I want to hear a womans opinion

[Olaf]

Okay, I am curious to the woman's opinion on this. @Natasha Tori Maru@Emerald and the other woman: how would you like to be approached by a men on lets say the street or in a mall? What would he say, do, not do? etc.

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Olaf said:

Okay, I am curious to the woman's opinion on this. @Natasha Tori Maru@Emerald and the other woman: how would you like to be approached by a men on lets say the street or in a mall? What would he say, do, not do? etc.

It takes me a few months on average to develop feelings for a guy that are strong enough for me to want to do anything about them. And it's uncommon that these feelings arise.

So, when I was single, I really didn't respond well to simply being approached out in public and jumping immediately into some romantic/sexual segue. It just pops the bubble right away and takes away any kind of tension straight away.

The only exception was when I was 20 and very alone in the world and dealing with a recent eviction and traumatic break-up, as I wanted to be alone and single... and I thought I could just choose to forego my community needs. But my survival drives put me in a space where I couldn't say no to company when approached. 

But the most romantically and sexually satisfying dynamic is more of an acquaintances/friends to lovers dynamic, as that has a lot more meaning. And it tended to involve an element of mystery, like... "Does he feel the same for me as I feel for him?'

Without that few month fermentation process, it takes all the tension and spiciness out of the dynamic... as I just can't feel that excited about a guy that I just met, regardless of who he is.

So, what would probably work best for me is that, I meet a guy at an event that reflects mutual interests. And we begin talking on a purely platonic level, and he becomes someone that I chat with and correspond with platonically over a long period of time.

This is especially strong if we exist in the same 2nd or 3rd spaces and see each other frequently.

Then, at some point during that time, I either start having feelings for him or I don't. And if I do, the feelings are 10/10 strong... which are strong enough for me to want to do something about them. 

But if there's some guy that's super attractive and has the best game in the world, but I just met him... it's a max of a 5/10 attraction. And that's just not exciting enough for me to be interested in it.

The intense amorous emotions have to be there... which takes time interacting platonically.

[Yimpa]

34 minutes ago, Olaf said:

Okay, I am curious to the woman's opinion on this. @Natasha Tori Maru@Emerald and the other woman

 

[Olaf]

@Emerald so basically, you feel you need to be friends with someone first before anything else developping? And therefor cold approach is a big no-no for you? 

[Olaf]

@Yimpa don't laugh hahaha I am curious

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Ima be honest bro, if you need to ask these questions to women on THIS forum out of all places, then your confidence in yourself probably took a sizeable hit lately. Come on now

If you're gonna go this path, you must be self assured and self confident as a MF, is all I'm saying, because it's very emotionally taxing

Edited 4 hours ago by NewKidOnTheBlock

[Emerald]

23 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Emerald so basically, you feel you need to be friends with someone first before anything else developping? And therefor cold approach is a big no-no for you? 

Yes. It's just not going to produce strong enough feelings for me to be open to pursuing something, as it cuts the tension immediately and skips over emotional development. 

And it's the slow-burning emotional development and the tension built over time that adds meaning, excitement, and longing to be closer.

So, outside of ending up in a state of scarcity where I have no social circle (like when I was 20), being randomly approached wouldn't be emotionally intriguing enough for me to be open to it.

Another factor is that it's easy to tell when a guy is doing pick-up.

So, it doesn't feel like, "Ooh. He's approaching me because he's interested in something special about me."

It's, "Oh. This guy is doing cold approach. I wonder how many others he's approached today?"

It's kind of like receiving spam in the mailbox, instead of a personalized letter. 

So, that also cuts away at the meaning factor... and doesn't feel very exciting or satisfying.

[Olaf]

@Emerald its funny because I do approaching mainly to find a girlfirend, I think maybe the stereotype of pick up for the sake of sex has become true in a womans mind and maybe they are being labeled immediately as fuck boys. I guess getting a friendship with someone could work in a similar space as where I would go to, but then the question is if it will not just become purely platonic, sometimes it is harder to get out of the friend zone, especially for men. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Let's get a woman's opinion for real dude.  

