Charlotte

The battle between heart and the self (fear)

500 posts in this topic

I'm only just coming to terms with what the self does to survive, it's utterly unbelievable, surely a fucking miracle? And I thought I knew last year, oh my god I know ABSOLUTELY nothing 😂 how far can this go? There's just layers upon layers of sheer intelligence at work here. 

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Oh nice profile pic 💙 

“Just saying” ;)  

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3 hours ago, Charlotte said:

oh my god I know ABSOLUTELY nothing 😂 how far can this go? There's just layers upon layers of sheer intelligence at work here. 

Ooohhh yea. . .exploration into uncharted lands. So beautiful ♥️ 😊 

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@DrewNows That was taken 12 hours after the trip the other day xD

Thank you! 

@Serotoninluv uncharted lands... Exactly! 😳😍 

❤️

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@Thabit Al-khateeb my pleasure. 

It is very interesting isn't it!

Wow that's a beautiful life purpose!! 

I also recommend (if you haven't already)... 

 

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I've actually been revising!! Like soooo much. I'm buzzing 😂

Leo's right, the only way to counteract procrastination is to take action. 

Legend leo... Legend 

✌️

 

... Back to it B|

I'm passing these exams if it kills me 😂

 

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On 29/05/2019 at 7:41 PM, Thabit Al-khateeb said:

@Charlotte I'm passing my exams even if it kills me too haha, I'm currently facing the procrastination challenge as well as I'm studying! My procrastination is meditating, contemplating, taking walks in nature, and also spending quite some time on the forum reading people's comments and questions, especially from moderators like yourself, and the rest of the lovely moderating gang. I just started interacting on the forum for the first time yesterday night! I'm curious what are you currently studying for, and have you made progress in finding out your life purpose? 

How are you getting on with the procrastinating dude? 

Are you enjoying the forum?? 

I'm studying for... I don't know in all honesty 😂 my life purpose will be based around some sort of healing career but I really don't know what yet... Just getting my basics out of the way (qualifications I should of got in high school). How about yourself? 

 

@Thabit Al-khateeb oh I saw that, that outlandish posted yes it looked good. Was it good?? 

 

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So did what I set out to do and I smashed the studies this week. Today I took all the homework in I had done (revision workshop) and when it was marked the teachers told me I could be aiming for a grade 7 which is like a top B. Buzzing with that. This week I've really got stuck in after watching Leo's video and I also were hyper aware of homeostasis. 

Apart from that I've been doing a lot of yoga. Yoga has completely shifted after the trip. It's now more grounded in an actual spiritual practice, I don't know how to explain that but you'll have to take my word for it. 

Also yesterday in the kitchen (on my way to take the dogs out for a walk) randomly started moving my arms and hands again in synchronization, could feel the energy escaping through the finger tips. Same movements as the trip. 

Felt a sense of liberation and love followed by crying. Completely random. Even the dogs looked confused 😂

Awwrene of the mind and how it's creating reality is falling ever deeper still, I literally just see this loop.

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10 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

So did what I set out to do and I smashed the studies this week. Today I took all the homework in I had done (revision workshop) and when it was marked the teachers told me I could be aiming for a grade 7 which is like a top B. Buzzing with that. This week I've really got stuck in after watching Leo's video and I also were hyper aware of homeostasis. 

Apart from that I've been doing a lot of yoga. Yoga has completely shifted after the trip. It's now more grounded in an actual spiritual practice, I don't know how to explain that but you'll have to take my word for it. 

Also yesterday in the kitchen (on my way to take the dogs out for a walk) randomly started moving my arms and hands again in synchronization, could feel the energy escaping through the finger tips. Same movements as the trip. 

Felt a sense of liberation and love followed by crying. Completely random. Even the dogs looked confused 😂

Awwrene of the mind and how it's creating reality is falling ever deeper still, I literally just see this loop.

Sounds like you're kicking ass :)


Comprehensive list of techniques: https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices

I appreciate criticism!  Be as critical/nitpicky as you like and don't hold your blows

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On 03/06/2019 at 6:51 PM, Thabit Al-khateeb said:

@Charlotte Yes the art of life was a really Beautiful documentary, highly recommend it! 😊

 

I enjoy reading topics on the forum, it’s been helpful for the most part, however I must say that I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed by users who are engaging in mental masturbation, rather than actually going and doing the practices to see for themselves the results they’re questioning about! 😅

 

 

Don't worry about anybody else dude. Just focus on yourself. 

