Men: How do you feel & react when you see women cry?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

What emotions / feelings come up for you? Sympathy, heartbreak, disgust, sadness, pity etc

So you feel compelled to action? 

[Elliott]

Anxiousness, anger

[Someone here]

How did you know my kink ? 

[CARDOZZO]

compassion, trying to help, understand...

[Ulax]

Sometimes I eye roll, sometimes I find it funny, sometimes compassion

[Rishabh R]

@Natasha Tori Maru I admit to you that I lived for years under the misogynistic assumption that I love to see women suffering but 2 years ago and also recently I saw 2 distinct women cry in real life . 1 was a stranger at college walking with her boyfriend whereas other was my relative . And you know I feel anxious when I see women cry and I don't want them to cry (honestly ). Also I consoled one of them ( my relative ).

So yeah my assumption got inverted , I am not a misogynist and I am already succesful with women even though I am currently single .I don't need a relationship to prove my worth . 

Thanks for this vulnerable post since vulnerability is power, courage and attractive .

Edited 4 hours ago by Rishabh R

[Jirh]

Depends on context. I don't have an automatic emotional response.

Tears aren't always innocent. Sometimes they're an intentional tool for manipulation and extraction.

If the woman is genuinely vulnerable, I become a protective anchor and a sanctuary.

[aurum]

Tears could mean many things.

Context is needed.

[Emerald]

Of course, I'm a woman... so I'll just share what I've experienced.

What I've experienced most often is that the men who have seen me cry have typically responded in two ways...

• Way #1: They offer a listening ear and ask questions and give me space to feel and vent (which is what I need in those moments). These are the men that I know who are more in touch with their own feelings and who have developed a high degree of emotional intelligence.
• Way #2: They get a bit overwhelmed and feel like they need to solve the problem. And they tend to get anxious and want to do something to make it stop. These are guys who are more up in the mind who may not feel comfortable with feelings in general.

Of course, both of these examples are well-intentioned guys who want to be supportive... it's just that the guy in the first example is more emotionally skillful than the second guy.

But that's the only types of guys that I'd feel comfortable being vulnerable with and crying in front of... so my experience of crying in front of men has mostly been positive with few exceptions.

That said, I've also met many men who I'd never share any of my feelings with... because they would likely react with contempt, anger, blame, judgment, disgust, condescension, stonewalling, punishment, or other similar responses.

And it's usually pretty easy to sense who's going to handle vulnerability poorly. So, I haven't had very many experiences of one of those kind of guys witnessing me crying.

[Jirh]

5 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That said, I've also met many men who I'd never share any of my feelings with... because they would likely react with contempt, anger, blame, judgment, disgust, condescension, stonewalling, punishment, or other similar responses.

How would you rate their IQ and EQ?

The two types you mentioned earlier typically rate high EQ for type #1 and high IQ for type #2. But I'm curious about those who react negatively.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Thanks for sharing all! Including @Emerald - flip side of the coin experience.

I do slightly struggle to believe men who claim to have no instinctual feelings or reactions prior to their cognition attempting to analyse "intention". 

[Jirh]

Just now, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I do slightly struggle to believe men who claim to have no instinctual feelings or reactions prior to their cognition attempting to analyse "intention". 

It's something I've developed after experiencing manipulation and extraction. My default mode is protective, but I do not grant that to any woman who shows superficial vulnerability like tears, I tend to require more evidence, and I am generally open to listening to what she has to say.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Jirh I understand this.

I usually have a default reaction, but cognition and critical assessment come online so quickly when analysing emotionally charged situations. I can either suppress the original empathic feeling or change the feeling entirely (depending on how I view motivations). 

If I make sense. 

[Sugarcoat]

13 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I do slightly struggle to believe men who claim to have no instinctual feelings or reactions prior to their cognition attempting to analyse "intention". 

Theres so many bad things happening in the world that are coming into people’s awareness, reading the news, seeing the state of society overall etc

If someone would react with concern to all of it they’d be sad all day long, I don’t see what’s so special about “women crying”? As if that’s something to be particularly caring about 

It is actually a lack of empathy/sensing ability if a man would be reacting with concern any time a woman cries. Why? Because someone could cry from a place of feeding into their ego, crying about something that he wouldn’t consider a significant problem, crying but being a person overall he wouldn’t wanna support. Just examples….He wouldn’t be seeing the nuances there if he reacted to all of it

Edited 35 minutes ago by Sugarcoat

[Jirh]

@Natasha Tori Maru It makes sense, because you're feminine. Emotions are your default mode. Women tend to be more reactive than men.

My default mode is logical. Cold logic comes first, then feelings arise in response to established logical conclusions. Most men are like this, I suppose.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Sugarcoat my hypothetical is geared toward men seeing a women they know, or are aquanted with, crying in a face to face situation. 

And to be clear - I mean any reaction. Doesn't have to be empathic. Just whatever arises first.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 minute ago, Jirh said:

@Natasha Tori Maru It makes sense, because you're feminine. Emotions are your default mode. Women tend to be more reactive than men.

My default mode is logical. Cold logic comes first, then feelings arise in response to established logical conclusions. Most men are like this, I suppose.

What do you think about boys as children? They react emotionally. Just as girls. Do you think socialisation comes into it? 

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Sugarcoat my hypothetical is geared toward men seeing a women they know, or are aquanted with, crying in a face to face situation. 

And to be clear - I mean any reaction. Doesn't have to be empathic. Just whatever arises first.

I see, it’s more specific yea. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Sugarcoat I get your example though. That numbness from overexposure is pervasive. I think many suffer from emotional bluntness across the board from overstimulation.

My question was specific to women crying. Not that this was special in any way. 

But I do think men might react differently to witnessing a man they know cry? Maybe. Just a curious question regarding mens phenomenological experience 🙃

Edited 29 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Heaven]

I usually sympathize(might cry as well) and listen to what is on her mind. Although some women cried to manipulate me so I reacted in a cold manner.

Context matters