Shin

How do you stop manipulate people ?

21 posts in this topic

I put this here because it fits a bit more to this section of the forum, but I don't only  want advices like "just become more conscious" or "who is being manipulative" …

Please don't only give that kind of advices, but also pro-active techniques, books and documentaries/videos to watch on YouTube (or somewhere else).

Not just being conscious when it happens or looking back at it when you finally notice you were being manipulative, I already do that quite intensively.

 

I noticed that I do this in rare instances, especially in critical instances, but also sometimes on mild instance too.

  • Critical instance can be like, manipulative blackmail on someone I really care about to make him or her out of a critical situation he or she can't deal on his own (that's how I perceive it on the moment). 
  • On mild instance, it can be to have something I want regardless of someone else, it rarely happens that I actually act on it (I might say something though) and I usually am quite conscious I'm doing it in the moment, so I drop it and make excuses if necessary.
     

I know logically that it doesn't help and only make things worse, sometimes I even lose those people trust because I have to be honest afterwards (I want to, I feel filthy not to say the truth).

The thing is, I became totally sucked into the emotions in those moments (not so much in mild situations), and even though it might not happen in a while, I really don't want it to happen again, because:

  • It pains both side quite heavily
  • I don't want to manipulate anyone
  • It doesn't feel right (not in a moral way).

 

Thank you very much :) 

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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Shinzen went to a psychologist for procrastination.

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I'm manipulative when I don't trust life, when I have an imaginary reason to think that life won't unfold perfectly. I think this trust issue comes from not trusting the Life in me. I don't trust my Spontaneous Self that it will behave acceptably if I stop manipulating it. 

So my approach is that I just let myself free, I let go of trying to control my mind and I let go of my intentions. This attitude cultivates self trust and this gradually extends to trusting others and trusting life. :)

I mean, what would happen if you just stopped manipulating the roller-coaster? :D

 

FB_IMG_1541710448822.jpg

Edited by Barna

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1 hour ago, Barna said:

I'm manipulative when I don't trust life, when I have an imaginary reason to think that life won't unfold perfectly. I think this trust issue comes from not trusting the Life in me. I don't trust my Spontaneous Self that it will behave acceptably if I stop manipulating it. 

So my approach is that I just let myself free, I let go of trying to control my mind and I let go of my intentions. This attitude cultivates self trust and this gradually extends to trusting others and trusting life. :)

I mean, what would happen if you just stopped manipulating the roller-coaster? :D

 

FB_IMG_1541710448822.jpg

Thank you ?


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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@Shin

Ask yoda we must! 

wise he is...

manipulating you I am ;)

(bring back yoda, bring back yoda!) 

As teal swan says "manipulation is not evil at all"

"it is 'I can't ask for a need up front' so i have to go in the back door to get it"

"that is all any manipulation is" 

Just watched this beautiful speech where she briefly touched on it right around 1:01:00 but i'd have to recommend the whole thing

So how to stop manipulating? Well, just see when, where, and why you manipulate and figure out how this seems to be "the way" to go about getting what you want...often times it's cultural/societal norms, or simply how we were raised 

Be brutally honest with yourself about your intentions/need in a given situation

Maybe the next time you consider manipulating...just go right up and say "i gonna try to manipulate you...because la ti da" :D

 

 

Edited by DrewNows

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Fundamentally...

Manipulation/control ➡️ desires/wants ➡️ resistance to what already is. 

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Shin, the tricky thing about this thread is that you kinda want us to help you to manipulate yourself into stopping to manipulate others... :D

Edited by Barna

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Volunteering helps. When you do something for others you automatically become non manipulative, instead you become a loving, all inclusive, compassionate being :)

Just when you catch yourself that you're being manipulative, make yourself in a state of offering.

Another thing about volunteering is that as you do things for others, the reality that you're a part of everything slowly sinks into every cell of your body. Your identity will expand slowly. Your circle of compassion will grow. When you have a large circle of compassion you will not dare to do anything harmful to others for your own benefit, because you've been soaked with selfless activity. Doing something bad for others will make you sick to your stomach :D Without any teaching or techneque, just a thought alone of manipulating people for your own selfish reasons will make you feel terrible. 

Just imagine killing every puppet on the planet to buy a yourself a car. Do you feel how terrible it feels inside? So you're already a little bit human. Now just increase that humanity in you with volunteering.

 

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@Jack River

Trying to change using thought will never work, any type of intention to change is all part of that same movement and ultimately useless.

 

True right ?

@Charlotte


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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more easy > you shut up & sit :D

 ok too non dual, nice topic, you always makes your topics shiny ( I didn't even think of this one ! +1 to myself ! )

your text, resonate with my yesterday mind purge, still some trash in the back room

 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sbw__MsJZ0

We know nothing, and even, I m not sure. a.V.e

 

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1 hour ago, Shin said:

Trying to change using thought will never work, any type of intention to change is all part of that same movement and ultimately useless.

Fosho. A conditioned reaction that is limited to knowledge/experience or thought only sustains that conditioned momentum of time/control or divided action. 

Insight that is whole and unconditioned is the only “non way”. As in unconditioned action that doesn’t come from reaction/conflict/psychological time. 

Edited by Jack River

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11 hours ago, Barna said:

Shin, the tricky thing about this thread is that you kinda want us to help you to manipulate yourself into stopping to manipulate others... :D

Please manipulate me :ph34r:

Thanks everyone :) 

 

Would you say that someone who has been humiliated a lot in his past will tend to control/manipulate other people once he got out of his victim mentality ?


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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50 minutes ago, Shin said:

Please manipulate me :ph34r:

Thanks everyone :) 

 

Would you say that someone who has been humiliated a lot in his past will tend to control/manipulate other people once he got out of his victim mentality ?

what do you call a victim mentality, is there any "victim" at first ?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sbw__MsJZ0

We know nothing, and even, I m not sure. a.V.e

 

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2 hours ago, Shin said:

Would you say that someone who has been humiliated a lot in his past will tend to control/manipulate other people once he got out of his victim mentality ?

sounds like possible conditioned behavior. wouldn't you say much manipulation often occurs through this victim mentality? 

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Be like an autist.

Manipulation is a part of human psychology. To give it up means pretty much giving up social life. Unless you enjoy talking with dead serious autists

 

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I want to do some affirmations on this, but Leo says in his video that an affirmation can't be negative, so I can't say «I am not manipulative».

I need the contrary of (psychological) manipulation, but what are they ?

 

I also will try, everytime I can spot myself manipulating, even in trivial cases, to ask myself «Is that selfish ? Will it hurt someone ?».

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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12 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@Shini am honest or I am authentic 

Thank you :D

Done it for today.

 

Me when I read your two answers:

i-cannot-brain-today-i-has-the-dumb-cat.jpg

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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5 hours ago, Shin said:

Thank you :D

Done it for today.

 

Me when I read your two answers:

i-cannot-brain-today-i-has-the-dumb-cat.jpg

Haha possibly the best affirmation you could have is 

yoda I am.  ❤️??

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On 11/8/2018 at 0:40 PM, Barna said:

 

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm keeping this! LOL

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