What is the difference between a gentleman and a people pleaser?

[Alex bAlex]

Hey

I was wondering where does that silver line lay, between being a gentleman and a people pleaser? 

On the same token, what makes a lady, a lady? 

Gracias

[ColeMC01]

@Alex bAlex Doing something because you want something from someone is people pleaser. Doing something because that is who you are and you would do it even if you got nothing in return is more on the gentleman area. My advice would be to only act in accordance with the idea that you will not get much in return for what you do. That is your true authentic behavior. Doing things because you expect/want something in return will produce bad results for you. At least it did for me

[cnfvm]

people-pleasing sounds good to me.

people-pleasing  sounds bad when i don't want to please people.

 

Edited July 30, 2020 by cnfvm

[danniviemaria]

You have the choice to choose in that spectrum of being gentle and being not gentle.

You have the choice.

It means gentle = people pleasing but the people pleasure don’t have the choice to be not that pleasing. 
Gentle means you are living without any needs to please anyone but the choice here is being gentle and humble yourself. And that means you have choice.

You even don’t want to be gentle if you can have choices. 
Pleasing people is not bad as the media telling to you but overall you limit yourself to experience the other sides of non-pleasing as a bad experience.

It is not a path that you can go all-the-time to this journey of self-mastery that you could choose or not.  Your explorations of all possible ways  will lead to the knowing what you can choose and can’t choose. There are a lot of aspects.

Edited July 30, 2020 by danniviemaria

[Preety_India]

A people pleaser will try to agree with people even when they do wrong. 

A gentleman will either show people what's wrong or quietly walk away.. 

 

Edited July 30, 2020 by Preety_India

[Carl-Richard]

A gentleman holds the door. A people pleaser is the doormat. 

[nistake]

Gentleman = Polite, high-spirited, likes to do things for other people and expects nothing in return BUT has boundaries, able to say no, able to speak up, able to defense himself if it's necessary, authentic and honest.

People-pleaser = Also polite and high-spirited but is not able to say no, not able to speak up and basically does anything to avoid discomfort. Plus fears what others think of him and rejection therefore not authentic and honest.

@Carl-Richard Pretty much this.

Edited July 30, 2020 by nistake

[ivankiss]

@Alex bAlex That's an interesting question. Thanks.

I'd say; the difference is that the gentleman knows the suffering of being a people-pleaser. 

[Espaim]

Pleases as an end in itself

Pleases as a mean to get approval/validation

[Alex bAlex]

Awesome, thank you all for your interesting replies and advice. 

Happy actualization  

 

[soos_mite_ah]

A gentleman/ lady has boundaries and as a result self-esteem and therefore can stand up for themselves and the people around them (they build people up instead of tearing them down). In doing so they are self-respecting and a leader 

A people-pleaser will go beyond his/her boundaries even when he/she isn't comfortable to ensure that everyone approves of them since they doesn't have enough self-esteem to ensure themselves. These people are also insecure enough to tear others down or puff themselves up to show off their ego so that they can feel like they are worth something. A gentleman/lady knows their worth so as a result they don't have to go around and proving it to people.

A people-pleaser does not have a backbone while a gentleman/ lady does. 

Edited August 10, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Zak]

8 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

A gentleman/ lady has boundaries and as a result self-esteem and therefore can stand up for themselves and the people around them (they build people up instead of tearing them down). In doing so they are self-respecting and a leader 

A people-pleaser will go beyond his/her boundaries even when he/she isn't comfortable to ensure that everyone approves of them since they doesn't have enough self-esteem to ensure themselves. These people are also insecure enough to tear others down or puff themselves up to show off their ego so that they can feel like they are worth something. A gentleman/lady knows their worth so as a result they don't have to go around and proving it to people.

A people-pleaser does not have a backbone while a gentleman/ lady does. 

This is a very good, precise distinction.