Loneliness

[Miguel1]

How do you guys deal with loneliness?

Fall is arriving here in Finland, it’s getting darker, wetter and colder each day.

I have a ton of people in my circle, but none my true friend, which just makes it all the worst.

How do you deal with it? I deal with it via art, music, crying, dancing and the little surface level socializing I do.

[LordFall]

Arguing with people on the actualized.org forum of course, 8/10 therapist recommend this method. The other 2 are incels. 

More seriously as an INTP I have less of a need for socialization than you do and what I value is intellectual companionship so people that understand my ideas and wanna talk about them so I mean AI has kept me quite good company these past few months. I also have phone calls with friends in other cities occasionally but honestly Gemini helps more.  

 

Edited 4 hours ago by LordFall

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Imdyx4bFmQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cc-ISAzmWs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEQAHvD9_Zc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2KyOG1PbXA

 

Edited 5 hours ago by Raze

[TheGod]

23 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

How do you guys deal with loneliness?

Fall is arriving here in Finland, it’s getting darker, wetter and colder each day.

I have a ton of people in my circle, but none my true friend, which just makes it all the worst.

How do you deal with it? I deal with it via art, music, crying, dancing and the little surface level socializing I do.

As someone who lived in Canada for 4 years, I understand how the weather and lack of true friendship can affect how you feel. 
 

To be honest, the best way for me to deal with loneliness was oneness  that I could reach via 5MeO-DMT I would vape it in Canada every weekend or So but I don’t think it’s legal in your country (in Canada it is for personal possession).

Other things are exercising regularly, fasting and eating healthy. Running especially helps.

Maybe try to watch less porn if you watch it. In my experience it tends to make me feel lonely and depressed.

Edited 5 hours ago by TheGod

[LordFall]

8 minutes ago, TheGod said:

Maybe try to watch less porn if you watch it. In my experience it tends to make me feel lonely and depressed.

Really? Does the opposite for me. If I don't watch it my sex drive becomes so huge that looking at women outside makes me feel physical pain and I will not be able to stop the impulse to try to get laid in ways that are not productive to my life. 

[TheGod]

10 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Really? Does the opposite for me. If I don't watch it my sex drive becomes so huge that looking at women outside makes me feel physical pain and I will not be able to stop the impulse to try to get laid in ways that are not productive to my life. 

Yeah, porn hijacks your reward system and you feel low. The thing is if you like me have been watching porn since 13 it’s very difficult to notice its affects on your mood because your brain adapted to it. On the other hand, porn is very difficult to quit. 
I quit it after 7 years of going back and forth. Now I close my eyes and masturbate to memories of good sex I had with women and I feel rather relaxed and not wasted after it, as it usually happens with porn. At least in my experience. The physical pain that you feel is withdrawal from porn because you’re so used to use it to deal with sexual energy. Dealing with sexual energy is very difficult without porn and requires a lot of practice, discipline and will power. 
Even our lovely Leo Gura can’t master this skill, that’s why he’s so pro-porn  

 

[Valach]

27 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Really? Does the opposite for me. If I don't watch it my sex drive becomes so huge that looking at women outside makes me feel physical pain and I will not be able to stop the impulse to try to get laid in ways that are not productive to my life. 

Out sexual drives are deeply connected to psychological state. Many people use their sexuality to numb out feelings of loneliness and other stuff. Not saying that is you obviously as I do not know you personally. But it is something I have commonly saw in others and in myself.

[Valach]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

How do you guys deal with loneliness?

Fall is arriving here in Finland, it’s getting darker, wetter and colder each day.

I have a ton of people in my circle, but none my true friend, which just makes it all the worst.

How do you deal with it? I deal with it via art, music, crying, dancing and the little surface level socializing I do.

By becoming my own best friend and staying connected to myself even in the worst times.

[Ulax]

Literature and films can help me

Crying helps me too sometimes 

LLMs too

Edited 4 hours ago by Ulax

[LordFall]

14 minutes ago, Ulax said:

Literature and films can help me

Crying helps me too sometimes 

LLMs too

What movies have you watched that you really liked lately? 

[Elliott]

Do you go to social dances? Im not a dancer like you are and I like doing that. I find I don't need a lot of deep socializing, pretty surface level keeps me feeling good despite the occasional thought that I need a deep connection. Just being around people.

I've come to appreciate 'surface level' interaction when I never used to, I think there's actually something in it, connecting to society as opposed to just an individual, like Society precipitates out through normal interactions.

Edited 1 hour ago by Elliott

[Ulax]

2 hours ago, LordFall said:

What movies have you watched that you really liked lately? 

Heat, One Battle after another, Zone of interest 

[Sugarcoat]

53 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Do you go to social dances? Im not a dancer like you are and I like doing that. I find I don't need a lot of deep socializing, pretty surface level keeps me feeling good despite the occasional thought that I need a deep connection. Just being around people.

I've come to appreciate 'surface level' interaction when I never used to, I think there's actually something in it, connecting to society as opposed to just an individual, like Society precipitates out through normal interactions.

