Bridge to Infinity

How to have Sociopathic levels of detachment with girls and dating

121 posts in this topic

@Mikael89 Honestly you don't sound like a bad guy. You just sound like you're pissed at the constraints put on you by life 

The rules of the game, as it were.

It's part of masculinity to want freedom from boundaries. But you can look for that freedom in the wrong place, by resisting life and trying to hide away. 

As a spiritual practice you can find freedom from constraint not by finding freedom from life, but by releasing identification and identifying as the boundless witness. The observer. The true self, not the mind made self.

That's really the freedom you're looking for.

When you discover that freedom you have no reason to reject male female dynamics in the relative world. You can embrace it all as it is and still be free.

That's how true aloha males are. And the more shit tests you get along the way the more you grow. You want shit tests if you want spiritual freedom. 

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@Mikael89 Women want you to express yourself and tell them how much you adore them.  BUT, they want it to come from a certain place, a non-needy place.

Edited by Beginner Mind

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44 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

@mandyjw Go have a relationship with a stone then. A stone is completely un-needy of you, it's fine without you, totally detached and indifferent. Exactly what you love so much.

It doesn’t seem like you’ve had experience with needy/clingy partners. At first it can seem comforting. It can give a person a sense of worth and importance. It can feel good helping another with their issues and meeting their needs.  It can feel good when someone says “I need you. I can’t live without you. Promise me we will always be together”. It can be like a romantic movie. Yet then the movie changes into a horror movie. It becomes suffocating. Everything becomes about their needs and insecurities. You become responsible for meeting their needs and for their feelings. There is intense underlying fear you will leave. “I saw how you looked at her. That means you like her and are want to leave me. I bet you are sleeping with her. You don’t really love me, do you? Show me you love me, I can’t live without you. Something bad might happen if you leave me. . . ..”  . . . It’s awful and all you want relief. Yet there is no escape. If a person gets too immersed, they become trapped and it becomes difficult to get out. If needy/clingy is mixed with the desire to control/possess, it can get twisted and scary - a bunny in a pot of boiling water kinda stuff. I’ve been in a relationship like this and it’s awful. 

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1 hour ago, Nickyy said:

This forum is a goldmine for understanding women. I think if you listened, genuinely listen, you would learn so much from the women here. Simultaneously by really listening you would dramatically increase how attractive you are to a woman. They are simple creatures who only want to connect with people. It's not difficult. It's difficult if you programme yourself with all the dating BS out there on the internet. 

I know exactly how women work, but that doesn't help. 

I know you must be smart to be a theoretical physicist, but that knowledge doesn't make me smart. I might also know that you must be good at this and that type of mathematics, but that knowledge doesn't make me good at those mathematics. It's all about talents which you are born with. If you don't have it since birth you are fucked for life, no matter how hard you try you wont become a theoretical physicist.

Edited by Mikael89

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1 hour ago, Nickyy said:

@Mikael89 Let me give you a tip on how it works. If you can learn to give a women what she needs, she will return the favour 5 fold.

She doesnt want someone who's needless, she just doesnt want an emotional vampire. 

To love and be loved. That's all women really want. 

You said some golden lines. 

That's a short summary of how women really feel. At least I can attest to that 

An emotional vampire is like a scammer. 

And a person without needs is like being with a statue or signing a contract. It gets suffocating. 

The ultimate way of describing a healthy romantic relationship from my point of view would be exactly how you put it 

" To love and be loved." 


J̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t̸͟͞ j̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s̸͟͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t͞ 

🅗🅔🅐🅣🅗 - 🅜🅨 🅞🅦🅝 🅒🅞🅒🅞🅞🅝 🅞🅕 🅛🅞🅥🅔 🅐🅝🅓 🅟🅔🅐🅒🅔

My twin Flame guardian is a Dragon. 

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59 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

@Mikael89 Honestly you don't sound like a bad guy. You just sound like you're pissed at the constraints put on you by life 

The rules of the game, as it were.

It's part of masculinity to want freedom from boundaries. But you can look for that freedom in the wrong place, by resisting life and trying to hide away. 

As a spiritual practice you can find freedom from constraint not by finding freedom from life, but by releasing identification and identifying as the boundless witness. The observer. The true self, not the mind made self.

