integral

How to make a woman orgasm multiple times?

33 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

18 hours ago, Forestluv said:

This is also another dynamic. Things can become routine and a gal can repress sexual desires. Yet personally, I would be careful with making assumptions that "she must want XYZ because that's what my previous gf wanted". I try to engage in a dynamic that she feels comfortable telling her desires. If a woman is repressing desires it's her and the guy. She doesn't feel comfortable expressing it with the guy. I've found putting expectations onto her can make it worse. A feeling of being judged is the biggest block to opening up about repressed desires. She could be into learning about how to have vaginal orgasms. Yet if I make that assumption and it's not her deeper desire, she won't open up. Imagine a gal with repressed desires to be dominated and rape fantasies. If a guy is focused on making her vaginal orgasm, he is in another world. . . 

Rather, I would talk about some of my own "gray area desires" and get in tune with her response and energy. I might mention how I'm curious what it would be like to have sex with someone voyeuring us. This could open a door. She might respond "You too? I've never felt comfortable telling someone that". Or she might respond with a "yuck". Then I recalibrate. 

Imagine a gal has a fantasy about role reversals and being dom. If I'm oriented toward trying to help her orgasm, that is a dom role and she won't feel comfortable expressing dom desires. Yet if I mention curiosity about getting plugged, she might ask "what is that?" and perk up. Or she might look disappointed (indicating she is more sub). 

One great way to open doors to repressed sexual desires is role playing. For me, that is the #1 door opener, because it's a character and not them. When exploring roles we could play, one can throw out a character and not be judged as it being them. For example, I was exploring role playing with a gal and she mentioned being a young teenage girl with a crush on the landscaper, who is a full grown male. I wasn't like "Omg, that would be child rape! That's so fucked up!". Another gal told me she wanted to play my psychologist and wanted me to play her patient - and she would mentally manipulate me into having sex. I wasn't like "That's unethical". I was like "ooooh, that could be interesting. . . ". It was obvious that these were repressed fantasies they had and hadn't felt comfortable sharing it with a guy. 

Thanks, needed to hear this, i didn't consider how diverse her desires could be, was making a lot assumptions. Going to use all of this. 

19 hours ago, flowboy said:

Sounds like you would benefit by having this conversation with her instead. Communication is key?

Im on it, didn't realize how complicated this was... because im so simple in comparison, i know what i want and ill say it. lol While they dont know what they want and wont say it, all for a wide range or reasons. At least at this level of development.

 

Edited by integral

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On 20/04/2021 at 9:19 PM, aurum said:

It’s a very male orientated way of looking at sex. Very results orientated. “Okay babe, we’re not leaving here until you cum five times! Get ready!”

Got a little tense just reading this:D

On 21/04/2021 at 5:13 PM, integral said:

I think she wants to cum over and over and i want to give her want she wants but it also gives me pleasure and satisfaction at the same time.

I think woman can really feel the pressure of when a man wants them to come so that they can feel good about themselves. It ironically takes your focus off her by constantly "doing stuff" and thinking about how it all relates to you instead of being there with her to enjoy it all. That whole way of thinking is really not serving you imo. You’re not “supposed” to do anything. Sex is not some kind of “give and take” scenario where you should keep score of... Anything really.  Just explore together. Also, sex is totally different for woman. I for my part don’t care much about orgasms. Sometimes I have a bunch of them, other times I don’t. Who cares. The sexy thing is that it doesn’t make my man insecure or go into hyperactivity mode. Because sex is more to him than a booster for his confidence.

Also, notice that you think she wants to come over and over again. But what does she think? Definitely talk about this with her. You might be surprised how she sees the situation. If you're not open about your feelings towards each other, she can't completely relax with you and that, in turn, makes it more difficult for her to come.


My website: The Inward Morning

Dei nostri templum terrarum orbus est

 

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Posted (edited)

18 hours ago, flume said:

I for my part don’t care much about orgasms. Sometimes I have a bunch of them, other times I don’t.

What made the difference between a bunch and none? Are we talking about sex with the same partner? 

18 hours ago, flume said:

The sexy thing is that it doesn’t make my man insecure or go into hyperactivity mode. Because sex is more to him than a booster for his confidence.

