Challenging Leo on women

[Spiral]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Who are you popular with? There are different crowds in which you could have high status like being popular in your pokemon card trading community. 

If there are also girls in your group, have you tried hitting on them and asking them out? From the outside it looks like popularity has women throwing themselves at you and sending you nudes 24/7 but often it's mostly them being open to your advances. 

Being a bad boy is a trope, not a dating strategy. 

I mean (usually drunk) girls at night clubs, often they approach me. They are not exactly hoping to play badminton. Not the hottest girl you can imagine, no but certainly good looking enough to date.

I don’t really try to be a bad boy, that’s unintentional. 

[LordFall]

So why do no girls want to date you? You're bad at escalation and leading the interaction? 

[Emerald]

On 9/1/2026 at 2:15 AM, AION said:

But one thing I noticed with these women is that they all adapt this I will be more selective in my selection of men thinking them being more judgemental towards men will also make them more valuable on the dating market. 

Only hot women can get away with this approach. For most women this approach is disastrous. Because most men will feel it in their bones that they have to pay a premium for the bad guys she did in her past.

No. The level of selectiveness women exercises has nothing to do with her level of attractiveness, at all.

The only exception is if a woman herself is trying to select for looks. Then, she's probably going to need looks equivalent to the looks of the guy she's trying to get with.

Women being selective with the quality of her male partners is actually key to her well-being and the well-being of the children she may bear... and (in a macrocosmic sense) the well-being of society.

The issue is that historically, there have been many forces that have interrupted women's ability to select and select well.

For example, historically women have not chosen their partners. It's been their fathers choosing their partners for them.

Also, women were put in a position historically where the only access to money was to marry a man... which effectively gave her the option "Marry or die in poverty".

So, these dynamics put women in a space where her sovereignty was limited.

Then, there's all sorts of cultural and pop-cultural dynamics that are designed to (or just so happen to) systematically erode women's self-esteem. And this can cause woman to feel grateful for any kind of male attention... instead of actually vetting the quality of the man giving that attention.

It can even lead to a polarity flip where she feels like she needs to be the one that "does to mating dance" to prove herself worthy of the guy's attraction, when that attraction is very common and un-particularized.

So, it doesn't matter if a woman is beautiful or plain...

Selectiveness and high standards are going to lead to a more mature and supportive partner, a better life, and more psychologically healthy children... and a better world.

A lack of selectiveness and self-respect is going to lead to things like domestic violence, being cheated on, emotional abuse, emotional starvation, chronically unmet needs, unhappiness, poverty, divorce, beaten/traumatized children, and/or abandoned children who don't know their father... and a degradation of the quality of life for all people in the wider community.

So, when women are selective and firm with their boundaries, they're honestly doing a great thing for themselves, their future children, and the wider community.

[Alexop]

@Emerald I don't sense women are not selective enough. I see a lot of them not selecting at all, just staying single. If they are attractive, they have tones of guys competing for their attention. And the women get choice anxiety, they don't know what to choose. Like when you open netflix and you have so many options that you just freeze and choose nothing instead.

[eos_nyxia]

My perspective comes from someone who was classically gifted as a child, who is also married to someone who was classically gifted as a child. Our backgrounds were very different, but we have a lot of shared perspective as a result of this commonality. Like my husband, I have no concept or experience of having had an intrinsically insufficient intellect (and creative capacity, to a somewhat lesser degree) to do anything during my formative years. Everything came super easily.

Points in No Particular Order:

• Giftedness is very poorly understood amongst the general population (and honestly pretty much any demographic, including general intellectual ones). An example: a lot of gifted people have inborn and developed early-life emotional traits which are often clocked as masculine if female or feminine if male. A lot of these traits are treated as “problems” growing up, and this often lingers as baggage in adulthood. Just a few examples, by no means extensive:
  • If female: too logical/ left-brain orientated, know-it-all, too blunt and asks too many questions in a way that gets under people’s skin (even when you’re trying to be as polite as humanly possible and mindful of people’s boundaries), unusually high learning and problem-solving drive 
  • If male: too sensitive and feels too deeply is the big one. Also cripplingly self-conscious in an emotionally self-aware from a young age. Combined with having a child's brain, this is not very enjoyable. 
• Likewise, the last time I felt self-conscious about how the opposite sex viewed my intellect was middle-school aged, where it became pretty clear that boys in general don’t like know-it-alls. I mean this super literally, as just knowing things that they do not and being willing to point it out. But after that point, it’s never been a real deterrent for whenever I wore my interests and way of thinking on my sleeve. If I was not very secure about my intellect (because for me going out of my way to clock as intelligent for its own sake is a joke), I’m sure I would have had a different experience.

