Struggling With The Illusion Of Success

[Pallero]

I really liked the new video about the distinction between success and happiness, the addictiveness of success and the cultural illusion.

I have been seeking success in my life as well. I have thought that getting a certain kind of job would make me happy (this was very important to my family). I have also thought that getting a certain amount of money would make me happy. I have been suspecting for a while that these things cannot really make me happy, and Leo's new video is making me suspect even harder to the point of giving up on these "dreams" (unless I forget this feeling in a few days and get sucked back into my old ways).

How can I start seeing through the illusion of success? That success in not, in fact, happiness. I look up to successful self help gurus who seem very happy to me, very happy. How do I start questioning it? How do I see it for what it is, which is just addiction and that they're tricking themselves?

Can successful people be happy too? It seems that in theory, why not? But in practice, why would they even seek the success if they were happy as things are? Yet some happy looking successful self help teachers seem to imply that they aren't really seeking success but that the success has manifested in their lives because they are so happy and let go of all resistance. Is this true?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I think this illusion of success has been making me confused about my life purpose for a long time, because I have been thinking that life purpose is something that has to be considered successful by others. What is life purpose anyway? So many questions...

[Leo Gura]

I once dated Tony Robbin's copy writer. She wrote all of his sales copy and got paid very well for it. She knew him very well and many other self-help gurus for whom she also wrote most of their sales copy.

She confided in me that she wished Tony Robbins would retire, because he's so over-worked all the time. He's addicted to success.

I don't like to gossip, but when you learn of these kinds of behind-the-scenes stories, the illusion starts to unravel.

You hit the nail on the head: if you were really unconditionally happy, would you care about success? And would you devote your life to getting other people to become successful, or unconditionally happy?

Notice, that every human being who is truly capable of unconditional happiness, does not teach success, she teaches spirituality. Because success is a second-rate substitute for spirituality. Success is what you pursue when you are spiritually clueless.

[Serge]

Hi, @Pallero, "success seeking" musician here .

My thoughts are that, success is a form of external happiness, which Leo in one of his videos calls "excitement", which is nothing wrong with ,but if  you are addicted to it and don't realize that it's never going to make you feel "fulfilled" it might cause you lots of frustration and negative emotions.

I mean, the way I see it is that as long as you sincerely want to achieve some kind of a success you have no reason not to do it, because that's YOU, that's reality, but realize that achieving this ultimate goal that you've put in front of you is not going to bring you happiness for the rest of your life, just learn to be internally happy even in the process of achieving your goal - in the present moment.

Personally, I cannot induce those states of "happiness in the present moment" so often, so I am following my desires, looking for success and other external sources of excitement, BUT I am trying to be as mindful as I can about anything and dedicate time to self-actualization. So if one day I no longer care about success, it will happen naturally and honestly (hopefully :D)

Edited July 2, 2017 by Serge
New idea

[Loreena]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

 

You hit the nail on the head: if you were really unconditionally happy, would you care about success? And would you devote your life to getting other people to become successful, or unconditionally happy?

Notice, that every human being who is truly capable of unconditional happiness, does not teach success, she teaches spirituality. Because success is a second-rate substitute for spirituality. Success is what you pursue when you are spiritually clueless.

Can't believe this. Revelation of the Century !

[Azrael]

58 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Success is what you pursue when you are spiritually clueless.

That's a fucking powerful quote.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Azrael

[SOUL]

The most fulfilling success we can have is to be at peace with reality as it unfolds in the present moment with each moment we can be present in it.

[ShapeShift]

Crazy new way to think about it. Haven't seen it from that perspective.

I think we can still go after goals, but it isn't for validation from others, like learning to master an instrument for the sake of learning and enjoying it.

[ctro]

The basic skills you need to posess like planning, willpower, delayed gratification are definitely things that also correlated to succes. On the other hand, being an entrepreneur can give you a lot of stress and it takes away time from the important things (family, friends, yourself).

To be honest, I think that focusing 100% on enlightenment (the other side of the pendulum) is bullshit too. It is very easy to get ungrounded when you don't have regular and real feedback, when you don't have to hustle.

Owen Cook has a lot of videos where he talks about this dilemma, I can't link because I am on mobile now.

[TeamBills]

On 02/07/2017 at 3:12 PM, Leo Gura said:

. Success is what you pursue when you are spiritually clueless.

@Leo Gura

What if you are someone who doesn't enjoy taking it easy and enjoys working hard and accomplishing stuff?

[Nahm]

@TeamBills If you are doing what you enjoy then there really isn't anything to Solve. We can only check the validity of this within our selves. The point is be joy. To be without suffering. To live a life you would live again in a heartbeat. 

[TeamBills]

17 hours ago, Nahm said:

@TeamBills If you are doing what you enjoy then there really isn't anything to Solve. We can only check the validity of this within our selves. The point is be joy. To be without suffering. To live a life you would live again in a heartbeat. 

That is what I thought.

[Mr Being]

Got stumbled by this video, it seems relevant

 

 

Edited July 5, 2017 by Mr Being

[Pallero]

On 2.7.2017 at 10:12 PM, Leo Gura said:

You hit the nail on the head: if you were really unconditionally happy, would you care about success? And would you devote your life to getting other people to become successful, or unconditionally happy?

Notice, that every human being who is truly capable of unconditional happiness, does not teach success, she teaches spirituality. Because success is a second-rate substitute for spirituality. Success is what you pursue when you are spiritually clueless.

Thank you for this insight! It's so true!

Yesterday, I watched your Contemplating Your Death video and it really helped me make the distinction between success and happiness. When you are aware of your own death, the distinction becomes just obvious. So I think if I keep doing that, it will help me a lot!

 

@Mr Being Thank you for that video! It's hard to remember sometimes that fame and money isn't everything.

[SmartMoves]

I think the desire for success is often the initial driving force for people who turn out to be “hyper-successful”, such as Tony Robbins. However, I think there comes a point when they transition to derive their satisfaction/meaning from other things, most notably contribution and legacy. Tony Robbins points out that fulfillment comes from the feeling that your life matters – that you are needed by other people. The other day I saw a video in which another super-successful person, Ray Dalio, said that this desire to mentor others was the reason for writing his book Principles.