Naviy

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  1. I've done 30 minutes while listening to northern shamanic drums. Felt tingling on my face, hands, legs and stomach. Legs got kind of tired. 30 minutes was easy to do physically for me, so I think I'll move to 40 minutes next week. Emotionally I did not notice anything very special. Time passed fast. No visuals with open or closed eyes. However, after doing this practice, I meditated. There were definitely less monkey mind, more patience and more calmness.
  2. @Unwiring I think that in Do Nothing the key point is to let go of everything intentional. Do Nothing vs. Daydreaming In normal daydreaming we are not letting go of everything intentional. For example, we are often intentionally thinking about something or trying to prevent ourselves from thinking about something. Do Nothing vs. Other techniques In many other techniques we still do something intentionally. For example, if your instruction for meditation is "just observe your thoughts and other experiences", then you will be intentionally observing (doing something). So, it will not be a Do Nothing meditation. In Do Nothing you can be totally unconscious and you can also become unintentionally conscious from time to time. If you will try to be mindful or concentrated or "just observe" or try to let go or try to have equanimity with experiences, then you will do something intentionally. It's not Do Nothing. So, the basic instruction for Do Nothing is: sit still and let everything happen. Anything that will happen is ok and accepted. Only drop any intentional doing (and only when you accidentally notice it). But that's just my understanding of this technique. I've always had doubt about Leo's instructions in that video.
  3. It is painful, but the fact is, if the person does not want to change, they will actively resist change. I think that some of the reasons why normies do not want to change are: 1) They don't know that they need to change 2) They don't know that they can change 3) They cannot face the discomfort that comes together with change/growth (because they automatically react to discomfort with distraction, being unaware of doing so) Knowledge about growth + awareness can help to overcome these obstacles. But they will not put effort to gain knowledge and awareness, because of 1), 2), 3). So this is how they are stuck in a cycle of suffering and doing nothing about it. Maybe most of us in modern society are stuck the same way. For me what helped to break this cycle was my intense suffering + accidentally I found Eckhart Tolle teachings about 7 years ago. Later I found Leo. Being aware of your suffering makes the need to change more obvious, while teachers and books give you knowledge that you can change. So you start the work. With work you become more aware, so you can grow even more efficiently. I think it is very difficult to help other person to break this cycle of suffering and doing nothing about it. What helps me a little bit is that I'm trying to be not so arrogant, judging normal people's lives, because I remember how totally impossible it was for me to start growing and working on myself, before I found high quality knowledge about growth + I was so fueled by intense suffering. It's like when you know how to play guitar, and you look at your friend who cannot play, and you get surprised: "But why he cannot?! I can, it's not so hard! Just do it, like that, like that, see? Why he cannot?!" Well, remember yourself when you could not play guitar. It was impossible for you to take a guitar and start playing. It is same impossible for your friend now. So, for him, in his world, he does not see all the problems in his life that you see. He does not know that he can change. He does not know that he needs to change. He does not know that change is possible. He is automatically distracting himself from growth (ego default job). Imagine yourself in these conditions. Of course, he has no chance to start the work. Understand and forgive
  4. Have you tried guided meditations? Like Headspace, for example. Because when you do a guided meditation, you just follow instructions, and less space is left for worry about you doing something wrong.
  5. @Charlotte @egoeimai Interesting, just today I was trying to pay special attention to this feeling of automatically repressing thoughts when you observe them. What I've noticed, it is possible to be very aware even in the midst of mental storm. But it might not feel like you're truly aware, though, because thoughts still get most of the awareness space and attention. We have an idea that when you are truly aware, thoughts are supposed to subside. What if thoughts and emotions do not have to subside when you become aware? So, for example, you become aware of your crazy thought-emotions train, and it does not subside. It becomes even stronger. But this still counts as being mindful, same as if you had an empty mind. We expect mindfulness to remove our suffering (because otherwise, why would we start practicing it?), so we like to say that we are successfully mindful only when we feel some relief from our minds (in particular, when thoughts and emotions subside due to our effort to be mindful). This idea might be the source of frustration from accidentally repressing thoughts when we want just to observe. Because when we become mindful (observe, become aware), and thoughts-emotions do not subside, we do not feel relief, so we think that we failed to become mindful, while actually we succeeded. In meditations recently I like to pay attention to the difference between non-aware and aware states. It seems, that on deep level there is no particular difference. Non-aware state consists of present experience and aware state consists of present experience too.
