Omni

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  1. If I’m understanding your confusion about this topic correctly, what you’re looking for is something you have to create in the moment yourself, obvious healthy boundaries and communication with whomever youre with is necessary but I think the problem is expectation on the result of the situation. You might not have or find a sexually compatible partner - sometimes one cannot meet the others needs and that’s just how it is sometimes, but honest open dialogues about your relationships can sometimes solve this problem in new ways.
  2. which chapter is this from? gonna go back and read this one for more context
  3. you ask for pointers how to go deeper and in the same post imply that you’re not willing to make the leap. Gonna have to decide on one, sacrifices and stuff. Focus on your senses, feel into your body and allow it to take over your experience, your thoughts will come, let them. Feel into them as they come in. After youve began spotting the tension and the chaotic thoughts, your heart automatically beating, your breathe.. immediately step back and detach from all of it and watch it all happen by itself, as if you’re just watching a movie.
  4. Could be, hard to say. Your investigation can answer that eventually. I personally yes have had instances where my ego will send me through extremely vivd hallucinations when i’m introspecting, i tend to find myself getting lost in these relatively easy because of how real they feel, sometimes its a memory, sometimes its a scenario playing out or a conversation - but they are the strongest when I’m hitting sensitive stuff within myself.
  5. The answer to this question is different for every person. What is it you live for? Instead of thinking not death, think of why life? find these things that you cling to as your identity and you will have your answer. Everything else will be vague and unspecified relative to YOU unless YOU find the answer within.
  6. Any experience that arises fear is a sign that you're headed in the right direction. Your ego will do very weird things to distract you and the deeper you go the weirder and intense these distractions tend to be. The recurrence means that you are clinging and when you're doing this method it is perhaps trying to force you to continue identifying. I suggest trying to maintain the method through any experience that arises if possible.
  7. One thing that seems to be a common factor throughout my experience is dis-identification through constant re-identification. I moved around a lot throughout my childhood after grade school, I’ve come and gone like a nomad and have experienced a lot of goodbyes, some healthy and some toxic farewells - this showed me the commonalities but also the complex differences in people and how so very easy it is to get so obsessive over something that the rest of existence is irrelevant. It seems you are correct about if one does not know who or what they are working on. But maybe they have to ask all the advice before they know what advice they need. I also find true that experiences create better communication, which is why self-help can get super toxic - it avoids the pain of actually having to live the experience, and can witness it vicariously.
  8. Not a doubt in my mind this was what I came seeking. My experience as of lately has been clarity on a macro level and confusion on a micro level. The in and out you're speaking of feels extremely close to my experience The breaks are on for sure. More recently I'm noticing my frustrations and outbursts, but also random intervals of grounding come forth during these moments, not enough to just stop the outburst in its tracks but enough to witnessing it happen consciously and I think it's altering my decisions in real time when it happens, but subtly. Ive also feel like I've been experiencing a skitzo level paranoia of being watched, not in any sort of way that it impacting my judgments from what I've seen but enough for me to acknowledge it, this feeling gets more intense when I actually find I AM being watched by someone. I don't want to over conceptualize but it feels like it's as if its triggering the self awareness more. A fresh example was at work today, I was un-jamming a conveyor belt but had preexisting frustration from thoughts cycling about my living situation and the stress that is arising from them, I was displaying obvious external signs of frustration and one of my superiors was watching me, we made eye contact and i just kinda faked a smile but got an instant realization of the situation in actuality vs my perception of it vs hers watching me, how vastly different they are side by side. Not sure ant sort of guilty or shameful way, but just an "oh shit" moment. Honestly the amount of experiences are quite a bit so I don't want to dump pages on pages, though I think this might help communicate some more context. Questions might better help navigate from here if you decide to seek more information regarding it.
  9. Stop spiritual practices? Who said I started? You see, once you realize that I’m not consciously aiming for enlightenment, rather I feel like I’m being lead towards the path just based on karma alone, you start to see why I came back after years of inactivity to try to get some clarity on this. Yes there is fear behind the intent, yes my ego is fully in tact. No I don’t do spiritual practices, It’s fair to say I have dwelled more in the conceptual realm of things to avoid seeking truth. I don’t even have a routine, let alone a stable life - add heightened awareness and an insane amount of energy behind that and these questions arrive organically from that mixture. I am not awakened but I feel a sense of certainty and connectedness with the world like I have never felt before.
  10. You are correct, I am not owning my steps - Unless I speak from completely conceptual absolution and my ideas of non-ego I can’t claim responsibility for getting here deliberately. I’d even go as far as saying a lot of my choices and steps have a high likelyhood that I would be so far self-deluded that getting to this point is mind-blowing to me - no regrets or shame in this, in fact it reframes the possibilities. When i speak about fear at the moment it’s not that i’m speaking from fear, rather the recognization that it is present in my experience and is the reason for this post of course. No need for apologies, I could’ve stated more clear my intentions from the get-go, I mistakenly left room for such posts. As for the concern of “past the point of no return” is because I’m in a position where basic survival needs are priority - I’m living in a hotel barely scraping by per paycheck and yet I’m still experiencing a higher level of awareness - I’m not necessarily asking so that I can find a way to identify it and push it away, rather I suppose a “brace for impact” or some sort of guidance towards adjusting to these changes (I’ve not seen first hand, rather heard many accounts of enlightenment still needing a “practical transition” as it’s not an immediate change in all areas of life.) Thank you for expanding on your point.
  11. I should probably rephrase, I’m not looking for regurgitation and obvious signs of ego in myself. My goal isn’t enlightenment, I’m asking if this is the start of the process and whether or not i am beyond the point of return, I’m aware it is fear asking this question and have no intention of projecting or deflecting this. I’m seeking someone whos been in an approximate experience of mine who may have some helpful guidance in this area, not cute one-liners to boost self righteousness.
  12. How can God ever meet such high expectations?
  13. I’m not awakened, but I’m certainly in a heightened state of awareness. The intervals of frequency in how often I coming back into myself is increasing. Karma and Synchronicity are becoming more and more tangible, everything i say or do is being done more carefully as a result. My relationship with the world around is transforming and I feel extremely empowered vs the victim mentality i had held for pretty much all my life up until 2-3 months ago. I find myself going back to compare my old concepts I held with Leo’s videos to my present experience and it’s.. just not the same anymore. I’m spotting the inadequate metaphors and seeing how ineffective language can actually be for communicating this stuff to the point of disagreeing. With this new sense of clarity has posed the question: Am I past the point of no return? Does this hold momentum until absolute ego death? If you need more details about this experience or ones leading up to this just ask, I’m an open book. I don’t recommend asking me for advice to aid your own path as there is nothing I feel I can offer you in this state. However, recent synchronicities tell me to leave this channel open. So if you truly feel there is something you need to ask me, then ask at your own risk.
  14. roughly like 70% orange, 30% green, probably some sprinkle of other stages in there as well