Authenticity (psychology): Underrated, Overrated?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Authenticity. I find it ill-defined. The word is tossed about flippantly. EVERYWHERE. It is spoken about on these forums frequently.

What is Authenticity (in the romantic sense, and interpersonally)? Do you think it is overrated/underrated? Only appropriate at certain times or phases of connection?

I find it paradoxical. Authenticity requires enough self-awareness to distinguish your genuine values from the forces acting on you (incentive structures). I think it is about congruence. Congruence between what is actually going on inside you, how you live, make choices and relate to the world. So for me it's being able to accurately know what I experience, owning it completely and acting in accordance with it as the situation deeps appropriate. I feel like it needs these clauses because it gets muddled up with just "expressing" without censure.

Authenticity IS NOT just expressing the contents of your mind. "I say what I feel", "I refuse to change for anyone", "I do what feels natural", "I am brutally honest" or "I don't care what anyone thinks, this is who I am" - all of these are not it in my definition.

Philosophy wise I don't think to be authentic we require a true fixed self. Values change. We change. What is authentic will change. Existentially I see it creeping toward "am I taking ownership of the fact I am choosing?"

My closest definition:

Authenticity is the constant, background practice of shrinking the space between what I experience and what I understand myself to currently value. What I claim to be, and how I actually behave... while remaining willing to amend my understanding of me.

Would love everyone's thoughts around this loaded topic as it applies to dating, courtship, romance, relationships, attraction etc.

[aurum]

Yes!

It's a useful distinction when one is learning to individuate themselves from the collective conformity of lower stages of development.

But ultimately, authenticity as a concept also needs to be deconstructed.

 

[integration journey]

It’s great to be living in authenti-city! 

it’s a great city indeed ☺️

[Jirh]

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Authenticity. I find it ill-defined. The word is tossed about flippantly. EVERYWHERE. It is spoken about on these forums frequently.

What is Authenticity (in the romantic sense, and interpersonally)? Do you think it is overrated/underrated? Only appropriate at certain times or phases of connection?

Authenticity is the lack of performance. It's the flow state of who you are underneath all the masks of fear and appearances of love.

It is the direct manifestation of real safety and deep security.

And in some cases, it's the manifestation of overwhelming fear. It's what occurs when all the walls fall down and there is nothing left to hide or lose.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I find it paradoxical. Authenticity requires enough self-awareness to distinguish your genuine values from the forces acting on you (incentive structures). I think it is about congruence. Congruence between what is actually going on inside you, how you live, make choices and relate to the world. 

No.

Authenticity does not require anything. It's exactly what occurs when nothing is required. It is unconditional.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

So for me it's being able to accurately know what I experience, owning it completely and acting in accordance with it as the situation deeps appropriate. I feel like it needs these clauses because it gets muddled up with just "expressing" without censure.

That's agency, aka healthy sense of self, it requires authenticity, but it's not it.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Authenticity IS NOT just expressing the contents of your mind.

It is.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

"I say what I feel", "I refuse to change for anyone", "I do what feels natural", "I am brutally honest" or "I don't care what anyone thinks, this is who I am" - all of these are not it in my definition.

These aren't necessarily authentic expressions. They sound more like egoic defenses of a fragile sense of self.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Philosophy wise I don't think to be authentic we require a true fixed self. Values change. We change. What is authentic will change.

Yes.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Existentially I see it creeping toward "am I taking ownership of the fact I am choosing?"

Again, that's agency. It's a different thing, although built on top of authenticity.

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

My closest definition:

Authenticity is the constant, background practice of shrinking the space between what I experience and what I understand myself to currently value. What I claim to be, and how I actually behave... while remaining willing to amend my understanding of me.

No.

[Jirh]

46 minutes ago, aurum said:

Yes!

It's a useful distinction when one is learning to individuate themselves from the collective conformity of lower stages of development.

But ultimately, authenticity as a concept also needs to be deconstructed.

Oh, no. Not again 😴😪

[Yimpa]

Mrow 

[LordFall]

I think it's overrated in that people think that being honest and transparent is gonna be a huge step in the right direction for them. It sort of is but the reason that society teaches us to bottle up our feelings is that life is hard and complaining about that is not gonna change it. 

I think offering value is they key to most of the dating problems in society and value comes from solving hard problems so it can't really be easy. Thus offering value is an honest sign of high competence and being an asset to someone's life. If you aren't an asset to other people's lives why is being honest and authentic gonna change that fact? On the other hand being able to accept our limitations and not be delusional or falsely represent ourselves to others is also important. 

[Joseph Maynor]

This is too bad because authenticity is so basic.