Preety_India

Is it bad to be attracted to intelligent men?

35 posts in this topic

The guys that I've dated so far have been above average in terms of intelligence. 

I'm generally more attracted to these type of guys. Is it bad to have this kind of a criteria, I mean does it limit me in some way if I reject men who don't stand up to that mark in this department? 

Also, is it a detriment to date highly intelligent people? 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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No I think it's a plus. Personally, I need to date an intelligent guy because I tried to go on dates dumber guys before and they straight up had no idea what I was talking about most of the time. Granted that this person is also emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is much more important in a relationship than being logically intelligent.

Also you can be logically stupid but also emotionally intelligent. Himbos are a real thing and some women prefer them. They are guy bimbos that are stupid and kinda funny but they still drink enough respect woman juice and have enough emotional intelligence to not be an asshole. In a lot of cases, they are too stupid to be deceptive and manipulative. They maybe slow but they aren't destructive. 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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@soos_mite_ah that's nice. I mean an intelligent guy would be a huge turn off If he is disrespectful. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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4 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Himbos

Thanks for the introduction to this word lmao

I don't think that's a bad thing, but intelligence isn't the only thing. I've been on dates with intelligent people who are successful in neuroscience classes, but just don't like the same topics as I do. To them neuroscience is just a job and nothing more. So you could potentially date someone less intelligent than you, but if their interests align then you can still have a great relationship with them. 

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@Preety_India Why would that be bad, why are you doubting what you prefer? :) Be it a relationship or a close friendship, I think it's natural to desire a certain overlap of intellectual depth, just as with every other stage of development. You seem to be quite intelligent yourself, so maybe that's why you like guys who are so as well? Also, intelligence really is a broad term. Authentic intelligence shows connection to truth, it's more than knowing stuff and being quick with understanding something.

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3 minutes ago, Elevated said:

I don't think that's a bad thing, but intelligence isn't the only thing. I've been on dates with intelligent people who are successful in neuroscience classes, but just don't like the same topics as I do. To them neuroscience is just a job and nothing more. So you could potentially date someone less intelligent than you, but if their interests align then you can still have a great relationship with them. 

I also think passion is a huge factor. Often times I don't have the same interests as a guy but if a guy is passionate about something and appears knowledgeable about a subject, that's attractive. Sometimes that passion can seem like intelligence or nerdiness but I still rack it up to passion nonetheless because they don't know about the subject because they are smart, they know about the subject because they genuinely enjoy looking into it in their free time. 

Yet another reason to get a life purpose and invest time into things you are interested in or passionate about. Passion can make someone seem more authentic, ambitious and even intelligent, all of which are very attractive qualities. Plus if a person is super passionate about something, it makes you subconsciously think what other areas of life they may have that passionate energy in ;)


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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17 minutes ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

Authentic intelligence shows connection to truth, it's more than knowing stuff and being quick with understanding something.

You have raised a good point. Authentic intelligence is something we need to look for more often.

Authentically intelligent people are also less likely to be hurtful in relationships. 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You have raised a good point. Authentic intelligence is something we need to look for more often.

Authentically intelligent people are also less likely to be hurtful in relationships. 

That's true :) I think authentic intelligence, just as authentic openness, charisma, confidence, humor etc. point not only to a higher level of consciousness, but integration. This is the essence of maturity, and I personally find nothing more attractive than maturity in its many beautiful forms (like intelligence!). From there, a beautiful relationship can blossom

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences. Intimacy is a private domain of YOUR life, so it's only natural you get to choose who occupies that space. It's not like you are being discriminate towards who are your co-workers or family, that is where the line gets blurry.

It's only limiting if you feel it's causing you to act in more unhealthy or selfish ways, watch out for that.

But also don't abandon or guilt yourself out of enjoying and controlling your life in some capacities. You don't need to be a leaf blowing in the wind.

 


"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him."

