Women shaming men for being attracted to/dating younger women

[LordFall]

25 minutes ago, Valach said:

You have completely ignored the point.

No, I didn't ignore your point; I'm rejecting the premise behind it. It's setting up a false binary where platonic friendship is treated as the noble goal, while sexual attraction and polarity are downgraded as shallow or hedonistic.

Like I said I think it's an interesting and valuable idea to think about if you truly appreciate this the person you're dating and would hang out with them beyond sex but overall subtracting attraction to test whether a romantic dynamic is valid doesn't hold up to scrutiny. 

Edited Friday at 07:02 PM by LordFall

[Never_give_up]

If it is legal then I don't care. Let them shame me. These evil people want to control you by shaming you, I won't do them the favour.

[Ulax]

2 hours ago, LordFall said:

That reaction is a classic tell. When people get aggressively moralistic about what consenting adults choose to do behind closed doors, it’s worth asking a simple question: do you actually have an abundance of high-quality options in your own dating life, or are you just masking your personal scarcity and frustration with righteous outrage?

Shaming people for building unconventional, fulfilling dynamics is usually just a coping mechanism for a mediocre dating market experience.

fr the cope is crazyyyyy

[Jodistrict]

This is a cultural thing.  There are other cultures that don't mak a big deal out of age.  My ex-wife is 20 years younger than me. 

[Lyubov]

yall I can see why you guys scared Emerald off 😭

Edited Friday at 09:10 PM by Lyubov

[something_else]

16 hours ago, LordFall said:

Yeah those are fair points, I'm sharing from what I've seen and others will have another experience of life and dating circles. 

I think it depends what type of relationship framework the younger person is interested in. Some people like the two soulmates figuring life together type of story and some others build their life more intentionally to reach the goals they have. I think for a lot of more ambitious younger women dating a more established man will be a more attractive option over a college bro. 

Right, but wanting to date a more established man doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will be healthy or functional. Obviously, they’re two consenting adults so they’re free to make their own choices. The question is how likely it is to be functional and healthy in the long run.

Take an established 35 year old man specifically seeking out 18 year old girls. Or even flip the genders. Do you really think that’s likely to produce a healthy relationship?

Think Leo DiCaprio’s pattern of dating younger women, then dumping them for the next 18 year old once they reach 25. Many of those women may fit the description you’re giving, but that doesn’t negate the dysfunction caused by such a significant gap in maturity and power.

I’m not saying these relationships can’t work. My point is simply that consent alone doesn’t make a relationship healthy, and such a large age and power imbalance makes a healthy dynamic less likely.

[Ulax]

On 13/11/2026 at 9:07 PM, Lyubov said:

yall I can see why you guys scared Emerald off 😭

You will understand when you're older

[Olaf]

I do think that an older men do deserve a younger woman, because most older woman have so much relationship trauma. As a men it takes hard work to become attractive it isn't easy like girls, putting on some make up and they have a ton of guys wanting to settle. As a men you have to work to become attractive so if a men has worked years to become as attractive as he can he deserves whatever he desires if that is a younger girl, if that is a fit girl, I don't care, go for it. 

Edited 7 hours ago by Olaf

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Ulax said:

You will understand when you're older

ok russell brand 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Lyubov No one is attempting to understand what you are saying - merely refute what they think you are saying.

____

IMO - age gaps when they are large, and one partner is 20yo or thereabouts, are often problematic. You don't hear of huge volumes of success stories for a reason. Older men can often go for younger women and slap the terms "no baggage" "femininity" "energy for life" as what drew them in; but often it is (unconscious or conscious) the desire for someone more pliant who will yield to the man, and a desire to feel young as age catches up. Cope. This can be true for men who do not see anything problematic with themselves or their behavior. Younger women often haven't learnt to diplomatically draw boundaries and are still working out who they are, what they want, and what they will/won't tolerate. They are also socialized to priorities harmony - which can result in suppressing their own needs. These women tolerate a lot more. It is no coincidence many older men go for these women, when their own age group have learned to explicate boundaries, needs and wants - which is always more difficult and requires patience, compromise and diplomacy to navigate. And some men in this group do not want to have to compromise.