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Wow what a week. 

So I had the first exam yesterday. I genuinely gave it my all. Mindfulness played a huge part in the exam as did observation of thought. I noticed from previous practice exams that my nerves were getting in the way so I devised a plan for my self and it worked a treat. 

I really smashed homeostasis and turned everything around. I didn't want to attend philosophy yesterday because my mind was actually hurting from the exam so I went to the gym instead. 

Last exam on Friday ((the big one)) and then off to Minorca for a yoga retreat 0500 the next morning so trying to cram everything in. 

Monday I also had a huge breakthrough with regards to shadow work (I've been working on that simultaneously) I'll write more about it when I get back. 

I made myself come off the forum whilst I crack on with the exams and I'm glad I did because remaning on here was part of the homeostasis, not gonna lie though I can't wait to come back 😆

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Arrived in Minorca yesterday. ABSOLUTELY fuuuucked. 

All week I had around 12 hours sleep, I was working on empty. I don't know how but I managed to smash my exams and arrive here in one piece. A week of Yoga, self reflection and meditation is literally what I need right now. 

I've also met a potential partner. This is all I have to say about it...

335818-Hafez-Quote-Your-heart-and-my-heart-are-very-very-old-friends.jpg

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Yaaaaaaaaay I'm back. 

Yoga retreat went extremely well. It fell at such a crucial time. I had survived off 12 hours sleep all week during exam period. I don't know how but I did. I crashed out on Menorca for 2 days and relaxed. It was so needed. 

We did 4 hours of yoga daily. 2 in the morning 2 in the evening. Both included pranayama and meditation and some nidra. Unfortunately I had to sit out for a lot of postures because I've injured myself again (bursitis) so I've come back unable to do much with regards to exercise. I went to my follow up CNM appointment in which she told me to eat the core of a pineapple because it contains bromelain which has anti inflammatory properties. She also told me to increase cruciferous veg to 9 portion's a day. Told me to sit back on the exercise and reduce. 

I've found these appointments extremely insightful and interesting, not only that but I've made a new friend ☺️ (the lady who consulted me) which is always nice. 

 

So a lot of shifts have happened since the 'trip' as I think I mentioned but more are becoming apparent. 

Vegan ideology has gone. 

The suffering I endured with regards to 'compassion for animals has gone. ((This was huge for me))

In turn that's given me a healthier relationship with my dogs. I don't feel attached to anything in that way anymore. 

I no longer feel the need to want to partake in activism anymore, I feel I'm looking at things from a more zoomed out holistic perspective... More understanding. I can see the traps of many things, even 'harmless' label's such as vegan. But I do feel a little guilty because I'm like 'so you not gonna speak for the animals?' and to be honest I don't think it is about not speaking for them... Its more about HOW it's done. I don't feel it's strategic, conscious, or even effective for that matter. I feel they are trying to tackle a problem from the same level of that problem which is completely ineffective. 

I've also noticed judgements have dropped. Again just a more holistic understanding approach has taken its place. Just bought a systems thinking book off the book list which I'll be reading after the current book. 

I think I mentioned somewhere prior in the journal that I had made a small brake through with regards to shadow work. 

One day I sat down at mums and I told her I'm still heavily hung up about the body image. She started giving me a small counswli session in which I realised I had been rejected the 'old me' the old Charlotte... I was viewing the heavy, overweight, unhappy, thick and bullied old Charlotte as a separate ego. Denying and pushing her away. Looking at her in disgust. In the shadow obviously which I was completely oblivious to. Upon this realisation I cried deeply and felt sympathy for myself (for old Charlotte) I grabbed her and told her she is loved and accepted. This is one of the reasons that I maintained an unhealthy relationship with food. By denying food I was denying the old Charlotte, running from her and afraid to ever slip back there. All unconscious illusion of course. 

LP has also seemed to of taken a different direction. I'm going in the direction of psychology. I'll be studying this, this year as well as maths. 

 

Overall I just feel more conscious as well like I can feel within the body if I am not being true to myself. Such strong signals that you cannot ignore. 'I follow the feeling'

More awareness of where I am deluding myself comes up much quicker and guide's me in the right direction.