So the issue is ive seen the "truth" lol. Ive been with a partner that made it clear to me she had mind blowing sex with this "one guy", who was basically a porn star. That one guy would text/(hit her up) for sex while we where dating, he would text "ill abide my time", meaning hes going to wait for her relationship with me to end, no rush. He wins/gets her in the end situation. So this was a good wake up call for me in a way that it set the bar high and made it clear to me what i was shooting for, but in another way my survival agenda became, "i need to figure out how to fuck her brains out". From there i used sex toys and fantasies/other things to give her the multiple earth shaking full body orgasms the other guy did (yes she told me that's what the other guy gave her). 

Cant tell if this comes from trauma or survival or playing the game realistically.  I adapted.  but now it seems i need to adapt again lol. 

The bar is still set high. I've seen what's possible so its hard to accept a lower standard. I get there is different kinds of sex, everyone is different, this is just one kind and not all woman are capable of it. But I'm still going to shoot for it in some way.  

18 hours ago, flume said:

Also, notice that you think she wants to come over and over again. But what does she think? Definitely talk about this with her. You might be surprised how she sees the situation. If you're not open about your feelings towards each other, she can't completely relax with you and that, in turn, makes it more difficult for her to come.

Yes makes a good deal of sense, everyone has made this clear to me. thanks :) 

 

 

Edited by integral

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On 21.4.2021 at 5:13 PM, integral said:

lmfaooo, was thinking about this more from a optimization point of view but it makes sense. 

Recontexualize optimization

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@integral

Trust. It's trust that will get her to orgasm. It's precisely because the female body and mind is seeking to let go, surrender, be open to the right man.

But it's difficult to define what this trust entails. It's trusting that you are the "compatible" one. The one that intuitively knows how to handle her.

Basically, the more compatible she realizes you are, the more she'll surrender and lose it. On the contrary, the more mistake you make, the more tense she'll get and build mechanism of defense and rejection.

Also, you've got the be aligned in your masculinity, so she'll feel safe. So try not to bring any insecurities in bed. Don't make of sex a battle field where you want to prove her you know how to do women. It comes off as the exact contrary, because instead of focusing on her, you'll be focusing on your ego and creating distance between the two of you. In that case, she might start to feel like the performance is about you, not her.

Exceptional sex is wired towards the transcendental. It is a communion which asks that you leave the ego (which is the root of division) outside the bedroom, ideally. Though, you can also have great sex by pushing on the ego wounds and reintegrating them.

Other than that, the best way to fuck her good is know the secret of her mind, know how to stimulate her emotions and know her heart. And of course, knowing female anatomy. :) 


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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1 hour ago, integral said:

What made the difference between a bunch and none? Are we talking about sex with the same partner? 

My mood that day. Also whether or not I feel like it's a good time for me to come. Yes, same partner.

1 hour ago, integral said:

So the issue is ive seen the "truth" lol.

This seems to be a common issue, yes xD

1 hour ago, integral said:

Cant tell if this comes from trauma or survival or playing the game realistically.  I adapted.  but now it seems i need to adapt again lol. 

In all seriousness, this is a messed up situation you were in. Trauma response for sure I'd say. Don't "adapt" around the wound, look at it directly. 


My website: The Inward Morning

Dei nostri templum terrarum orbus est

 

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Posted (edited)

5 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

@integral

Trust. It's trust that will get her to orgasm. It's precisely because the female body and mind is seeking to let go, surrender, be open to the right man.

But it's difficult to define what this trust entails. It's trusting that you are the "compatible" one. The one that intuitively knows how to handle her.

Basically, the more compatible she realizes you are, the more she'll surrender and lose it. On the contrary, the more mistake you make, the more tense she'll get and build mechanism of defense and rejection.

Also, you've got the be aligned in your masculinity, so she'll feel safe. So try not to bring any insecurities in bed. Don't make of sex a battle field where you want to prove her you know how to do women. It comes off as the exact contrary, because instead of focusing on her, you'll be focusing on your ego and creating distance between the two of you. In that case, she might start to feel like the performance is about you, not her.