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Himbos are a real thing and some women prefer them. They are guy bimbos that are stupid and kinda funny but they still drink enough respect woman juice and have enough emotional intelligence to not be an asshole. In a lot of cases, they are too stupid to be deceptive and manipulative. They maybe slow but they aren't destructive. 

I rarely see such men around me. But from the description, they seem to be good men. 

Most men around me, are the smart intelligent but manipulative types. 

I personally wouldn't feel put off by such himbo men if they show emotional intelligence and respect. I mean the last thing I would want in a relationship is mind games. Who needs an asshole right? 

I think the combination of "not being an asshole" or "not manipulative" and "highly intelligent" is quite rare in my experience. 

I very rarely come across such types because these days most people are so competitive that maybe such "intelligent kind" types have already been outcompeted by the "smart-ass" ones. 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I also think passion is a huge factor. Often times I don't have the same interests as a guy but if a guy is passionate about something and appears knowledgeable about a subject, that's attractive. Sometimes that passion can seem like intelligence or nerdiness but I still rack it up to passion nonetheless because they don't know about the subject because they are smart, they know about the subject because they genuinely enjoy looking into it in their free time. 

Yet another reason to get a life purpose and invest time into things you are interested in or passionate about. Passion can make someone seem more authentic, ambitious and even intelligent, all of which are very attractive qualities. Plus if a person is super passionate about something, it makes you subconsciously think what other areas of life they may have that passionate energy in ;)

Absolutely, and that's kind of what I meant with interests aligning. I've been on dates with women who are high school educated and are super into what I'm talking about because of the energy I bring. Then I've been on dates with very educated women who just don't vibe well my energy. The one that came to mind when I wrote my other post was very much the Fast and Furious, Vin Diesel kind of woman haha. Just not my person, nor I hers. No hard feelings. 

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I think the combination of "not being an asshole" or "not manipulative" and "highly intelligent" is quite rare in my experience. 

Intelligent is one thing. But to me a highly intelligent person knows better than to be an asshole and to manipulate someone. Being an asshole and playing games is a waste of time and puts you on bad terms with people. It's a dumb move if you ask me. 

From my experience, if a guy is really smart, he also has a lot consciousness to him. Then again, that might have to do with how I define smart. 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I very rarely come across such types because these days most people are so competitive that maybe such "intelligent kind" types have already been outcompeted by the "smart-ass" ones. 

Stage red intelligent guys are manipulative and pretty dangerous. Very likely to be narcissistic. The example of a stage red intelligent guy that I immediately think of is a criminal mastermind or a ruthless mob boss. 

Stage blue intelligent guys are typically really smart in one area of their life, usually with their work. As far as manipulation goes, they are likely acting out a lot of trauma or a lot of unawareness to social issues, usually because of indoctrination. If you point out their manipulation, they would project and gaslight you. I met a couple of guys like that in college where they are academically really smart but they think trans people are subhuman and that women are born to submit and serve men for instance. 

Stage orange intelligent guys are usually the ones that are super ambitious, competitive, and like to one up people. I'm talking from my experience in school but these are the guys that will do anything to be number 1 and define their lives up with their stats, whether they are in high school and they derive their self worth from their high SAT scores, or they are in the real world and they define themselves by how much money they make and how much status their intellectual job might hold. IMO they are the most likely to manipulate because they think they are better than you because of how smart they are. 

Stage green intelligent guys may have the same lifestyle as stage orange intelligent guys where they are super ambitious and care about their work but they invest more of their intelligence into social and emotional intelligence. They are probably smart enough to be able to discern different social issues and empathize with women and their experience. They know how the economy and society works and they stand up for social causes, like climate change for example, not only because they care about the people getting affected but because they know systemically, caring about social causes progress society forward to where everyone benefits. Typically they look at the stage orange guy's desire to manipulate as stupidity in the sense of "you're so stupid and selfish for treating a woman like that" or "you're so stupid and selfish for not caring about the planet and that's why we are all screwed." I'm pretty sure these guys can still be manipulative but often it is more unintentional at least in my experience. But unlike stage blue, if you point it out, they are more likely to apologize and try their best of avoid doing whatever they were doing. Social and emotional intelligence is a huge indicator of how conscious and deep into stage green you are imo.  

