My First Psilocybin Mushroom Experience. June 27th 2017.

[nexusoflife]

     This is my recount of my first experience with psilocybin mushrooms. I took psilocybin mushrooms for the first time in late June 2017. I woke up a bit after 4:30 am in the morning. I made sure to go to the bathroom and get a bottle of water before the trip as I did not want anything to interrupt it. I retrieved my psilocybin mushrooms and weighed exactly 5 grams of dried Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms. Before I ingested the fungus I took about five minutes to sit in silent meditation. My room was also in complete silent darkness as psilocybin preforms best in this environment. During these five minutes I listened to some calm music and mentally prepared myself to completely let go of everything. I got into a mindset in which I was ready to die; right there and right then. I was ready to be completely obliterated. After this meditation of complete surrender I turned off all technology around me. I paused out of respect for the fungus, I then looked at the mushrooms and said “I will go wherever you take me, with grace”, and then I ate the mushrooms. They actually tasted quite good.

     After eating the mushrooms I then got into lotus position and meditated at the edge of my bed. This was one of the stillest meditations I had ever had. It was almost as if my body knew the profundity of what was to come. After about 20 minutes of silent meditation in darkness I felt the first effects of the psilocybin. My body began to feel heavy and I felt a tingling all over my body especially in my spine and in my head. I then leaned my back against the wall as I meditated. I began to feel nauseous as well; I was prepared for this as I had a vomit bucket next to me. As the effects intensified I then had to lie down flat on my back. The effects became more intense. As I laid down I immediately got in a bilateral symmetrical position. Somehow I knew that this was going to be very important. I remembered listening to interviews with Martin Ball and the importance of bilateral symmetry during psychedelic experiences. Then the weirdest and most profound experience of my life began.

     As I laid in the silent darkness of my room on my back with my eyes closed it was as if my ego structure was sucked right out of my mind in an instant. Through no volition of my own my body began to contort into various bilateral symmetrical poses very similar to the ones that martin ball discussed. It was an extremely strange yet beautiful experience. I had no control over these movements and it felt like the psilocybin had possessed my body. My nerves were tingling the entire time this happened. I could feel my nervous system trying to balance itself as the psilocybin entered. As my body continued to contort into these various poses they became more wild and intense, it felt as if the psilocybin was testing the waters. It was entering my body and trying to see how it could take control of my nervous system and guide me. It felt to me that it was trying to get accustomed used to being in a human body. My perception of time dissolved as well. When I opened my eyes I saw intense visuals in a grid like pattern overlaid on my vision. At this point I could see the light from the sunrise through the blinds in my room. As I peered out it was so bright. Brighter than anything I had ever seen yet so beautiful. The bodily contortions slowed and I heard an intuitive voice say something along the lines of “ok, that was your introduction, now are you ready for what I have to show you?” There was no ego present however I knew that this was about to get very intense.

     At this point I don’t really know how to describe what happened as there was no ego and no sense of time. But I will do my best to recount. My consciousness / awareness was then catapulted outside of space and time in a void of complete nothingness. I then heard the intuitive voice say something along the lines of, “I need you to understand the profundity of the things that I am showing you.” “People rarely get to experience things like this.” In the nothingness a light formed and I was that light and the witness of the light at the same time. The ego then tried to ask questions to try and understand, label and interpret what was occurring. The psilocybin did not like this at all. Immediately as the questions of the ego arose the experience began to turn negative. In the void I saw red and black vivid colors emerge. I saw hundreds of psychedelic demons come into existence and general chaos ensue. Keep in mind that I was the colors and demons and chaos. The ego of Thomas roger became concerned at this and tried again to ask questions and understand. But it was as if the psilocybin said “NO!” “You will wait until I am finished showing you what you need to see before you begin to intellectualize any of this!” “Simply sit back, experience and observe this.” After the psilocybin said this, the ego of Thomas-Roger was obliterated in a sea of destruction and chaos. I felt the pain and agony of being completely ripped apart in every way possible. The ego was screaming at the top of its lungs. The ego screamed out into the void and was abruptly silenced. The ego was dissolved and transmuted into the chaos that had annihilated it and the immense pain was turned into infinite bliss that I had never felt before. Now that the ego was not going to be a factor anymore in this experience I was now the light in the void. However even after this there was still a witness of awareness. At this moment I felt as if I was everything in existence. Then the psilocybin said “ok, great, now we can continue.”

