CreamCat

How can I fix my obsessive compulsive disorder?

25 posts in this topic

After sending a long email or having a long conversation, I almost always compulsively replay that email or the conversation for up to hours in my mind. It runs in the background. Those instances of compulsive replays often cause severe headaches.

Through personal development, my neuroticism decreased, but I still experience this weird OCD phenomenon to a lesser degree.

How can I fix this?

Edited by CreamCat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now helped me with that more than anything.


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Most mental illness, and all mental illness that isn't related to the physical structure of the brain, is created through egoic association and egoic tendencies. It's likely through personal development you've combined the raising of your vibration with meditation that has led to a partial surrendering of control.

When the ego surrenders it's control completely, the need to decide what happens, that's when mental illness falls away. Mental illness unrelated to physical abnormalities is simply the ego doing what the ego does, repeating neurotic behavior.

Simply put, you need to enter Dharmamega Samadhi to completely dissolve mental illness. When you rest at the point right before egoic thought arises, that perfect stillness, then you have essentially prevented the ego from even having the opportunity to create mental illness. 

I previously had 4 major mental illnesses, one of which being OCD. My illnesses also lessened in intensity as I progressed spiritually, but it never ended until I reached Dharmamega Samadhi. You can also regress out of Dharmamega, even out of Samadhi completely, and if you do the illness will arise again. But the more you rest in a particular Samadhi, the easier it becomes to maintain it, and to get back to it if you regress out of it.

Really the first goal is to enter Nirvikalpa Samadhi during do nothing meditation, you can start with meditation on the breath, but it will take longer. Dedicate a few weekends, with several hours a day each to do nothing meditation, and it's likely you'll enter Nirvikalpa Samadhi.

From there, the goal is to maintain Nirvikalpa off of the cushion. You'll do that by dedicating more weekends to just resting in Nirvikalpa, because remember, states of Samadhi become easier to maintain the more you rest in them. If you remain dedicated like this, only for a few weekends most likely, you will be able to maintain Sahaja Samadhi, which is just Nirvikalpa experienced during your day to day life. This will happen naturally.

Once you're in Sahaja Samadhi, you are only one step away from Dharmamega Samadhi. There is only one major difference between the two. In Sahaja, you still have the desire to control the ego, the last resistance that ego still has. You simply have to completely surrender from here, accept what is, completely. That means don't fight anymore, stop trying to get somewhere. Find that point, that space, that lies right before every thought. When you've reached that point, ego has surrendered control, and you're now in Dharmamega Samadhi. 

Reaching Dharmamega doesn't have to take years. Following those exact instructions, only using your weekends for extended sitting, you can reach Dharmamega, the releasing of egoic mental illness, in just a few months. It's important to note that you will still need to meditate for 30 minutes to 1 hour daily to maintain your progress during the weekdays. This applies even after reaching Dharmamega, just think of it as spiritual maintenance.

Also, the higher your vibration, the easier this will all come to you. So simultaneously work on increasing your vibration while also doing your meditation for the best results. If you have any questions just message me, but try not to overcomplicate things or you'll just make it harder on yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Elysian HI Elysian, this is excellent advice.

I was going to advise him on the Do Nothing Meditation, but it sounds like you have a lot more knowledge than I do. 

I've had Pure OCD my entire life, which is thought obsessions, with no physical compulsions.   It's like torture.

On the other hand, I've always had a very hightened intuition about consciousness and non-duality, so when I found spirituality and actualized.org, within a few weeks of mediation I experienced awakening and liberation.  It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life.

Enlightenment alone will bring your OCD to much loser levels, but it won't get rid of it completely - that said with the practice he specifies above you can probably get to complete liberation from OCD or at least so low that it is pretty much just something small in the backround that comes up here and there but is very tolerable.  As he says though,  it must be incorporated into your lifestyle for the rest of your life (the meditation practices) to keep these illnesses away.

