Authenticity and vulnerability

[Elevated]

19 hours ago, Barbara said:

I do get you here. But to me, looking for being relatable would damage the authenticity, I feel. But might be a solution. I would have to put it into practice and see how I feel.

Think of relatability as respecting where the other person currently is. It's coming from an authentic place of empathy, understanding that the other person may not know who you are, what you're about, and what you really mean when you say or do the things that are authentic to you. Showing a side of yourself to these people that is taking into account how they feel is not sacrificing authenticity if the side of yourself you show is authentic to you. Having a shit may be very authentic, but it would be a violation of the other person if I were to do it in front of them saying, "respect my authenticity." So think of it like that, relatable means being authentic without violating the other. It's a tricky dance, but it is a dance. It becomes fun when you learn the nuances of the dance. 

[Barbara]

@Elevated I see. It makes a lot of sense, actually Thanks for your sharing!

[LastThursday]

2 hours ago, Barbara said:

10 hours ago, LastThursday said:

Being authentic and vulnerable is an outward expression, not a thought in your head; it is for other people to admire and recognise.

Why do you think that? Just questioning for the sake of curiosity to explore the topic. Not judging

Sure.

What's the purpose behind being authentic? It seems like it's about removing the barriers you normally have, that stop you thinking and doing the things you desire. The barriers are things like fear of rejection, anxiety, guilt, lack of confidence, uncertainty, fear of being ridiculed and so on. So what's it like to think authentically? In that case you would just think thoughts without any judgement (barrier) from yourself and let them play out. But just thinking like this isn't the whole story. The other half of the story is acting on those unrestricted thoughts  - this is the outward expression of authenticity. People will admire you for being free to act out what you wanted in the moment.

What's the purpose behind being vulnerable? It's about showing parts of yourself that you consider painful or unpleasant or that you could be judged on; putting yourself in a position of being at the mercy of other people. And normally people will empathise with you. Again, it's an outward expression of openness and invitation to intimacy.

 

[UDT]

@Barbara  

1) You´re evolving out of your cirlce

2) The more you know the less you speak

3) Find balance between being authentic and not rubbing your personality in everyones face (90% of people cant handle that form of openness)

4) Find your passion and let it consume you, being socially accepted by your friends is very overrated, esp. when you chase higher things 

[BlackMaze]

Read radical honesty. To pretend you are something else by not saying something is lying and not being authentic. If you actually tell the truth you might discover that what you considered as truth is not so true after all. If you hold back because others could perceive you as weird or arrogant or whatever is lying. We all lie most of our lives. Of course i agree with the idea of reading the room. Not everyone deserves your honesty. The people you hold grudges against certainly do though. Why protect your identity? It's fake after all. To watch your identity being attacked without you being affected is spiritual. 

[Barbara]

@LastThursday Authenticity to me has a lot to do with how you communicate boundaries.
And you can't possibly establish boundaries from thought, especially during an interaction, because it's all too fast and fluent. You would have to be connected with how you feel regarding what arises and communicate it freely and truthfully. In that matter, I might agree when you say authenticity is an outward expression since it's about what you communicate, and the purpose of it would be not only removing fear barriers but also express yourself coherently and freely. But, I don't think that being authentic is about others admiring you since that's something you can't control or focus on. At least, that's how I see it  

About vulnerability,

12 hours ago, LastThursday said:

it's an outward expression of openness and invitation to intimacy

It's really well put actually, makes me wonder that you don't have to make that invitation to anyone and that you might establish that by being authentic in communicating your boundaries. 

[Vido]

Authentic YOU! I love this topic because this seems to be the essence of your soul expressed in the external reality in it's truest vibration.

I researched this for years and I realized this, the person you are now if you don't feel authentic, you probably are not. It's like you are listening to piano play and something doesn't sound right. A key that's out of key. You find it, fix it and play again. Hmm, something still doesn't sound right. Is it the C4? Let's find out!

My journey is something similar. My soul wants to express itself in a certain way, however, I have limiting beliefs that stop it from being the way it wants to. "You are not supposed to do this in public!" "Yuck! did you just puke?" "You did this to him? Disgusting!"...
Once I find these beliefs and realize it doesn't serve me anymore, I let go. Once I let go, the soul now can express itself evermore, and thus now I'm more authentic.  

I am not in any way achieved the pinnacle of this process, it's an ongoing journey of becoming more aware of what I believe and asking myself "how does this serve me?"

Helps?

[LastThursday]

47 minutes ago, Barbara said:

But, I don't think that being authentic is about others admiring you since that's something you can't control or focus on. 

Agreed you can't control others' reactions.

Many people will be in your shoes and they also want to be authentic, but are are afraid to be. What's the best thing that can happen to them? That someone authentic, gives them the space and encouragement to also be authentic themselves. It's infectious, win win.

[Origins]

@Barbara I’ve never really had the consistent desire to be relatable. Understandable, not relatable, and even there I have my limits so I’m not the best person to talk to about relatability, these desires I think stem from personality as well. Our personality will generate subconscious protocols we’re not even aware of. If I’m aiming to be relatable it’ll only be in the short term and it’ll be purely goal orientated if it’s individual based, and economised if it’s crowd based. It’s just draining for my personality, you know.

Have you ever considered becoming a therapist? I’m pretty good at empathising but I solely do it from a place of connection and I don’t budge an inch because I simply don’t want anything from the person. If we connect great, if we don’t see yah later have a good one.

