Serotoninluv

Moments

107 posts in this topic

After I showered yesterday afternoon, I noticed a wasp was trapped between the glass window pain and the screen. It had entered through a small crack, yet couldn't find the crack to escape. It was trying to move through the screen to get back outside. I noticed it, yet it didn't catch my attention. I needn't to get to work to do important things. As I walked downstairs, there was a thought/image about how it was moving. It was stumbling. It could barely walk along the screen. It was hot. The wasp was dehydrating and dying, trying in vain to move through the screen. How long had it been trying? How much strength did it have left? Will it find the crack and escape? At that moment, I felt like what it would be like to be trapped and slowly dying as you can't find your way out. I returned to help it.

There was also a storm window pane in there, which made removing the screen a bit difficult. I would need to get my hands close to the wasp to move the screen. I could get stung. I thought "screw it, I need to get to work. Let nature take it's course". Yet, I couldn't shake the slow death feeling. I went for it. I lowered the screen and there was an obvious two inch opening to outside. The wasp slowly crawled up the screen and sat on the top edge of the screen. It looked into the open space of the outdoors. I didn't know if it still had the strength to fly. I knew it wanted to and thought "c'mon you can do it". After about three seconds, it's wings fluttered, it jumped and flew away. The suffering had ended and it was free to express itself as a wasp. I smiled and felt joy. . . Then, I snapped out of it and thought "Dang, what time is it? I better hurry up and get to work!"

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Yesterday, I went to a soccer game. Afterwards on the drive home, there was a thought about a play in the game that occurred 30 minutes ago. This was followed by a thought about a similar play I made in a soccer game 30 years ago. Both thoughts occurred "now" and were about "not now". There was no time difference between when the two events occurred. They were both "not now". . . Kinda freaky.

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This reminds me of something I remember Leo said in one of his videos, and I think he was quoting a third-party source:

A mosquito is a wondrous object if seen as an end in itself.

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some people would burn me at the stake for saying this, but I had that insight whilst watching a carcinoma under the microscope. a cancer is a quite fascinating creation if seen as an end in itself.


whatever arises, love that

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On ‎9‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 1:32 PM, phoenix666 said:

some people would burn me at the stake for saying this, but I had that insight whilst watching a carcinoma under the microscope. a cancer is a quite fascinating creation if seen as an end in itself.

Part of my research involves cancerous cells and I too find it's development fascinating.

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Yesterday I was in a café with a friend. We had just visited an art museum. I was fascinated by many of the art pieces. In the museum, I was aware and in awe of the works. Yet an hour later in the cafe, I'm back in my head as I talk to my friend about the value of art: stories about how art is underappreciated and an expression of being. Then, stories about how science and art overlap. (I did most of the talking. . . .). After an hour of being absorbed in my head and telling stories, my friend is now nearly pleading that we really really need to leave now. And here comes "the moment": as we are leaving we walk by a table where two of the employees are chatting. I sense something special about them: their appearance is cool: their hairstyles, clothing, jewelry, ethnicities. They have a cool energy and vibe. Their communication is flowing like music - open and free. I feel an attraction, a pull to interact with them. Yet, this is overrided by the thoughts "no, that would be awkward" and "you need to go to the next event".  This resistance prevented me from being and participating in the moment. What if. . . as we passed I smiled and said something like "Hey, are you two a couple? Because you go so well together.". That would have been with the "flow". I don't think it would have been awkward or creepy sounding. I was feeling their energy and would have said it in the context of their energy. I bet they would have smiled/laughed and given a short reply as I wished them well and continued on.