Exceptional sex is wired towards the transcendental. It is a communion which asks that you leave the ego (which is the root of division) outside the bedroom, ideally. Though, you can also have great sex by pushing on the ego wounds and reintegrating them.

Other than that, the best way to fuck her good is know the secret of her mind, know how to stimulate her emotions and know her heart. And of course, knowing female anatomy.

Ok this and the videos on the other topic really clicked for me. Ive been doing this, but i can see it can be taken to a deeper level. I wasn't conscious of trust. Now that i see the variable, the system is a lot clearer. 

I trust everyone with out much thought or that im realistic about it, so trust issues is not something i was looking for in others. 

 

Edited by integral

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Posted (edited)

8 hours ago, integral said:

Ive been with a partner that made it clear to me she had mind blowing sex with this "one guy", who was basically a porn star. That one guy would text/(hit her up) for sex while we where dating, he would text "ill abide my time", meaning hes going to wait for her relationship with me to end, no rush. He wins/gets her in the end situation.

@integral Oh my god. I'm sorry this happened to you. This woman was very toxic to you and clearly messed with your head. She shouldn't have exposed you at all to those texts by him, just blocked it out and forget about it! Instead she took it as an opportunity to mess with your confidence, apparently. Successfully. Because that is the easiest way to make a man insecure, to talk about guys who supposedly fucked her so much betterxD I can't even begin to understand the sadism and unconsciousness in this person. You definitely should have broken up with her sooner.

And also, even though it has motivated you to learn some new moves and learn to use toys, which is nice, I think it's indeed time to re-think your entire interpretation of that situation.

I so can understand and feel this, too... He "gets her" in the end... And then you build the whole story in your mind, of what to do so this never happens again...

But what does he get? An unconscious woman with toxic and manipulative tendencies who likes to emotionally castrate the men she's with. What a prize!

It's only a matter of time before she'll start to work on his confidence, too, trying to bring him down to her level, and telling him about how much better you fucked her, or how much bigger your dick is, or how she liked something better about you and you're RIGHT around the corner. That's how people like that function. They help raise somebody's confidence, then draw them in, then once they have them, switch tactics and bring the person down, destroying their confidence. Emotional vampirism.

The equivalent would be if you would be in bed with your woman, scrolling on your phone through pictures of your exes, showing HER how hot they are, telling her about how much more physically attractive you find them, and even showing/telling you that they are still messaging you and interested in you!

Imagine doing that to a person. What the f man. No class, no class at all. and who would tolerate it?

And now imagine you had done that to your ex, gotten back together with one of the "hotter" girls you showed her that time, and now she has taken that to heart in a similar way, using diet pills and purging so this "will never happen to her again"

That's what you get if you flip it around.

Make no mistake. This person was emotionally abusive to you.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Posted (edited)

@flowboy Thanks man, she definitely made some mistakes but my impression was she was suppressing her desires and she couldn't tell me directly because she didn't want to hurt my feelings so she communicated it indirectly by sprinkling it around alittle bit everywhere over time. "hints". Then she slowly got carried away and let bigger hints slip. Unless im being naive. 

Im accepting of her level of development, shes the way she is and she didn't have a chance to be any other way. 

I think the self actualization question i need to ask is, what would i have done if i didn't have access to sex toys to rekindle my confidence. I found a solution but at the cost of avoiding growth.  

Zooming out and taking a holistic perspective surely helps, but clearly my ego can be kicked around and is dependent of many things to remain stable, first tier.

Cant tell how to Transend. Maybe just accept the ego as it is and what its for. 

Edited by integral

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Posted (edited)

46 minutes ago, integral said:

she couldn't tell me directly because she didn't want to hurt my feelings so she communicated it indirectly by sprinkling it around alittle bit everywhere over time. "hints". Then she slowly got carried away and let bigger hints slip. Unless im being naive

She couldn't tell you directly because she supposedly cared about not hurting your feelings, so instead she sprinkled little hints around, so that your confidence would be systematically destroyed over a longer time? Does this make any sense?

There is even a name for this pattern, it's called the poison drip. You can look it up.

I'm not saying you were naive and should have known, of course not. I'm also not saying she is evil and did this on purpose. But you are still making excuses for her clearly very toxic behavior. She did something to you that, in the flipped around case, you wouldn't do to her, right? 