The problem then becomes some of those "surface level" interactions lead people to wanna take it further which is fine if that level of vibe would be there but mostly its not at the level beyond that simple interaction, ime so far. But I see that as opportunity to try to really tap into my own communication skills so it gets smoother to deal with over time, but I see what youre saying overall anyways and I agree, theres huge difference simply being alone in my apartment vs outside surrounded by people 

Edited 58 minutes ago by Sugarcoat

[Elliott]

27 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

The problem then becomes some of those "surface level" interactions lead people to wanna take it further which is fine if that level of vibe would be there but mostly its not at the level beyond that simple interaction, ime so far. 

Are you implying sexually? A lot of guys might have that problem, I don't think @Miguel1 would though. Ya, i wouldn't suggest social dancing to the average guy for platonic socializing. He can practice dancing with other guys there too(not partner dancing, but learning and teaching) (@Basman if you want to dance with guys that's cool too though)

Edited 30 minutes ago by Elliott

[Jordan of the Shire]

I've been passionate about Tai Chi, Katana, Qi gong, and Meditation. Poetry, science-fiction, spiral dynamics, meta-physics. Dragonball Z, starwars, etc. Having an interest in these things doesn't necessarily create connection, but through the shaping of my character through these things, i've been able to connect with people.

In my journey, through being focused and devoted, I have met people of equal skill or, who are in some ways familiar and highly competent in something else. Often in the past the friends who became very close were ones that were confident and skilled in what they do, yet had a layer of insecurity or pain which we allowed eachother to see. We connect on that. If you can find people who have transcended and integrated the green stage in some ways, it is very helpful for getting that connection.

I have mentors who i connect with personally regularly. (ie. someone who is far beyond your current level, but whom you have a personal connection with. They are preferable compassionate to you and helps you along the way. This helps because there is always someone to can connect with for guidance *in person or on video*)

In the way I associate with people, I call everyone my brother. This initiative tends to invite a similar response and there is a simple connection on the basis of seeing eachother as having a common humanity.

I recently went through a few weeks of deep loneliness and I was consistently talking to my mentor about it. He was very compassionate about it as he knows that this can happen when going through the process. What he said to me really helped. He said, all the masters exist in the akasha, in space. Though we are lonely, the masters are there and when abiding in spacious awareness, one can feel connected. This is not to say, to try and imagine them, but to say, that space unites all things. If you can release within in, then there is less loneliness. Especially as this practice begins to build qi in the body mind and spirit. 

Wonder if this helps.

 

It also helps to get control of compulsive behaviors or integrate character qualities that you feel you need to hide from the world. Forgiving oneself. 

I remember a lecture on dante's inferno, which I'll share here, which was super interesting. 

In this lecture he described Hell as being a place that people experience when they cannot forgive themselves. The way to love is through self forgiveness. An interesting lecture to say the least.

Edited 21 minutes ago by Jordan of the Shire

[Sugarcoat]

27 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Are you implying sexually? A lot of guys might have that problem, I don't think @Miguel1 would though. Ya, i wouldn't suggest social dancing to the average guy for platonic socializing. He can practice dancing with other guys there too(not partner dancing, but learning and teaching).

Wasn´t referring specifically to social dancing, haven't done that myself, just shared my experience of what can happen sometimes when interacting with strangers in society, because I could relate to what you shared except that exact context. Buy yea ofc I understand me being a woman kinda per default makes my encounters different, but I bet it happens to most sooner or later, where you just talking a little to someone and they wanna be your friend but you're not feeling it on THAT level, sexual/romantical interest happens more often as woman but still I meant in general

.And no I wasn't thinking of Miguel in this scenario, so I see what youre saying 

Edited 25 minutes ago by Sugarcoat

[Jordan of the Shire]

6 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

I deal with it via art, music, crying, dancing and the little surface level socializing I do.

Have you ever read the book, Way of the superior man?

There are a few exercises near the end. Men tend to bond most over challenge, adversity, and coming out through the other side in freedom. Art, music, crying, dancing... these can be more poetic and feminine. However if you have a masculine nature, finding people who want to crush something (metaphorically), take on a unique and creative challenge, engage in a competitive activity, or challenge eachother in some ways, including not tolerating eachothers non-sense, and calling it out. Then you might find you get along with that kind of person. 

That is a general insight, take it as a grain of salt. 
Transcended and integrated green, with the awareness of non-dual experience, some creative nerdiness, and some masculine assertiveness / competitiveness / challenge. 

I think we can have shallow relationships with people when we avoid confrontation, don't become vulnerable, and pretend to be better than them. Competitiveness is cool, but it is generally to make eachother better rather than to dominate and make one king. Though sometimes someone has King energy and another has Magician. They work together, have different roles, but they are both important. This kind of analogy is important because I think, as practitioners in philosophies and practices which can give us the impression that we are special, we can get lost in a kind of individualism which isolates us from the world. Feeling special can also be a hindrance to deeper connection.

 

Edited 6 minutes ago by Jordan of the Shire

[Elliott]

10 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Wasn´t referring specifically to social dancing, haven't done that myself, just shared my experience of what can happen sometimes when interacting with strangers in society, because I could relate to what you shared except that exact context. Buy yea ofc I understand me being a woman kinda per default makes my encounters different, but I bet it happens to most sooner or later, where you just talking a little to someone and they wanna be your friend but you're not feeling it on THAT level, sexual/romantical interest happens more often as woman but still I meant in general

.And no I wasn't thinking of Miguel in this scenario, so I see what youre saying 

Ah, ya I would only talk to people that I might be interested in being friends with. I agree with your point, it happens a lot to me when I'm not even the one engaging.