A Life of Purpose

[fridjonk]

@Michael569 Yeah, that bodybuilder style of eating is like a virus, most get it for a little while, but some never manage to find a way out. 

[Michael569]

I've rewatched The Grey with Liam Neeson recently. There is something mysterious & powerful about the movie. The melancholy, the retrospection, the attempt to try to escape from oneself. Ties up with Leo's Survival video really nicely. I've just come to realise how everything I do is just pure survival. Every book, ever research paper, every workout session, every coffee ....a primitive body driven by primitive instinct. 

I don't know if I'll ever be able to reach the highest levels of SD like lots of ppl on the forum, at the moment it feels like it is not my priority nor can I see it become my priority anytime soon, maybe that's the problem that it is not really something that gets prioritised. I feel like I am not on this world to become enlightened but to serve others, perhaps only from a materialistic point of view. Maybe I need to spend another 30 years doing this and fulfilling my purpose before I am ready to let that go of that and move up. I still get so attached to this life, this body and this perspective so much. 

Maybe one day the perspective will shift.....maybe...the old life will be buried in sand like Maximus's figurines in the Colosseum but not yet. Not yet

 

[Michael569]

powerful

[BlackMaze]

12 hours ago, Michael569 said:

powerful

I believe that no one wants to get sick and everybody wants to be healthy. The real question is if he/she is able to do that. There are many reason that stop someone to give up something that make him sick. If you want to heal someone and make him stop the things that made him sick you must be able to destroy all of his illusions. Of course this is just my opinion. 

Sorry for jumping in again in your journal. I'm stopping. 

Edited October 3, 2020 by BlackMaze

[Michael569]

11 hours ago, BlackMaze said:

I believe that no one wants to get sick and everybody wants to be healthy. The real question is if he/she is able to do that. There are many reason that stop someone to give up something that make him sick. If you want to heal someone and make him stop the things that made him sick you must be able to destroy all of his illusions. Of course this is just my opinion. 

Sorry for jumping in again in your journal. I'm stopping. 

yeah pretty much. Sometimes it is a chemical addiction which is the hardest but often times it is just complete lack of caring for any future state or health whatsoever. But this does not mean they are evil or anything, they are just highly unconscious and need a lot of help. This is why modern medicine needs to be the way it is. Most people just want a pill that fixes everything and trick themselves into thinking that this solves everything. 

Btw if I didn't want anybody jumping in I wouldn't create this journal ona public forum feel free to jump in anytime. I do the same to your journal

[BlackMaze]

@Michael569 cool . 

Yeah again it's just illusions that keep everyone stuck and the inability to release emotions. And the inability to take action and look for an easy fix might just be a lack of energy that is caused from the reasons above. It can certainly look impossible for many people to escape from this circle if they don't happen to stumble upon a great teaching and even if they do, if they are stuck in a belief system they will just label it something bad and ignore it. And even if they do have all the prerequisites they might need years to be able to really take action and/or be lucky to have the right circumstances in their life that push them in that direction.

[Michael569]

The epic tunes of Sunday. Sounds like somebody mixed up Skyrim & lotr music into this short masterpiece. 

Website is close to being finished. Around 90% there. Not sure if I should add a blog to it or not, some people say it is only to generate SEO, seems to me like blogs are a gigantic waste of time that nobody reads anymore. I reckon I'd spend somewhere around 4-6 hours of research per article so not sure if that is worth the time investment.  At the same time, I am extremely self-conscious to put my face in videos so will have to find an alternative way of becoming found on google in the future...it is a process in the making but listening and reading Seth Godin has clarified so so much stuff already. The man is a god of non-toxic marketing, changes the whole idea of marketing needing to be toxic. It's all about how to connect yourself with people who are actively looking for you but don't know you exist. Everything else is a waste of time. 

This weekend I've put more focus into researching affective disorders: depression, anxiety & bipolar. There is so much incredible and life-changing information for people who suffer from it just lying in the archives of NCBI. My mind is just getting blown with every new information I pull out of there that can be applied to help someone. So many layers and aspects of this that we were never taught at school. Did you know that depression at the age of 40 could be linked to those 3 rounds of antibiotics you received when you were 4 years old? -> body can take a lot but at some point to burden overwhelmed the ability to cope and problems start to multiply. Stuff that was put under the rug and masked "discomfort" blows up on the surface like a gigantic volcano....scary and fascinating at the same time. Like that books says: your body keeps the score, which reminds me I still need to read it 

[Michael569]

I used to be so addictive to video games....man!! I think I must have spent 20,000 hours of my life video gaming. Total War Series & Skyrim alone probably cost me good 10,000. I hope the next Elder Scrolls never comes out as I am not sure whether I've totally conquered that addiction. 

It helps to stay occupied. Finding my life purpose and working on it had been a massive help but even at times when my workload would drop or always when one school year ended and another started I'd slip back to gaming. I always left feeling so unhappy, hollow and frustrated. Every single time, yet I kept coming back. Like a heroin junkie. It took its tall as well. I had to work on my socialisation skills a lot in times where they came normal to everybody else. I'm still more comfortable being this geek reading books on Friday night than going out socialising. 

I've been game-free for around 10 months now (there were few times when I played a bit of Day Z but it didn't really give me any satisfaction). 

Wonder if I am just kidding myself and it is all still there waiting to be unleashed like a supervolcano with the new Elder Scrolls....perhaps. 

Anyways, here is some fun parody if you are a Skyrim ex-addict, I've had great loughs, if not don't bother.

 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Michael569 Wow man, I had no idea of your story, this is very inspiring and congrats on doing so well fulfilling your life purpose, especially moving to the UK, I hope you haven’t had to put up with too many toxic right wingers who can be racist to Eastern Europeans or anything systemic. 
 