 

Edited by Inliytened1

We must not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive at the place where we began and to know the place for the first time.       --T.S Eliot

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

I've had Pure OCD my entire life, which is thought obsessions, with no physical compulsions.   It's like torture.

I think it's likely that all people who have OCD also have the personality trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I imagine that it's very likely that being HSP is the leading cause of OCD, because you care so deeply about everything. You obsess because you want to make sure you and everyone is ok, at least on the deepest level, even if you aren't aware of it.

For anyone who thinks they are possibly highly sensitive, or have OCD, it could be enlightening to watch the documentary Sensitive: The Untold Story. It's on Gaia if you have a membership, definitely worth checking out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I tend to be a worrier too, or at least I used to be.  One of the things that I’ve done is when I start a part of my day, I’ll make post-it notes of the tasks I wanna get done.  That allows me to keep the big-picture in mind when I’m working so I don’t get distracted by worrying or ruminating.  So step one would be clarifying what you want to get done and the stages of it.  What I’ve found is usually when I start worrying or ruminating, it’s because I’m sort of “at sea” regarding what it is that I should be working on in the moment, which is a gap that the Mind can use to worry and ruminate.  So what I’m trying to say here is you can tee your Mind up for less worrying by keeping it occupied on your post-it notes, your tasks.  In a way, you have to have time to worry and ruminate, if that makes sense.  You can take that time away by using the Mind to work on your projects.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, CreamCat said:

I almost always compulsively replay that email or the conversation for up to hours in my mind.

Get busy doing something else. Your mind can't focus on two things.


Black is white. Down is up. Bad is good. -Eric Tarpall

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also have OCD, and I agree with @Elysian in that ultimately the solution is to completely accept thoughts and not react to them, as terrible as they might be. 

The hard thing is that when we have it we feel like we need to 'do' something to get rid of it. 

It's weird hearing the stages laid out in that way because I notice within myself I have periods of complete non-reaction to the thoughts which I guess you could call samadhi, but they are temporary. So I guess to attain it permanently you almost have to trust that inaction is the solution more than action is and obviously a good practice for that is meditation. 

Another thing that helped me is just the idea are thoughts aren't actually that important they just happen, when they feel important it's almost like you attach to them and become them, so it's really seeing this illusion. As hard as it is I think OCD offers a real imperative to become enlightened, because the day to day is so unbearable we are highly incentivised to not react to our thoughts. So although it is a torture I truly believe it can be a (hard) path to awakening. 

Also practical things like exercise, diet etc can help but aren't instant cures obviously 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Elysian Thats exactly right.  But its even deeper than that.  

That's why i don't consider OCD - the doubt disorder - to be an illness.  It's just as much an illness as it is a gift.  

If you truly have OCD you also have a direct sense into the gateless gate.  For that is what OCD is.  You sense the uncertainty of the nothingness.

That's why i believe you can become enlightened much easier (without pyschedelics) as with what happened with me.

All the pieces must be in place of course.  Having OCD is just part of it.  For me it was decades of running unconsciously from the nothingness and the OCD although paradoxically sensing i needed to run towards it...to look inward and be the emptiness.

So those with OCD do not despair for you have the keys to the gateless gate.  You just have to find it.

On a less deep note the others all make valid points.  In order to manage your OCD you have to be self aware and aware of when the obsessive thoughts come up..to let them pass and remember they are not you and are illusory.   This is the essence of mediatation and self actualization anyway.  Its just a shame most OCD sufferers don't even know what they have and even if they do they believe that their thoughts are them and real and the guilt of their thoughts will slice through their being.  So meditation and self awareness are the keys to managing OCD.

Edited by Inliytened1

We must not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive at the place where we began and to know the place for the first time.       --T.S Eliot

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To be fair, CreamCat, what you're describing doesn't sound like OCD. The requirements that must be met to be diagnosed with a disorder like that are a lot more severe.

