Hardkill

I Feel So Hopeless About My Sex/dating/love Life

34 posts in this topic

Hi everyone, I am brand new to this forum and this is my first post ever. I've watched a lot of Leo's vids on Youtube on making friends, sex, attraction, love, mindfulness, meditation, goals, success, etc. I am 29 and a half years old and I've been struggling with improving my sex and dating life for almost 3 years. I've cold and warm approached hundreds of women in real life and tried many different kinds of online dating apps including OKC, POF, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Match.com, Jdate, etc. I lost my virginity when I was 27 years and 9 months old and have never had a girlfriend in my entire life. Also, I've had sex with a total of 4 girls, but I've only had sex for a total of 7 times in my entire life (only two of the times where I engaged in full genitalia intercourse). I've read up and tried various methods of pickup from the PUA community including RSD, Kezia Noble, Hayley Quinn, Gambler's methods, 60 years of challenge, GoodLookingLoser, etc. and they all gave me limited results overall. I've tried going to meetup groups, social circles, bar, clubs, parks, fairs, streets, malls, college campuses, social circle, etc. Girls in middle school, high school, and somewhat in college used to tell me how attractive or cute I looked, but after college was when I realized how extremely difficult if not impossible it is for me to get a girl I want. The furthest I've ever gotten with a girl was through a 6th date over a 4-5 month period (I though I was close to making a friends with benefits relationship with her, but she stopped wanted to see again after our 6th date. I've done more work than most guys have, but still suck with women. Therefore, I fear that I may never find a girl I want who will be willing to be in a solid friends with benefits relationship with me or be my girlfriend. 

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Desire an emotion are of the ego. Only let go do not fear that lonly temptation for lust or that is the lower self.

Find in you your higher self you are more with greater purpose and a path only one will walk in.. This is special. Not a fantasy you have been lead to acquire and belive in. 

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  • Find your life purpose
  • Work on your funnyness
  • Practice self-love
  • Do a lot of meditation
  • Practice awareness of your thoughts all the time

 

At some point you won't give a shit about girls or sex.

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You become the quieter,
The more able to hear, you are

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A woman generally suffers in a relationship where the guy only wants  sex..

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  1. Only ONE path is true. Rest is noise
  2. God is beauty, rest is Ugly 

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Posted (edited)

Many pickup artists have said that having an attractive lifestyle will make u attractive to women. However, I've been doing serious weight training/powerlifting for over 3 and half years and have a 2nd degree black belt in a martial art that I've been practicing for over 10 years. Also, I've been doing meetup groups and recently joined a running training club. Also, I graduated from UCLA for my undergrad degree and am currently in grad school for a healthcare profession. How many more activities or things do I need to do to have enough of an attractive lifestyle? Or does having an "attractive lifestyle" not really do anything for getting the women u want? I feel like this was such a BS concept that these PUA chuckleheads came up with to gain publicity, views, and money from the public. 

 

I've been trying to meditate and working on my humor, but it's still so hard to live my life. Even if I keep practicing these methods, I feel like I'll be a social loser forever. I am 5'9" 163 lbs. and people have always told me that I look like male celebrities like Ashton Kutcher or Ian Somerholder, but it doesn't matter because sadly women aren't nearly as visual as men are. Everyday, it feels like a tremendous burden for me to carry and I try to distract myself from this pain by keeping myself busy by being very physically active, reading stuff, watching TV, being with my parents or my dog, and meditating, doing my work at my job, etc. but I still live with this pain of uncertainty of my future, utter dejection from others, depression, and immense discouragement from interacting with girls or even people. I wonder why Leo never made a video on what to do when u feel this disheartened from approaching girls, dating, sex, and romance. Ive tried analyzing what I am doing wrong in my interactions, but I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. It feels so complicated to the point of becoming an impossible puzzle to solve and I can't even just let go of it. I tried taking a break from pickup for 4-5 months, but it still has been devouring my mind. This really has ruined my concentration and productivity on my everyday tasks. Sometimes  I just want to end my life to end all of this pain. Not even my therapists and medical psychiatrist have been able to help me let go of this issue. I don't know what to do anymore to end this suffering.😭

Edited by Hardkill
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@Hardkill you still need to go through a LOT of suffering until you decide to stop using people.

stop being a vulture. stop being a vampire.

meditate more. reach your deepest pain.