How many moments do I miss everyday due to lack of awareness or a resistance to engage? . . . The story behind a beautiful piece of jewelry someone is wearing. . .  petting and connecting with a dog I encounter along a hiking trail. . . overhearing someone say they just returned from the Cliffs of Moher and joining to share our experiences there. . .  noticing someone using a scope on a tripod out in nature and asking how it works. . . Perhaps I should be mindful of personal space and not go around interrupting people and hijacking conversations. Yet, I have found that when I am really curious and fascinated 99% of the time there is a connection and positive interaction. And here's the thing. . .  At times, I have engaged in these moments and have had wonderful "spontaneous" moments of intrigue, joy etc. I've met some amazing people. . .  I have considered these moments as both special and rare. Yet I am realizing they are not. These moments are all around me everyday. They seem rare because I am rarely aware. And when I do notice, thoughts of resistance tell me how I *should* act block engagement.

How much richer would life be if I was aware, trusted intuition and went with the flow?

 

Edited by Serotoninluv

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Today I admired a butterfly dancing among the flowers. There was a moment of awareness that I am the same as the butterfly.

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Yesterday there was a moment that lasted a moment, hours or eternity. Time had no meaning. I took a low-medium amount of psilocybin and headed over to the local Nature Center. I was expecting this trip to be similar to my previous ones where I am ONE with nature and experience fascination and awe. Where I experience greater consciousness and feel like the *real* me. Well, this was quite different. I began feeling uncomfortable and was unable to steer things into the comfort zone. There was an ominous sense of some "it", yet I couldn't identify what "it" was. It wasn't a certain "it", it was everywhere. I couldn't make "it" stop. I couldn't change "it". I couldn't escape "it". I sat on a bench overlooking a stream - yet "it" was "it". I tried to walk, still "it". I layed down on the earth and tried to think about how beautiful the trees and sky were. They were beautiful and not beautiful - they were just "it". Everything was "it" and there was no making sense of "it". I went into the insanity zone - and that was still "it". Three students approached me on the hiking path - there was fear of what might happen - they could see me as an insane professor, I could start screaming, I could smile and say "HI", I could just continue staring at the sky - yet it was all "it". I felt so trapped - which was still "it". I was begging to make "it" stop and sensed that the lesson was just "it" and I could not run away or escape "it". Whatever I thought or did was "it". Whatever was, was "it". I looked at my watch and only 5 min. had passed. I thought there is no way I can deal with 2 more hours of this. I thought of jumping in the river - still "it". I thought the only way to stop it would be to kill myself, yet that would also be "it" and I had no control over "it". I wanted to contact Leo and ask if there is any easier way to learn this lesson. Yet, realized anything he said was also "it".

As I started coming down off the peak and that ominous "it" became more of an "is". Anxiety is anxiety. A comfortable feeling is a comfortable feeling. That duck is a duck. Seeing the form of a face in a tree trunk is seeing the form of a face in a tree trunk. . .  I saw a group of people with walki-talkis. I wondered who they were. What are they doing here? Mysterious feeling is mysterious feeling. . . Are they looking for someone? Could they stop and interrogate me?. . .  People with walki talkis is people with walki talkis. Worry of unknown is worry of unkown. Then the worry went away and absence of worry was absence of worry. Everything "is". It "is" so fucking "is" it "is". . . All my search, all my trying to figure it out, all my listening / reading of spiritual teachings is "is". All those spiritual masters explaining insight and enlightenment - it's all "is", just like the duck and my anxiety of "is" is. . . Three cyclists pedaled by me on a bridge. I smiled and tried to make eye contact. The first two cyclists avoided eye contact. The third made eye contact with me for a moment. Is. . Is. . Is. . .Thoughts floated by "Was that a spiritual connection? Did she experience the same sense I did? Is that what it feels like to connect with someone?". Is. . .Is. . . Is. . . Then a flock of geese flew overhead. More "is". Wondering how I should end this post is wondering how I should end this post.