[Olaf]

@Joseph Maynor thats what I am trying to get lol 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Olaf said:

@Yimpa don't laugh hahaha 

Don’t tell me what to do, you silly goose  

Quote

I am curious

Pickup lens: I am not interested in being cold approached by men, and they aren’t interested in cold approaching me. So it’s a win-win!

Platonic/friendly lens: I’ve answered this in a previous topic of yours and I’ll quote it below. It’s probably not going to make sense if you’re only looking at me from a pickup lens, but I’ll repeat it anyway. And, no, I wasn’t being flippant or sarcastic about me “being the woman I’ve been searching for this entire time”:

On 8/16/2026 at 6:54 PM, Yimpa said:

I deeply appreciate the attention and compliments I get nowadays. It’s not overwhelming 24/7. It doesn’t need to be. I rarely go out, but when I do, I get approached occasionally by beautiful people. Whereas before, prior to transitioning to a female, no one gave two fucks about me. I was like a ghost. And before, as a man, I used to want and crave a woman’s love. Now, I am finally at peace realizing I AM the woman I was needing all along. And that’s enough for me.

These kinds of approaches are not to get my number or to have sex with me. It’s just a connection and acknowledgement of my (and their) beauty in the moment. 

—-

Additional/expanded context/lore below (feel free to skip this part, as it’s just me talking more about me, lol. But also, there also may be some parts that you can resonate with):

Spoiler

I only came out months ago as a trans woman, so it’s kind of a “culture shock” for me, so to speak.

You know… I used to do pickup over a decade ago when I was completely lost and confused as a horny young man with no serious understanding of myself.

I SUCKED at it. I only picked up a girl successfully ONE time in 2014, and even then, I fucked that relationship up so fast. From your lens, she was a 10/10. But that didn’t matter. I was super  immature and psychologically wounded back then, and she rightfully ran away from me.

This detachment from women continued to haunt me for another decade of my life. Multiple failed, abusive relationships that would die quickly. The pattern kept repeating.

So, given that context,  you can probably imagine the shock it is. I went from a lost cause, to finally starting to be  confident being a woman AND getting attention from beautiful souls. And I’m not done. I continue to discover who I am  and healing from old wounds that still linger in me. 

This process took years of serious personal development work.

I also live with my best friend (former partner), so I don’t feel a need to search for something more with others. I am content with settling down with me and them.

I AM MY GIRLFRIEND 

(edit: i truly did self-actualize that stupidly catchy Justin Bieber song, "Love Yourself"  )

Quote

Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh baby, you should go and love yourself

Edited 3 hours ago by Yimpa

[Emerald]

43 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Emerald its funny because I do approaching mainly to find a girlfirend, I think maybe the stereotype of pick up for the sake of sex has become true in a womans mind and maybe they are being labeled immediately as fuck boys. I guess getting a friendship with someone could work in a similar space as where I would go to, but then the question is if it will not just become purely platonic, sometimes it is harder to get out of the friend zone, especially for men. 

There's definitely a lot of guys who just do it for sex. And most women will likely tend to see it that way, as they are probably on the receiving end of pick-up solely for sex quite a lot.

But even outside of that "He's just in it for sex" perception... I just don't find the initial meeting with any guy all that intriguing as there are limits to how much meaning the interaction has for me.

Bear in mind, male attention is common for women... especially for young women of your age (I'm assuming you're in your 20s somewhere, but correct me if I'm wrong.)

So, a random guy approaching on the street is probably going to be the least appealing option for a woman who has plenty of options.

But you might find hook-ups and things like that through pick-up... especially if you go out to bars and clubs. That is a third space where people tend to go out in search of those kinds of connections.

And you could find a girlfriend that way. But you may also find someone who doesn't match you very well.

So, it could happen.

I'm just saying that a lot of women probably have an auto-sort tendency when it comes to being approached by a guy she doesn't know.

And it's definitely not something that most women are going to be open to... especially women who are in social circles with many male acquaintances that she'll see day in and day out (like college).

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, Olaf said:

but then the question is if it will not just become purely platonic, sometimes it is harder to get out of the friend zone, especially for men. 

