girls don't like nice guys

[Olaf]

I am not saying every woman wants a complete douchebag. But I think it is quite obvious that no girl wants a nice guy. As a men you should do everything in your power to not be a nice guy, because you are literally not being taken seriously. They think your sweet, but they will never have sex with a guy that they think is sweet. There is no desire in her to sleep with a guy that is manipulating her with nice guy behavior. It is manipulative, you might not do it consciously, but unconsciously you are being nice to get her to like you. And even if you happend to be genuinely nice, she probably would still misinterpet that as you being the nice guy leech. There is no real value in being that. 

Why is one guy attracting all the woman and the other guy can't even get a woman to be slightly interested? I think it has at the end to do with this, tell me if I am wrong, but I truely belief that this is the biggest thing. You put this woman on a pedestal, making yourself lower value and therefor you become almost like a beggar begging her to be with you, desperate, needy. Also then if she doesn't want to escalate after you bought her something, you are trying to provide for her when she doesn't want to be provided for, how is that not manipulative, how can you be dissapointed that she is friendzoning you when you are thinking that by spending 5 euro on her meal or coffee she should want to be with you. This is redicilous.

At some point every guy has to accept this truth, if you don't then you will either get a girlfriend that uses you and might be cheating behind your back with a guy that she actually desires or you will end up alone, I don't know which one is worse. Truely it is that serious, it is not just something about picking up girls, it is about the whole relationship. The whole relationship will be ruined if you do this. Every guy that I have ever met that is good with girls is alpha, grounded, good energy, not needy, not a nice guy, every single one. 

I just want to make this post to wake up some guys on here that think they can get maybe a 6 and just settle for less to then be nice to her and be happy without learning how to be a men. This is the reason I make this post, because I am actually terrified for your future, you are probably a good dude and mean well, but that doesn't matter, in this world that doesn't matter. If you wanted to be a good nice angel, you should have been born a woman or remain celibate. 

[Leo Gura]

It is simple: women like strong men.

"Nice guy" is a form of weakness.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Eskilon]

What if you are actually a nice person? It is not an unconcious behaviour and you are not trying to impress anyone(it`s not coming from a needy source) you are just nice. Then what?

Edited 4 hours ago by Eskilon

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I require kindness.

Not necessarily nice. Nice isn't required.

[Eskilon]

3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I require kindness.

Not necessarily nice. Nice isn't required.

I require calmness .

Are you a calm person？

[Natasha Tori Maru]

7 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

I require calmness .

Are you a calm person？

I have been told that.

But I can be VERY excitable - quick to excitement, quick to return to calm  

When there is stress, crisis or a large complex problem - I am calm and clear. Extremely focused and driven toward a solution. But if we are just goofing off, or there is some good news, I flip to higher charged energy. Which usually means I move a lot (speak some also) - but mainly body language, faces and random sounds. 

This is how I am described by OTHERS, mind you - I don't feel super charged up in jubilant states, but I express it with no censure. I am good at reading the room though so I shelve it if I sense someone isn't in the right mind to receive. 

How about yourself?

Edited 4 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Leo Gura]

If you are kind without being weak, then there's no problem.

The problem is when guys use niceness to compensate for weakness.

Being kind is okay as long as you are still leading.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I think I inherently view "nice" as approval seeking, conflict or discomfort avoiding, socially agreeable and overall seeking harmony/pleasant seeking behaviour. Which can be twisted and often avoids boundaries. It is can also (and frequently) be manipulative - unconsciously so.

Kindness I enjoy as it is concern for others wellbeing, compassionate and caring but can maintain good boundaries. Kindness is okay with discomfort and is less inherently manipulative. I respect kindness because it can be confrontational and niceness usually isn't. I also view kindness as a way to "hold space" for someone, whereas niceness does not have that quality.

Kindness = “I can tolerate your displeasure without abandoning what I believe is right.”

I don't think it is possible to perform the above and be "nice".

Might just be me.

[Eskilon]

20 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

When there is stress, crisis or a large complex problem - I am calm and clear. Extremely focused and driven toward a solution. But if we are just goofing off, or there is some good news, I flip to higher charged energy. Which usually means I move a lot (speak some also) - but mainly body language, faces and random sounds. 

Interesting I think you have been through a lot to get to this baseline and it wasn't always the case? 

Also, this kind of behaviour is very attractive in a woman in my opinion. It's not common, especially the ability to alternate like you mentioned here

20 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

This is how I am described by OTHERS, mind you - I don't feel super charged up in jubilant states, but I express it with no censure. I am good at reading the room though so I shelve it if I sense someone isn't in the right mind to receive. 

Tbh from your picture in the face reveal thread you do seem calm and a bit analytical for sure haha. But you are an artist so you must be very expressive also.  Very cute I must say 

 

20 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

How about yourself?