Just using man/woman in this example as it is more common. But it can be reversed when the age gap is large enough and one party is relatively inexperienced in life.

It is the gap in maturity, experience and knowing oneself that creates issues. The larger the gap between parties, the more problematic. It is often about life stages also. People often use age as a proxy, or heuristic, for development of these things. 

Edited 2 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru I have been with woman my age and older woman, and they both have benefits and problems. A younger woman you might feel she is more innocent and greater beauty, where an older woman is more experienced and actually knows what she wants and who she is. They both have benefits, but I do believe that people should just go for whatever they want. If a guy wants a young woman, why hate on him? That would be insecurity from the womans perspective, just let people choose what they want to choose without shaming them. Will you shame a guy also for going with an older woman? 

[Xonas Pitfall]

I think my issue with these conversations is that there seems to be an underlying implication of this "younger is better" phenomenon. As in, if your wife or girlfriend eventually gets older, as she inevitably will, and as you will too, these narratives often propagate the idea that "you should want to cheat, it's natural for you to be tempted, and it's natural and reasonable for you to become less attracted to her and eventually dump her for someone younger and more fertile." You can see it, for example, in the comments about Nvidia's CEO, where people were saying things like, "Damn, can't blame him. Look at his wife. I'd be tempted too, hell yeah," etc.

It would basically be somewhat equivalent to people saying it's "natural" for an aging woman to stop being attracted to her man as he gradually loses muscle and bone mass, decreases in testosterone, experiences a decline in erectile function, and loses that "young man, fun, free-spirited" energy, etc.

I suppose what bothers me most is how normalized this attitude seems to be.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

17 minutes ago, Olaf said:

Will you shame a guy also for going with an older woman? 

Not what I'm saying.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Xonas Pitfall there are problematic dialogues regarding age with women. Many come from red pill ideaology. 

And it's an attempt to devalue women and "take them down a peg" when attributing excessive worth to women based on youth. 

[Xonas Pitfall]

3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Xonas Pitfall there are problematic dialogues regarding age with women. Many come from red pill ideaology. 

And it's an attempt to devalue women and "take them down a peg" when attributing excessive worth to women based on youth. 

Yup, it's hypocritical and confusing, I guess. These are the same men who will talk about "Where did all the good, feminine women go?" "How sad. No one wants to be a traditional wife or woman anymore," or "Marriage isn't possible anymore because of feminism, hypergamy, etc."

But then they turn around and perpetuate these narratives that normalize losing attraction to your own wife simply because she's getting older. How could you possibly expect anyone to want to commit to you if you're essentially signaling to them that your relationship has a built-in expiration date?

[Bando]

@Lyubov wait what happened to Emerald? I dip into this form every couple of months to see what's going on, she was one of the most high-quality posters on this entire forum

[aurum]

Almost every couple loses attraction to each other over the years.

If you can avoid that, your relationship is extremely rare.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@aurum

In my long term, stable + healthy relationships I found attraction fluctuating throughout. Up, and down. 

I never thought to assess an overall trend. Unless attraction dissapeared totally. But this hasn't happened to me.

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[aurum]

14 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I never thought to assess an overall trend. Unless attraction dissapeared totally. But this hasn't happened to me.

It’s pretty bad out there. That’s why everyone talks about the “honeymoon phase”.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

27 minutes ago, aurum said:

It’s pretty bad out there. That’s why everyone talks about the “honeymoon phase”.

I am familiar with the honeymoon phase - but it has always been a mild/moderate shift. It could be ill-defined now I reflect on it. Some people might be referring to a complete drop-off of attraction. 

I think that term is thrown about very loosely; some people refer to it from the frame of sex, some attraction / intense feelings. 

I always thought, when referring to sex as the honeymoon phase, it was that initial "lock yourselves in for 8hrs and indulge in sex, food and cuddles" phase.... Which isn't necessary very sustainable. Or conducive to attending to the duties of life 🤣 

Edited 40 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru