Best way to forgive yourself and others in your opinion?

[PurpleTree]

What has helped you forgive yourself and others in your life.

Which techniques, practices etc. helped you the most?

I've seen Leo has an episode on forgiveness, i'll listen to it.

[Zigzag Idiot]

This  concept/practice/phenomena as given by Maurice Nicoll has been a big help to me. In a way, it involves arriving at Self compassion from an unexpected viewpoint.

EXTERNAL CONSIDERING

“External considering is thinking of others. It is one of the few things in the Work that we are actually told to do...If you have taken an album of good photographs of yourself through long self-observation, then you will not have to look far in it to find in yourself what you object to so much in the other person and then you will be able to put yourself in the other person’s position...Remember that when you find the same thing in yourself that you are blaming in someone else it has the magical effect of cancelling the whole situation out. This is real ‘forgiving.’ ” V. 1, p. 259 

[DianaFr]

@PurpleTree In general, it's empathy and kindness. For me, the most powerful technique to forgive myself has been the inner child work. To forgive others, it's necessary to place yourself in their shoes and understand their perspective without judgement. But mostly forgiveness is a practice of self-love. You choose to release yourself from the negative attachments formed by putting blame on others and yourself.

[ajai]

1 hour ago, DianaFr said:

inner child work

What is that? 

And how is it done?

And what is self-Love? also if you'd like to share your thoughts about, What is Love?

 

[PurpleTree]

thanks some good suggestions i'll check these out

 

2 hours ago, DianaFr said:

@PurpleTree In general, it's empathy and kindness. For me, the most powerful technique to forgive myself has been the inner child work. To forgive others, it's necessary to place yourself in their shoes and understand their perspective without judgement. But mostly forgiveness is a practice of self-love. You choose to release yourself from the negative attachments formed by putting blame on others and yourself.

 i read a book on inner child work, but i didn't really do the exercises etc.

which sources did you use?

[ivory]

Ultimately, therapy is what resolved my personal issues. It's very difficult to resolve shame, regret, and self-loathing on your own because the stories we tell ourselves are so compelling and familiar. I suspect that some may be able to resolve self-esteem issues on their own, but I don't think it would be possible for most. I'd consider getting help if you remain stuck for or confused about how to heal. As an alternative, I have heard a lot of good things about the book Radical Acceptance.

[LeoX8]

@PurpleTree The best thing FOR ME was actually asking myself the permition to do it.

I was resisting of not forgiving myself and others by saying "I can't forgive me/him/her" which transformed to "I don't want to do it" or "I/She/he doesn't deserve it"

When I discovered that I could and wanted to forgive me I was just afraid to do it, so i said to myself  "I don't want to suffer anymore, I want to  stop judging myself, I want to forgive me, can I do it?" And then I respond to me "Yes you can", at this point I forgive myself. By this I mean that I let go of the "issue" and give love in any way to me. 

You can do this process with everyone but I discover it as I was doing it to forgive me. 

Hope that this has helped <3

[Mason Riggle]

@PurpleTree

I simply recognize that there is nothing that "I" do, other than 'be myself', which I'm always doing, effortlessly. I am happening.  The same is true for others. They behave like themselves, through no effort of their own. 

Similarly, we might recognize that there's nothing a volcano is doing, other than 'existing how it does'.  There is no 'volcano' inside of volcanos somewhere that we can hold responsible, or forgive, for spewing lava everywhere. 

 

[Origins]

Feel into it, be aware of it, release it. Rinse and repeat, no thought chatter needed.

[Setzer901]

To forgive others, you have to first accept the pain that others have caused you. You need to feel the hurt beneath the anger deeply. Cry if you have to. Once you process all the emotions from the experience, step inside the person's shoes and see why he/she may have hurt you. Then you are ready to truly fully forgive.

Do not forgive if you haven't processed your emotions yet. That would be just be pseudo forgiveness with your anger and hurt just suppressed out awareness.

[PurpleTree]

Very valuable information in this topic, thanks guys

4 hours ago, LeoX8 said:

@PurpleTree The best thing FOR ME was actually asking myself the permition to do it.

I was resisting of not forgiving myself and others by saying "I can't forgive me/him/her" which transformed to "I don't want to do it" or "I/She/he doesn't deserve it"

When I discovered that I could and wanted to forgive me I was just afraid to do it, so i said to myself  "I don't want to suffer anymore, I want to  stop judging myself, I want to forgive me, can I do it?" And then I respond to me "Yes you can", at this point I forgive myself. By this I mean that I let go of the "issue" and give love in any way to me. 

You can do this process with everyone but I discover it as I was doing it to forgive me. 

Hope that this has helped <3

Was this as short of a process as it sounds like or did it take a long time?