That's really the freedom you're looking for.

When you discover that freedom you have no reason to reject male female dynamics in the relative world. You can embrace it all as it is and still be free.

That's how true aloha males are. And the more shit tests you get along the way the more you grow. You want shit tests if you want spiritual freedom. 

That was a very good point. Especially the boundless witness. You really have a goldmine there. 

What spiritual practices do you follow ?

Edited by Preety_India

J̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t̸͟͞ j̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s̸͟͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t͞ 

🅗🅔🅐🅣🅗 - 🅜🅨 🅞🅦🅝 🅒🅞🅒🅞🅞🅝 🅞🅕 🅛🅞🅥🅔 🅐🅝🅓 🅟🅔🅐🅒🅔

My twin Flame guardian is a Dragon. 

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@Preety_India

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

" To love and be loved." 

That's what we all want from any relationship at all really, whether it's with a cashier, a bird, a stone, the sky or ourselves. There are varying levels and ways in which its appropriate to display and act on that love, sure, but that's what we really want. When we limit ourself to needing and expecting to get all that fulfillment and wonder from one other person, we're bound to be disappointed. 


Light on Earth “Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth.― Rumi

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3 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@Preety_India

That's what we all want from any relationship at all really, whether it's with a cashier, a bird, a stone, the sky or ourselves. There are varying levels and ways in which its appropriate to display and act on that love, sure, but that's what we really want. When we limit ourself to needing and expecting to get all that fulfillment and wonder from one other person, we're bound to be disappointed. 

I don't know if I would feel the same way about a cashier or a stone. 

But I will definitely a reasonable level of expectations from a future partner. And I don't consider that as neediness. 

I think wanting to be loved and wanting to love is kinda biological in my opinion. It's just how the brain is wired. 

It's another thing to change this wiring and think in a more consciousness based way. 


J̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t̸͟͞ j̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s̸͟͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t͞ 

🅗🅔🅐🅣🅗 - 🅜🅨 🅞🅦🅝 🅒🅞🅒🅞🅞🅝 🅞🅕 🅛🅞🅥🅔 🅐🅝🅓 🅟🅔🅐🅒🅔

My twin Flame guardian is a Dragon. 

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23 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I know exactly how women work, but that doesn't help. 

I know you must be smart to be a theoretical physicist, but that knowledge doesn't make me smart. I might also know that you must be good at this and that type of mathematics, but that knowledge doesn't make me good at those mathematics. It's all about talents which you are born with. If you don't have it since birth you are fucked for life, no matter how hard you try you wont become a theoretical physicist.

Just guessing here, but, you don't approach many women, do you?  It's really not as impossible as you make it seem.  Maybe you got rejected a few times and so concluded that dating is hopeless for you?  But that's not true.  You probably just aren't applying yourself enough.

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59 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

"Promise me we will always be together”.

Haha.  I used to say shit like this to my girlfriends all the time.  Good times.

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5 minutes ago, Beginner Mind said:

Just guessing here, but, you don't approach many women, do you?  It's really not as impossible as you make it seem.  Maybe you got rejected a few times and so concluded that dating is hopeless for you?  But that's not true.  You probably just aren't applying yourself enough.

Correct. You don't try to fly by flapping with your arms, because you know it wont work.

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1 hour ago, Key Elements said:

I gotta add something to this. Add decades to the relationship/marriage, and it will get "mundane." The question is: will the both of you adjust? There was this newlywed gal in my workplace. She wanted me to describe my marriage. I didn't really want to because I knew she would start saying something that is not really true. It would sound like she's criticizing and judging. I told her that I've been married for years and that's why we're detached. She told me, "my husband and I are not like that. We're attached and having fun." Then, she just walked away. We tried to avoid each other after that.

That's one of the reasons why a lot of relationships run their course and end in divorce. Especially after the seven year itch. 

I know a lot of friends who hit the spot at the 5 year mark.

Romance and love fades. It's pretty natural. Sex becomes a routine. 

But there is something called maturity. And when you have kids, it's important to stay together for the sake of the kids, a commitment the couple should agree to before marriage. 

Because marriage and kids is a lot of work and not child's play. Once you have kids the definition of marriage changes dramatically. 