2

presence for an empty mind
compassion for a light heart
Life is the highest art

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Posted (edited)

I am not trying to use anyone.

I was hoping that someone like Leo would give me some valuable solution or insight on what to do besides meditation to encourage me to not give up any hope about one day having a happy sex, dating, love life if u put in the hard work like I have with it. Maybe, I don't have the genetic talent for learning seduction or even becoming relationship material for any girl. Is there any hope for me?

Edited by Hardkill
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@Hardkill your problem is very typical and i've been there. ask yourself again about trying to use others. you want to meet girls just to get laid and because of that, you suffer greatly.

if you want to heal yourself, then be truly interested about the other person. what does she like? what are her strange habits? what kind of suffering does she go through? why does she turn her eyes to the right before smiling? how did she get that small scar near the ear? what's she scared of?

open your heart to childlike curiosity.

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presence for an empty mind
compassion for a light heart
Life is the highest art

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Posted (edited)

You sound very needy and boring. Women are emotional beings, and those traits repel them. You need to work on yourself to the point where you don't give a fuck about girls at all. Which doesn't mean you don't feel sexual attraction anymore, it just means you couldn't care less if you are single and haven't dated a girl in months, because you got your amazing life going, you got a life purpose that blows your mind, you are doing your enlightenment work that makes you grounded and non-needy, and so on.

Life purpose is especially important. Focus on that massively if you haven't already, it can turn your life around and make you discover a source of happiness you can't even imagine right now. A day job you don't like can make you miserable, and that directly determines the emotions you feel every day and therefore the emotions others feel around you. An amazing life purpose that blows your mind can make you so happy you just don't care about what happens on the outside, even if you don't get results straight away but are just planning/visualizing it. It aligns you to your true core. And that's super attractive.

Having an "attractive lifestyle" or years of weightlifting etc doesn't mean shit if a girl doesn't feel good emotionally when she's around you. She doesn't want a list of your achievements, she wants to feel good in the now. The lifestyle thing is only worth something if it generates good emotions within YOU first, which then translates into good emotions in the people around you.

Girls have told you you're cute, so it's 100% psychology. Knowing that, you can already let go of a lot of pressure simply by knowing that once you've done the right work on yourself, you're guaranteed to be successful with girls somewhere in the future. But you first gotta let go, learn to feel good on your own, and create an amazing life for yourself.

Also study female psychology from the people who know how to teach it properly. There's a big difference between pick up techniques and knowing how to actually relate to girls. You need the big picture of how relationships work in the real world, not just silly techniques to pick up girls at bars. Check out "How to Be a 3% Man" by Corey Wayne.

Oh, and one thing, stop watching TV ;)

Edited by see_on_see
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Posted (edited)

The thing is that a few years ago, not only did I watch all of Corey Wayne vids and read his book thoroughly over 15 times, but also I was very non-needy around others to point where I didn't really care about finding a girlfriend or having sex ever. In fact, I did mindfulness practice with my therapist for over a year. I ultimately became very indifferent to virtually everything and everyone around me. So I then decided to cold approach about a hundred girls because I figured "I've reached a level of detachment to the point where it doesn't matter if I get rejected or things don't go according to the way I want. I also was quite fun to be around to and people liked me. However, it never got me laid and I was still a virgin who still never had a girlfriend before. That's when I realized that I am not good enough for the girls I want and worked so damn hard on the pickup stuff for a few years. So, obviously becoming "one" with the world and enjoying the present moment didn't work to attract the girls I wanted. My therapist told me that once I become a healthcare professional (which is what I've been currently studying for) then I'll be a more attractive candidate for women. However, I am skeptical of that idea because guys who are good with women have mentioned how having a decent paying career is irrelevant in attracting women. I wonder what someone like Leo would recommend I do.

