The battle between heart and the self (fear)

[Shin]

7 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Awesome thank you 

@Shinpictures are too big to upload from camera library?

Reduce the size using paint, and modify the extension to .jpeg.

If you're on mobile I don't know.

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows try reducing using a picture resizer app? 

[DrewNows]

Thanks haha appears to work  

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows ? thank you! 

[Charlotte]

Fucking hell. Got so much to update. Been through a heavy ego backlash.

I'll go into more depth tomorrow but I attended a TEDx talk Tuesday which was amazing. 

Will properly update tomorrow. 

[Charlotte]

Okay well it was clear the backlash wasn't finished  

Jesus wept... Never had one like it but at the same time I can't describe how much I've grown from it. During the Shamanic breathing workshop I think the shadow came up and out and that's what I've been dealing with the past 2 week's. I've found myself in situations where the shadow is so forefront. There's so much that's happened that I didn't realise was still lurking in the corner. Insecurities being the main one. That created all sorts of behaviour. Outstanding the observe but I have a lot of work to do. 

So my ego backlash came in the form of attention from a man. I wanted to have a flirt and go on a date. Basically stroke my ego. 

Met a guy, first date went okay. Second date went to absolute shit ? lots of lessons learned in the process. 

It's funny, I've had this backlash but at the same time I've still been aware af, other backlashes I've just gone completely unconscious. Interesting. 

So now I got the attention thing out of my system I'm ready to crack back on. 

Psychedelic trip this weekend. Need to go out and buy some shit for it. 

Got to say it's been one of the best opportunities for growth I've had this year and it's all been in the name of suffering ♥️ cheers ego ?

[Charlotte]

it's hit me like a ton of fucking brick's. 

I see what faceless was pointing to... I SEE THE MOVEMENT! 

 

 

[Charlotte]

P2_H02.pdf

[DrewNows]

22 hours ago, Charlotte said:

it's hit me like a ton of fucking brick's. 

I see what faceless was pointing to... I SEE THE MOVEMENT! 

 

 

Deep diving this is ?

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows  absolutely amazing! I'm starting to witness movements I never thought I could. 

I have my first solo psychedelic trip this Saturday. Think it couldn't of come at a better time. 

 

 

[Charlotte]

Just been to see where I'll be staying for the trip. It's absolutely perfect. Very small floor space with fold out table. Outside picnic table, a fire pit overlooking nature. Getting very excited now ✌️

[DrewNows]

10 hours ago, Charlotte said:

@DrewNows  absolutely amazing! I'm starting to witness movements I never thought I could. 

I have my first solo psychedelic trip this Saturday. Think it couldn't of come at a better time. 

 

 

Do you hear at the end of the 53rd minutes of the video: "is it different than the liver" I was cracking up! 

Sending good vibes for the trip! 

7 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Just been to see where I'll be staying for the trip. It's absolutely perfect. Very small floor space with fold out table. Outside picnic table, a fire pit overlooking nature. Getting very excited now ✌️

So excited for ya..will be pure love, you wont be in heaven, but you could become heaven (not that you aren't already)  

Edited May 16, 2019 by DrewNows

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows 'From the liver... Not the liver' ? he has some small bouts of humour that crack me up. I highly (HIGHLY) recommend all his talks. Sat listening in a meditative state.

I'm doing it tonight so will update maybe tomorrow or Sunday ?

Hope you have an amazing weekend bud ♥️

[Charlotte]

Meal prep for trip... All organic high frequency foods...

 

[Charlotte]

So the trip happened. 

This was the best action step I've taken all year. Some questions have not been answered but that's okay, they aren't ready yet. I'm going to work on what's been given to me. They are a gift.

The profound humbleness I feel within radiates out of the human body. I feel so fucking damn blessed.

I also have some medical issues that need seen today by the doctor.

 

[Charlotte]

Another very important insight I got was how brutally honest I am with myself with regards to self honesty. Self deception doesn't play a part. Not saying it won't but at least I'm made aware that I don't bullshit myself. 

[Charlotte]

@Michael569 Thanks Michael! Tasted ridiculously delicious ? 

Shit has been testy not gonna lie but all is well ✌️♥️ you too brother. 

[Charlotte]

I feel lost over the past few days but not at the same time. I don't know. I've been so tired and sluggish. My cycle has gone skew-whiff, my appetite has drastically increased again. I've been having night sweats every night for the past 2 week's or so, every night. 

Since the trip... I feel like crying. I'm confused. I don't know what's true anymore. At some points during the day I feel like I'm back in it... I actually look around and ask "am I tripping?' 

like am I creating my own reality or is the universe? Is this god (me) working through me for me or is something else... I don't know. All I know is I came out of that trip feeling extremely comforted. 

another thing is I think the boundaries  and limitations of subjects such as philosophy, science, maths are all breaking down, I'm seeing everything as one, one isn't more of a truth than the other as they all are in there own way truth. I don't understand but I do. 

I don't know... Maybe I should give this a break for a bit. My head is hurting with it all. My exams are in a few weeks and I seem to be more bothered about spiritual practices than my exam results. That's another thing... Life purpose has also been brought to question since the trip. Same intention but maybe different direction. 

anyone help me with all this? @DrewNows @Serotoninluv 

 

[DrewNows]

Here’s some advice I’m giving us both as I have been going through similar confusion lately. Let’s bounce back to see and experience life! Even if it’s perceived a little differently now  

Show yourself love by giving yourself purpose, daily. Focus on the part of living in your control: goal setting, studying, routine, and most important of all, being alone for a short time maybe before bed or in the morning, to simply do nothing but let be

It takes time to process. You are okay. Okay in not knowing and open to learning through experience itself 

breath ?✌️ ❤️

Edit: also a break is good, let curiosity guide you back 

Edited May 21, 2019 by DrewNows

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows oh my goodness your absolutely right. I don't feel grounded whatsoever. I'm questioning so much because there has been a shift, I don't need to question at all but it's difficult not to. 

Thank you for that beautiful reminder dude you have no idea how much I appreciate it ♥️