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Last Monday I spent six hours hiking in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My first time there. The hike was amazing. So much diversity. Plants, trees, rivers, animals, colors. . . I took a small bit of 4-aco-dmt/met which only had an effect the first couple hours. Yet, during this time frame, there was very much a sense of being in the moment and going with the flow. A woman walked by with a stern look, focused on the path. She just flowed by. A couple walked by and we smiled, there was a connection. A chipmunk sitting on a log surprised be with a very loud shrill call, then ran off. I spontaneously shouted "Holy shit! That was the coolest thing ever!!". A dog approached me and we briefly made contact, petting and smiling. Another chipmunk hustled off with a nut. I said "You better hurry, lil' chipmunk. Winter is coming! Better hustle up!". Another woman passed, not wanting to make eye contact. She just passed by and the next moment arrived. 

It felt like each moment flowed and I naturally flowed with it. Previous moments flowed away and future moments did not exist. Just being in that moment of the flow of happenings. I recall hearing about how buddhist monks are "ready for anything" in the moment. I had interpreted that as the monk is prepared to react to given any stimulus. Yet, the sense I had wasn't a reaction to a stimulus. It was within the happening. There was no reacting. 

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Last Saturday, I went on a date. I arrived at her house and we sat on her couch chatting for about 20min (before heading out to a Halloween party). I experienced a mild feeling of discomfort. There was a touch of first date jitters and much of the conversation involved learning about "who we are". In addition to the uncertainty of a first date, she was the first woman of an ethnicity that I have dated. I've felt this type of uneasiness in other types of situations. I lived in South America for two months last summer and immersed myself deeply into latin-american culture - several times I experienced a sense of feeling out of place and uncomfortable. Yet, these spaces are good for me because they can reveal old beliefs as being bullshit, break down barriers and open my mind for expansion and deeper connection with others. I told her that I was at the edge of my comfort zone, yet it was good because that is where I grow. She asked if "this was ok", motioning to the two of us. I said yes, and reinforced that this is a good place that I seek to experience. She was pretty much like "cool" and off we went. We went out to a couple Halloween parties and then back to her place. I'm not a "player" and have no "game". I just tried to let go, just be and allow events to happen.

During conversation, my mindset included being curious and intrigued, having opinions and wanting to tell stories. (I generally feel comfortable in my head). There seemed to be some rich areas of conversation. We have some overlap, yet much of our experience is different. I'm curious how her experience has shaped her. As well, there were aspects of a cultural vibe that was unique to that which I have been exposed to most of my life. I found that very appealing. It was similar to what I experience in South America, yet another flavor. During conversation and physical moments, I didn't experience a strong sense of separation, it was generally at a basal level. Over the last year, I've noticed my separate sense of self has been reduced and at times I have felt "one" with my environment. For me, this seems much more likely solo in nature than during social interactions. Language and conversation are inherently dualistic. That's fine and I like that perspective and experience.  . . Yet, there were physical moments we shared where the dualism seemed low. There wasn't a strong sense of "me" and "her". There seemed to be a shared energy that just flowed and moved and I didn't have a sense of where I stopped and she began.  Those moments were discontinuous "glimpses" since thoughts and talking arose intermittently. 

I've only had a few glimpses into nonduality over the last five months. I can't explain it, yet it seems in the same realm as what others along the path have conveyed. Sometimes this path has moments of "oneness". Yet ironically, there are also moments of "aloneness". Could these both be of the same consciousness? Similar to how "It" is both nothing and everything?

Edited by Serotoninluv

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It's been 15 months since my last journal post. It's so interesting to read the "old" journal posts. There is a sense of looking back in the timeline of where I was during those contemplations of my direct experience. Yet, there is also a sense of "ISness" that is eternally present. 

Today I came to this journal with a desire to express some thoughts about the mind's tendency to get attached and identified with thoughts and ideas. It seems like a continuous process of attachment/identification, recognition/labeling, letting go and being. The deeper one goes, the more subtle and nuanced the attachment/identification becomes. It's like there is a "stretch zone" of self awareness. It seems like the zone keeps expanding, yet there always seems to be an egoic stretch zone. This has appeared in many different ways, for example subtle forms of arrogance. Currently, I notice subtle attachments to spiritual ideas and experiences. Some of it seems super duper true and it seems clear "this is how it is". It's as if the mind sets up boundaries of what an ego is and likes to think I am aware outside of this ego. Yet over and over, it's revealed that thoughts and images that arise from the zone outside of the ego is also ego. When it goes really deep, it appears that any word is ego. It's kind of crazy.

