Hardkill

I Feel So Hopeless About My Sex/dating/love Life

51 posts in this topic

10 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Maybe you're right. My prospects of ever becoming a happy person are very slim. Even Leo has mentioned that he has never been optimistic about depressed people ever having a content life. It's as if I have a terminal illness that's practically incurable and can only be treated so much.

I am a 2nd black belt in Hapkido.

 

Life for most people is tolerating life most of the time. Look at peoples faces you seen on the streets :) Chasing happiness is also a trap. Speaking from experience here.

Think this: If you dont need anything from anybody or you dont compare yorself to other people. Can you be totally miserable?

Can you forget the pick up stuff for a while and make your goal having a normal conversation with a women, where you dont want anything from her. I think guys are way too rushy to try making things move forward. When you start to know the other person, then move forward and if the chemistry is there it will happen naturally, you don´t need to force anything.

Are your parents happy people and do they have good relationship?

Mine do not, that´s why i made a decision little while ago im not going to talk them that often. I still love them.

If you start to become more mindfull you will start to realize some patterns in human behaviour. These are all learned things and i believe they can be unlearned althought it´s hard and takes a LOT of work.

You probably have friends who are not benefiting you at moving forward.

I used to watch a lot of pua also, had bad friend/family relationships and was needy and disfunctional as fuck with women.

Baby steps, step by step, keep working. Like, if you get 1-2% better every year with yourself, think how much that is in 10-20 years?

Your outside relationships are a manifestation of your inner relationship.

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Your main problem seems to be that you think something external is going to bring you everlasting happiness. 

What you have to realise, and it maybe depressing, is that even if yoi get regular sex its only a momentary thing, in that you enjoy it in the moment and thats it. Depending on the relationship it can actually cause a lot more pain which cancels out the moments of sex. 

Youre also thinking of things in linearly logical way, essentially youre trying to solve the problem of you. So you think if i do martial arts, have a job, get a friend with benefits, then ill be happy, what you have to realise is thst there is only the process there is no ending. By doing this youre also reinforcing that youre not good enough as you are, youre saying to yourself that you need x y and z to be whole, which is not true.

On a practical level you can say youre non-needy but reading your post this is what youve built up as your salvation so im pretty sure you do come accross as needy to girls. It may just be sub conscious but girls are a lot more intuiative when it comes to these things. So the paradox is once you really stop caring about validation from girls youll most likely get a lot more interest. 

Also youre def not genetically unable to attract a female, part of the problem is you think you are, you have to understand its not easy for anyone really, youre not unique, everyone has their own issues. 

So what i would work in if i was you is realising you are enough as you are and truly developing non neediness 

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me too Op

 

I got this girls number who I really like, but I expect it to not go well. I expect a catch. I expect to somehow be disappointed and blindsided. Because everytime I feel as if things are going my way with this, it's like I run into a brick wall. even if we go out and have what seems to be a good time, i expect something to happen to where it will simply fizzle out. whether its me....or her...or whatever. my expectations are negative.

 

I felt better for awhile when I truly let go. But I started to feel depressed again when this situation came around. Its fucking sad that I havent even hit her up yet and yet I already feel like itll go nowhere. 

 

I hate it. I truly do. Its a really dark feeling. All I would like is for this to be an enjoyable part of my life because I like the opposite sex. Im attracted to them. And I know to a certain extent they like me and are attracted to me to. but i always end up...not happy with it.

 

idk anymore man. I dont want to sink in negativity, but I am. 

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Thanks again for your responses guys. Recently, I've increased my antidepressant dosage and feel noticeably better lately. I feel more indifferent and have less of a sex drive now. Also, I've been doing meditation more frequently again and started practicing tai chi. Also, I've been doing more running and am I training to do a half marathon sometime in the future.

Also, I've started to think that perhaps I am destined to be single and unappealing to the girls I want for the rest of my life. I know I've sounded extremely pessimistic, obstinate, and a real pain in the ass to deal with. I am very sorry to everyone here who's time I may have wasted on here to trying to help me. After much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that since I have failed to find true happiness all of my life and given my history of having had far more failures than successes in my whole life with improving my charisma, seduction skills, and finding romantic love, it seems probable that no amount of practice in the field, no amount of analyzing the mistakes I've made and will continue to make out there, and no sort of way will ever make me into a sexy, charismatic person who is capable of attracting any kind of woman I want. Nonetheless, I've realized that even if I continue to fail despite my very best efforts until the day I die, I can still record all of my mistakes I've made and will continue to make in the future for posterity. They say that if u fail to achieve your dreams before you die then you can always pass it on to the next generation and hopefully have those people fulfill your goals for you. So, there are countless variables in a countless number of combinations and permutations to account for in any given interaction with a woman even during just a small amount of time you spend with her. Yet, by the time I've reached 80 to 90 years of age I will have already made at least a few million mistakes in countless combinations and permutations with women. So when I am on my deathbed a certain number of young men in the future will be willing to carry out my goal, and they will be able to analyze and afterwards instantly correct all of the mistakes I made in my entire life. In fact, some will inevitably learn far quicker and better than I ever could. Therefore, I believe that it would be wise for me to focus my efforts more on creating an invaluable legacy for the future generations of men who will have the potential to live truly happy sex, dating, and romance lives.

Sounds good?

