A Life of Purpose

[fridjonk]

Congrats, happy and excited for you! 

[Michael569]

Yesterday I was watching a video that very old buddy of mine posted on Facebook. We knew each other back from the days when we were both competing in Judo. It was of him in a competition couple years back, said he was devastated that all martial art clubs are closing again, judo especially since it is very close contact. As I was watching the video, all these old memories came back and started flashing in front of my eyes. For 12 years I was competing and must have attended at least a hundred competitions. I often wonder what would my life be like if I stuck to it, I was really good mind you won Slovak National Championship 5 times and came 2nd 3 times and a bunch of times third. I wonder what life would have been like today (well besides having gym closed) if I didn't decide to go to the Uni and to UK later. Maybe I would have made it to the European championship, who knows...and maybe end up with torn muscles, fucked up joints and cauliflower ears like many of the guys who stuck with it. Life of an athlete would have been much different. I've learned so much during those 12 years. Not just the martial art itself but the ethics, the discipline & appreciation for mastery. 

I still often dream about my days in judo, at least twice a month. It often features those most scary moments when my match was up. Standing on the other side of the tatami, checking out the opponent. Is he stronger? Is it going to hurt? Good, he looks so fit, this will be the end of me. Always the same conversation in the head. Always the same anxieties....

If I ever return back to Slovakia I may reenter the club, perhaps as an old Veteran. The sport has become an undeniable part of my life and I get massive flashbacks every time I see snips on Instagram.  Perhaps there is a part of me that is still clinging to the past and to how things were, maybe an unacknowledged chunk of my old stage blue self

[RendHeaven]

Wow my story is so similar to what you describe in your most recent post! Just replace Judo with Track (Sprinting). Having gone to university, I am no longer a competitive athlete the way I was in my teens.

23 hours ago, Michael569 said:

I still often dream about my days in judo, at least twice a month. It often features those most scary moments when my match was up. Standing on the other side of the tatami, checking out the opponent. Is he stronger? Is it going to hurt? Good, he looks so fit, this will be the end of me. Always the same conversation in the head. Always the same anxieties....

^I have these visions too. And I had the exact same kind of anxieties lining up on the start line and checking out my competitors and watching their muscles ripple (lol). "Aw shit he's obviously so fast, he's gonna blow me away..."

Plowing through those anxieties and really clawing to the top made me feel so alive. That kind of fire is definitely missing in my life rn as an ex-athlete

[Michael569]

@RendHeaven that's so interesting to hear. It was always something that nobody would share openly where the true is that many of us were scared shirtless before every match. Maybe there is something addictive about it which is why it still returns to us. 

[BlackMaze]

That's impressive 

It's understandable that you feel nostalgic for something you spent so much time mastering. 

Maybe you could start practicing again in your area if you really miss it. 

Be happy that now you have a better purpose that doesn't involve cauliflower ears as a side effect 

[Michael569]

On 22/10/2020 at 1:49 AM, BlackMaze said:

That's impressive 

It's understandable that you feel nostalgic for something you spent so much time mastering. 

Maybe you could start practicing again in your area if you really miss it. 

Be happy that now you have a better purpose that doesn't involve cauliflower ears as a side effect 

Haha cauliflower ears are the mark of the warrior ?. Yeah I've been pondering taking it up again in London, for now most clubs remain closed thou...

[Loving Radiance]

On 18.9.2020 at 5:43 PM, Michael569 said:

movie

I love that soundtrack! Looked it up and of course it was one of my favorite composers!

On 1.10.2020 at 6:01 PM, Michael569 said:

I don't know if I'll ever be able to reach the highest levels of SD like lots of ppl on the forum, at the moment it feels like it is not my priority nor can I see it become my priority anytime soon, maybe that's the problem that it is not really something that gets prioritised. I feel like I am not on this world to become enlightened but to serve others, perhaps only from a materialistic point of view. Maybe I need to spend another 30 years doing this and fulfilling my purpose before I am ready to let that go of that and move up. I still get so attached to this life, this body and this perspective so much. 

Do what you love and there is nothing to do for you to be at the highest level of SD development. Rather than striving to be at the highest SD level, go and do what you love and you will intuitively be drawn to the highest level even if that means you take a look what the next stage holds for you and you look to discover that in yourself.