I'm realizing that dynamics of the personality can be really alluring and once immersed into it, it's difficult to observe it. I think this is why intellectualizing with one's own ego and other egos about "how it is" is a contracted space. Yet, part of the trap is thinking it's the other personality. If he or she can see my point of view and agree, then all is well. Yet, this would only provide temporary relief. It is not true peace. It's much more difficult to let go of my own ideas. In particular, sometimes ideas arise that seem so spiritual and deep, yet upon closer observation, it's all simply appearances in what is now. As I discover more of this in myself, it becomes so obvious in others. When I point it out in others, the same defense mechanisms arise in their mind that arise in my mind. When my mind lets go of it all, it seems like there is only One mind.

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The cosmic joke that too 24 yrs to reach the pucnchline. . .

For many years, my person searched for some thing. What that thing was, I didn’t really know. Yet, I believed it would bring me me serenity and meaning. Other times, I thought it would bring a sense of happiness and well-being. 

I searched high and low for this “it” thing. My first meditation space was in a small closet. There was a single shelf, that I placed a candle. While sitting, my knees were within an inch of touching the walls. This gave me motivation to sit still because I got irritated when my knees touched the walls. I spent many hours in that small room. I no longer believed in an anthropomorphic god, yet I still got on my knees before and after each meditation. At the start of each session, I would kneel in prayer and ask that “it” guide the process. After each meditation, I again knelt in prayer to express gratitude for whatever had arisen.

This was the only way I knew to surrender and give up control. This was the only way I knew to say thank you for whatever arises. There was no internet then. There were no online forums or YouTube videos. One would have to go to a bookstore or library to get information about spirituality. Yet back the, religion was still king. To most people, spirituality was an odd, mysterious thing that some people were adverse to. Meditation was a weird Eastern thing that conjured up images of eastern men twisting themselves into pretzels. There were of course pockets of spirituality, especially in progressive college towns. Through my youth, I lived in three of the most liberal college towns in the United States. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, yet it’s now clear that I resonated with the spiritual vibe. I liked a hippie vibe, like at Grateful Dead shows.

The point is, I didn’t know anything when I first started meditating in that closet. I didn’t know the right way to sit or the right way to mediate. I didn’t know what meditation should feel like. I didn’t know anything about insights or revelations. Looking back, “it” was revealed. There were moments of prescence. They were profound, yet I had no idea what to make of it. I didn’t really feel comfortable talking about it - I was young and concerned about my social image. One day, I mentioned it to a friend who seemed like a spiritual type. After telling him about one he said “That sounds like a “spiritual experience”. I was taken aback. It didn’t even cross my mind that these moments might count as a spiritual experience. In my mind, spiritual experiences were for really spiritual people. So I asked him “how could I tell if this was a *real* spiritual experience. He paused for a bit in contemplation. He replied “I’m not sure. I think you just kinda call it one if it feels right”. I replied: “We can do that? Are we allowed to do that?”. He said “I think so, but I’m not sure. I think it’s up to you to know for yourself”. I remember how humble and sincere this was. This was really important. That was the closest I got to awakening. I was within inches. If I had just stayed with my direct experience. Yet,I needed up going on a spiritual goose chase. It would be 24 years until I got that close to awakening again. . . 

Those times were so genuine and open. Yet once I caught wind of these “spiritual experiences” the seeking energy entered. So here’s the thing: I was closer to awakening in that darn closet than I was at anytime over the next 20+ years of seeking. In that closet, I became One what was. And I didn’t know what that meant or should mean. It just was. And it was powerful. Then this idea of “spiritual experience” was planted in my mind and a division arose. There was me and this “spiritual experience thing”.It didn’t take long for separation to take place. I started reading books on spirituality. I started going to a zendo. I learned that this spiritual experience thing was a really big deal. It goes really deep and there are all sorts of spiritual experiences. I learned how to bow appropriately. I learned how to sit right. I learned that there was an ego and how to deal with this ego. I sat in dharma talks trying as hard as I could to understand the teacher. I bought statues and built and alter in my meditation room (no more closet anymore for me). I traveled to the mountains of Peru to be with Shamans. I sat there immersed in their story of the spirit realm. 

