End of Life...Grief support

[LRyan]

Hello,

I haven't been on site in a while and I have slipped back into the black abyss of not being present and aware.  My mother is very close to passing away after suffering many years with many cancers.  I'm feeling deep grief and sadness and I already miss her.  I just can't find my way out of the hell I fell back into...thinking that all we are is the body and our one experience here in this life.  Can anyone help me with any words or thoughts that can get me through....I'm struggling so much and I'm so lost right now..  Thank you

[Naviy]

Not so much, but.

First, just remind yourself that everything will pass. Everything. Even this current phase of your life will pass in future. It WILL change in future. You will not be feeling the same as now.

Second, as for now, accept that you have to be in hell. Let your body to live in agony during this phase of life. It has to be like that. You have a legitimate and valid reason to be in agony. Life happened like this. Sometimes a wild antelope is being eaten alive by an unexperienced young lion, can you imagine how much it is suffering? This LRyan has to suffer right now -- the nature said so.

Try to be as kind as possible to yourself, try to treat yourself, surround yourself with people that you like (if possible), do things that you like, do not demand much from yourself. It's a major, major pain, so treat yourself accordingly. You a right and a need for it.

And do not forget - it too will pass. 

[jjer94]

Quote

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”

-Sigmund Freud

What @Naviy said. Also, take these along for the ride.

<3

[Sukhpaal]

Hey man I can kind of relate to you. My mother is currently battling cancer and it is extremely tough to watch. I know how easy it is to backslide completely and fall off track of consciousness work. Give yourself time to heal and be patient. You will bounce back brother.

 

Sending Love.

[LRyan]

@Naviy Thank you for your clarity and your views.  It is helpful and kind..I appreciate the words.. <3

 

.@jjer94 Beautiful uplifting music.  Thank you <3  I love that quote...I see the meaning behind it.....for sure.

Edited December 17, 2017 by LRyan

[LRyan]

@Sukhpaal Thank you and I'm sorry to hear you are also going through this as well.   It's very painful to go through, easy to forget everything u once believed in... 

[TriteNTrue]

@LRyan I can relate with the stress and emotion, I lost my dad earlier this year. The monkey mind preoccupies your with thought and actions.

 

just sending you love . Keep your head up brother. 

[Ether]

@LRyanDo you want to not suffer? You really want to? Im not sure if you are, but if you are search Noah Elkriefs video on Grief

[Nahm]

@LRyan sorry to hear of your moms condition.  

try just getting back to daily meditation.  it might help you get that ‘space’ back.  if we are breathing, we can sit and be alone.  and theres the healing. 

[LRyan]

@blazed @Nahm Very good idea to get back to meditating.  If I tried right now i would cry or fall asleep but I will try again first thing after she passes on.  I hope it will help.  I am making a sticky note reminder to put on the wall!

Blazed...thanks for all the kind words and suggestions.  its very nice to feel the support and understanding.  I have to just try to get through this somehow.  It is very hard to go to a hopice every day and watch a person suffer with pain they can't tell anyone they are having and to watch them struggle to breathe and to watch the change to body  It's so heartbreaking and painful to try to be supportive and try to keep it all together.  its a very hard challenge but I will be back to try my best tomorrow.  This is very frightening and alarming to watch a loved one go through this and I am so sad and devastated.   This too shall pass I hope.

Thanks to all my helpful friends on here!  I appreciate you all...

Lisa

[Ether]

@blazed Actually you can suffer forever. But you can be peaceful forever too

[cirkussmile]

This is wonderful! Finally I challenge that suits you perfectly. Welcome it. Welcome suffering and welcome the undeniable truth of life. 

Only go with your direct experience. If you actually are suffering then never try to not suffer. That's self denial. What you feel is very real and no one, not even manifested or nothingness, can say what you should feel. Only you can and that is the only thing you should ever listen to. 

Much love

Edited December 20, 2017 by cirkussmile

[Joseph Maynor]

Take advantage of how clear your grip on life is right now.  It’s in moments like these that you can have a lot of insights and epiphanies about life.  

[LRyan]

Thank for all the support and insights.  She passed away on Dec 24th, in my arms at the hospice.     It was a surreal experience to be with her for her last breath and I feel honoured that I was chosen by her to be there alone with her at that time.

All of my prior inquiry about awareness and who I am and the meaning of life and my understanding of infinity has helped me a great deal.....The human  person that I am could not stop the grief and sadness and loss afterwards.....even though I truly believe that we are never "born" and never"die".....this human being that I am in this moment misses the sound of her voice and looking at her.....that is a loss that I cannot reason away in my understanding of life. 

She is sadly missed and I have moments of sheer painful grief at the finality of her existence here with me.  I know she is not suffering, I still am, but less than if I didn't have some of the knowledge I've gained from this sight from self inquiry.

Thanks everyone.  You're great.

[LRyan]

On 12/20/2017 at 10:41 AM, Joseph Maynor said:

Take advantage of how clear your grip on life is right now.  It’s in moments like these that you can have a lot of insights and epiphanies about life.  

I have made a turn back to this site and trying to be mindful of everything I say and do so it has caused me to come back to myself so to speak...which is a very good thing...I've been lost or gone or asleep for quite a while and now I feel like I'm getting myself back....

[student]

@LRyan Your mother will always be with you. Hasn't she always been with you? Why wouldn't she be now too? Do you think distance could separate two people? Do you think bodies are a separation, a boundary between two people? Do you think a mere body is what actually makes a being? Do you think it obstructs unity? When you look at a beautiful, breathtaking view, do you feel there is separation betweeen you, "a simple human", and that which just manifests itself as "beautiful", not really describable, just misteriously, unknowningly beautiful? What is distance? Does it really exists?

Contemplate this, think of your mother. Do you really think everything is as simple as everyone think it is?

[Omni]

1 hour ago, LRyan said:

I have made a turn back to this site and trying to be mindful of everything I say and do so it has caused me to come back to myself so to speak...which is a very good thing...I've been lost or gone or asleep for quite a while and now I feel like I'm getting myself back....

Glad to hear you've gotten past probably in my opinion the worst part of it all, and you're slowly but surely healing - and you know she wouldn't want those moments to lead to your own destruction.

With something as infinite as reality, it's hard to believe our loved ones who pass just disappear and that leads to an absolute disconnect, sure maybe physically. But those experiences and cherished moments including everything you are today will carry on with you, and grow you not only as a human but as a being entirely.

If you can recover from this and use it as a turning point to improve yourself - You can overcome anything life has to throw at you. And each time you reach the state of overcoming, you grow that much more, and life reveals that everything else is that much easier - and that's where the true power of life is, knowing that the complete randomness and seemingly unfair situations that life WILL throw at you will all come with more clarity than the last.

 

[LRyan]

No, I don't believe there is any separation between anything at the energetic level...or however you reference who we really are, energy, spirit.  I can see what you mean.... I was feeling so alone and really we are always alone, but were not...it's a paradox to me but I will get through this and I think my consciousness level has been raised by this occurring.

 

IT appears that everything is about growth and growing our consciousness with all the experiences we have. We as beings move on no matter what happens.  If we don't, then human suffering will keep you stuck.  I've been stuck and afraid for so long.  If I can keep the infinite in mind then I will move forward without a care in the world....life is but a dream..right?  it's a challenge of the mind to always be present and not live in the memories of what was or what will be.  That's my challenge to myself...not to live in the past memories of my mom..

Edited January 13, 2018 by LRyan