Edited by Hardkill
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20 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

 My therapist told me that once I become a healthcare professional (which is what I've been currently studying for) then I'll be a more attractive candidate for women. However, I am skeptical of that idea because guys who are good with women have mentioned how having a decent paying career is irrelevant in attracting women. I wonder what someone like Leo would recommend I do.

 

What she meant is you'll have something bigger going on in your life (preferably your life purpose), this in turn doesn't make the girl the center of your world which can turn into a huge issue. girls don't want to be your number 1 in their life. she'll feel smothered, and you'll come off as needy and clingy among other things. When they say "you don't need to have a decent paying career to attract women" they are just trying to destroy any limiting beliefs you have to approaching women and being with women and they aren't really talking about maintaining a long successful healthy relationship. That is a different matter. 

 

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“Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden.” - Phaedrus

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@Hardkill

It definitely seems like you've made an honest effort so let's make this productive. Where are you screwing up in your interactions with women? Do you open your mouth and they run away? Do you go on dates and then nothing happens? Where in the process from meeting -->> having sex do things go wrong?

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My name is Austin Kourakin. Life Coach with a passion for personal development.

Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeimIF08Jl8OPJ6JVzmYudQ

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Posted (edited)

I see what u mean Truth. I guess that makes sense.

 

Aurum, the very opening of any interaction is never really the issue because my looks take care of it (I don't like to brag, but people who know me have told me that I should've done modeling). It's the hooking part of the interaction and I still am sure if I am doing the cold reads right. Also, I wish I knew how to build a strong social frame in most of my interaction. 

Btw, be brutally honest with me guys. Given everything I've done so far, do I only have slim chance at succeeding at pickup? Do I truly have any sufficient genetic latent aptitude to learn well at this stuff? Or am I too retarded for it? I know that given my natural talents I'll never become an English professor or foreign language professor or mathematician at a University, but perhaps I am simply too dumb to learn how to excel at pickup as well. I wonder what Leo would have to say about all of this.

 

 

 

Edited by Hardkill
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12 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I see what u mean Truth. I guess that makes sense.

 

Aurum, the very opening of any interaction is never really the issue because my looks take care of it (I don't like to brag, but people who know me have told me that I should've done modeling). It's the hooking part of the interaction and I still am sure if I am doing the cold reads right. Also, I wish I knew how to build a strong social frame in most of my interaction. 

Btw, be brutally honest with me guys. Given everything I've done so far, do I only have slim chance at succeeding at pickup? Do I truly have any sufficient genetic latent aptitude to learn well at this stuff? Or am I too retarded for it? I know that given my natural talents I'll never become an English professor or foreign language professor or mathematician at a University, but perhaps I am simply too dumb to learn how to excel at pickup. I wonder what Leo would have to say about all of this.

 

 

 

What do you do in your life apart from picking up girls and studying how to do it?

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Forget about pick up, social frames, cold reads and all that shit. You seem very much stuck in your head and all these pick up ideas. You obviously watched a lot of it, but now you gotta go beyond it and come back to the real world. What you need to do is be in the now and talk to girls like every other human being. Genuine interactions, without being in the "pick up" state of mind, thinking about if you got the right status, frame, etc. Then add flirting to that, read level of attraction to know whether she likes you or not, and if there's chemistry, isolate and kiss/have sex.

That's why I recommended Corey Wayne, because he doesn't teach pick up at all. That stuff can fuck you up if you take it too literally and can't connect the dots with the real world. My recommendation is, forget all you know about pick up, and simply be more authentic.

