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About LeoX8

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  1. @Random witch thanks, it did help a lot. I actually do love myself and spend a lot of time growing that aspect. I think all the effort I put in my life is a form of self love. But in those moments is hard to love myself. All the failed projects and hopes come back and it's quite difficult to handle them. thanks agai for the help <3
  2. My friends I am truly despaired and in need of an external point of view on my life so far, I can't ignore it anymore. I feel helpness and I don't know what to do. This summer I started to have backlashes of suicidal thoughts. One day I was so low: I went in a camp with a knife and I called my country's suicide hotline for giving this life a last chance. I called twice but they did not respond. I don't reccomand a similar experience. Since then I talked about it only to my girlfriend and a friend and that has helped a little bit. I feel judged by people, I feel that I'm not in the way I'm supposed to be but at the same time I don't know "how" to be. I started my self-help journey when I was 16 (now I'm 19). Since then I watched a lot of Leo's videos, read about 50 books of the booklist and still do that daily (I started the booklist about a year ago), I take copius amounts of notes, I journal twice a day, make affermations, meditate, do cold showers... I devoted myself to make my life better but the only thing that I want right now is to end my life in brutal ways. I feel like I should not consume media, but create media. The only thing I do is sell custom t-shirts online. That earn me some money but I don't feel original and when I do the creation does not sell. I feel guilty because I'm chasing money and success; I know that they won't make me happy but I keep on doing that. I feel like a failure because my success comes from a single artwork and even if I put a lot of effort in expanding my business and creating more I don't get results. I also fear that one day I will be betrayed by my girlfriend, even though things are going well with her. I feel like I'm not enough for her. This week I wanted to be alone and focus on my work. But I ended up finishing my goals early in the day and then have nothing to do. I don't know I should I spend my time because I feel guilty in watching videos, tv series, ecc... I meditate and contemplate on what I am but not understanding what awereness, nothingness and God are. Staying with the not knowing and the confusion drives me crazy. I can't explain to myself why the only solution seems to kill myself. I try so hard to prevent that, but no matter what I do I feel like a failure and basically I'm living my life in a confirmation bias upon which I search for reasons and situation to prevent feeling like a failure and by doing so basically confirming that I am one. Sorry I know this is rough and a lot to digest but I needed a toilet where to puke all of this. Most of the times I feel good and happy to live my life but sometimes this shit happens and nothing seems to help. Feel free to tell me any thought that you have had
  3. @EmptyVase @Greengrass been meditating for a couple of years but the more I go on about it, the more I feel that I need to practice more in order to get real results because even if I'm constant with the practice I get easily distracted while I'm into it The dots are like tiny tiny things that are moving around in a big group and they are only a sensation Thanks to both of you guys <3
  4. A little time ago I started to feel something while I was meditating: it was a tingling sensation in the front of my body. Like little dots moving around and I felt this clear sensation of concentrating them in front of me and letting go of the tension and make the mass expand. Now I can consciously concentrate the mass and release it. The only thing that I have associated with these things are that negative emotions (anger in particular) feels like this mass is concentrated in front of me and the more and the deeper I let go of this tension and make this thing expand, the better I feel. Concentrating this mass in front of me isn't necessarily a negative thing: for example it makes me more focus over one thing. Still I don't know what this thing is and what else I can do with it. Are there some of you who have had a similar experience? Do you know what this "group of dots is"? Thanks in advance <3
  5. @catcat69123 The first advice that comes up to me is that you won't find the ideal/perfect community, changing your circumstances won't solve your problems and wounds; so don't focus to much on finding the "right people" but on healing yourself. That being said, there are toxic people and it'll be good for you to not spend time with them. On the other hand there are also really good people and to find them you need to search them and expose yourself to a lot of social dynamics. What type of people are you interested in? Where you could find them? Start simple: maybe you like playing tennis and there's a playing camp near you and you can just go there and talk to the people there, see if you are interested in them and you repeat the process if you don't like them. It's quite difficult to spot where "the non-judgmental community" is going to be, there is not a "non-judgment place" so just meet more and more people with different interests and cultures and you'll find the "right ones". But this will be useless if you won't heal your wounds first because you will still continue to have fear/anger/emotional reactions out of those social interactions. Where is created the need for approval in yourself? Can you go deeper? And even more deep? hope that this has helped <3
  6. There is not a secret technique for this unfortunately, but you can surely do something about it. The key point here is to comprehend yourself to the core: what is pushing me to have those problems? Are those problems in the first place? Why do I need those "bad" moments? What makes them bad? You can continue with this on and on but don't stop with an easy and quick answer for everyhting. Oper yourself to the possibility of not actually knowing what is going in your life and in your "self". Dig as deep as you can and you will start to see patterns in yourself, needs that you are trying so hard to satisfy and ways in which you interpret reality. Be constant with this work or it won't produce nor benefits nor effective changes in your life. Last thing: lower your expectation and don't judge yourself if you can't change your life in a split second, a day, a month or a year; this is not an easy path. Hope that this has helped <3
  7. @Vision In my opinion purpose is a thing you want to create or a quest that you want to accomplish and by doing that create a difference of some kind in the world (possibly a positive one) Passion is the drive and the love for what you are doing (ex. your purpose) which is not a prerequisite but a thing that you build over a lot of time and effort by mastering your work hope that this has helped <3
  8. @ZenBlue I'm admiring you so much right now Thank for the inspiration
  9. @sda I have read it a long time ago but I should re read it after having a little experience of all that he explains in the book Thanks mate @ZenBlue It was not a copyright problem, I had them in the past and the lesson was learned. It was a problem of mature content, particularly swear words. It makes me wonder how penises and other shit can go ahead with no problem but some swear can't. Btw are you a graphic designer?