If that lady decided to walk away, she was just being judgemental. 

I'd be completely fine even in a mundane relationship as long as there is full commitment. I'm very loyal as a person. So I won't find a problem in staying in a relationship despite boredom. 

And I don't see wanting passion in a relationship as a sign of neediness. It's pretty normal to want that. But to discard a relationship for not having the spark is being uncompassionate because that person could be going through a time, it would be selfish of me to only think of my own needs 

My personality is such that I can adjust to anything, if my partner wanted fun and romance, I would switch on to that role and spice up the relationship, if my partner wanted dullness and humdrum because maybe he is too busy for fun, I would keep myself occupied with other stuff so as to not be a thorn to him. 

In essence I'm the worker,the one who  compassionately puts all effort into making things work. In the end I will do everything for me and him only because I love him. I see love as compassion. 

But the worst part that will hurt me in a relationship is not whether it's passionate or mundane but knowing that he is not even giving 3% to the relationship meanwhile I'm giving at least 75% to it . 

That won't fit for me. 

 


J̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t̸͟͞ j̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s̸͟͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t͞ 

🅗🅔🅐🅣🅗 - 🅜🅨 🅞🅦🅝 🅒🅞🅒🅞🅞🅝 🅞🅕 🅛🅞🅥🅔 🅐🅝🅓 🅟🅔🅐🅒🅔

My twin Flame guardian is a Dragon. 

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@Preety_India For sure, knowing what you want in a partner is important. What is love really though? When my husband is absorbed in a video game or whatever else I don't exist in his world. Whether I feel loved or unloved in that moment is completely up to me. Of course if he never ever gave me attention, I'd probably leave out of love for us both. When I'm buying groceries nothing exists in my experience except the cashier and the store. Whether I feel loved or unloved in that moment is up to me and independent of the circumstances. We believe love comes from someone else but how could it really? How could love actually be a biological need and not be neediness but also love? Because love itself must be ever present and unconditional. Hope that makes sense. 


Light on Earth “Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth.― Rumi

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42 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I know exactly how women work, but that doesn't help. 

I know you must be smart to be a theoretical physicist, but that knowledge doesn't make me smart. I might also know that you must be good at this and that type of mathematics, but that knowledge doesn't make me good at those mathematics. It's all about talents which you are born with. If you don't have it since birth you are fucked for life, no matter how hard you try you wont become a theoretical physicist.

1 hour ago, Serotoninluv said:

It doesn’t seem like you’ve had experience with needy/clingy partners. At first it can seem comforting. It can give a person a sense of worth and importance. It can feel good helping another with their issues and meeting their needs.  It can feel good when someone says “I need you and can’t live without you”. Yet then the movie changes into a horror movie. It becomes suffocating. It’ awful and all you want relief. Yet there is no escape. If a person gets too immersed, they become trapped and it becomes difficult to get out. If needy/clingy is mixed with the desire to control/possess, it can get twisted and scary - a bunny in a pot of boiling water kinda stuff. I’ve been in a relationship like this and it’s awful. 

@serotonin  

Everyone should watch the movie fatal attraction lol

------------

What you said about being born with specific talents is not true. You were born with a clean slate and everything that you have become now is just learned behaviour. If it were true that you couldn't be alpha then spirituality wouldn't be true. But it is true because it works for many people and many generations. You have all the courage and love inside you already, you just sabotage it by identifying as something else. Something small and helpless.

Women aren't that interested in your skills. Skills get you the first conversation, five minutes after that they want to connect with the real you. Don't focus on skills, just saying hello is enough. Learn to be yourself is the most important thing.

@Mikael89

Edited by Nickyy

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1 minute ago, mandyjw said:

@Preety_India For sure, knowing what you want in a partner is important. What is love really though? When my husband is absorbed in a video game or whatever else I don't exist in his world. Whether I feel loved or unloved in that moment is completely up to me. Of course if he never ever gave me attention, I'd probably leave out of love for us both. When I'm buying groceries nothing exists in my experience except the cashier and the store. Whether I feel loved or unloved in that moment is up to me and independent of the circumstances. We believe love comes from someone else but how could it really? How could love actually be a biological need and not be neediness but also love? Because love itself must be ever present and unconditional. Hope that makes sense. 

