Preety_India

Is it bad to be attracted to intelligent men?

35 posts in this topic

Is it wrong to be attracted to a man taller than me?

Is it wrong to be attracted to a man older than me?

Is it wrong to be attracted to a man of "higher social status" than me?

 

I think its in a womans nature to want to "look up" to the men they are attracted to. And there is nothing wrong with a woman's nature, it just is what it is.

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Your question, @Preety_India, reminds me of this quote from Dr. Ford (Westworld Season 1): It is timestamped, stop at 1:05:45

 

Edited by Abdelghafar
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7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Abdelghafar I can't hear him. His voice is too hushed. 

 

"I read a theory once, that the human intellect is like peacock feathers, just an extravagant display intended to attract a mate. All of our literature, a bit of Mozart, William Shakespeare, Michelangelo, and the Empire State Building, is just an elaborate mating ritual. Maybe it doesn't matter that we have accomplished so much for the basest of reasons. But of course, the peacock can barely fly, it lives in the dirt, pecking insects out of the muck, consoling itself with its great beauty"

You'll understand the quote if you look at it from a symbolic, poetic and a philosophical sense.

@Preety_India

Edited by Abdelghafar
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@Abdelghafar

  • 40 minutes ago, Abdelghafar said:

    "I read a theory once, that the human intellect is like peacock feathers, just an extravagant display intended to attract a mate. All of our literature, a bit of Mozart, William Shakespeare, Michelangelo, and the Empire State Building, is just an elaborate mating ritual. Maybe it doesn't matter that we have accomplished so much for the basest of reasons. But of course, the peacock can barely fly, it lives in the dirt, pecking insects out of the muck, consoling itself with its great beauty"

    You'll understand the quote if you look at it from a symbolic, poetic and a philosophical sense.

    @Preety_India

    Haha I had to laugh. Actually that's not true. The greatest minds in history were virgins (oops no hate, got a ton of respect for all great minds) and people are  better off in the dating world if they're rich and dumb instead of smart and poor. 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India

You didn't get the analogy, it's okay, I admit it's a little abstract. Let me be more specific, I think it's all a matter of bias and perspective. You getting attracted to "highly intellectual men" is your bias, because the core characteristics of the men you're attracted to fits your value system. In the end, "What do you mean by an intelligent person?". We all label things due to our survival mechanisms. So to answer your question "Is it good or bad?": Good and bad are relative concepts, and you are the only one who can know whether these types of men are good for you or not. You see, I can't answer your question from your perspective because I don't know your core values (and I'm not trying to), but you know your values, and that's how you feel attracted to a certain breed and that's how you can judge whether these types are healthy for you or not.

Edited by Abdelghafar
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Survival in action. Don't feel bad about it. 

It's good that you're starting to become conscious of it. You can dig a lot deeper than that.

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A smart woman will only date highly intelligent men, at least seriously. Obviously, in the short term it doesn't matter much, but in a LTR intelligence is really a big deal and something that can't be ignored. There are other reasons too as IQ actually correlates with success in life, low crime rates, etc...

The only time it becomes a problem is with guys who are highly intelligent, but mildly autistic. Think the Big Bang Theory guys, those kinds of guys are real and I know some actual physicists in real life, who are actually like that. They understand complex mathematical equations in multiple dimensions, but can't tie their own shoelaces.

For me, intelligence is very important in a woman. I ended my last relationship for many reasons, but mostly because the girl I was dating really wasn't the sharpest knife in the kitchen drawer. It was actually embarrassing at times and there were several Jessica Simpson moments where I was just stunned into silence at the stupidity of what I've just heard.

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I always feel a bit odd answering questions like these because I feel like I'm working with a different, fairly distinct idea of what intelligence is. Of course, there is this notion of different types of intelligence now, and you may have (based on Howard Gardner's work, as mentioned at the bottom of this image.)

9-types-of-intelligence-infographic.png


What is the barometer or metric for your understanding of what intelligence is? (And on what basis do you accept this to be truth, and why?) Maybe these are basic and overly obvious questions, but it's important to ask to think about the meaning of what is often taken for granted.

I myself have always gravitated towards the SPARK in people. It's less about being super cultivated or polished intellectually (although I absolutely do appreciate that) or like... gratuitous cleverness, or wearing the garb of societal intelligence, but is like the soul of intelligence and it can express itself in a more cerebral way, or say creatively. People who have high “EQ” usually strike me as being more overt in presenting their "spark".

It is highly attractive when someone is well developed across the board, but then that tends to come with a lot of emotional baggage that people just don't get. Or just a certain level of weirdness, at other times. Personally, I don't just want the good stuff. I want ALL of that stuff (inconvenient or not).

Edited by modmyth

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@modmyth I'd say all sorts of intelligence. 

Someone who is quite knowledgeable across the board. It helps with daily conversations. 

I love stimulating conversations. Or else it gets too boring you know. 

For example if a guy only talks about sports. I'd find that incredibly boring. 

But if a guy wants to discuss politics, culture, philosophy, food, lifestyle, self development, business, spirituality, id love that so much. 

Another part of seeking an intelligent partner is emotional eq and I've a lot of respect for people with a high level in this department. It's very refreshing to hold stimulating conversations with people who have high psychological and emotional intelligence. 

Usually im not the chatty one during a conversation. But I like to drop in my perspectives into the conversation from time to time. And I love it when me and the other person are on a roll hehe. :)

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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43 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@modmyth I'd say all sorts of intelligence. 

Someone who is quite knowledgeable across the board. It helps with daily conversations. 

I love stimulating conversations. Or else it gets too boring you know. 

For example if a guy only talks about sports. I'd find that incredibly boring. 

But if a guy wants to discuss politics, culture, philosophy, food, lifestyle, self development, business, spirituality, id love that so much. 

Another part of seeking an intelligent partner is emotional eq and I've a lot of respect for people with a high level in this department. It's very refreshing to hold stimulating conversations with people who have high psychological and emotional intelligence. 

Usually im not the chatty one during a conversation. But I like to drop in my perspectives into the conversation from time to time. And I love it when me and the other person are on a roll hehe. :)

 

Yea totally. I find it more interesting hearing about sports that guys played when they were growing up (I guess I ended up dating guys who were really sporty) because it's part of their history, and I like learning about people's histories. But just talking endlessly at me about sports? I'll only do that for my dad, haha.

Probably the most important part of EQ is people who have a good instinct about when to talk and when to listen based on who they're dealing with, to whatever degree that comes naturally and however they develop it. And just generally, people who can listen properly when they do listen. Like if you prefer listening, it can be really uncomfortable if you're having a conversation with someone and they expect you to carry the conversation or if they were to ask you too many questions about you, right? (Obviously, it depends on how well you know them too.)

Everyone who is socially daft lacks a certain type of sensitivity and like... basic observation skills IMO.

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1 minute ago, modmyth said:

And just generally, people who can listen properly when they do listen. Like if you prefer listening, it can be really uncomfortable if you're having a conversation with someone and they expect you to carry the conversation or if they were to ask you too many questions about you, right?

Yep it can be really uncomfortable, the constant questioning can drive me nuts. 

It also shows that they are daft. 

Intelligence is also seen in how the other person is creating a harmonious flow during the conversation almost effortlessly. Plus it should be easy on the ears because I don't want to hear an entire encyclopedia under 10 mins haha. xD

Other metrics like inflections in voice, dropping jokes here and there, I usually tend to add a lot of humor to a conversation, but I also need a witty response from the other end, imagine if you cracked a joke and the other person looks silently at you like they've no clue, oh shucks xD

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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