Can God be self-critical?

[Bazooka Jesus]

Greetings earthlings!

May I introduce myself? I am the new kid on the block. Please, do not be alarmed by my bombastic moniker; I am actually a pretty peace-loving guy, and I sure as hell don't consider myself the second coming of you-know-who, lol.

So I've been following Leo's content for quite a while now, been meditating regularly for almost three years and just returned from my first Vipassana retreat - which kind of felt like a 'confirmation' for me in the sense that before the retreat, I used to consider myself a rather casual dabbler in spirituality; now, however, it almost feels like something inside me has finally reared it's head, something that is no longer content with dicking around, skimming the surface, paddling the shallow waters of cop-outs and half measures; something inside me wants to KNOW.

Having said that, there's still a ton of qualms and doubts that this fickle mortal right here has about this whole sketchy Awakening business, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

I cannot say that I ever had an experience of complete self-transcendence; however, I have kindly been granted a couple of peeks behind the curtain, so to speak. Yesterday, during meditation, I got a pretty solid sense of the all-encompassing nature of consciousness; I clearly saw that what we call the world outside and inside of ourselves is actually one unified field and that the skin of my body does not really separate 'me' from 'my surroundings', that everything that is happening 'out there' is in fact happening inside myself, that all external objects are in fact the entrails of my true body aka the entire universe.

But alas, here's the catch, folks: I still actively dislike about 50% of my entrails!

So everything that I perceive is me? Yeah, so what, that still doesn't stop me from being at dire odds with it. Why should I love anything simply because it is happening inside myself? I don't know about you guys, but I have always been self-critical to the hilt; the mere fact that something is a part of me sure as hell doesn't make me like it any better - on the contrary: If anything, it makes me scrutinize, loathe and reject it even more.

Well, whaddaya think? Is it possible to wake up and still be dissatisfied with what is? Have I just not 'woken up enough' yet? Is all of this just more ego driven BS? AM I F***ING CRAZY? (Please don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question, lol.)

[SoonHei]

@Bazooka Jesus it's more so that you get a quick little peaks from the POV of your real self and then your ego-self is at odds with trying to embody it.

your ego-self can only be itself.

it's like you were a hand and for a moment you come to see that you're the whole body/person.

then you go back to being a hand on that body. the hand can only be a hand and primarily care about itself first and foremost... only the whole body/person can love itself totally.

the hand can certainly be nice and kind to the rest of the body - knowing deep down it's all one body and all connected... ONE

 

that's the case here, bazooka jesus can only be bazooka jesus, not the unconditionally loving entire universe body

 

2 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Why should I love anything simply because it is happening inside myself?

it's more like, you should love anything/everything because it is YOU!

 

you love/take care of your foot as much as your hand, because it is all you.

same idea here. "happening inside" means no-distance. you're it! you are all of it. you are me, and I am you, and we are ONE. 

[Nahm]

@Bazooka Jesus Wether you are under any illusion you are two entities making judgement possible or one, judgement still feels undesirable relative to absolute. Be more critical of being critical. See that it doesn’t make sense. A thousand thoughts have yet to approach the feeling of a single smile, or laugh. The true self is too good to be true. Yet it is. 

[Forestluv]

9 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Well, whaddaya think? Is it possible to wake up and still be dissatisfied with what is? 

Of course. I just slipped on ice outside and to say I was "dissatisfied" with the outcome is an understatement. A much stronger word would be appropriate. 

Yet what is is. Slipping on ice is slipping on ice. Feeling pain is feeling pain. Feeling dissatisfied is feeling dissatisfied. . . There is a tendency for the mind to think "Once I realize what is, I should be satisfied with what is". Yet this is still playing an egoic game. . .  ISness is ISness. Any satisfaction of dissatisfaction is itself ISness!! There is no escape. . . Try to stop ISness from ISing. Try to change ISness. Try to exit ISness. . . You can't. You can be disatisfied or satisfied. You can hide in a closet. You can sing a song. Jump off a bridge. It all IS. You could call Leo for help and anything Leo says is ISness. 

Self criticism IS self criticism. Self acceptance IS self acceptance. The transcendence is not what is to the left and right of IS. The transcendence is IS itself. 

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Serotoninluv  Oh man, reading your post is like reading certain passages of Lao Tsu; somehow you intuitively sense that there is great truth hiding somewhere in those lines, yet the more often you read it, the less you understand it. LOL

[Scholar]

50 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

@Serotoninluv  Oh man, reading your post is like reading certain passages of Lao Tsu; somehow you intuitively sense that there is great truth hiding somewhere in those lines, yet the more often you read it, the less you understand it. LOL

This is the strange nature of acceptance. Wanting acceptance is not acceptance. Accepting wanting acceptance is acceptance. You cannot truly desire to accept or force yourself to embrace existence.

 

Yet it's nature is such that it is within all Being. It is hidden under a very thin veil of Illusion. All that exist is fully accepted already, it could not be otherwise. To accept reality as is is not something you can possibly do, it is only something that can be revealed to you. All that is is full and utter acceptance. There is no non-acceptance. Non-acceptance is the veil that is infront of acceptance.

Quote

The Tao is hidden and without name.
The Tao alone nourishes and brings everything to fulfillment.

There is no reason for you to accept existence as acceptance is what nourishes all there is. Ultimate Love is the nature of existence.

 

What happens is to fall into acceptance, is to fall into love. You do not come to accept things, you come to see the underlying acceptance which is present in all Being. It is to come to fall into the nourishing aspect of reality. Into that which by it's embracement let's all being be just as it is.

 

To be attracted to acceptance is all there is. You cannot help but do it. One day you will fall apart and full acceptance will reveal itself, by itself. You do not need to do anything at all, you cannot really do anything at all. You only must see that which is already there.