Biological need and neediness are two separate things. Biological need is extremely important and should never be ignored because it's primal, whereas neediness could be either due to biological deprivation or simply a psychological deficit/condition. 

Yes love is a need as well as an ever present unconditional spiritual quality. That's why it's complex. 

Love in the basic sense is very biological and in the higher sense reaches a state of exaltation. 

It's both practical and spiritual. However the one way to break this complexity is to use context. 

I cannot give the context of Jesus Christ while speaking of romantic relationships between man and woman. 

Similarly I cannot give the context of romantic love while speaking of connecting with higher consciousness and transcendent love for all sentient beings. 

Each belong where they are. 

A man/woman is a formation of both. 


J̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t̸͟͞ j̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s̸͟͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t͞ 

🅗🅔🅐🅣🅗 - 🅜🅨 🅞🅦🅝 🅒🅞🅒🅞🅞🅝 🅞🅕 🅛🅞🅥🅔 🅐🅝🅓 🅟🅔🅐🅒🅔

My twin Flame guardian is a Dragon. 

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7 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Correct. You don't try to fly by flapping with your arms, because you know it wont work.

Haha.  I'm not saying you should approach every girl you see walking down the street.  In fact, you might not have to "approach" at all.  Have you tried joining any spiritual meet-up groups, or other groups that interest you?  In these settings there's a chance you'll just naturally meet someone, without even trying.

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13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And when you have kids, it's important to stay together for the sake of the kids, a commitment the couple should agree to before marriage. 

Oh boy. No they definitely shouldn't stay together for the sake of the kids. 

For the sake of the kids a dysfunctional relationship should get ended.

If you continue with a dysfunctional relationship it will probably fuck up the kids so as adults they will be damaged when it comes to romantic relationships. I actually suspect I might be a victim to that.

11 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

You were born with a clean slate and everything that you have become now is just learned behaviour.

You're wrong. Even spirituality disagrees with you. According to spirituality you are born with a karmic load from previous incarnations.

And according to some other spirituality stuff you signed a contract before birth that you will be like this and that and do this and that.

4 minutes ago, Beginner Mind said:

Have you tried joining any spiritual meet-up groups, or other groups that interest you?  In these settings there's a chance you'll just naturally meet someone, without even trying.

Yes I have.

Edited by Mikael89

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Just now, Mikael89 said:

Oh boy. No they definitely shouldn't stay together for the sake of the kids. 

For the sake of the kids a dysfunctional relationship should get ended.

If you continue with a dysfunctional relationship it will probably fuck up the kids so as adults they will be damaged when it comes to romantic relationships.

 

I didn't mean to say to stay in a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of the kids. That would have a bad impact on their psychology. 

If you read the whole thing...i meant to say to live even in a mundane relationship for the sake of the kids. I don't see anything wrong with that. 

Relationships often can get mundane and monotonous because the novelty wears off or the romance fades after decades of being together. But to leave the relationship because of this is immature in my opinion. 

Relationship is a struggle just like any other struggle in life like a job or health or anything else. 

To not think about the kids is selfish. A lot of people put themselves before kids and leave the relationship for beautiful romantic experiences or adventures and sacrifice the needs of the kids.

This is what I was talking about. 


J̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t̸͟͞ j̸͟͞u̸͟͞m̸͟͞p̸͟͞ s̸͟͞t̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞e̸͟͞t͞ 

🅗🅔🅐🅣🅗 - 🅜🅨 🅞🅦🅝 🅒🅞🅒🅞🅞🅝 🅞🅕 🅛🅞🅥🅔 🅐🅝🅓 🅟🅔🅐🅒🅔

My twin Flame guardian is a Dragon. 

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5 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

You're wrong. Even spirituality disagrees with you. According to spirituality you are born with a karmic load from previous incarnations.

And according to some other spirituality stuff you signed a contract before birth that you will be like this and that and do this and that.

Of course I'm wrong, in order for me to be right you would have to dissolve the self that is sabotaging your life. So it clings to any old bullshit in order to keep itself intact.

Don't worry about bs theories like karma, just look at the ego that is grabbing anything it can to keep you delusional.

That's REAL spirituality.

Once you dissolve that ego then you will see what they mean by "karma".

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