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sexy mamacitas worry everyone. try a nice girl and grow

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v_v

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Posted (edited)

See_on_see, I told u already that I tried following Corey Wayne's methods to the letter a few years ago for a while and while they sounded all good on paper, they didn't work for me. 

Santiago, as I stated above on this forum topic, I've been doing martial arts for over 10 years and weightlifting/powerlifting for over 3 and a half years as hobbies. I am a grad student studying to be an occupational therapist. Furthermore, I've gone to meetups such as trivia night for several months, kickball meetup, volleyball meetup, and recently joined a running training club. Plus, I just went to a meditation meetup earlier tonight. 

Moreover, I am getting a contradiction of advice between what Aurum is suggesting to me and what See_on_see is saying I should do. Aurum is telling me to analyze like a pickup and see_on_see is telling me to not to do so and just do the "authentic" way (whatever that truly means because I am probably not a normal human and may never be). So what the hell am I supposed to do.

Actually, do any of u guys know if Leo answer PMs to him frequently or has he gotten too busy to answer most of them back efficiently?

Edited by Hardkill
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As long as you think you can't do something, you'll never be able to do it.
Right now you think you don't deserve a girlfriend or sex as much as being whatever you want in life career wise.

These are all blocks in your mind, and studying more pick up or other techniques won't do shit.

And I'm not saying you should have a higher self esteem, you obviously think you've great "great body, karate kid", but those are just superficial traits.
A healthy and non needy girl would never stay with a guy who has just that, she may be attracted at first, but she will leave you pretty fast afterwards.
Don't think that those things make you a man, they don't, at best they learned you to be healthy and know how to defend yourself, that's all they can do.

So now quite being a pussy, sit in a room alone and inquire on your incapacity to do the things you think you want, and let all the emotions come up, 

NO CONTROL, NO BLOCKAGE.

You do that everyday for at least 30 minutes, EVERYDAY.

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You become the quieter,
The more able to hear, you are

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Posted (edited)

Stop watching porn, masterbate in moderation. This will grant a better perspective of girls/women. Looking good and doing interesting things can only get you so far. A easier way to "get" girls is to enjoy being with them(without sex etc)and having them enjoy being with you.

Also don't assume we are against you or that you're a bad person because of the way you think, it's very common.

Edited by Spiral
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You can't be enlightened, no one can.;)

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6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Moreover, I am getting a contradiction of advice between what Aurum is suggesting to me and what See_on_see is saying I should do. Aurum is telling me to analyze like a pickup and see_on_see is telling me to not to do so and just do the "authentic" way (whatever that truly means because I am probably not a normal human and may never be). So what the hell am I supposed to do.

Actually, do any of u guys know if Leo answer PMs to him frequently or has he gotten too busy to answer most of them back efficiently?

I don't think aurum was saying to "analyze like a pick up", he was just trying to figure out your sticking point.

What I was saying by "being authentic" is to stop going around talking with girls with all these pick up schemes in mind.

You're probably turning them off with your behaviors. They like you at first, then they see you're trying to manipulate them with all this pick up nonsense, and they leave you. They can sense you have no core confidence and you're trying to rely on manipulation.

That doesn't mean you don't use what you know about female psychology. You have to see the nuance here.

You say you've read Corey Wayne, but frankly it sounds like you missed the point of it. Because otherwise you would have let go of the pick up stuff long ago. (Which doesn't mean now you can't do cold approach. I'm just saying to let go of the manipulation schemes.)

What Corey basically says is that if you have your core confidence down, girls that like you will be attracted to you naturally, and then you just gotta avoid all the mistakes most men do that turn girls off, like talking them out of liking you, or behaving in weird ways that reveal your lack of true confidence. Which I suspect is what you're doing.

Try to be very aware of what it is that turns off the girls that initially are into you when they first meet you. What it is that ruins the interaction and makes the girl go away.

It's probably your whole attitude towards girls and dating.

 

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