Through it all, there was this underlying energy to seek and find some type of “it”. I learned thousands of spiritual things. Then after 24 yrs, it all came crashing down. I spent a couple years trying to repair and rebuild it all. Yet once that first gigantic spiritual structure came crashing down, it was never the same. That grounding was no longer there. Anything I built came crashing down. My longest stretch was eight months.

And when it all crashes down, I’m back in my meditation closet, simply sitting in prescence, not knowing anything. The cosmic joke that took 24 years to reach the punchline. . . 

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There is something deeper going on than thoughts. Thoughts are at a surface level. It’s easy, of course, to think this. Much deeper to embody it. The identification with thoughts is so strong, sly and elusive. Just when it seems like you are just being, you realize thoughts got you again.

Why go deeper than thoughts? For relief from unpleasant thoughts? No. So that you can re-program your thoughts? Closer. . . 

Thoughts are a second order appearance. There is an energetic system giving rise to thoughts. An energetic system that links experience, environment and brain, mind and body activity. There are neurotransmitters im my brain and in the environment. Every person I meet is a neurotransmitter that stimulates impulses in my brain. 

I think some of my students think I’m going mad. Yet there are groupies that take any class I teach. I’d rather have a few students that want to take my class as electives than lots of students that have yo take my class as a requirement. 

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Artists create music and paintings that bring forth the human experience. Sometimes I visit art galleries and stare at paintings. There is the expression of the artist, the expression of the art and the expression within me. It’s all inter-connected. Sometimes I’m so moved by art. Especially in real life when the artist his lresent with their work. I’ve met some amazing artists and musicians in my travels. Sometimes I’m overcome by the beauty I can barely contain myself. 

I’d like to develop my writing as a creative expression. I’ve been conditioned to be a technical science writer. It has some elegance to it, yet not the color that creative writing has.

I appreciate all the artists on the forum. I should spend more time interacting with the right-brainers to develop that side of me. 

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7 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

The identification with thoughts is so strong, sly and elusive. Just when it seems like you are just being, you realize thoughts got you again.

Nice to read that someone else has noticed this also. I've been observing this over the past few weeks myself. It literally becomes laughable.

 

Enjoying your journal ❤️

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I've been perusing a few journals and I'm really impressed by how genuine they are. So many people are sincerely seeking inner truth and to improve themselves. It's humbling for me to read at times. And it is beautiful. It inspires me.

One common thing that has limited my expansion is an inner insecurity, not "being ______ enough" and limiting beliefs. These are some of the first things we hear about when starting personal development. Yet a surface-level awareness only pulls out the weeds, it doesn't get to the root. I've found these dynamics go really deep into my psyche. So much of my life had been shaped by wanting to avoid experiencing these energies that felt uncomfortable. And I'm not just talking about the big, obvious stuff. For example, being afraid to ask out a guy or gal one likes or avoiding a job interview. This is obvious fear of rejection. Yet, it goes much deeper and influences small actions we take each day. These subtle influences go under our awareness radar. They add up to be a big mover of one's life.

One of my deep insecurities was that I wasn't smart enough. It doesn't really matter how it got programmed into me. It's been there since I was a kid and has influenced how I perceived life. Sometimes I was aware of it, yet usually it was below the radar. It was like wind in my sail directing my travels. It influenced my career, who I dated, people I interacted with, how I interacted with people and on and on. 