Edited by Hardkill

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On 8/8/2017 at 0:37 PM, Hardkill said:

Hi everyone, I am brand new to this forum and this is my first post ever. I've watched a lot of Leo's vids on Youtube on making friends, sex, attraction, love, mindfulness, meditation, goals, success, etc. I am 29 and a half years old and I've been struggling with improving my sex and dating life for almost 3 years. I've cold and warm approached hundreds of women in real life and tried many different kinds of online dating apps including OKC, POF, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Match.com, Jdate, etc. I lost my virginity when I was 27 years and 9 months old and have never had a girlfriend in my entire life. Also, I've had sex with a total of 4 girls, but I've only had sex for a total of 7 times in my entire life (only two of the times where I engaged in full genitalia intercourse). I've read up and tried various methods of pickup from the PUA community including RSD, Kezia Noble, Hayley Quinn, Gambler's methods, 60 years of challenge, GoodLookingLoser, etc. and they all gave me limited results overall. I've tried going to meetup groups, social circles, bar, clubs, parks, fairs, streets, malls, college campuses, social circle, etc. Girls in middle school, high school, and somewhat in college used to tell me how attractive or cute I looked, but after college was when I realized how extremely difficult if not impossible it is for me to get a girl I want. The furthest I've ever gotten with a girl was through a 6th date over a 4-5 month period (I though I was close to making a friends with benefits relationship with her, but she stopped wanted to see again after our 6th date. I've done more work than most guys have, but still suck with women. Therefore, I fear that I may never find a girl I want who will be willing to be in a solid friends with benefits relationship with me or be my girlfriend. 

So you have the desire that you want a friends with benefits? Truth is you can't control life.. and if you are conscious enough having a desire is an illusion of your mind.. it becomes your feeling.. and that feeling will consume you and it becomes get frustrated because you can't control it you are not living by reality ... you neee to wake up.. 

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@Hardkill First off I recommend you stop using antidepressants, they will only make things much worse in the long run.

You're digging your own grave man. Are you sure you actually meditate? You're totally consumed by your own monkey mind. You're totally stuck in the victim paradigm, and in the illusion of your life story. If you don't realize the illusion of it, you will never break out of it. And that will inevitably hamper all your efforts.

The problem is that you HATE yourself. Stop doing that and start LOVING yourself. Until you do that, no one can help you.

Try watching Leo's video on how to stop being a victim. But disclaimer, it won't do anything if you aren't humble enough to admit you're being a victim. Right now you feel good and safe doing that, because it validates your weak ego. So you have to take a decision, do you want to keep clinging to your weak ego, or do you want to take responsibility? It's up to you to decide. No one else can do it for you.

By the way, just to put things in perspective a little. You say you're in your late 20s, and you had sex with 4 girls. You also say you're good looking, your only problem is that you lack social and dating skills. Wanna know something? I've seen stories of people that haven't had a sex or even a date until their mid 30s. And these people aren't even blessed with good looks. And yet they still managed to take responsibility, avoid getting trapped in their life stories, and deal with their issues in a fruitful way. How did they do that? They decided to stop complaining, drop their weak and wounded egos, and to start loving themselves, and from that foundation, they started taking fruitful action.

You are in a far better situation than these people. Are you gonna keep complaining about the negative side of your circumstances, or are you gonna focus on the positives, and keep going forward from there? You choose. It doesn't matter how much you say you've done in the past. The past doesn't matter. It's all about taking that decision RIGHT NOW, every single moment.

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1 hour ago, see_on_see said:

@Hardkill First off I recommend you stop using antidepressants, they will only make things much worse in the long run.

You're digging your own grave man. Are you sure you actually meditate? You're totally consumed by your own monkey mind. You're totally stuck in the victim paradigm, and in the illusion of your life story. If you don't realize the illusion of it, you will never break out of it. And that will inevitably hamper all your efforts.

The problem is that you HATE yourself. Stop doing that and start LOVING yourself. Until you do that, no one can help you.

Try watching Leo's video on how to stop being a victim. But disclaimer, it won't do anything if you aren't humble enough to admit you're being a victim. Right now you feel good and safe doing that, because it validates your weak ego. So you have to take a decision, do you want to keep clinging to your weak ego, or do you want to take responsibility? It's up to you to decide. No one else can do it for you.

By the way, just to put things in perspective a little. You say you're in your late 20s, and you had sex with 4 girls. You also say you're good looking, your only problem is that you lack social and dating skills. Wanna know something? I've seen stories of people that haven't had a sex or even a date until their mid 30s. And these people aren't even blessed with good looks. And yet they still managed to take responsibility, avoid getting trapped in their life stories, and deal with their issues in a fruitful way. How did they do that? They decided to stop complaining, drop their weak and wounded egos, and to start loving themselves, and from that foundation, they started taking fruitful action.

You are in a far better situation than these people. Are you gonna keep complaining about the negative side of your circumstances, or are you gonna focus on the positives, and keep going forward from there? You choose. It doesn't matter how much you say you've done in the past. The past doesn't matter. It's all about taking that decision RIGHT NOW, every single moment.

Antidepressant is good, i'm a psychology student.. in the hierarchy of needs.. if he need a medicine for his depression  is okay... even if it is a chemical just see that it is also a nature and a creation.. in hierchy of needs.. we have all need to satisfy for we to be able to go in the top... as long as it is helpful to him then there is nothing wrong... 

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@John Iverson Well instead of facing and working through fears, pains, you numb it and add more layers to it.

That's my view on it, I could be totally wrong


Do not wish for life to become easier, wish for yourself to become stronger.

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7 hours ago, Max_V said:

@John Iverson Well instead of facing and working through fears, pains, you numb it and add more layers to it.

That's my view on it, I could be totally wrong

It is imposible to numb it., the more you get conscious the more you will understand that all fears are just a thought.. there is nothing real there.. those are not true..

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Thanks again for the replies. My medicine is absolutely vital for my daily function. Do not tell me that psych meds are not the answer because that is quite frankly a very ignorant response. Medical doctors and scientists have been trained extensively to methodically prescribe the best possible medication for people's health and well-being. 

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