I can't say much about stage yellow intelligent guys because I have yet to encounter one irl. I'd expect that they'd be even less judgmental than green who still looks down at other stages and writes them off as stupid because yellow knows about the spiral. I'd expect a stage yellow guy to also have too many ethics and self awareness to manipulate someone though I wouldn't say it's impossible, just much less likely because as you go up the spiral, you become less selfish and therefore less likely to manipulate because your ego doesn't feel the need to do that. 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Stage blue intelligent guys are typically really smart in one area of their life, usually with their work. As far as manipulation goes, they are likely acting out a lot of trauma or a lot of unawareness to social issues, usually because of indoctrination. If you point out their manipulation, they would project and gaslight you. I met a couple of guys like that in college where they are academically really smart but they think trans people are subhuman and that women are born to submit and serve men for instance. 

I'll add to this by mentioning a friend of mine who is very much Stage Blue. He saw the limitations with Stage Orange materialism and so regressed back into Stage Blue, became a born-again Christian, the whole works. When you hear him talking about women, you'll first kind of nod your head and say yeah okay you believe that modern society objectifies women, makes them view themselves as sexual toys for the use of men, etc. Then he'll start talking about how his definition of a good woman is intelligent, educated, has strong inner values, modest, respects her body, doesn't have casual sex, wants to be a stay at home mom...wait. Point being, sometimes someone can appear to be a Stage above by criticizing a certain Stage, when in reality you just haven't heard enough of their opinions. 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I can't say much about stage yellow intelligent guys because I have yet to encounter one irl. I'd expect that they'd be even less judgmental than green who still looks down at other stages and writes them off as stupid because yellow knows about the spiral. I'd expect a stage yellow guy to also have too many ethics and self awareness to manipulate someone though I wouldn't say it's impossible, just much less likely because as you go up the spiral, you become less selfish and therefore less likely to manipulate because your ego doesn't feel the need to do that. 

I feel like an issue with a Stage Yellow guy (or woman for that matter) may be that they manipulate for what they believe are good reasons. They may backwards rationalize their manipulations from a place of genuine care for the emotional well-being of the person, and have the proper systems thinking and education to back that up, and yet they are still engaging in manipulations and so it may backfire. I'm honestly not sure if that would apply to Yellow though. What are your thoughts?

Edited by Elevated

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5 minutes ago, Elevated said:

When you hear him talking about women, you'll first kind of nod your head and say yeah okay you believe that modern society objectifies women, makes them view themselves as sexual toys for the use of men, etc.

I feel that when guys talk about women being sexualized or objectified, they are either blue or green. 

A blue guy will say women are being sexualized because in his eyes women need to maintain her purity. She can't walk around in a short skirt even if it is her choosing. That type of clothing is an example of ungodly behavior and vanity. He comes from a place of sexual repression for women.

A green guy will say women are being sexualized because in his eyes women are being harassed. She should be able to walk around a short skirt if it is her choosing and not have to deal with creepy men who are catcalling her or have creeps assume that "she's asking for it."  He comes from a place of sexual freedom and desire for consent. 

9 minutes ago, Elevated said:

I feel like an issue with a Stage Yellow guy (or woman for that matter) may be that they manipulate for what they believe are good reasons. They may backwards rationalize their manipulations from a place of genuine care for the emotional well-being of the person, and have the proper systems thinking and education to back that up, and yet they are still engaging in manipulations and so it may backfire. I'm honestly not sure if that would apply to Yellow though. What are your thoughts?