  10. @flowboy thanks mate. I'm actually on vacation right now even though I am still thinking about work. I was in a really bad mood when I wrote that. I think it is a big step towards my dreams: it is one of the first things that I actually decided to commit hard on that was job related and even if it turns out to not be the thing that I want to do in life I think that it is still worth pursuing
  11. In the past year I've dedicated my free time in the development of my little online business: selling t-shirts. I know it does not sound a super conscious job but I liked it amd I was earning some money out of it which helped me in buying books and in covering a lot of my expenses. Lately the ball is not rolling: I was earing most of my money out of a single design but now some websites are shutting down my stores, my investements in softweres, courses and better tools are not paying off the way I wanted. Today one of my stores got terminated and my best and only selling design got under review with a probable removal from the platform, which means no more income for me. I feel so low in this moment. During this time I wasted so many opportunities, I faced so much rejection and failure that now I just can't see hope. The are still some options but they are running out and the ball is not rolling fast enough. The thing that I fear the most is letting this thing go because I spend a lot of time and energy into all of this and now I am attached to it. It feels like I am giving up my dreams in this moment and I feel like shit. I did not set the proper expectations and now I'm paying the consequences, but you know, after spending time everyday into practicing, reading books for success, business, enterpenuership and researching for hours I expected something bigger. I am awere that I'm being a victim right now but I feel so loss that I figured out that I need some help in all of this, I don't know if I should quit. thanks in advance <3
  12. @Nahm Your words are beautiful and cristal clear as always, this made things more understandable. Thanks ?
  13. Hi there. today I started doing THE exercise from a book I'm reading (the sedona method). Basically you have to experience fully your undesired emotions and go to the core of them. In the past year I've been dealing with this sensation that was so weird yet painful in a way: I've called it summer feeling, as I associate it with the sun. in the past 3 days here in Italy the sun is shining and spring is arring, this has triggered the summer feeling in me. The closest thing that I could associate with this feeling was loneliness, but it is not actually. By diving deep in this sensation and seeing what my mind had to offer me I saw clearly has never before that inside me I am terrified as shit (litteraly shaking in front of this). As I went deeper I discovered that I was terrified of life, of living and if I started to embrace all of this repressed feelings I would have probably died. It is clear that this is an ego problem, I feel threatened by something. Let me clarify this point: this SOMETHING is living my life and by that I mean embracing all the aspects of life that even the ones that I do not want to see. To me this comprehends all the possible scenarios in which I FAIL at life. I know it sounds stupid but this fear was playing a crucial role in my life and I did not see it. When I went deeper, to the core of this fear, I saw a light: a deep desire to life my life and also have an amazing life. As I am trying to see how this was affecting my life, I saw a lot of negative motivation in my actions and a sense of inadequacy. A lot of decisions were driven by this fear. Now for those who are reading: I still feel this summer feeling but it is not vanished completely. Do you have any suggestion on where to look at and dig? Or any general advice? I hope that you have liked my story and has inspired you a little. Thanks in advance <3
  14. @Dancer that's exactly the point. Maybe you don't need to have sex, so what you need?
  15. This question popped out of my mind a few days ago and really made me think. For example if you are hungry you need food, if you are horny you need sex or masturbation and if you are tired you need to rest. This sound simple: corporal sensation = a need. But what if you take this on another level and put it on you work for example? What do you need to become a better artist? and HOW do you know what you need to become a better artist? Writing this it feels like the answer is simple but I also feel that there's something I am missing. Do you have any idea? Also what do you need to advance in life? or to ace life? And HOW do you know that the thing that you find is the one that you needed? Maybe I'm only masturbating with my thoughts, if you find that this is the case don't have any problem telling me. Thanks in advance