Sometimes I buy name brand clothes and sometimes I buy clothes from Walmart. Sometimes you want one thing in the highest quality you can get, and other times you just want four of something. 

Also very often, the younger the woman the less jazzed she'll be about the Walmart scenario. But all women are unique. Just let her like what she likes. For God's sake it's her closet, not yours or Leo's. ;) 

I like this analogy.

I literally did this in real life when I was a youngin. I really liked a gal I started dating. She had recently moved from Florida to Colorado in her car and didn't bring many belongings. Winter was approaching and she had no warm clothing. So with good intentions, I went shopping for her and bought her a bunch of clothes - a few sweaters, a jacket etc. She seemed to appreciate the intention and thanked me, yet also seemed very uncomfortable and I was confused why? I told her that she could keep the ones she liked and I would return the rest, yet that didn't seem to help. . . Isn't it a good thing to buy someone clothes? Yet like you say, it's her closet. I hardly knew her and didn't even ask her about what she is into. 

A very different approach would offering to co-create together. To be open to what she is into and go with that flow together. If she said she was into one simple thing from ASOS, roll with it - rather than over-ruling her and saying "No, I'm you are getting four pieces from Walmart - whether you like it or not". 

Another example would be going out to clothes shop for Halloween. Here we are both getting clothes together. We would co-create our experience together. That is different than trying to impose upon her customs I assume she *should* like. 

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Posted (edited)

@flowboy haha i dont know man, ive been doing this for a while with multiple gf and it hasn't went away, its not really about "proving" it to myself,  its a pressure to meet her needs, a fear of not unknowing. 

@mandyjw @Forestluv

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

A very different approach would offering to co-create together. To be open to what she is into and go with that flow together. If she said she was into one simple thing from ASOS, roll with it - rather than over-ruling her and saying "No, I'm you are getting four pieces from Walmart - whether you like it or not". 

Im really not trying to force her to have 4 orgasms lmao, im trying to figure out why in this case she is not responding the same way other partners have. Other partners are having vaginal orgasms and she isn't... 

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

If she said she was into one simple thing from ASOS, roll with it

Ive done this already with partners, they get stuck in a routine of sex and dont know whats possible or how to explore or get stuck on a misconception or to be nice. Even with great communication, they just dont know... In this case it could be as simple as she needs to relax more. I can work with that.

Ive had bitter experiences in the past where i didn't know any of this, she told me everything was great and she believed it, but towards the end of the relationship i figured out what she really wanted but was suppressing. She couldn't communicate it because of feminist pride... and so a major part of our sexual experience was missed out on. Im not going to make this mistake again. 

haha maybe the way i worded this makes it sound like im forcing and serious and my mission is to terminate her vagina. lmao. This is not the case, im relaxed and playful guy. This is just analysis. 

Edited by integral

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13 minutes ago, integral said:

@flowboy haha i dont know man, ive been doing this for a while with multiple gf and it hasn't went away, its not really about "proving" it to myself,  its a pressure to meet her needs, a fear of not unknowing. 

Sounds like you would benefit by having this conversation with her instead. Communication is key😏

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50 minutes ago, integral said:

im trying to figure out why in this case she is not responding the same way other partners have. Other partners are having vaginal orgasms and she isn't... 

Guys pump in and out and bust a nut. Women are more complex. I dated a woman that had an orgasm every few minutes. There were times she would have 20+ orgasms in a session. That's how she was. I also dated women that only orgasm'd half the time, and they didn't appreciate me thinking this was an issue they had and they needed to be fixed. Sometimes, they just liked the sex and were more into the whole process of foreplay, intercourse and snuggling afterwards. Many women are not hyper-focused on orgasm, like men. . . How many guys to you think have had sex, enjoyed it and decided it was time to stop before orgasm and snuggle? It is inconceivable to men, yet sometimes women find it satisfying.

Yet other times, guys focus on their own orgasm and think it was great sex and now it's time to sleep or play some video games - without even considering the woman's desires as she lays there unsatisfied.

And I've dated women that had been sexually abused and had issues with orgasming. Sometimes they don't want to address it, other times they did. I dated one gal that couldn't orgasm with a guy and we worked together to make it happen. It was like figuring out a combination lock. Yet she wanted to try and opened this door. 

Some women rarely have vaginal orgasms, some can orgasm via anal sex, others not. There are all sorts of different varieties.

50 minutes ago, integral said:

Ive done this already with partners, they get stuck in a routine of sex and dont know whats possible or how to explore or get stuck on a misconception or to be nice. Even with great communication, they just dont know... In this case it could be as simple as she needs to relax more. I can work with that.

Ive had bitter experiences in the past where i didn't know any of this, she told me everything was great and she believed it, but towards the end of the relationship i figured out what she really wanted but was suppressing. She couldn't communicate it because of feminist pride... and so a major part of our sexual experience was missed out on. Im not going to make this mistake again. 

This is also another dynamic. Things can become routine and a gal can repress sexual desires. Yet personally, I would be careful with making assumptions that "she must want XYZ because that's what my previous gf wanted". I try to engage in a dynamic that she feels comfortable telling her desires. If a woman is repressing desires it's her and the guy. She doesn't feel comfortable expressing it with the guy. I've found putting expectations onto her can make it worse. A feeling of being judged is the biggest block to opening up about repressed desires. She could be into learning about how to have vaginal orgasms. Yet if I make that assumption and it's not her deeper desire, she won't open up. Imagine a gal with repressed desires to be dominated and rape fantasies. If a guy is focused on making her vaginal orgasm, he is in another world. . . 

Rather, I would talk about some of my own "gray area desires" and get in tune with her response and energy. I might mention how I'm curious what it would be like to have sex with someone voyeuring us. This could open a door. She might respond "You too? I've never felt comfortable telling someone that". Or she might respond with a "yuck". Then I recalibrate. 

Imagine a gal has a fantasy about role reversals and being dom. If I'm oriented toward trying to help her orgasm, that is a dom role and she won't feel comfortable expressing dom desires. Yet if I mention curiosity about getting plugged, she might ask "what is that?" and perk up. Or she might look disappointed (indicating she is more sub). 

One great way to open doors to repressed sexual desires is role playing. For me, that is the #1 door opener, because it's a character and not them. When exploring roles we could play, one can throw out a character and not be judged as it being them. For example, I was exploring role playing with a gal and she mentioned being a young teenage girl with a crush on the landscaper, who is a full grown male. I wasn't like "Omg, that would be child rape! That's so fucked up!". Another gal told me she wanted to play my psychologist and wanted me to play her patient - and she would mentally manipulate me into having sex. I wasn't like "That's unethical". I was like "ooooh, that could be interesting. . . ". It was obvious that these were repressed fantasies they had and hadn't felt comfortable sharing it with a guy. 

 

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On 19.4.2021 at 8:17 PM, integral said:

The issue is with my current relationship after her first orgasm with oral and fingers she doesn't want me to touch her clit again and just wants penetration (She says the clit is to sensitive after she orgasm). The penetration is great, she enjoys  it but how am i supposed to make her cum another 5 times like leo suggests if i cant touch her clit? 

It's just mental. I mean how long is she too sensitive? 1minute, 10 minutes, 1 hour, 1 day?

Maybe she is insecure and thinks she can't come another time and she doesn't want you to feel bad. Or she just doesn't want to come again. You will find out.

Also I think vaginal orgasms feel different, so maybe she just can't tell. But that is just a guess.

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