 

You have so fully and utterly accepted reality that you have forgotted acceptance itself. You are so in Love with what is that you cannot see your own Love for it. You are so immersed you cannot see yourself, all there is to you is immersion.

When you experience the greatest horror imaginable, it is because you have fully surrendered yourself to that horror already. You were able to surrender yourself to that horror so completely and utterly that even your Love for it dissolved into the background so that you could fully experience it in it's rawest form.

Sit down and contemplate all the horrors all beings have experienced and are experiencing. You are so strong that you were able to surrender and say "Let me experience all of it for all of eternity". This is your Love, this is your Strength, this is your Selflessness. You have already done this, there is nothing else to add. You have already fully accepted the greatest horrors possible.

Edited November 15, 2019 by Scholar

[Forestluv]

51 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

somehow you intuitively sense that there is great truth hiding somewhere in those lines, yet the more often you read it, the less you understand it. 

That is so beautiful 

 

[remember]

9 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

something inside me wants to KNOW.

mhhh you see here we usually say: you can`t know! but we love our entrails... so that`s a little bit of a problem as you certainly came to the wrong place for what you are searching for.

you would have to eat everything backwards to finally know - but obviously you are already doing that...

so maybe you are not so wrong here at the second glance - but would be interesting then what you will say on the third coming. let me know if you need some help to clean all that colour up.

Edited November 15, 2019 by remember
something inside me wants to know something inside me wants to know something inside me wants to know something inside me wants to know something inside me wants to know something inside me – can someone please back that up with some electronic music?

[inFlow]

@Bazooka Jesus only awoke people can understand these words, in the beginning I too felt alienated by these words, but it needs some tough work to make ends meet. Eventually after several awakenings, which you will hopefully have, you will understand even what and why Jesus/Buddha etc. was speaking of. Dont beat yourself up and DON'T try to parrot other awake people, let the understanding and wisdom come from your own experience. It will come.

[JustThinkingAloud]

@Bazooka Jesus

Everything is designed to self-correct itself eventually but if you’re impatient, you can use your powers correctly to give yourself some feedback and act to help things out a little bit.  

[Bazooka Jesus]

On 15.11.2019 at 10:07 PM, Scholar said:

This is the strange nature of acceptance. Wanting acceptance is not acceptance. Accepting wanting acceptance is acceptance. You cannot truly desire to accept or force yourself to embrace existence.

 

Yet it's nature is such that it is within all Being. It is hidden under a very thin veil of Illusion. All that exist is fully accepted already, it could not be otherwise. To accept reality as is is not something you can possibly do, it is only something that can be revealed to you. All that is is full and utter acceptance. There is no non-acceptance. Non-acceptance is the veil that is infront of acceptance.

There is no reason for you to accept existence as acceptance is what nourishes all there is. Ultimate Love is the nature of existence.

 

What happens is to fall into acceptance, is to fall into love. You do not come to accept things, you come to see the underlying acceptance which is present in all Being. It is to come to fall into the nourishing aspect of reality. Into that which by it's embracement let's all being be just as it is.

 

To be attracted to acceptance is all there is. You cannot help but do it. One day you will fall apart and full acceptance will reveal itself, by itself. You do not need to do anything at all, you cannot really do anything at all. You only must see that which is already there.

 

You have so fully and utterly accepted reality that you have forgotted acceptance itself. You are so in Love with what is that you cannot see your own Love for it. You are so immersed you cannot see yourself, all there is to you is immersion.

When you experience the greatest horror imaginable, it is because you have fully surrendered yourself to that horror already. You were able to surrender yourself to that horror so completely and utterly that even your Love for it dissolved into the background so that you could fully experience it in it's rawest form.

Sit down and contemplate all the horrors all beings have experienced and are experiencing. You are so strong that you were able to surrender and say "Let me experience all of it for all of eternity". This is your Love, this is your Strength, this is your Selflessness. You have already done this, there is nothing else to add. You have already fully accepted the greatest horrors possible.

Hello Scholar,

dont k'now if you're even going to read this, but I just had to come back to this thread and sincerely thank you for this profound comment. Since you posted it, I have read and re–read it over and over and over again; man, you REALLY struck a chord with this one... and a truly beautiful chord at that!

Thank you, brother (or sister),

[Pramit]

On 15/11/2019 at 5:22 PM, Bazooka Jesus said:

So everything that I perceive is me? Yeah, so what, that still doesn't stop me from being at dire odds with it. Why should I love anything simply because it is happening inside myself? I don't know about you guys, but I have always been self-critical to the hilt; the mere fact that something is a part of me sure as hell doesn't make me like it any better - on the contrary: If anything, it makes me scrutinize, loathe and reject it even more.

Well, whaddaya think? Is it possible to wake up and still be dissatisfied with what is? Have I just not 'woken up enough' yet? Is all of this just more ego driven BS? AM I F***ING CRAZY? (Please don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question, lol.)

I am not as elightened as you seem to be, so take my words with a grain of salt. But this is my view -

1. You don't have to love it

2. continue being self-critical, there is nothing wrong with it. This is needed.

3. Yes its possible to wake up and still be dissatisfied. You are not supposed to become a stone buddah. 

4. You have woken up enough. Now you should let go of whatever you learned. 

[Scholar]

1 hour ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Hello Scholar,

dont k'now if you're even going to read this, but I just had to come back to this thread and sincerely thank you for this profound comment. Since you posted it, I have read and re–read it over and over and over again; man, you REALLY struck a chord with this one... and a truly beautiful chord at that!

Thank you, brother (or sister),

I'm glad it helped!

[zeroISinfinity]

Short answer. No

?

Yeah True Self so good so good. ♥️?‍♂️

Edited December 7, 2019 by zeroISinfinity