     As the experience went on my awareness/ consciousness began to traverse the multiverse with the psilocybin as my guide. I was shown the intricacies of our illusory concepts of space and time. I was shown that all is absolutely ONE. Next even more strange occurrences ensued. I was shown a massive psychedelic “city” made of pure light that existed outside of the multiverse, space and time. This “city” of light was large enough to make Earth look tiny in comparison. The psilocybin guided my awareness through this place. I saw technologies made of what I can only describe as light. I saw technologies so inconceivably advanced that they would make the greatest human technological marvels look like less than stone age tools. All throughout this “city” were beings of pure light. Some of them were humanoid in shape some of them were so alien in appearance that I can’t even begin to describe them. These beings could bring things into existence simply by thinking of it. They could travel anywhere in the multiverse by teleporting. They created worlds for fun. The psilocybin told me that I (awareness/consciousness) could do this as well. I saw many other things here that I can’t even begin to describe with language. All I can say is that this was a beautiful place of love and light. The most memorable thing that I saw in this place was a vast library of all of the knowledge in the multiverse. It was like a cathedral and a library made of pure light. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I lack the vocabulary to describe just how beautiful it was.

     After seeing this beautiful place of love and light at one point I was shown a nexus of information in which streams of information were pouring out at an extremely fast speed in all directions. This information consisted of every way that we humans use symbols to communicate information. This included but was not limited to all forms of language and all forms of mathematics. I felt at this time that I knew all languages, all modes of communication and all relays of information. Information was everywhere. From the sub atomic to the molecular all the way up to the multiverse. I saw information in DNA helixes, plants, animals, myself and everything else. I (consciousness/awareness) literally knew everything.

     At this point I experienced the most intense and breathtaking part of the experience. I felt like I experienced everything that had ever happened in all of existence simultaneously in less than a second. It was so powerful that the witnessing awareness/ consciousness was obliterated. The witness was the last vestige of anything resembling duality at all. Now there was only the happenings of existence and I (pure nothingness) was all of those happenings. It was as if I had created existence and decided to experience existence in every way possible. From bacteria to entire civilizations spanning light years, every life, every breath, every experience was one. And I was that one. It’s very hard to describe with the limits of human language, but I will continue. I felt like this experience lasted hundreds of millions of years. It was so vast and visceral. I lived as thousands of people, plants, fungi, bacteria and animals. I saw entire alien civilizations rise from the stone age to type three civilizations and fall. I lived as various men, women and children. In all of these experiences there were vast, various things constantly changed about them but one thing remained the same. The consciousness that was experiencing life remained. I don’t really know how to describe that. I experienced childbirth from both the perspective of the mother organism giving birth and from the perspective of the child organism being born. I experienced sex from both the male and female perspective simultaneously. I felt both masculine and feminine energies as ONE. I felt how integral sexuality was to existence and just how profoundly divine sexuality is. Sexuality is not simply a bond between a male and a female. Sexuality is a vector in which novelty can be introduced into the universe and existence as a whole. All of the millions of experiences and perspectives were happening so fast and it was impossible to keep up with the experience. It was moving so fast that it was overwhelming it was a sea of chaos and yet I was this sea of chaos.

     After all of this profound stimulation everything returned to the void. This void felt like infinity. I was in this experience for eons. It was unborn and undying. I was this void of absolute nothingness from which everything stemmed and I was that void. After experiencing eternity in the void of absolute nothingness standard reality began to form. Thus commenced the comedown phase of the experience. The witnessing consciousness reformed. I came back into my body. My body felt extremely heavy and difficult to control. My mind went from states of being conscious to unconscious. Slowly my perception of reality shifted from that of cosmic consciousness to that of human consciousness; however my perception was still nondual. I felt all of the information that I had witnessed being embedded into my nervous system. My whole body was vibrating as I began to come back. My head was ringing/buzzing for the entire rest of the day. This headache did not go away until the next day. As I slowly came back to physical reality all of my bodily senses were very sensitive. I felt everything so vividly. It was very intense to even feel my body lying on the bed. Feeling the air being pulled into and pushed out of my body was also very intense in a way that I can’t really describe. I was so immersed in tactile sensations that I began to feel the bed very gently. It felt like this was my first time touching something. As I tried to get up I fell several times over a dozen before I was even able to get to my knees. As I looked around my room I felt completely in shock. The best way I can describe how I felt at this time is I felt l how the character David did at the end of the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey, after he had come out of the stargate. My room looked like an alien environment to me. I felt like I was seeing it for the very first time. I had not felt like this since I was a baby. As I looked around I thought it was VERY strange that anything was happening at all. I thought that it was very strange that we humans could not simply do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. I then looked at my hands and I was blown away. I saw the complexity and strangeness of the biological machine that I was looking at. It was very amazing. I struggled to get to my feet. After falling about 6 more times I finally managed to barely stand up. I was amazed at how my body was working. I was amazed that I even had a body. I looked at my bookshelf and I was almost in reverence for it. I nearly cried when I looked at it. Reason being, after seeing that library of light during my experience, I have a newfound respect for information. I had to use the bathroom afterwards so I slowly walked to the bathroom. Walking wasn’t easy after the trip. When I entered the bathroom and saw my reflection in the mirror the first thing I thought was WHAT THE FUCK?! It was so strange to see a body looking at me. It was so strange to see a body at all. Again it was like I had never seen a human body before. On my body I saw visuals like patterns and glyphs moving all over. However the visuals were the least of my concern. They were cool and interesting to observe but I was more mesmerized by the fact that I had a body at all. My body looked like an alien organism to me.