Would love to hear more about your fitness journey? What kind of shape are you in atm? I’m following Kinobodys stuff as it’s quite minimalist & my main focus is my business & overall health. 
 

Btw I don’t think your physical exercise is at all orange, I think we’re hard wired for movement & challenge, and weights are a great way to do that, of course it can be orange & get toxic, but it can also be a great way to physically move, get in the zone and have FUN! I love exercise man, I can’t go a few days without it, it makes you feel so good. Same as sport, if you haven’t, id recommend finding a sport you like, it can also provide a great community & a great place to make friends. But playing games & exercising for the enjoyment Is certainly a spiritual pursuit, after all Sadhguru plays Golf lol- you’ll like this article from him- 

https://isha.sadhguru.org/global/en/wisdom/sadhguru-spot/be-a-sport

”In this week’s Spot, Sadhguru speaks about the willingness to play. “The sacredness of a sporting event is that individuals rise beyond their limitations, achieving a state of abandon that is usually known only at the peak of spirituality. Thus, sports have always been a part of Isha, all our programs have an element of play – as to play is to live, and to live is to play.”

Life is for living & exercise & sport are 2 of the best ways to do that! 

 

[Michael569]

@LfcCharlie4 cheers Charlie. No, not really, there were a few times I was a target of some mild xenophobic tendencies but funny enough this came from highly educated older English people , was not something that would bother me anyway, I used to work hard to try to blend but now I stopped caring. 

Fitness journey? I guess I've been on one since I was 7  14 year history of martial arts (mostly judo and some kickboxing later on) in Slovakia and many many years of weights, hit, circuits & CrossFit. At the moment I am at around 16-17% body fat I'd say, not my best shape in life but I am happier than I was when I got down to 12%. I no longer feel like I had to prove anything to anybody. 

I agree with your perception of fitness & exercise. It is indeed more about challenging oneself and comparing myself to myself rather than looking around at everybody else although I do still have some layers of that as well. Currently, for me the most enjoyable part of it is just to compare myself to my previous efforts and the challenge and satisfaction I get out of the workout 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Michael569 glad to hear it hasn’t been too bad man. 
 

And, that’s awesome, you must be insanely physically fit! 
 

I agree, I think that’s a more “yellow” way to see things, to be on your own journey for yourself & the enjoyment and satisfaction of it  

[Michael569]

@LfcCharlie4 you should start a journal as well man! 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Michael569 You know what maybe I will  thanks for the motivation! 

[Michael569]

Getting on top of GDPR this week. There is SO MUCH stuff that this freaking data protection policy requires it is insane. Anyways, just another hoop to jump over. Not the first and not the last. 

 

[Michael569]

Yesterday was the World Mental Health day. I decided to use the opportunity to take a step back & retrospect. Tunes of the day

Through the majority of my life ever since being a kid, I was an extremely anxious kid. Always on the lookout for the danger, the lurking thing in the corners. I think it was my gift that I quickly learned to read people's intentions and maybe this is what kept me so anxious for 20 years seeing how everybody was dishonest & shady. I would always have something in my stomach giving me the butterflies, always on the lookout for the next danger. 

Throughout 14 years of competing in martial arts, I have gone through so many anxieties over different competitions and championships that I eventually had to quit. Knowing that I had a competition in 2 weeks would give me daily diarrhoea every time I thought about it. I remember the Slovak national championship in 2012, I had to go to the toilet about 20 times throughout the tournament. Just writing this and retrospecting on those times is giving my these well-known feeling in the abdomen but thanks to Leo, his teachings and multitude of books I've read on the topic I've learned to handles this dark side of my life. 

Throughout my life, I've had 2 episodes if crippling panic attacks both lasting for about a week. I have never really found out what was behind them although I suspect that having been overworked and taking an excessive amount of workload, more than I could chew was what triggered them. In a way, my body was telling me "slow down or there is more where that came from". And so I took the lesson to heart and started to manage my workload more sensibly. I can now feel whenever I am pushing my body too far into the dark realms as I've become extremely attuned to my intuition and can pick these signals up fairly quickly. 

I have never really had depression (maybe few bouts of mild ones in my teenage years) but have seen how incredibly crippling it has been for other people, some in my family, some among friends and few I worked with. It has now become my great passion to help people who suffer from bouts of chronic unhappiness, poor mood control, fatigue & overall unhappiness. I think it is drastically underappreciated the impact that changing one's lifestyle, adjusting diets & maybe manipulating the gut microbiome a bit can do to one's mood. Seen it in my own world and seen it in others as well. 

As I was standing on London's Millenium bridge yesterday and retrospecting for an hour, I became aware how incredibly lucky I have been to be able to live a life in peaceful & rich country. To be able to dedicate time finding my passion and help other people become well so they can share their gifts with others as well. Not having to worry about hunger, poverty, war or social injustice...I would always take these things for granted. 

 

[Michael569]

FINALLY !!!

Yesterday I received my diploma and with this, the Naturopathic school is finished. What a beautiful and life-changing experience that was. I wish it had ended in a proper way and a proper graduation ceremony but well.... I count myself blessed & lucky to have been able to finish with all that is going on. 

Frankly, this hasn't made much of a difference in the grand scheme of things as there are still many things that need to fall in place before I can start turning this into a career. 

[Applegarden]

Just now, Michael569 said:

FINALLY !!!

Yesterday I received my diploma and with this, the Naturopathic school is finished.

Congratioulations!

[BlackMaze]

Congrats! 

[fi1ghtclub]

Congrats dude!
And thanks for deciding to write a journal.

Your journey has been very interesting so far. I love reading what you write!

[Michael569]

@fi1ghtclub @BlackMaze @Applegarden thanks guys