No amount of external validation was able to dissolve this insecurity. I got bachelors degree. Still there. I got a PhD in molecular biology. Still there. I did a post-doc, won awards, got grant money. Still there. I became a professor. Still freaking there. I still wasn't a good enough professor, like the others. I wasn't bringing in enough grant money. I still had to prove myself to others. So many ways I interacted in life was influenced by this insecurity. I never had the confidence to be me. 

One thing that helped me reach a deeper level of awareness was student evaluations my first couple of years. A recurring eval would sound something like this "Dr. X is super smart, yet he is incapable of communicating with students like a regular person". I would dismiss the part about me being smart, since they were students and couldn't really tell if I was truly smart or not. . .  The part that got me was the inability to connect with students. This was so true and baffled me. I failed out, dropped out and got kicked out of several undergraduate institutions. I know their struggle. I experienced it and could relate. Yet, I couldn't connect. The big block was this dang insecurity of not being smart enough. My inner self was more motivated to present a persona of an intellectual professor to my students and colleagues. It created a huge gap of separation. 

One of my breakthroughs was realizing I'm kinda good at certain intellectual things and I kinda suck at other intellectual things. Once I accepted that, there was a huuuge relief. I no longer had to carry on this charade of being smart in every area. I could utilize my strengths and I was ok with my weaknesses. This was a game-changer in terms of my career. For example, I am a natural abstract thinker. I naturally see big picture, integrate and connect dots. Conceptualizing comes naturally. However, I suck at memorization, remembering details, people's names, dates and facts. I often forget who, when and where the great scientific discoveries were made. Yet, I know why the experiment was so elegant and creative. I know why it was a big deal, how it opened up doors and the impact it had in the larger context. . . I can't memorize all the proteins involved in photosynthesis and I have no interest in doing so. I can look it up in a book. Yet, the energy dynamics from photon, to photo systems, to electron carriers to concentration and electrical gradients is fascinating. That is the art. That is the awe. That is the magnificence. . . It's like I'm finally teaching like who I am and what I think is most relevant. Not like how I think a teacher should be like. 

That is what's needed to reach the next level. Then the next level and next level. Before long, one realizes they are free to express themself, pursue inner interests and has developed their own style that is unique and magnificent.

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i find it also very inspiring especially the entry of today. also liked a lot how you saved the wasp... i also always do that in summer trying to release all bugs into nature again - they love the light.

today i came flying, so thanks 🐛 well maybe i start flying tomorrow.

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Last night, I was reflecting on personal development. As we have awakening experiences, there is still the appearance of the personality. It's not like it goes "poof" and permanently disappears. So, we might as well have a healthy, loving personality that is free of egoic identification and attachments (as much as possible).

So, my reflection on personal development. I'd say my favorite personal development activity has been theory - learning and relating to different person growth concepts and theories. For example, micro-traumas in life can create personality fragmentation and a self-preservation dynamic. For example, I was hyper-criticized as a child which fragmented a part of my personality to protect itself. There is a sweet, innocent energy within me that formed a protective shell. Sharing this part has always felt risky and vulnerable. For example, I might really like a gal and write her a sweet poem from the heart. If she laughed at it or criticized it, that part of me would retreat into it's turtle shell. This awareness has led to defragmentation and developing a whole person. I am much more comfortable opening myself up and experiencing vulnerability. My previous girlfriend said she fell for me because of my "fearless vulnerability". That vulverable openness can lead to deep connection, yet it can also lead to hurt. Various people in my life have taken advantage of it, which has led to deep hurt. So, I'm learning about balancing being vulnerable with establishing healthy boundaries. . . This type of theory has been quite helpful for the health of my mind-body. As well, I've learned not to identify with this dynamic as being "me". That is, "I went through such and such and that means I am no this and that". It is just a pattern that periodically appears in life.

Many of us love exploring theory in our minds. Yet, many of us also like exploring our world through physical activity. How might we integrate physical activity and growth/spirituality? My mind-body *loves* aerobic activity. I like robust physical activity that reaches lactate threshold and gives that wonderful burn. Running, hiking, cross-country skiing. I think it's healthy for my mind-body, yet I question how effective it is for insights and personal growth. I've experienced many insights while running and some beautiful moments of just running and being in my environment. I've reached meditative states. Yet, it's easy to get distracted and drift into regular thinking.