     After using the bathroom I asked my trip sitter what happened to my body. He said that for the most part after the contorting poses I was passed out. He said that at one point that I began flailing, grabbing things and swinging them around and making incoherent noises. It surprised me that I was not screaming at the top of my lungs at one point during the experience. This is because when the ego was being obliterated I could have sworn that I was screaming at the top of my lungs in complete agony. After learning from my trip sitter that most of my trip consisted of my body simply lying there I was ok with that. I walked around my home feeling like this was my first time seeing it. I decided to walk outside in the backyard and when I did it was a bit overwhelming. I marveled at all of the lifeforms outside. I simply sat in the grass in awe of the planet I had just returned to. All in all the psilocybin experience lasted for nearly six hours. It was the strangest, deepest, most profound and most beautiful experience of my life thus far. This experience forever changed the way I look at reality and it has supercharged my existing meditation practice. Psychedelics are really an amazing tool for learning, consciousness exploration and enlightenment work. They can lead to many beautiful things if the student is ready for the lesson.

Here is a video explaining the positions that my body was contorting into. Skip to about 5:25 in. 

 

The grid visuals I experienced during the come up portion were very similar to this. https://nexusoflife.deviantart.com/art/Thermodynamic-Horizon-76214599

This is what the "city" of light was similar to. https://nexusoflife.deviantart.com/art/ET-Contact-676996115

This is what the visuals overlaid on my body looked similar to. https://nexusoflife.deviantart.com/art/Vitis-Animae-264377166

Edited July 2, 2017 by nexusoflife

[Nahm]

@nexusoflife thanks for sharing! I absolutely love reading these first time trip reports! Godspeed!

[nightrider1435]

By far the best trip report I've ever read!

[nexusoflife]

@Nahm Thanks for taking the time to read the whole thing. I greatly appreciate it. 

[nexusoflife]

@nightrider1435 It certainly was a lot for a first mushroom experience. I expected nothing as I was in a state of surrender but I was prepared for immense profundity.  And it certainly turned out to be so much more than I could have ever imagined.

[Dizzy]

Oh uau! This is an incredibly profound trip! 

Thank you for sharing Definately the deeper mushroom trip I ever heard of. 

You did wonderful as for preparation and being ready for! Very happy for you  the veil has been broken once, you can only go deeper for now on.

Please, let us know how your pratictes are on the following weeks  

Edited July 2, 2017 by Dizzy

[nexusoflife]

@Dizzy Thanks for reading my recount of the experience. I will make sure to integrate what I learned in this experience into my every day life. In a way the mushrooms told me to change my life and since the experience I have been seriously and deeply thinking about my life's purpose and all of the decisions that I have made over the course of my life.

[nightrider1435]

@nexusoflife Hell yeah man you did awesome, good work! I was hoping you would take a trip after reading your oneness and cannabis experience! Your a very unique individual. 

[Leo Gura]

@nexusoflife Good work. Your mind was clearly prepared.

But 5g for a first-time trip is way too much. That would freak most people totally out. Should have started with 1-2g. Be careful in the future with such high doses. You will get your ass kicked.

[nexusoflife]

@nightrider1435 Thanks. I am very serious about enlightenment and this experience was inevitable. I took days of meditation in order to prepare for this trip. I'm kind of like a sponge in that once I realize the depth of importance in something I go out and absorb as much knowledge and experience on that topic as I possibly can in order to make significant progress. I appreciate your positive feedback on my experience.