On 5.10.2020 at 10:01 PM, Michael569 said:

I used to be so addictive to video games....man!! I think I must have spent 20,000 hours of my life video gaming. Total War Series & Skyrim alone probably cost me good 10,000. I hope the next Elder Scrolls never comes out as I am not sure whether I've totally conquered that addiction.

Curiously, I found that I play video games as a coping strategy to distract myself rather than to have fun. Keeps me "away" from being with myself. What is your perspective on your past?

 

It feels so good read your journal. Inspiring & soothing

[Guest SirVladimir]

@Michael569 Awesome journey. Keep us updated, we're rooting for you!  I had no idea you were from Slovakia. Pay me a visit if you drive through Czechia one day. 

[flume]

Looks like Michael's got to tour Europe to visit all of his fans 

[Michael569]

@Loving Radiance thanks for the encouraging words. Yeah you are right, i feel like i am not ready to aspire for higher stages just yet. Agreed that a co conscious purpose is a good way to attempt to do that  you know it may actually be the same for me with the gaming. In a way it is an escape from boredom (being with myself) which is just what addiction breaks down to. 

@SirVladimir thanks man! Prague? Bunch of you "Prazaku" on the forum, we should do a mini session some time ? 

@flume you're on the top of my list but you already know that ?

 

 

[Guest SirVladimir]

5 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

thanks man! Prague? Bunch of you "Prazaku" on the forum, we should do a mini session some time ? 

Not far enough away from Prague to decline  I'm up for it if you manage to round up other people, probably privately, as it would be against the forum's guidelines to plan such things here officially. 

[Michael569]

Decided to visit UKs' Peak District National Park, magnificent prehistoric landscape that has witnessed the earliest human activity since the Bronze age. Locations of many ancient forts and roads can be seen today. The landscape has been shaped by millions of years of tectonic activity & the merciless weather. 

Escaping into nature from big city has powerful healing & re-grounding effect. It is a place to let go,to release built up emotions and to recommend with the simplicity and beauty of the creation. Body's natural healing and detoxifying capabilities are enhanced when we are in nature especially due to not having to process the toxic air of the big city. 

Hiked over 50km in 3 days, walked across few ancient sites and roads used by roman legionaries 2000 years ago. The autumn colours were unlike I've ever seen before, probably only matched by those in Japan.

A lovely way to say goodbye to this year's travel & exploration. 

 

[Michael569]

A schoolmate of mine said she wants me to see her husband because his asthma & allergies have never been worse. The poor guy can't even go to sleep without 10 puff of steroid inhaler to open up his lungs. I've always been really interested in asthma but never had the chance to "experiment" on someone besides myself. Doing a deep-dive into asthma these days to see what's out there hiding in the medical archives. Lot of controversial research out there but the majority of the evidence is unambiguous, the more animal food in the diet, the worse it usually gets for those who are predisposed. I was fighting for 3 years myself along with allergies. Asthma is such a nasty and vicious enemy but it can definitely be cured.  It is so prevalent and yet the standard medical treatment is completely useless and non-helpful. Kinda like building up a wall instead of figuring out why the water levels keep rising. The research has pretty much uncovered the most common causes yet the only therapy everybody gets is a bunch of useless inhalers....sad

 

 

[Michael569]

Cold showers are becoming less & less tolerable with the graduate cooling of the outdoor temperature. In the summer, I'd just jump in eagerly every morning, nowadays it takes a lot of forcing & pressuring myself to stuck stuff my rejecting body under the merciless freezing hose. Sometimes I wonder why do I keep doing that to myself...perhaps a masochistic fetish of inflicting discomfort upon myself. This morning's shower was particularly uncomfortable, but I'll see if I can keep up with the habit throughout the winter......

[Michael569]

What a long week! Quite happy with the progress thou. 

I've put a lot of outstanding bits & pieces in place. GDPR, T&C, insurance, stripe account,  privacy policy, accounting platform, social media accounts & clinical management software are more or less in place. Didn't manage any progress on the website but I hope to be able to finish that this weekend. 