I do consider myself calm. Though it wasn't always like that -- I went through the angry imature gamer phase.

I am VERY excited with music, gosh I dance like a crazy monkey sometimes hahahahaha and also cry too with certain ones . Music is very intoxicating for me, for sure one of the most profound experiences around.

So I do have quite a bit of emotions in me still, wonder if that will be the case down the line.

Tbh the more I do spiritual awakening the more awareness I get on emotions and their formations, it does seems that calmness is the natural state of being(I could be wrong tho).

Edited 4 hours ago by Eskilon

[r0ckyreed]

Why do men have to lead and play into women’s games. It’s all made up social constructions. Feminism and companionship implies that both are capable of co-leading. A strong woman takes the lead because why would she want to surrender control to a guy? This is the trap many feminine women fall into. I think relationships should be more egalitarian with less pressure on gender roles.

When I was in a relationship, we both took the lead on things. She would drive me to a place she wanted to go to and so would I.

Edit: The approach women take is so passive. They wait for opportunities to present themselves rather than pushing men they find attractive. I have been approached by women a few times and those times when they took initiative, it was the hottest thing. 

Edited 4 hours ago by r0ckyreed

[Natasha Tori Maru]

7 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

Interesting I think you have been through a lot to get to this baseline and it wasn't always the case? 

Yes - I feel like I have "play" mode and serious mode. But I was naturally always analytical. Easily swept up in my emotional states on occasion. Now I have more self control and I do not feel an irrevocable impulse to always act on an emotion or feeling. If the situation isn't correct, I can reside in charged states with ease. Lots of integration and conditioning work to get there. Ongoing process. Nonstop process

7 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

I do consider myself calm. Though it wasn't always like that -- I went through the angry imature gamer phase.

I am VERY excited with music, gosh I dance like a crazy monkey sometimes hahahahaha and also cry too with certain ones . Music is very intoxicating for me, for sure one of the most profound experience around.

So I do have quite a bit of emotions in me still, wonder if that will be the case down the line.

Tbh the more I do spiritual awakening the more awareness I get on emotions and their formations, it does seems that calmness is the natural state of being(I could be wrong tho).

I can relate. I was an angry, nihilistic little harpy. 

I experience similar in response to music. Music is very important to me. 

I experience a lot of peace now, after a lot of spiritual work. Even in chaos  

Edited 4 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Natasha Tori Maru]

What about men? Do men like nice as a quality in women?

[TheBG]

@Natasha Tori Maru I like it when women are nice, but not nice in a way where they are being fake. I would rather someone be able to express how they feel and not conform to what I think, without ever letting themselves have a voice.

I try to give everyone a voice, but I have known some women who like me enough to the point that they shove down what they think and conform to me...

Edited 3 hours ago by TheBG

[Yimpa]

@TheBG Good to know. Thank you for the feedback  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 minutes ago, TheBG said:

I try to give everyone a voice, but I have known some women who like me enough to the point that they shove down what they think and conform to me...

And this is a very, very bad way to conduct yourself (not only as a woman, as a human). You end up pretzelling yourself into someone that you aren't. So you hide yourself to make someone happy. It also requires "acting" in a way. It is an energy drain. And can cause resentment when their needs aren't met - because they tend to be unable to speak their needs and truth while placating to another.

The result is we never see them properly for who are, as they present what they think you will like (or need to be), rather than themselves. This impedes true connection - which is the whole purpose behind intimate relationships. We need to be seen. Received.

Often it is a process we need to grow out of. Sometimes it is rooted in attachment issues or co-dependency.

Been there >.<

[Joseph Maynor]

It is the same instinct where if the woman is too Masculine, men typically are put off by that.  

[Yimpa]

8 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Been there >.<

saaammmme  

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru I would say just being authentic, not per say nice, but of course more softer feminine energy is more attractive then masculine and aggressive energy, atleast for me. Some guys might be into that otherwise we wouldn't have dominatrix, bdsm shit.

[Joseph Maynor]

I have seen situations where the woman is more Masculine than the man, and the man is more Feminine than the woman work in a relationship though.  

[Jirh]

It's actually interesting, because being nice is a female survival strategy.

When they see you implementing their survival strategy, their system automatically places you in the friend-zone, because you remind them of themselves and their female friends.

It's not that they don't like nice guys. It's that they don't want to have sex with a girl. Polarity is required for attraction.

Nice guys are used and discarded. They end up doormats that get walked on, because they're weak and incapable of enforcing boundaries. They fail all the shit tests.

Obviously, there are cases where even the nice guy is attractive. But they usually involve unhealthy dynamics.

Edited 1 hour ago by Jirh