  6. I'd like to travel to USA and Iceland
  7. Yeah, overcoming an addiction is painful. From my experience with videogames addiction - cravings become weaker only with time. Because I'm constantly busy with real life stuff, I have not played for more than a year now, and I'm not having cravings to play games. In fact, this activity seems to tasteless, pointless and harming to me now, that I would feel very dirty if I tried to play a game "seriously" (I can play something on my phone once in 2-3 weeks for 30 minutes). However, I still have many dear memories with games. They were my friends and I was escaping real life violence in them. I love these memories and I am grateful to some of the games that I used to play. Maybe you should not be so harsh on yourself? Try to leave the addiction step by step. For example, remove all the games, but keep watching Twitch from time to time. The less you will play, the less it will be interesting for you. Finding a substitute to addiction is very important too. Even not very high-conscious activity. Maybe try to read/listen some novels, fantasy and that kind of books. Some kind of other entertainment. Even movies. Learn chess. Walking more. Music. Some new hobby, learn business, guitar, carpentry, puzzles, bicycle, new books, new communities, offline board games. The purpose of finding another low-consciousness substitute is to drag your attention from video games. Because the more time you spend not playing, the less you will want to play. But you gotta survive this period of time somehow. At the first stages of overcoming addiction thinking something like: "Oh, I'm gonna delete all my accounts and stop even watching games and I'm gonna triple my meditation practice and I'm gonna FUCKING LOVE my meditations 100x more than games" is kind of too brutal. I believe, it's too difficult to accomplish.
  8. My father is a narcissist and I was constantly under his influence until my age of 26 when I quit my job as a lawyer in his company and moved for living from Russia to Bali. I have 100% no-contact with him for more than a year now. I have inherited some narcissistic traits from him, but also I have studied narcissism quite a lot from the perspective of a narcissistic abuse victim. I remember when I was a teenager I was pretty narcissistic. Now I see how psychologically violent I actually was with other people because of lack of empathy and because of my insecurity. By then I did not realize it at all. I would never admit that I was violent and manipulative towards other people because I felt totally justified for my manipulations. The need to control other person to escape from my insecurities was so strong, that there was no room for caring about another person. If somebody told me that I was manipulative and violent, then somehow I would have automatic reaction: "Well, I don't care, it's their fault that they made me to be manipulative with them. If they were behaving how I want, then I would not have to be manipulative with them!" The idea that I have no right to force other people to behave how I wanted somehow did not cross my mind. I simply was not aware of such a concept. I did not know any other way of communication, so I had no choice. I only wanted to escape from my insecurities, loneliness and psychological violence of the environment of that time. By any means. For example, when I was 17 years old, I fell in love with a girl. And what I needed the most, is to make sure that she constantly feels guilty and wrong by not giving me all her attention. I did not want her to have friends because I myself did not have any friends and I knew that if she will spend her time with her friends, she will see that they are actually much better than me and she will stop communicating with me and I will become miserable. So I manipulated her, for example, by trying to show her that if she spent time with her friends, she has committed a sin, did something bad to me and now I am suffering, so now she owes me and she must ask for forgiveness by giving me more sincere attention, making me very important for her. I was doing it systematically and I was creative with it. Of course, this hurt her, but she was deceived by me and it was not obvious for her that I hurt her. I was not feeling wrong for doing this because I thought that she was always wrong by not satisfying my need of attention and love. Why the hell I was thinking that she MUST give me love and attention no matter how I behave with her? I don’t know, I just did not have enough love and understanding in my life, so I was deeply insecure and I was craving for love and attention. I could not give love, I only needed to receive it (a lot). And because I could not give love, I could not sincerely care about a person, I was not capable of sacrifice and compromise. In a sense, I enjoyed her suffering from guilt because it means that I myself was secure, I could control her, I could get what I needed from her (attention, compassion, love, feeling of being important). Her suffering was in my interest. And I did not have thoughts that I hurt her, I only had thoughts that I myself must escape from my suffering. So, yeah, I guess I was not capable of feeling emotions of her suffering. Because even if I intellectually understood that I make her suffer, I would not feel bad about it, because me making her suffering was for the sake of my own salvation. So, I think that this neediness + incapability of giving leads to violent manipulative behavior. I think that all underdeveloped people are inevitably manipulative and violent with each other, but if you're "objectively, biologically" totally incapable of significantly improving in this area, even if you try, then, I guess, you could be a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, etc. With time my social environment became better, I was working on my psychology, becoming more mindful, becoming more capable of giving love to myself and, therefore, to others. Now I see how destructive manipulative behavior is - for yourself and for others. Now I want to be giving as much love as possible. I want to heal and help other people (I'm even thinking about making my YouTube channel's main theme - recovery from narcissistic abuse with the help of high quality values, mindfulness, honesty, self love, self acceptance, meditation, developing interest in Truth, discipline, Mastery, authenticity, etc.). Now the topic of narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, abuse became interesting to me because I think that at some level I can relate to both victims and perpetrators. And I want to give them understanding and compassion that they are always lacking (which I was lacking myself). Especially to the victims, TBH.