GoogleMyBusiness account is the next step & I don't know how much I'm gonna tinker with SEO in near future and if that will ever be something I'll invest into. Seth Godin says SEO is a pyramid scheme and a trap and it has always given me funny feeling whenever somebody says you have to get on page 1 of google search otherwise it is impossible to be found. I think unless you have 5,000$ dollars a week that gets very difficult to compete with the big players....anyway time for some good iron work before they close our gyms. 

My girlfriend has carved out awesome pumpkins and won a competition at her work. These 2 chaps are now keeping us safe 

[Michael569]

England is heading for our second full lockdown. I am extremely blessed not to have been tremendously affected by the first one. Still having a paid job and good living situation is a blessing that not many have. Still being able to invest money in building up my life purpose keeps my morale and mental sanity very high. Many have not been so fortunate, from what I hear, losing jobs and having complete income cuts are becoming more and more common. Can't imagine the public health consequences that all this stress is going to create. 

[Michael569]

Setting a mood for the evening. 

I remember 5 years ago as I was sitting on the edge of my bed in Slovakia, it was 3 am in the morning and my heart was racing. In 4 hours my plant to London was departing. I was leaving my comfortable parent's nest where I had everything and leaving it for the unknown. I was hoping that by the time of departure I would have had a job secured but I couldn't find absolutely anything with my lack of international experience. I remember very vividly how I was rationalising in my brain that I can always just "not go" or just stay for a week and then return but something deep inside me was telling me that I was leaving my parent's nest for good and that there was no way back. The only thing that was positive was that I actually received a call just the day before of a possible interview but they wanted me to do the interview in London, not via a phone from Slovakia. And it was the same day I happened to arrive to London! A trip that was planned 8 months ago hit exactly the day they needed me to turn up. 

Not only that but it seemed that the guy who interviewed me was a foreigner like me, he had to grind when he came in from France, went through a bunch of internships himself before getting the job he wanted. 48 hours later (after my sleepless night), I have been hired by a small marketing agency for an interview after almost 9 months of fruitless job hunting from Slovakia. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe it was that I was in London and maybe there was some deeper, mysterious power in play. I've had few of these mysterious bursts of luck throughout my life and many of them happened when I went for something despite having no guarantee and having a high risk of failure. 

I was so proud of myself. Getting hired in London. An Eastern European doing business in UK. I was exactly where I wanted to be at that time. The internship didn't pay that much but for Slovak standards, it was twice as much as my regular full-time salary before. I was so convinced that this was my career, the road was clear -> make a lot of money, get hired by a big finance corporation late (which I got in 2016) and climb the corporate ladder like my dad. 

Funny enough, today I am trying hard to get away from that life, probably as hard as I was trying 5 years ago to get into it. Like some sort of mindfucked vicious circle. Kinda like a mole crawling out of his hole only to realise he is at the bottom of a crater. Interesting how events in life turn out. 

I am endlessly grateful for every single thing happening exactly the way it did. All was meant to be and it could not have been any other way. I just lose sight of this fact in my frustration when I am failing to accept that things are not moving as fast as I'd like them to. 

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, Michael569 said:

I am endlessly grateful for every single thing happening exactly the way it did. All was meant to be and it could not have been any other way.

?

[Michael569]

My partner and I have started discussing the possibility of moving closer to the coast, possibly Wales or Kent if we remain in England. Probably around March time next year if the current situation prevails there are no benefits of living in London anymore, I'd much rather be locked out by the side of the sea. It has always been a small dream of mine to spend a chapter of my life living by the sea or an ocean. Provided that I can slowly start moving away from my wage slave job and if the online clinic things pick up a bit, that would be the most wonderful experience and freedom unlike any I've ever experienced. Don't want to jinx it but would be awesome if we can make it happen. 

There is something out there in nature, especially when I am near a sea. I can't put my finger on what it is. it is not just the fresh air or the negative ions. There is some higher power, some deeper mysterious cleansing energy. I feel the same way when I swim in the sea. Not only do I sleep amazingly afterwards but feel rejuvenated as if everything that troubles me drops. 

Should this become reality, I will make it part of my purpose to bring this experience to light, if I can and observe what & how it happens. 

 

[fridjonk]

1 hour ago, Michael569 said:

Don't want to jinx it but would be awesome if we can make it happen. 

Call it forth brother!  

Every action starts with a thought.