You're still under her spell a bit. The trap closed when she started giving you the message "not good enough in bed, and I might leave you for another because of that", and you took the bait and decided you were going to accept this challenge to match up to her standards. Right there is where you can recognize the toxic element: having an open conversation about sexual needs is fine, threatening to leave you over it and pushing you to feel competitive over her with this other male, is NOT fine.

Make no mistake, chicks do this on purpose all the time. Make men compete over them because they enjoy it and it covers up the hole in their own self esteem. But it's narcissistic behavior.

Your current girlfriend is now dealing with a boyfriend who is obsessed with making her orgasm, making her feel pressured and less likely to orgasm, because of how your ex emotionally abused you.

My point is not that you are doing anything wrong, believe me I have been there and I can see that you are just trying to do right.

I think it is not healthy for you to make excuses for her anymore. I think it would be healthier to fully appreciate how unkind, selfish and manipulative she was to you, and really allow yourself to be angry. Anger is a cleansing, healing emotion that is necessary and must be fully felt. Then, some days or weeks later, forgive her.(of course, do not communicate with your actual ex. Just talking about your emotional process here) Right now you're having a hint of stockholm syndrome.

?

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Posted (edited)

@flowboy I still love her and want to see her succeed, but this is not a attachment love, its a love that comes from understanding her suffering and how that made her do what she did. Its her survival. 

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

in the flipped around case, you wouldn't do to her, right? 

No because i was given alot of love. I had a blessed childhood. So from this perspective there is no blame, but that doesn't mean it didn't effect me, i agree with that and i see how im caring this over in my current relationship. 

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

"not good enough in bed, and I might leave you for another because of that"

Maybe she was trying to tell me i was bad in bed and she had no tools to communicate it. She was an ENFJ, and i think she was very aware of how it would make me feel to tell me my dick was not big enough.

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Make no mistake, chicks do this on purpose all the time. Make men compete over them because they enjoy it and it covers up the hole in their own self esteem. But it's narcissistic behavior.

At the same time... hmmm yes i can see how she was manipulating me to compete with other men. Really didnt think of this, feels like a primal instinct, its trilling, i can see why she would indulge in this and i agree its unhealthy. 

Maybe the sex was not good enough and she was going to leave me... sounds like a legitimate issue for someone? lol ok i get where your coming from, but at some level there are maybe legitimate issues here. Like i accept reality 100%, my dick was not big enough for her, its ok. How was she supposed to tell me something like that? She went about it in a unhealthy way. but... she got what she wanted, it worked. 

But I can see both your perspective and my perspective. What the exact truth is doesn't change what i understand about her life conditions. 

 

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

I think it is not healthy for you to m make excuses for her anymore. I think it would be healthier to fully appreciate how unkind, selfish and manipulative she was to you, and really allow yourself to be angry. Then, some days or weeks later, forgive her. Right now you're having a hint of stockholm syndrome.

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Right there is where you can recognize the toxic element: having an open conversation about sexual needs is fine, threatening to leave you over it and pushing you to feel competitive over her with this other male, is NOT fine.

That's definitely true. So the trauma is here and i forgive her it seems. Don't know if soaking in some anger is the right move. Will it solve the trauma? Not sure. 

The trauma feeling always inadequate and uncertain that im satisfying a partner even when im giving them great sex. Its clear to me that this is happening. hmm i cant remember not thinking this way. Its always been this way, just the last gf pushed me to take extra steps and she set the bar high to the pinnacle of orange sex basically. 

Overall i feel more confident then i ever have about sex. 

Edited by integral

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Every woman is different when it comes to sexual pleasure and orgasms. You just have to try different sexual techniques to see what makes her body tick. I've recently come across a secret African sex practice called Kunyaza, which I haven't tried yet. But many believe that it almost guarantees orgasms and can trigger multiple ones too. It primarily involves clitoral stimulation but can involve penetration as well for a more intense experience. Check it out here

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Posted (edited)

@CBN Thanks ill add that technique to the repertoire. Its a very natural thing to do, im guessing most guys figured this out on there own. Maybe we should start a sex techniques mega thread. :) 

Edited by integral

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