So I still say no to attention, to me it’s just stemming from an unmet need that needs to be made conscious so that awareness can strategically understand how to ameliorate itself there. Attention to me is a byproduct of connection so if you’re not getting all the attention you need there there’s an issue with connection, no? If we had all the connection we needed why are we still searching for attention? It’s an important determination. 

I just won’t pretend that I have any answers on relatability because even if I can do it better than most if I wanted, it’s not my style. I can theorise an answer and it’ll probably be right but for you, you’d be better off picking out the eyes of someone that consistently tries to be relatable to others. I can tell you’re relatively good at reading others and you benefit from one on one where you observe and learn from non-verbal cues anyhow, salespeople are good to watch for that. You don’t mind theory, you actively benefit from it but you like to be able to seamlessly actualise your understandings in a social down to earth way. You’re a listener, a doer, not too much of a speaker but of course when you do speak, a harmoniser and relator with a peek of individuality that you allow to sneak through when it feels comfortable to do so. That’s just my spontaneous intuition anyhow without having much if any experience with you.

17 hours ago, Barbara said:

@Origins Really appreciate your answer, pal. You've enlightened me immensely already. I'll follow and do intuition-based trial and error from a place of connection.

Not wanting to pester you, would you say that aiming to be relatable (sweet spot between relatability and authenticity), as mentioned above, would be about attention, connection, or both even?

Edited March 24, 2021 by Origins

[Barbara]

Your understanding is really valuable to me. I aprecciate you sharing it!

2 hours ago, Origins said:

Have you ever considered becoming a therapist?

I'm deducing you're asking if I have considered seeing a therapist?

[Origins]

9 hours ago, Barbara said:

Your understanding is really valuable to me. I aprecciate you sharing it!

I'm deducing you're asking if I have considered seeing a therapist?

Haha no, check: become not see. If I had the time I’d see one as I think everyone should do, only if they were extremely good at what they did though (extended rigorous checklist of criteria would follow). Not everyone is good at being a psychologist on a psychologist though so the less than great ones find it easier to stay in business + great can depend on so many different things unique to the individual. And no problem, all good.

Edited March 25, 2021 by Origins

[integral]

On 3/23/2021 at 6:29 PM, LastThursday said:

In that case you would just think thoughts without any judgement (barrier) from yourself and let them play out. But just thinking like this isn't the whole story. The other half of the story is acting on those unrestricted thoughts  - this is the outward expression of authenticity. People will admire you for being free to act out what you wanted in the moment

At this point authenticity longer has meaning, it only had meaning from the paradigm that contained it. Authenticity is transcended. Is the only way to truly be authentic to transcend it? 

Edited March 25, 2021 by integral

[LastThursday]

11 hours ago, integral said:

At this point authenticity longer has meaning, it only had meaning from the paradigm that contained it. Authenticity is transcended. Is the only way to truly be authentic to transcend it? 

I really don't want to throw water on the fire; we are always being authentic. The transcendence is to realise that we can never be anything else but ourselves in every moment. Acceptance.

[Barbara]

@LastThursday I think you're talking about it on an absolute level like, even when you wear the fear barriers, it's You who's doing that and have the responsibility, even. Is that what you mean?

[LastThursday]

@Barbara yes exactly.

To be authentic is to be a whole person and for all the parts to work in harmony together, even the ugly parts. When you are learning to be authentic, you have to push against all those inauthentic ugly parts - like a rebellious teenager pushing against their parents' wishes, until you realise your parents were right.

[Aaron p]

On 22/03/2021 at 11:14 PM, Barbara said:

Hi there 

On the path of being more authentic in my interactions with others, I find two types of struggles that I would love some insights on.

On the one hand, sometimes I feel that what I have to say, would expose me in a way I don't feel completely comfortable with. 

On the other, I fear that sometimes, when talking about a topic that I happen to have reflected on and have my own conclusions of, I came out as cocky if I express it openly. 

Ultimately, I guess both of them are fear of how others perceive me and that will always affect my authentic way. I also do understand that's an extremely egoic thing to feel since all this resistance is a need to protect my "identity". And I usually, get a kick out of piercing through this ego resistance, but mainly with people that are close to me. Not so much with others.

Did you ever deal with this? How did you overcome it? I deeply appreciate everything you have to say.

There is always wisdom to be used concerning what to say in certain circumstances...but also be aware that your never Gona satisfy everyone with how you act. Some will want you to be louder, some will want you to be quieter...some, confidence, others, timidity. And you also aren't responsible for what others think. In this sense, your best move is to just act authentically and if people can't see that your being authentic then...their bad. But a lot of the time, if your heart is strong enough, what happens is something cool...some people see your confidence and authenticity and it actually motivates them to be more authentic themselves. Which they will think your awesome for (if they're the ones who are inspired by you, as opposed to angered by you...because there will be those as well).

This of course is different again if your in a situation where you need to control the outcome, like if your running your own business for example. Your Gona Wana predict as accurately as you can the response of your consumers.

Personally my approach is just, continually purify my motives and heart more and more and act authentically when authenticity is the best move. It's not always the best move. For example, if your in work and an overweight person says "I like these jeans but do you know why they don't fit me" and you turned around and said "because your fat" you'll get fired lol. Ego is required for survival. And authenticity can be applied even when your lying in my opinion...because even if your lying to protect the greater good, at least you can be authentic with yourself and secretly know that your authentically being inauthentic... although maybe I'm wrong

Edited March 25, 2021 by Aaron p