Reality has changed in the sense that I actually see that the mind creates everything. 

Also since finishing college I have a strong pulling to wanting to continue learning which I've never had before so I'm doing different courses... One of them being https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-learn

which is proving to be extremely interesting.

After that I'm gonna learn another language..  don't ask me why 😆

I'm also still microdosing. 

 

This month has been a month of gifts for me. I have been surrounded by the most beautiful heart centered people. I've cried out of sheer joy and gratitude. 🥰♥️💕

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@Charlotte Hey Charlotte, welcome back. Delighted to see good stuff going your way. 

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

Vegan ideology has gone. 

The suffering I endured with regards to 'compassion for animals has gone. ((This was huge for me))

In turn that's given me a healthier relationship with my dogs. I don't feel attached to anything in that way anymore. 

I found this being one of the core things keeping me in hard Green and it took a lot of time and effort to get outside of it and start to see the ideology and manipulation in vegan population. The amount of guilt they put you in is incredible sometimes. Well done on getting out of that, defo not an easy task !! I think one can still remain plant based without subscribing to the "religion" and the guilt. 

Also happy that you got some new tips with CNM, the 9/d cruciferous veg seems like pretty hardcore healing diet going forward but they are incredible. (Make sure to always pre-chop them and chew well to activate the enzymatic reaction and get the most of them ;)

And finally congrats on finishing your college course. Hope this opens some new doors and opportunities and definitely new insight into the reality. 

All the best and keep up the amazing work !!

 

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Morning Michael! 

Thanks so much :)

22 hours ago, Michael569 said:

I found this being one of the core things keeping me in hard Green and it took a lot of time and effort to get outside of it and start to see the ideology and manipulation in vegan population. The amount of guilt they put you in is incredible sometimes. Well done on getting out of that, defo not an easy task !! I think one can still remain plant based without subscribing to the "religion" and the guilt. 

Exactly! I don't like being addressed as vegan anymore... I use plant based cruelty free conscious lifestyle ^_^ 

22 hours ago, Michael569 said:

Also happy that you got some new tips with CNM, the 9/d cruciferous veg seems like pretty hardcore healing diet going forward but they are incredible. (Make sure to always pre-chop them and chew well to activate the enzymatic reaction and get the most of them ;)

Yes it's a lot isn't it! She also adviced I buy some cytoplan glucosamine? I'm definitely struggling squeezing 9 in a day... Fruit's seems to be much more manageable but I'm running out of ideas for the veg, there's only so much you can bang into a smoothie until it starts to taste disgusting 😄

Oh thanks for the tip!!! 

 

22 hours ago, Michael569 said:

And finally congrats on finishing your college course. Hope this opens some new doors and opportunities and definitely new insight into the reality. 

All the best and keep up the amazing work !!

 

Bless you Michael thank you so much for your support. Your amaaaaazing and my inspiration :x

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On 20/06/2019 at 9:24 AM, Charlotte said:

Vegan ideology has gone. 

The suffering I endured with regards to 'compassion for animals has gone. ((This was huge for me))

In turn that's given me a healthier relationship with my dogs. I don't feel attached to anything in that way anymore. 

I no longer feel the need to want to partake in activism anymore, I feel I'm looking at things from a more zoomed out holistic perspective... More understanding. I can see the traps of many things, even 'harmless' label's such as vegan. But I do feel a little guilty because I'm like 'so you not gonna speak for the animals?' and to be honest I don't think it is about not speaking for them... Its more about HOW it's done. I don't feel it's strategic, conscious, or even effective for that matter. I feel they are trying to tackle a problem from the same level of that problem which is completely ineffective.

Looks like you are increasingly integrating yellow. Congrats :) 

Does this mean you eat meat again or you just dropped veganism as an ideology?

How do you feel now?

On 20/06/2019 at 9:55 AM, Charlotte said:

 

One of my favourite songs of all times!

On 20/06/2019 at 9:24 AM, Charlotte said:

After that I'm gonna learn another language..  don't ask me why 😆

Which one do you have in mind? And why?

@Michael569 I see you comment a lot on nutrition-related topics and just wanted to say thank you! I find your contributions especially insightful helpful, a real pleasure to read your comments!


Hard times create strong men. 
Strong men create good times. 
Good times create weak men.
Weak men create hard times.

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