  9. I had a surgery with total anesthesia (for 4 hours). I can only remember the first moment I started waking up - I heard voice of the doctor and became very surprised, then thoughts happened: "What is this [about sound]? Why is this needed? Everything was so perfect". I cannot remember how it feels to be during anesthesia, but I remember this brief moment less than a second before I even heard the doctor's voice. It felt like very very satisfying blackness (even though I realized there was blackness only after I started waking up). Basically, like deep sleep. Very satisfying and very complete. Not boring. It feels like a pause. Also, the voice of doctor appeared "above" this satisfying pause. And then thoughts, feelings, vision, memories of my life appeared "above" it. Itself did not go anywhere. There is it, and above it all kind of experiences. Everything appears in this satisfying "being/sleeping", I guess (if I'm not fantasizing). I find this experience useful for self inquiry. Sometimes I try to remember that moment before the voice of doctor appeared above nothingness and try to find this nothingness in present moment. Everything is appearing "above" it, how can itself disappear? I guess, this is what was there before you were born? This "containing". I'm afraid I could be fantasizing, though, so in self inquiry I do not always rely on that memory.
  10. Not so much, but. First, just remind yourself that everything will pass. Everything. Even this current phase of your life will pass in future. It WILL change in future. You will not be feeling the same as now. Second, as for now, accept that you have to be in hell. Let your body to live in agony during this phase of life. It has to be like that. You have a legitimate and valid reason to be in agony. Life happened like this. Sometimes a wild antelope is being eaten alive by an unexperienced young lion, can you imagine how much it is suffering? This LRyan has to suffer right now -- the nature said so. Try to be as kind as possible to yourself, try to treat yourself, surround yourself with people that you like (if possible), do things that you like, do not demand much from yourself. It's a major, major pain, so treat yourself accordingly. You a right and a need for it. And do not forget - it too will pass.
  11. I really doubt that a person who was randomly given such a course would actually use it. It will be used only by those who already follow Leo's content, know about LPC and want to have it, but cannot (do not want) to buy. Even not all of them will finish it and get some use of it. It's like giving a 1000 pages Encyclopedia to a 15 years old, thinking: "Oh, such a good educational gift I made. It will be so useful for the kid". The kid won't even open it.
  12. 1) You can download OneNote 2016 for free here: https://www.onenote.com/download Click "Other download options". But it cannot store files locally. 2) You can buy MS Office with OneNote 2016 or older. It can store files locally. 3) You can use my trick to use free version of OneNote and still backup files locally:
  13. Thanks. @Shin Yes, this is what I do. Before I used to force myself to stick only to one technique at least for a month. I remember when I first tried a new technique, I was doing only it for at least 2 months. It was fine for me and it was effective. Now I kind of feel what will work the most today - "freestyle" or some particular technique and do it. Recently I whether mix different techniques, switching from one to another during meditation, or do "just meditation", just how I feel it.
  14. During meditation I started to notice that often I do not want to use any particular technique. When I try to force myself to use a technique (any of those I know), it feels like it is actually holding me back, limits me. Instead, I kind of want to do "just meditation" without any technique (for myself I call it "freestyle meditation"). It feels like a mix of all techniques' goals. I am being aware, at the same time concentrated, at the same time letting go of control over attention, at the same time paying attention to objects, at the same time getting out of thought hypnosis, at the same time letting thoughts and everything be, at the same time kind of self-inquiring automatically a little bit, etc. And I'm kind of naturally finding balance between all the "things you do" during meditation. Be gentle, but not lazy. Be concentrated, but don't forget to accept and let go. Do something like become aware of an object, but also do not do anything. It's very difficult to track progress, so I do not know what is more effective - doing this "freestyle meditation" or sticking to a particular technique (like mindfulness with labeling or focus on breath or letting thoughts go or do nothing or being aware of thought without controlling them). So. Is it just ego being lazy and resists doing any techniques, or this "meditation without a technique" is legitimate? Could you give an advice?
  15. I'm actually starting a YT channel about personal development in my language, lol, except I don't take it as Life Purpose yet. I legitimately do not see anything more important and impactful than educating people about higher values and higher consciousness right now. Also, I love to do deep research, to gather insights, knowledge and wisdom and I love to see how my creativity affects other people. I want to become a person, which helps humanity to move to next stage of development - to more conscious life. It's so exciting to be like a scientist, like a discoverer, like a mage traveling across unseen worlds. To discover possibilities of reality and consciousness like astronauts in movies discover other planets. Like shamans, psychonauts and witches discover other realms. It's like to be a 1000 years old wizard. Except it's even more important and deep than being a wizard. When I was a lawyer, I hated that I always had to work with artificial conflicts, papers, contracts, courts. It makes no sense. What's the ultimate purpose of all this? What's the importance of all this? I always wanted to be doing something tangible, important and that makes sense. For example, to do some deep medical research, to discover aliens or magic or new laws of physics or travel in other realms. Diving deeper into personal development gives me a chance to become a scientist, a researcher (doing his experiments even, where the lab is his own life), a bringer of knowledge, a discoverer. It makes me feel more like a Hero on Hero's Journey. Of course, I do not have any serious knowledge or skills yet. And I do not have absolute confidence what my LP is. However, I think that this my activity with YT channel and then possibly with a blog, will lead my life closer to my true Life Purpose.