I'm like you and whenever I engage in serious debate, my brain will intensely scrutinize everything I said for hours upon hours afterwards. I have come to terms with the fact that this is just how I am and that this scrutiny serves a function: it increases the chances that my arguments and sense of logic is water-tight.

When we refer to mild compulsions like this as OCD, it diminishes the suffering of the people who actually have it. It's not like it's useless rumination, superstitious belief or actions that hinder you in living a normal life - which is what OCD does.

OCD is absolutely an illness. It's not a gift in any way, shape or form. Most people do not actually understand what OCD is, and therefore think it's just about being worried or meticulous. It's not glamorous and it's not spritual, it's a disease that stops you from being able to live a healthy life.

If you want to learn more about what OCD really is, I recommend this podcast:

 

 

 

 

Edited by Krisena

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Krisena

Krisena

what i meant is that the root of OCD is uncertainty..thats why its also known as the doubt disorder.  While enlightenment is complete certainty..its the paradox of OCD.  Therefore they are one.

I have had pure OCD my entire life so i know how debilitating it can be.  My obsessions were with immorality and immoral thoughts though i have other forms as well.   The guilt of my thoughts and not realizing it was OCD in my early life nearly destroyed me.  So yes while his case might not be true OCD he can still benefit from the wisdom.

That said..by dwelling on the fact that "oh its an illness" and not looking at OCD from the opposite side of the coin one will have very little hope of recovery.  Afterall all that we are is our perspective.

Its true that some are so crippled by the disorder that becoming conscious of any of this may be beyond them but for many they have more mild cases.   Its a lot like the paradox of good and evil.  If you take a non dual approach to evil you can never overcome it as you still look at evil as evil.

 

Edited by Inliytened1

We must not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive at the place where we began and to know the place for the first time.       --T.S Eliot

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As for how to cope with the situation - because I don't mean to say that you don't suffer, just that it doesn't sound like OCD - you didn't mention why you feel the need to replay the emails in your head, but I'll suggest some examples based on personal experience:

  • Could it be for example a stressful work environment where no mistakes are allowed?
  • Do you feel the need to uphold some kind of facade for the people you mail with?
  • Is it based in your personality, for example an above average need for perfection?
  • Are you too concerned with how you come across to others?
  • Are you afraid of having a lapse in reason because people attack you when there are openings in your logic?
  • Are you afraid of being misunderstood and need to make sure what you said was said in the clearest manner?
  • Are you artistic and get a sense of pleasure (in addition to the headaches) from reading your own well-formed sentences?
  • Are there needs in your life that aren't met and the email-reading is a sublimation of deeper anxiety (maybe you don't have friends you trust, or maybe you struggle putting food on the table)?

My primary suggestion would be to reduce the amount of emails you send and read, since they seem to be doing you a lot of harm, but if you can further specify the problem like this, then maybe you could work on those parts on yourself.

As for how I removed my own compulsions: I avoided putting myself in situations where I knew people would scrutinize me and found a healthier community where people read between the lines and were more interested in what I actually mean than trying to find loopholes in my words. So for me it was a change of environment that calmed me down and allowed me to take a more carefree approach.

Edited by Krisena

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Krisena said:

To be fair, CreamCat, what you're describing doesn't sound like OCD. The requirements that must be met to be diagnosed with a disorder like that are a lot more severe.

I'm like you and whenever I engage in serious debate, my brain will intensely scrutinize everything I said for hours upon hours afterwards. I have come to terms with the fact that this is just how I am and that this scrutiny serves a function: it increases the chances that my arguments and sense of logic is water-tight.

When we refer to mild compulsions like this as OCD, it diminishes the suffering of the people who actually have it. It's not like it's useless rumination, superstitious belief or actions that hinder you in living a normal life - which is what OCD does.

OCD is absolutely an illness. It's not a gift in any way, shape or form. Most people do not actually understand what OCD is, and therefore think it's just about being worried or meticulous. It's not glamorous and it's not spritual, it's a disease that stops you from being able to live a healthy life.