[nexusoflife]

@Leo Gura Thank you. I took several days to prepare for this experience. As well as a lot of prior research on psilocybin mushrooms and psychedelics in general. I used many of the usual meditation techniques that I normally do, however one thing which really helped me to prepare for this trip was the extensive usage of negative visualization. I have been using negative visualization since long before I became interested in self actualization and I kicked it into overdrive during the days leading up to this experience. I would meditate and intentionally let my mind come up with the most messed up, demonic, morbid and downright horrifying things that it could generate. I would think of the things that would freak me out the most and then completely bathe my mind in as many of those thoughts as I could. Whilst experiencing these negative thoughts I would challenge myself to simply watch them and not judge them no matter how horrible they were. I felt that this way it would be very difficult for me to experience a bad trip on a psychedelic as  I had already begun to train my mind to be equanimous even in the face of extreme horror. This preparation paid off, as when I was facing complete obliteration during the trip my awareness was able to transmute chaos into bliss. When I thought I was screaming it was not out of fear but simply out of pain from the feeling of being violently erased as an entity. 

I also read a lot of trip reports and found many common themes as to why people get extremely freaked out on psychedelics. Being afraid of ego dissolution, making psychedelics social, not respecting them, not being meditative or contemplative, no preparation and simply put exhibiting stupid behaviors were almost unanimous in all of the bad trip reports that I have come across. I also listened to Martin Ball and Kilindi Iyi and what they had to say about properly using psychedelics. (I came across both of them because of you. Thanks Leo!) You are absolutely right in that psychedelics will kick my ass. I was physically exhausted for roughly the next 36 hours after the trip ended. I greatly respect these substances and take the utmost care and preparation when planning to ingest them.

[S33K3R]

5 hours ago, nexusoflife said:

saw in this place was a vast library of all of the knowledge in the multiverse.

That sounds like the akashic records. Have you heard of them? They are the library that holds all of the knowledge there ever was! That is so awesome to go there!

 

That is so profound OMG I absolutely loved reading about your experience!

Are you going to do them again? You made me want to try them again

 

Thank you so much for sharing!!

Edited July 2, 2017 by S33K3R

[nexusoflife]

@S33K3R Thank you for taking the time to read it. I only recently found out about The Akashic Records since I was looking for clarification on the phenomena that I experienced. It is truly amazing as to what psychedelics can give us humans access to. Needless to say I am very curious in learning more about them and what my experience entails. It was an extremely profound experience. When my mind has digested this experience and my nervous system is ready for another psychedelic I will either use psilocybin mushrooms again or LSD as my next entheogenic experience. 

[Arkandeus]

one of the most profound trips I've ever read  
and this from mushrooms?it sounds like a dmt trip
imagination expanded! thanks for that

[nexusoflife]

@Arkandeus It does indeed sound more similar to a DMT trip than a psilocybin trip. Although psilocybin does contain DMT as it is 4-PO-HO-DMT.  I still don't know what exactly caused this trip to be so profound and deep but I am very grateful that I was able to have this experience. I appreciate that you took the time to read through the entire post.

[Lynnel]

On 02/07/2017 at 2:14 AM, nexusoflife said:

It was like a cathedral and a library made of pure light. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Legendary Akashic records anyone ?

[Real Eyes]

@nexusoflife  

Thanks for sharing this amazing report!  

Curious about what sort of expectations you had going into this trip...do you think that what you saw may have been influenced by stuff you have read/heard about prior to this, or did it seem completely out of the blue?

[Dizzy]

2 hours ago, Lynnel said:

Legendary Akashic records anyone ?

It certainly appears that way  Did you have this impression too @nexusoflife ? 

[nexusoflife]

@Lynnel Since my trip I have had several people tell me that I went to the Akashic Records. The more I learn about the subject I am becoming increasingly certain that I did indeed visit this place beyond space and time. I really don't have words to describe just how humbling and beautiful it was. 

[nexusoflife]

@Real Eyes Well to answer your question in all honesty I did not have any expectations going into the experience. However I prepared myself as much as I could before the trip and I was ready to experience heaven and bliss or hell and obliteration and I experienced both. It was far beyond anything I could have ever imagined and it was a life changing experience. I read a lot of trip reports and listened to the lectures of Martin Ball and Kilindi Iyi before the trip and that definitely also helped me to ground myself and prepare for the experience. I have thought about it deeply every day since it occurred.