I think the biggest factor for me is having a certain kind security in your intellect and not tying this to your intrinsic masculinity (which highly gifted men either tend to not do at all, or they have paralyzing amounts of it as if their idolatry of intellectualism was an armour that could save them from the stupid in this world). This is where I tend to clash the most with men who have... at some point in their lives (let’s just say as a teen and onward), chose to identify themselves as The Intellectual. I've found it to be tryhard.

Like if you NEED to be the smart one in the relationship or negate the experience I went through because that’s the only way you can feel man enough, that is not cute. You are probably not secure in your intellectualism in the way that self-appointed intellectuals often are not, and that itself is ok. But it is just better to be able to assess yourself realistically and then aspire to do better, which is what we ALL should aspire to do. And there are easily a ton of things you could potentially be better at than me, and that itself, especially with curiosity and passion, is very attractive. 

I find that a certain kind of combativeness is brought to interactions and they’re not always aware of it. It's the energy of needing to prove themselves. It's not a zero sum game lol.  A relationship is not for competition, unless somehow you can make it a healthy one and you want to for some reason. Keep it playful and light though, I think!

But more than anything, there is a huge gap to bridge in our ways of relating to the world and the way our identities were formed, I think. For this reason especially, the unwillingness to put himself in my shoes is a deal breaker, because that is what I try to do for him!

Edited 2 hours ago by eos_nyxia

[AION]

3 hours ago, Emerald said:

No. The level of selectiveness women exercises has nothing to do with her level of attractiveness, at all.

The only exception is if a woman herself is trying to select for looks. Then, she's probably going to need looks equivalent to the looks of the guy she's trying to get with.

Women being selective with the quality of her male partners is actually key to her well-being and the well-being of the children she may bear... and (in a macrocosmic sense) the well-being of society.

The issue is that historically, there have been many forces that have interrupted women's ability to select and select well.

For example, historically women have not chosen their partners. It's been their fathers choosing their partners for them.

Also, women were put in a position historically where the only access to money was to marry a man... which effectively gave her the option "Marry or die in poverty".

So, these dynamics put women in a space where her sovereignty was limited.

Then, there's all sorts of cultural and pop-cultural dynamics that are designed to (or just so happen to) systematically erode women's self-esteem. And this can cause woman to feel grateful for any kind of male attention... instead of actually vetting the quality of the man giving that attention.

It can even lead to a polarity flip where she feels like she needs to be the one that "does to mating dance" to prove herself worthy of the guy's attraction, when that attraction is very common and un-particularized.

So, it doesn't matter if a woman is beautiful or plain...

Selectiveness and high standards are going to lead to a more mature and supportive partner, a better life, and more psychologically healthy children... and a better world.

A lack of selectiveness and self-respect is going to lead to things like domestic violence, being cheated on, emotional abuse, emotional starvation, chronically unmet needs, unhappiness, poverty, divorce, beaten/traumatized children, and/or abandoned children who don't know their father... and a degradation of the quality of life for all people in the wider community.

So, when women are selective and firm with their boundaries, they're honestly doing a great thing for themselves, their future children, and the wider community.

But I mean if a girl is a 4/10 and she starts becoming more selective. That doesn't mean she now deserves guys that is a 6/10. But a lot of women believe that. And that is why there are so many single women out there.

And thus 40% of women will be childless by 2040. I don't think that is a good thing though. People are pricing themselves out of the dating market. Because they all think they deserve the best. And although I wish that for them too, it is not realistic.

Making a deal is also about compromise and I'm not reading that back in your message. 

Usually I skip women that are too selective. Because it only tells me she has been around the block. And I have to carry the emotional baggage of her past mistakes. But if a girl is hot she can get away with it because she has such a big dating pool, she can just work the field to find a sucker.

If a girl is hot and she is can get away with basically everything, I was dating this hot girl and she made me work for it. At the end I was just irritated because I knew she was a club girl and other guys smashed it on the first encounter and I had to go through 5 dates with her. At the end I didn't respect her. Because I had to pay 5x the price the other guys had to pay.

Edited 2 hours ago by AION