The friend zone is what you want! Dude, if other girls see other girls like you so well that they want to be your friend, that's a highly ideal situation. It's very likely you'll have girlfriends if you have girl friends. If you changed your tact to only get friend-zoned, that's a far better number games than 1000 approaches will produce because it keeps paying out without you having to do anything. Also, some of them will slowly build attraction for you. Because like Emerald keeps saying, this is how girls build real attraction - over time. 

I'm of the mind that if a girl is hanging out with you, she has attraction for you on some level. She's not blind to the fact that you're a man and she's a woman. She knows you're a man, and she knows you have a dick. And she knows the thought has crossed your mind. Yet it's interesting that she's hanging out with you regardless. lol. Patience. 

Edited 3 hours ago by Joshe

[Joseph Maynor]

The friend-zone is a fascinating thing for a guy.  Knowing how to see this is coming is very important.   This can be a trap.  The question is how to avoid this trap.  

[Olaf]

@Emerald yes I think the initial meeting isn't that intresting either hahaha, but I guess you have to find a place to meet someone and actually it leading somewhere. I don't know being friends with someone for a long time till it leads somewhere can also feel a bit like a waste of time you know. Like you will end up being friends with 10 girls and then you have no time for anything else in your life. Just because it is the ideal way to meet a men for her. Like some middle ground would be ideal I think. 

[Inliytened1]

37 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Let's get a woman's opinion for real dude.  

It would be great but the truth is they themselves don't know how they are going to react.  It depends on you. Sweep them off their feet and you'll get the desired response.   Woman will say they don't wanna be approached on the street but the truth is it's gonna depend on if you come off as creepy or not.  Women wanna always feel comfortable.

Edited 3 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Joseph Maynor]

5 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

It would be great but the truth they themselves don't know how they are going to react.  It depends on you. Sweep them off their feet and you'll get the desired response.   Woman will say they don't wanna be approached on the street but the truth is its gonna depend on if you come off as creepy or not.  Women wanna always feel comfortable.

I love talking to women.  They have a clarity that is really useful.  

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Joshe said:

The friend zone is what you want! Dude, if other girls see other girls like you so well that they want to be your friend, that's a highly ideal situation. It's very likely you'll have girlfriends if you have a ton of girl friends. If you changed your tact to only get friend-zoned, that's a far better number games than 1000 approaches will produce because it keeps paying out without you having to do anything. Also, some of them will slowly build attraction for you. Because like Emerald keeps saying, this is how girls build real attraction - over time. 

Exactly. 

One of the things that surprised me in this internet era is how many men are not dating or having sex or getting into relationships.

Back when I was a teenager, I had a big group of friends and acquaintances (with probably a couple hundred people in the wider network.. and about 25 in the closer part of that network... with 6 really close friends) where there was probably an equal amount of guys and girls in the wider group.

And it was a very interconnected ecosystem of teens that had closer friendships within the group... but would often interact at parties and at smaller social get-togethers... and at this church that had a teen night called the Vineyard, where tons of teens would go on Friday nights.

And my nerdiest and most reserved guy friend in the closest 25 people in my social circle lost his virginity and got into his first relationship at 19. And I was thinking, "He's a bit of late bloomer. But I'm glad it finally happened for him." 

But there were also a couple really creepy unattractive guys that I'm thinking of in the wider group who I was casual acquaintances with. And they were constantly in and out of relationships with other random female acquaintances of mine, and I'd begrudgingly hear the odd thing or two about their sex-lives through the grape vine. The two of them probably lost their virginity by 14 or 15. 

So, I was really surprised to learn that so many men weren't getting into relationships or losing their virginity until their mid-20s and beyond.

Then, I realized the reason why... All the guys that I know have at least one woman in their social circle. 

[Olaf]

@Joseph Maynor It also feels kinda creepy to be her friend to then a month later be like, BTW you want to go on a date? Like you are not being honest with your intent

[Inliytened1]

6 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Joseph Maynor It also feels kinda creepy to be her friend to then a month later be like, BTW you want to go on a date? Like you are not being honest with your intent

Typically that's a woman who just wants to take it slow.   Patience wins the prize.  But it doesn't mean you're just friends if there is an attraction their. I think the communication is key here.  I Typically prefer a women who wants to move at a moderate pace and isn't afraid to get a little wild and spontaneous. 

Edited 3 hours ago by Inliytened1