If you want to learn more about what OCD really is, I recommend this podcast:

 

 

 

 

Fully appreciate what you're saying, I've had it for as long as I can remember so I know first hand how bad it is. But what I've learnt is that it doesn't help when you identify yourself as OCD. So let me elaborate on how I think it helps with awakening, everyone has the deeper no self and everyone has an ego, it's possible that you could like your ego and thus never really try and look beyond it, like if you're having a nice dream there's no reason for you to want to wake up. 

Now if I have OCD what that means is I think I'm my thoughts, so for example if I believe I'm going to hurt someone I really think that's the case in my mind. But in reality that's not true but I can't see that because I'm completely identified with these thoughts. Then I might realise these thoughts aren't me, but maybe compulsions still happen which keeps it alive and I'm getting frustrated because I can see it's not me but there's seemingly nothing I can do to stop the thoughts. Then I give up and do nothing and really realise these thoughts are just happenings they're not me. Then it's not a massive step to realise all thoughts are just happenings and not me. So OCD is like being in a nightmare and if you're in it all you want to do is wake up 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Elysian Can you explain the Samadhi concept more clearly? I don't understand your jargon. Do you say I just need to do "do nothing" meditation 2 hours on weekends and 30 minutes ~ 1 hour during weekdays?

14 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

In a way, you have to have time to worry and ruminate, if that makes sense.  You can take that time away by using the Mind to work on your projects.

Every morning, I write down things to do today. I stick to this list everyday. While it helps, obsessive thoughts still leak into my mind.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I replay long conversations and long emails because of perfectionism. I didn't want to take a rest until I made sure I didn't get things wrong. In hindsight, those emails and conversations didn't deserve that much scrutiny.

So, you should really ask yourself whether a conversation or an email deserves obsessive scrutiny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/18/2018 at 5:04 AM, CreamCat said:

After sending a long email or having a long conversation, I almost always compulsively replay that email or the conversation for up to hours in my mind. It runs in the background. Those instances of compulsive replays often cause severe headaches.

Through personal development, my neuroticism decreased, but I still experience this weird OCD phenomenon to a lesser degree.

How can I fix this?

I would actually look into your perfectionism. In what other areas of life is it present. Then understand it completely so you can change the unwanted behaviors 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@CreamCat I also do this compulsively. At work when I send emails and even on this forum. I'll keep re-reading what I've posted over and over. The following thoughts have gone through my mind: Am I autistic? Do I have OCD? Am I a perfectionist?  Something else...?

I think the reason I do it is because I'm trying to capture the moment. It's the same reason young kids like repetition. There's a bit of us that wishes we could stay in the moment forever: to savour the exquisite wording we've just posted. In other words I get a kick out of it, and I like to repeat that kick over and over again.

So.... fuck it! It's fun, for me at least.

EDIT

That must be at least ten times now 9_9

Edited by LastThursday
Repetition

Don't eat soup with chopsticks. Pick up the bowl and drink.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, LastThursday said:

@CreamCat I also do this compulsively. At work when I send emails and even on this forum. I'll keep re-reading what I've posted over and over. The following thoughts have gone through my mind: Am I autistic? Do I have OCD? Am I a perfectionist?  Something else...?

I think the reason I do it is because I'm trying to capture the moment. It's the same reason young kids like repetition. There's a bit of us that wishes we could stay in the moment forever: to savour the exquisite wording we've just posted. In other words I get a kick out of it, and I like to repeat that kick over and over again.

So.... fuck it! It's fun, for me at least.

EDIT

That must be at least ten times now 9_9

It's definitely not OCD cos no part of OCD is fun 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

I would actually look into your perfectionism. In what other areas of life is it present. Then understand it completely so you can change the unwanted behaviors 

That's what I thought. Perfectionism.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now