Seated meditation removes distractions, yet the mind can still wander off. However, it's pretty darn obvious when the mind is off thinking because nothing else is going on. I'm sitting motionless with eyes closed or staring at wall. As stated above, my mind loves conceptualizing and my body loves physical activity. Meditation lets go of them both. Meditation does not naturally resonate with my mind-body. It's effort and causes what I consider to be unnecessary and unhealthy body pains. Don't get me wrong, meditation has revealed various insights and states of consciousness. Yet, it's not a natural fit for me. Unless it was raining or very cold, I would choose running over meditation - hands down.

I started doing Yoga the last few months and it resonates more with me. Here is where beliefs enter. I've been conditioned that yoga isn't "real" meditation. So, if I did yoga instead of meditation, that would mean I am half-assing this part of my spiritual practice. This was a big hurdle to get over and I had to allow myself to immerse into yoga. It has been a wonderful practice for me - integrating mind, body and spirit. Yet, most forms of yoga I've tried like vinyassa is too fast - I start thinking about having correct posture, the flow, the next posture. There have been meditative flow moments, yet not a deep meditative space. 

Last week, I started doing Yin Yoga and it opened a whole new world. In Yin Yoga, postures are mostly passive and held for about 5 minutes each. That is enough time let go and explore mind, body and spirit spaces. During the posture, there is layer upon layer of letting go and relaxing the body and mind. As well, integrating the breath flow through the body is on another level for me. It goes places Kriya and Kundalini don't. As well, there is also the aspect of facing yourself during Yin. Most positions are somewhat uncomfortable and lots of resistance arises - not just wanting to get out of the posture - stuff about life, stuff about who I am. There is no place to distract and escape like during running, vinyassa or seated meditation. There is a very strong aspect of surrender during Yin for me and the development of inner strength. The distinction between outer and inner strength has revealed itself. Yin yoga is now my best tool to develop inner strength and it resonates with my mind-body.

Seated meditation is a Yin Yoga posture. Yet Yin Yoga has many more postures. I can see the value of holding a Yin Yoga posture (e.g. seated burmese posture) for 20-60min. Yet, why limit my practice to one hyper-long Yin posture? Especially because it's not healthy practice for my body in the long run. Rotating mediation postures for 5min. each is a healthy full mind-body experience and has enormous meditation benefits. And it's good for the body! So, I've drastically cut back on seated meditation posture and added various Yin postures.

Find what resonates and go deeper. "Resonate" does not mean "easy". For me, it's a balance between easy and hard. Yet, it doesn't feel forced or that I "have" to do it.

And thank you for the supportive comments. :x

 

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I really enjoy reading your perspectives. The way you just described yoga and yin yoga made the light come on for me somewhat. In the three centered typology, I'm an Instinctive/Moving centered person. Because the Instinctive Center is subdivided, I'm specifically a "Moving Centered" type. Basically, someone who has difficulty being still. 

One of my big errors was putting off sitting meditation for years after beginning Inquiry. Pushing into spaces of extended 'objectless awareness' is a "medicine" I didn't know that I was so in need of, until a steady Centering Prayer practice showed this to me. It gave an inner quiet and a capacity to sit still that I didn't have before. Karma Yoga showed me how beneficial it was to develop the capacity for becoming passive to personality. This helps me to not become as reactive as I always used to have a tendency to do when encountering negativity or stress. I'm nowhere near through with growth in these areas but have certainly tasted the true benefits of what steady practices can do. 

For me, sitting meditation payed off a lot quicker than Inquiry did.

 

I see promise in the Yoga you were describing as possibly being just the thing for helping me to balance more in slowing down and being mindful. That flow condition you referred to.

 

I appreciate your Journal


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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