To me my definition of manipulation implies malicious and selfish intent and outcome. So if you are "manipulating" someone for their genuine care and well being because you have good reasons, that by definition isn't manipulation because you aren't doing anything harmful. Idk, I think I would need an example of this to understand what you're talking about. But if you have good intentions and you are choosing to not be fully authentic for the wellbeing of the other person in an informed way, to me that is being tactful.

I guess an example I can think of is if a kid asks about something that is a very adult topic because the kid saw something on the news, you might not want to be fully authentic and explain everything rather you might want to give broad, age appropriate details so that the child's psychological well being is preserved in order to emotionally develop properly. I guess that could be seen as "manipulation" because you aren't being fully authentic and you might be lying by omission, but in this case, to me that is more so along the lines of being tactful because there isn't any malicious intent or result for it to be defined as manipulation. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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@soos_mite_ah I definitely like your distinction between manipulation and tact. The issue though, is how do we distinguish between genuine care and selfish intent? A Stage Blue may manipulate their partner into bowing to purity rules out of genuine care for the admission of their immortal soul into Heaven, not realizing that this may create intense shame and the subsequent consequences on their mental health. 

I've seen the different stages' conception of God/Truth explained as waves of secularization. First was the secularization of animistic spirits in all things to the Gods of Things, from Purple to Red. Then secularized to the God of All Things (Blue), then to Objective Reality (Orange), then to Language/Society (Green), and then to Yellows understanding of all perspectives as being equally valuable, just at their own level in the Spiral.

Yellow may be the least selfish because it allows for the bird's eye view and the true multiperspectivalism needed to understand that their is no ground upon which we can base our distinction between genuine care and selfish intent. They are the first to really grasp the topic from the perspective of the person in question. Again, this can backfire, as no one is perfectly aware of what another's goals may be, but they are still in the best position to do so. 

I wrote this just before bed, so the morning will tell if what I said makes sense lmao. 

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12 minutes ago, Elevated said:

Yellow may be the least selfish because it allows for the bird's eye view and the true multiperspectivalism needed to understand that their is no ground upon which we can base our distinction between genuine care and selfish intent. They are the first to really grasp the topic from the perspective of the person in question. Again, this can backfire, as no one is perfectly aware of what another's goals may be, but they are still in the best position to do so. 

That makes sense. I guess because I'm mainly surrounded by blue, orange, and green, that is my frame of reference in regards to what selfishness is. Yellow looks like a saint next to those stages. If you take a stage green person, travel back in time, and plop them into the medieval times, the green person would also look like a saint next to people who are mostly in purple, red, and blue......

16 minutes ago, Elevated said:

@soos_mite_ah I definitely like your distinction between manipulation and tact. The issue though, is how do we distinguish between genuine care and selfish intent? A Stage Blue may manipulate their partner into bowing to purity rules out of genuine care for the admission of their immortal soul into Heaven, not realizing that this may create intense shame and the subsequent consequences on their mental health. 

...but on the other hand, because yellow understands a variety of perspectives while still being ethical, a yellow person is more likely to use his or her intellect in order to find a solution and tact that will be good for most of the players in the situation. So their ability to distinguish between common good and selfish intent is better than say someone at stage blue. A person in stage blue might be able to see multiple perspectives but will most likely lack the ability to exercise empathy for those perspectives to reach a solution or strategy that works for everyone. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

The guys that I've dated so far have been above average in terms of intelligence. 

I'm generally more attracted to these type of guys. Is it bad to have this kind of a criteria, I mean does it limit me in some way if I reject men who don't stand up to that mark in this department? 

Also, is it a detriment to date highly intelligent people? 

 

How do you even gauge that? Do you let them take IQ tests on dates?


"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

 

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Intelligence is an appearance, and all appearances are limited and have downsides. For example, an intelligent guy may not be as strong as an average guy. The time he spends on sculpturing his mind, another guy would be spending on sculpturing his body. There are absolutely no absolute positives, if that's what you're asking about. You can't have everything, and you shouldn't even be trying to. Your focus should be directed more inwards.


If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

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